“Is everything okay?” I asked as I walked up to him, and he held the door open for me. A gust of cold wind immediately wrapped us both in its icy embrace, and I shivered despite myself. I suddenly wished I’d thought to bring a heavier jacket.
“Yeah, it’s fine,” he answered almost as an afterthought before looking down at me with interest in his expression. “Where did you park?”
“Oh, I didn’t,” I replied as I pulled my jacket closer around myself to ward off the cold. “I live close enough that I just walk to work every day.”
He nodded abruptly. “Then I will drive you home.”
“Thank you,” I started before rethinking it and began shaking my head. I didn’t want him to feel like he owed me anything, especially given what he’d already done for me. “You don’t have to do that. I’m sure you’re tired after…everything.”
“I want to,” he insisted.
“Well, I live close by, so it won’t be too far out of your way.”
“I would insist even if you lived three hours away,” he answered with a stubborn angle to his chin. I couldn’t help my surprise. “Going through an ordeal like that isn’t easy,” he continued with a quick nod as he glanced down at me. “It’s normal to feel nervous or afraid for a while.”
I definitely didn’t feel nervous or afraid when William was around. In fact, right now I felt about as safe as I could possibly feel—something which struck me as fairly odd because it wasn’t like William was a superhero or anything. He was flesh and bone just like the rest of us.
Yeah, flesh and bone like the rest of us who also just happened to kill two robbers just like that, I argued with myself. Hmm, so maybe he was a superhero?
“Would you, uh,” I started as I looked up at him and suddenly felt stupid for even thinking to ask him this. “Would you mind walking me home instead of driving?” I finished. “I just feel like I would…like your company.”
The truth was that I wanted to make the time I had with William last longer than it would if he drove me home. I felt like there was nothing I wanted more than to be with him, near him, close to him. All I wanted was to feel safe, and the only person I was going to feel safe with was William.
“That’s fine,” he answered with a clipped nod. I wasn’t sure if he agreed because I asked, so he felt indebted, or if he felt like it didn’t matter either way. Regardless, I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just started walking, and he fell into step beside me.
We walked in silence for a few seconds, the sound of the wind rattling through the bare branches of the trees, the only sound to interrupt the silence. I felt awkward—I just didn’t know what I could say to this man that would interest him. We were so different. I almost thought of him as some feral animal, someone unpredictable and dangerous. But he was also kind and soft- spoken and caring. He was like the ultimate paradox.
“Thank you again,” I said finally as I looked up at him and smiled. I just couldn’t take any more of the overwhelming silence and the thoughts racing through my head, thoughts which were making me nervous. “You saved my life.”
“It’s what I’m trained to do,” he answered matter-of-factly, and I suddenly wondered if maybe I didn’t really mean anything more to him than any other victim would have. He was right—he was trained to do exactly what he’d done. And that would mean all these thoughts going through my head were in my mind only. He was my hero, but maybe I was just another victim to him.
Here I was tripping all over myself to make sure I got the words right when in reality, he was just trying to make sure I got home safe not because he felt a connection with me, but because he was supposed to. It was his job after all, or at least it used to be.
“Oh,” I answered, because I didn’t know what else to say, and I suddenly felt small and inadequate, silly for my feelings and thoughts.
“Are you going to be okay?” he asked, his shoulders appearing tense. He seemed as uncomfortable as I was.
“Okay?” I started as I glanced up at him.
“With what happened?” he explained. “Do you feel like your…mental health is going to suffer?”
My mental health? William certainly had an odd way of phrasing things. I figured he was asking me if I was going to be able to put everything behind me or if I was traumatized.
“I’m not sure,” I answered honestly. “I’ve never experienced anything like that before. So, I’m not sure how I will feel. I don’t even really know how I feel about it now, to be honest.” I continued to consider it as I glanced down at my feet. “But right now, I feel okay enough, I guess.”
I had no other way of putting it, and his choice of words made me want to tease him, but I wasn’t sure it was the appropriate response given the waves of awkwardness that rolled off him.
“Good,” he responded immediately and nodded, staring straight ahead. I noticed that he hadn’t looked at me once. It was almost as if he were avoiding me, that he was going out of his way not to look at me.
I couldn’t figure out why though.
“Did the police ask you the same questions over and over again?” I asked as I searched for any topic of conversation that might break the uncomfortable silence that stretched between us.
He might not feel the same way about me, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy the conversation and his company for as long as I possibly could. I was torturing my poor heart, but oh well. I just hated the idea that we’d go our separate ways soon and maybe I’d never see him again.
“They didn’t ask me anything.”
“What?” I insisted, as I frowned up at him. “I don’t understand.”
“I refused to speak until I had a lawyer present,” he answered, still refusing to look at me even though I was fully facing him.
“But,” I started to argue as I shook my head. “You were sitting there, talking to the policeman for as long as I was.”
“He was just doing his job—confiscating my weapon, checking for gunshot residue on my hands, announcing that I was a suspect now in a homicide investigation—the usual stuff,” he answered before cocking his head to the side. “That’s not to say that he didn’t try to get me to open up about any of it, but I’m aware what my Fifth Amendment rights are and there was no way I was going to admit to anything without proper legal protection. Always play it safe.”
“Hmm,” I said as my eyebrows furrowed of their own accord. I mean, what he was saying made total sense and actually sounded very smart, but I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t have just left.
“So, why wait there so long?” I asked.
He shrugged again. “I was waiting for you.”
“Why?” I asked, and then instantly felt guilty for sounding so nosy. I just wasn’t sure what was going on in William’s head, and I was past the point of guessing because it seemed every time I did, I was wrong.
“I wanted to make sure you were okay,” he said, as he finally turned to face me and our eyes locked.
His eyes appeared predatory even in their deep pools of kindness and compassion. “I wasn’t going to leave without ensuring that you not only got home safely, but I also figured you might…need someone to talk to.”
It was almost as if he wasn’t sure about his last words. It was endearing, really, especially considering how socially awkward he seemed. The words hung in the air between us for a minute.
“Thank you,” I answered, feeling awed by everything he’d just said.
That was when I was reminded of the feel of the angel in my palm and that I had tucked it into my jacket pocket. I pulled it out and held it up to him. “I don’t think I let go of her once,” I said with a wistful smile.
He glanced down at my outstretched hand and looked surprised. Then his eyebrows knotted as he reached over and picked the figurine up, inspecting it.
“There’s blood on her?” he asked as he faced me quizzically.
I nodded and held up my palm so he could see the blood smeared on the inside of my index finger. “I guess
I was clutching her so hard, I cut my finger on one of her wings.”
He reached for my finger and inspected it under the moonlight. As soon as he touched me, I felt goosebumps break out all over my skin and the breath hitched in my throat. I hoped he hadn’t noticed the effect he had on me. He intimidated me for sure—there was no denying it. He was just so unpredictable, and I didn’t know how he felt about me or if he felt about me. I glanced down at his hand and noticed it was just so…big. He was just so big.
Almost immediately the thought occurred to me that I was putting all of my trust into someone who could kill me just like that. I was so much smaller than he was; it wouldn’t take much effort on his part at all. And yet, I wasn’t afraid. I wasn’t afraid because, mysterious as William was, he had just acted the part of protector. This enormous, burly and masculine man, someone who had obviously killed men before tonight, was only thinking of protecting me.
The more I considered it, the more I wondered why I’d even had the thought in the first place. William had more than proven himself trustworthy in the bank when he saved the lives of everyone, so I wasn’t sure why the ugly thought that he could hurt me popped into my head, but it left just as quickly as it had come.
“I don’t like it that you’re injured,” he said, all the while still holding my finger. He sounded concerned as if what happened to my finger was somehow a bigger deal than it was. I’d gotten worse injuries cooking, so this was really nothing at all.
“I think…I think I’m okay,” I said softly, before gulping down a sudden case of nerves.
“I’ll take a better look at it in the light, when we get to your house.”
Then he seemed to think better of what he’d just said because he immediately straightened uncomfortably. “I don’t mean that I expect you to invite me in,” he corrected himself as he handed the angel back to me. “I just meant I will look at the wound by the light of the porch or…whatever.”
I immediately missed his touch once he released my finger, but I covered it up by shoving my hands back in my pocket.
“It’s okay, I didn’t take it that way,” I responded with an embarrassed giggle. “I would invite you in and introduce you to my mama if you’re okay with that. I’m sure she’d like to meet the man who saved her daughter.”
After I said it, I realized I had absolutely jumped the gun with this one. Here was a guy who preferred the solitary mountains to the company of people, and I just invited him to meet my mother as if we’d been out on a date. Not only was that presumptuous of me, but he was also going to think that I was coming on too strong.
“Oh,” he answered and then cleared his throat, looking completely and totally uncomfortable, even more so than previously. “I don’t, uh, I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that,” he said as a wave of disappointment washed over me. “I’m not really the social type,” he added.
So, my earlier assessment of him was right. It didn’t make it hurt any less, but still at least I knew it wasn’t personal. This was just how William was.
“Okay, I understand,” I said with a quick nod, but I couldn’t help my disappointment. How could I not be? I was only human after all.
Chapter Eight
William
I felt bad that I didn’t want to meet Angel’s mother, but I just wasn’t ready for that yet. All of this was suddenly feeling too real, too close for me, and I started to feel the need to maintain my distance. I was having a hard enough time with the fact that I was even still here in the first place. But it was almost as if I couldn’t help myself. Even though I’d refused to talk with the police without having a lawyer present, and they’d released me with the understanding that I would return to the station with my lawyer in the morning, I found I couldn’t leave. Not until I knew Angel was safely returned home. And that was the rub.
Angel meant something to me, and I couldn’t say I was altogether comfortable with that realization. Maybe that much should have been obvious to me, but I was a man and therefore dense when it came to matters of the heart. But any way I looked at it, I had to admit that this woman mattered. I cared about her. And I felt protective toward her. Of course I knew she and I could never be together—there was no doubt of that in my mind. We were just too dissimilar from vastly different walks of life. There was nothing I could give her. And, what was more, I was convinced she wanted nothing from me.
The answer was that I would simply have to admire her from afar. Every time I came into town, I would see her, and that would have to be enough for me. It was enough for me—I would make damn sure of it. And what was more, I’d always have tonight. I’d have this walk with her back to her house, and I’d have whatever moments she afforded me before she went inside, and this evening became nothing more than a memory. And that’s exactly what my time with Angel would have to be reduced to—memories. In order to make it easier, I promised myself that I would replay this evening over and over in my head. I would make sure the memories of our time together would be etched forever in my brain where I could return to them whenever I needed to. And that would be enough for me. Because it had to be.
“This is me,” she said with a sad little smile as she motioned to the one-story house directly in front of us. The humble, small structure was white with blue trim and window boxes beneath each window. Bright red geraniums stood up proudly from the boxes, matching the red roses that decorated the perimeter of the property and butted up against the white, picket fence. Someone was definitely a gardener. The back of the house was complete with a small, wraparound porch and the light was on, bathing everything in a yellow hue.
“Thank you again for everything you did for me tonight,” Angel said as she looked up at me with those wide blue eyes. “I will never forget it.”
I nodded as I walked her across the street and up to the pathway that led to her house. “I did what I had to do,” I said simply.
She opened the latch of the small gate and held it open for me, signaling that she wanted me to walk her to the door. I had no qualms with that, so I followed her up the meandering cement walkway until we both stood at the base of the stairs that led to her back door.
“You’re a good man, William Black,” she said with a large smile, but it was a sad one all the same, almost as if she was aware that this would be our last encounter with one another in private.
“You don’t know me,” I answered almost immediately, shaking my head as I frowned and found my gaze resting on my boots.
“I know enough to know that what you did for me today is the marking of someone good,” she rebutted, holding her chin stubbornly. It was the first time I’d seen her act with such defiance and I was completely taken aback and at the same time, intrigued. So Angel had fire inside her? Interesting.
“Maybe,” I answered as I met her challenging expression and suddenly had to fight the urge to kiss her right then and there. There was just something about this woman that made my fire burn and the need to claim her became an all-out war. “But I’m not that man.”
She didn’t say anything more but took the few steps that separated us and reached forward, gripping the lapel of my coat. She pulled herself into me and then, standing on her tip toes, she chastely kissed me on the cheek.
“I’m not convinced,” she whispered as soon as she pulled away. I wasn’t sure when it happened, but I was suddenly aware that my arms were around her.
“This isn’t a conversation you’ll win,” I ground out somewhat grumpily, but I couldn’t help myself. Angel had no idea what she was talking about. She didn’t know who I was, what I was made of. She didn’t know my background, the things I’d done, the people I’d killed, the ugliness I’d seen. She was pure, and she was naïve, and she was everything that wasn’t good for me. So why couldn’t I release her?
Neither of us said anything as we stood there staring at each other. The need to lean down and take her lips was nearly overwhelming, but there was also something inside me that wouldn’t allow me to make a move. Ins
tead, I held stock-still like a deer in headlights.
Finally it was Angel who lifted her face and leaned in, placing those beautiful lips on mine. And once she did, something fierce and primal erupted inside me. I felt my arms tightening around her of their own accord as a guttural sound emanated from my throat. I pushed my lips into hers, forcing hers open with my tongue because I needed nothing more than to taste her. She responded by moaning and leaning into me as her tongue sought mine. I lapped at her feverishly, hungrily, my dick already bulging against my jeans, throbbing with the need to be inside her. I was more than sure that she could feel it against her, given how closely we were standing.
And once that thought crossed my mind, I froze. A deluge of thoughts rained down into my head, each one insisting that what I was doing was wrong. Angel was too good for me, too pure. She didn’t deserve to be stained by my touch. I immediately pulled away from her and broke our embrace. I took a step back at the same time that I took a deep breath.
“William?” she asked, obviously surprised by my change of mood.
“You should be getting home,” I insisted as I backed away another step. “I’m sure your mother is worried about you.”
“She doesn’t know what happened yet,” Angel answered as she started toward me, but I held her off with an outstretched arm.
“I, I have to go,” I said as I turned around and started for the gate.
“I don’t understand!” She hurried down the walkway behind me. “Did I do something wrong?”
I immediately turned around to face her and shook my head, feeling like an asshole through and through. “No, it’s nothing you did,” I insisted. “It’s just that…this…it just can’t happen. Not between us.”