I just shook my head, unable to digest what he was really telling me. His bruise looked so bad. He needed a steak on it, ice, something. No way could Creed think this was okay at all. But I was going to respect his wishes, I wasn’t going to tell anyone what happened to him.
“I’ll text you later, okay?” he said, leaning in and giving me a kiss.
I didn’t want him to go. That exchange between us was true bonding. I could feel the vulnerability, and the rawness in his heart. He was going through something awful trying to become a member of Pi Lambda Beta.
“What the heck am I thinking?” he said, quickly pulling away. “Girl, you gonna make my other eye get tore up,” he said as he looked over his shoulder.
“Did Butch do that?” I said, finally touching the tender black-and-blue bruise.
“Ouch,” he said.
I gently rubbed his bruise. I wanted us to be far away from any distractions. I was just a girl, liking a boy, wishing we could have time without drama.
“Umm, that feels good, but I gotta go, Hayden. I’ll text you. I’m okay. That kiss you gave me is gonna make me endure any little thing Butch wants to throw my way. But, I will tell you this.”
“What?”
“He threw your relationship with him in my face and said he had you in every way, and, uh, it sorta made me push him, so he punched me. For some reason, all our talks last year, I just assumed ...”
“That I was a virgin?” I interrupted, hoping he really knew me. “I am, and at this point with all this stupid pledging stuff you and Butch are doing, neither one of you is going to change that.”
I was angry hearing they were talking about me in some dumb hazing session. Though Creed thought it was honorable, I wanted to be left out of it. I tossed his shades to him and stormed off.
I didn’t know who I was really mad at. But how could Butch lie like that and why did Creed think he needed to defend my honor? What, did he think it was true? I hadn’t even started pledging and it hurt already. It seemed like maybe the whole pledging idea was a dumb one.
“So, the Betas are having a self-esteem forum and you’re not going?” Chandra said to me as she came into my room with Bridget and Myra.
I missed the friendship the four of us used to have, but now in our sophomore year, not even a full semester into it, we were so far apart. We never spent time together. We never talked about anything. To see the three of them come into my room because they thought something was wrong with me, as I lay across my bed, feeling completely perplexed, touched me.
“I can’t believe she’s not going,” Myra said.
“Girl, you know they gonna be looking for you because they know you want to pledge and put them Beta Gamma Pi letters on your jacket this spring. You know they want you to show up for some of their stuff, but if they want you, you’re not automatically blackballed because you’re not there. You could be studying for a major test or something. Relax if you want, girl,” Chandra said. “That’s why I’m not pledging nothing. A lot of the fraternities around here already got underground lines going. Boys falling asleep in class. They can’t wear nothing but a white long sleeve shirt and khaki pants. You can tell the ones. I’m not letting no female strip away my dignity.”
“That’s just it though, y’all,” I said, finally sitting up as I stared up at my ceiling.
“It’s not supposed to be about any of that. I’ve been researching the history and all these organizations were founded back in the early nineteen hundreds. That’s when black folks didn’t have many rights and they formed these organizations to come together, to make a difference in the community, to stand on God’s word, to get a good education and uplift one another. All this bashing, all this, ‘You better do what I say or hit the highway’ mentality, just defeats the whole purpose.”
“What are you talking about, Hayden? You sound like you want to go pick up a picket sign and go march or something,” Myra said.
“Naw, she got a point,” Chandra said, truly feeling what I meant. Greek organizations needed to be about their founders’ business and not foolish business.
“We don’t understand what it was like to live back then, and if we just let our minds focus on the injustice, the racism, inequality, and the segregation that still exist in a lot of America, they wouldn’t be tripping about recruiting members for public service organizations that are suppose to change that.”
“Yeah, that’s true,” Bridget said, as she got up and left the room.
“Where is she going?” Myra said.
“I’m sure she is going to fix some tea or something,” Chandra said, as the three of us laughed.
Bridget was a young, black, hip Martha Stewart. She believed in girl-talk over tea and cookies. Though we laughed, we all wanted her pampering.
“I just don’t know how much I will be willing to endure. If I know how crazy it is on this end and I’m still thinking about doing it, what does that say about my character? What does that say about me?” I said, scratching my head.
Myra leaned down beside me and replied, “You know you can get in there and change it all. Every organization isn’t perfect. If they were, why would they need any new members? I have been looking up RTN’s history too. They have a program that is out of this world to me. They focus on so many positive things, it made me realize the sisters are really together. Now I’m convinced I want to be a part of them.”
“And if your head gets bashed in the process, you still want to rock their colors?” Chandra said.
“I just think a lot of that pledging hype people throw out there is overrated. I want to get on the line and see. That’s where the sisterhood and bond comes in with your line sisters. You gotta go through something to get tight, right?” Myra said.
Chandra and I said “Wrong!” at the same time.
“How can you love somebody that’s giving you hell? How can you forget what they did to you, how they demeaned you and belittled you and then you call them sister?” Chandra said.
Bridget came to the door with a tray and four mugs of steamy, cozy chamomile tea. She even had sugar cookies as well. Myra and I quickly reached for ours.
“We love you, girl,” Myra said to Bridget.
“I just felt like this was a tea moment. The four of us have been so busy doing so much, that we haven’t been making time for each other. I hope I make the Mu Eta Mu line, but I can’t imagine loving my sisters more than I love the three of you guys,” she said, as we all took a tea cup and clicked them together. “Nothing will tear us apart.”
“Well, Myra, I know you’re going to be a Nu, Bridget, you’re goin’ to be an MEM, and Hayden, you’re going to make the Betas stronger no matter what the cost,” Chandra added.
“Who says we’re going to make it?” Bridget said, looking away.
Chandra smiled and raised her mug. “ ’Cause I know you guys, and God answers prayers. You’re strong and you’ll do this for Him. That sorority stuff isn’t for everybody, but that doesn’t mean I don’t support what you’re doing or why you want to do it. Y’all are awesome. So here’s to pledging.”
4
BRUTAL
Having an uncle who is the president of the college you attend may seem like a big deal but for me it wasn’t. Thankfully, he stayed out of my way and I stayed out of his. Well, that was until he summoned me to his office during class. Most people didn’t know we were related because we had different last names, but now they surely knew something was up when he sent a messenger to get me. I didn’t really like that. I just wanted to be normal. If I only saw him on holidays or when I needed money was fine with me.
“Hey Hayden,” his secretary said. “He’s in a meeting right now.”
“No, he just called for me to come here. I’m gonna see him,” I said, opening up the door to his office.
I was stunned when I opened the door and saw my aunt’s hands around my uncle’s throat. I didn’t know what was going on, but his secretary was right. I wasn’t supposed to see thi
s.
Unsure how to react, I said, “Sorry to interrupt, but Uncle Wade, you called me.”
The two of them went to separate sides of his office. I’d never seen my uncle look so distraught. Obviously, the tension lingering in the air was a sign that this whole incident was serious. His wife, stuck-up Aunt Anne, as my sister and I always called her, grabbed her purse as she grunted. She fled past me, brushing my arm.
“Hayden, now you know you gotta knock,” my uncle said, trying to play it off.
“Okay, what was that all about?” I went over to him and demanded. He ignored me, got on his phone and blasted his secretary.
“I told her you were busy, sir,” I heard her say.
“Are you and Aunt Anne having problems? Was she beating you?” I asked when he hung up the phone. I couldn’t believe I was asking the toughest man I knew such personal questions, but I’d seen for myself what was going on, and it didn’t look right.
When he didn’t respond, silence came over the room. All my life he’d played the protective role in my life. My mom’s younger brother had schooled my high school boyfriends when my dad was overseas traveling. Now, I felt like I needed to protect him.
“I didn’t think I was interrupting, because you got me from class,” I said, still unable to shake the images I’d seen moments before.
“Okay baby, you’re a sophomore in college now, a big girl. You know adults have issues,” he said, still unable to look at me.
“Oh really? I’ve forgotten how married couples interact. My dad’s been away for so long now,” I said, getting a little sad.
“I know,” he said, coming over to give me a hug.
I truly missed my father, but he was an officer in the United States Navy. When it was time for him to go, he had to go. When it was time for him to come home, he often stayed overseas. It was more than duty to him. It was his life. He’d write, call and say he loved me, my mom and Hailey. However, how could that be the case when he was often away? I had a small family, my sister was four years younger than me and my mom had her own life. I was happy to be away at college trying to find my way and later tonight I would finally have that opportunity. There were flyers all over campus, tonight was rush night. I had waited for so long. Pledging would extend my family and I was excited about that.
“Look, don’t you go telling your mom about what you saw here between your aunt and me, okay? Everything’s fine. She and I just—well, everything’s fine.”
“Naw, it’s cool. I won’t say a word. Whatever you say,” I told him. “Why’d you want to see me though?”
“Your mom told me that you were about to pledge. I know all the sororities are having their rush tonight and I’m just trying to make sure this is seriously something you want. A lot of girls think it is and end up getting in way over their heads. These sororities and fraternities nowadays can get off track if they have the wrong members leading. So many of them are in so much trouble. We just want to make sure you know what you’re doing,”
“I was just standing here thinking that if I can become a member of Beta Gamma Pi, that would be a dream realized for me. This is the beginning. Going to rush is not me signing up to be a member of anything. I’m not sure I’m going to do it,” I said, giving him the answer I knew he wanted. “You’ve got a smart niece. Let me go and evaluate it. I won’t let you down.”
“I’d like to be able to look at you and say that everybody does their pledge process by the book. However, that wouldn’t be true. Even on my campus, I’m not oblivious to the fact that craziness goes on. I try to crack down on it. I meet with the advisors, my faculty and staff, and I even talk to the presidents of each of the chapters. But if people want to have stuff messed up, they will. If they know they can get away with doing stupid things, they’ll do that too.”
Being real with him, I asked, “I’m just curious why my aunt thinks it’s okay to put her hands around your neck. Has that happened before? Does she think she can get away with it?”
“Come on, Hayden. Drop it, okay? Your uncle can take care of himself. I run this big ol’ school, right?” He kissed me on the forehead, opened the office door and shoved me out.
I sighed. I hoped he really could take care of himself. My family had issues.
The Betas had their rush, an informational session to tell potential pledges all about their organization. The meaningful event was held at an exquisite restaurant not far from campus. Lavender and turquoise candles were lit everywhere. On one side of the room sat the sisters of Beta Gamma Pi and on the other side were all of the hopefuls, like me. They had a small stage set up with a mic and everything. But I just kept wishing that someone I knew would walk through the door.
Before I left our apartment, as hard as I tried to convince Chandra to come with me, she held true to the fact that she was not going to pledge. Myra got dressed wearing anything but brown or peach because she went to the Nu rush. And Bridget wanted to show the MEMs she looked great in silver and gold. Despite what we tried to tell her, she went out of the door sporting their colors to their rush.
As I stood alone, I had to stand tall in my mind. I watched the different ladies of the sorority look me up and down. No one was smiling until I saw Penelope, who was the Vice President of the chapter and head of the line.
She came over to me and said, “You’re going to be fine.”
“I don’t know. I don’t think your sorority sisters like me very much,” I said as I grew even more uncomfortable with the way Keisha was eyeballing me.
“Oh they like you a lot, trust me. Some of these other girls in here may have to worry. But of course they have to be tough on you. The Chapter President’s about to come up and introduce herself, so sit!”
“Hi, I’m Edythe Stone, the Chapter President,” the confident girl with short sassy hair said to the audience of approximately forty. “Welcome to the Beta Gamma Pi rush. It’s obvious that you all are curious about our wonderful sorority. Today we’re just here to make sure that you leave without any doubts that Beta Gamma Pi is definitely something you want to be a part of. Founded in 1919, here, on the campus of Western Smith, five women were impressed by the sororities being established in the east for equality and change. With lots of injustices in the central part of the country as well, they came together and decided to take a stand. Pi Lambda Beta was also founded that same year here. Make no mistake about it though, the men decided to get behind their women and join them in the cause, but of course they couldn’t be in the sorority so they formed a fraternity to help.”
A very short girl I noticed was taking notes. I didn’t know if I should be doing the same. Certainly, I didn’t want to miss or forget anything.
Edythe continued, “Beta Gamma Pi stands on five key points and everything we do is around those five things: leadership, sisterhood, education, spirituality and service. We build up leaders. We believe the bond of sisterhood is the essence of our survival and education is how we build our strength. We’re a Christian-based organization that believes in serving the public from our heart. I believe most of you already got it going on, but if you want to join a dynamic group of women ready, empowered, charged, motivated and determined to make a difference in this world that we live in, then this sorority is for you. If you seek to be a part of a group of women who want to make this world better than they found it, then this sorority is for you. If your heart is big and you’re not the center of your own world, then maybe ... just maybe, you too can be a Beta.”
“Like they don’t need us,” I heard a girl behind me say.
I almost wanted to turn around and tell her to be quiet. She was going to ruin her chance. Though I knew it was highly unlikely, I was down with us all making it.
“Trisha, hush!” I heard a chick next to her say.
“What, Chris? You know I’m telling the truth.”
Penelope held up a white 8 x 10 envelope and said, “If you are interested, please pick up an application packet before you leave. You must have a le
tter of recommendation by a member of our sorority, two letters showing you’ve consistently done community service, and didn’t just start last week. Also, the twelve-page application itself must be typed and we need your official transcript. All of this needs to be in one week from today to the place specified on the packet.”
She also went on to tell us each packet would be scored and if we got enough points we’d get an interview. If we got enough points after that then we’d be invited to be on their line. I had a feeling this was going to take much more work than I could have imagined. Looking at the Betas I knew they weren’t impressed easily.
Then the chapter advisor got up and started talking about the academic requirements involved in us getting into the organization. That Trisha girl behind me just kept talking though.
“Whatever. I know I have a 2.5 GPA, but it’s not like they don’t want me to be on their line. Are you kidding?”
Someone from the other side of the room said, “Hush!” loudly, a little too loudly. Then five of the Betas got up from their seats and came to our side, giving us intimidating glares.
When we were dismissed and had time to mingle, I couldn’t believe three of the Betas cornered me and asked me why was I talking during their presentation. Thankfully, Penelope came over and escorted me away from the heat.
“It wasn’t me!” I said to her, feeling like they hated me.
“They know it wasn’t you. You were in the front row. We could all see you weren’t talking. Plus, you were sitting all by yourself. You gotta know how to handle them. But we all have a favorite in the room and I really like you,” Penelope said.