“Drew?” I asked, clearly knowing the answer.
“Yes, it was a little obnoxious after the seventh stop, but the man needed to try every unique flavor he came across.”
“What was your favorite? There must have been one that caught your eye.”
“Neapolitan. It seems simple, but believe me, after testing flavors like Oreo, Maple Walnut, and S’mores, Neapolitan was the superior winner. The strawberry flavor just hit you, you know? Very smooth.”
I giggled.
“I can see you’ve become a connoisseur of fudge on your time off. I’m impressed.”
“Don’t be. I now get to spend every spare minute I have at the gym working off every last calorie I ate this past weekend. Drew can eat whatever he wants and still have a perfect body, but me, if I eat a peanut, I have to work it off in the gym for hours.”
Jenny had a perfect body, but to be fair, worked her butt off for it, and was paranoid that she was going to not fit into the same pants she’d worn since high school. She never wore them in public, given the bedazzled ass that was popular ten years ago, but she kept them around as a tester, to make sure she stayed on track.
“How are the jeans fitting?” I asked, seeing if she’d tried them on.
“Fine, but I swear they felt a little tight yesterday.”
“You’re insane.”
“I know.”
I loud sneeze escaped Sir Licks-a-Lot, as his head pulled away from his crotch and he sneezed again, nearly blowing himself off of the cabinet.
“Got some pussy dust in your nose?” Jenny asked, making me laugh.
Sir Licks-a-Lot stretched on the filing cabinet, then leapt off of it, onto my desk, knocking over my water, right onto Jenny’s lap, making her spring up from her chair. Jumping off of the desk, Sir Licks-a-Lot walked out the door, but not before turning his head to look at both of us and kicking his legs behind him, as if he was covering us up with imaginary dirt.
“That little fuck,” Jenny mumbled, while she waved her pants around.
“At least it was water and not coffee.”
“Did you see the laughter in his eyes? He knew exactly what he was doing. Fucking demon pussy.”
“It’s like you expect something different from him. You can’t insult him and get away with it unscathed. Come on, Jenny, you know better than that.”
“You’re right,” she agreed. Clapping her hands together, she leaned forward and said, “Now, tell me why you’ve been working late. Marian over in editing has been keeping an eye on you for me while I’ve been gone.”
“What? Why? I don’t need a babysitter.”
“You do when you’ve been going on dates with hunky men. So, tell me, why have you been staying late? Are you waiting for a midnight rendezvous?”
“I wish,” I mumbled, while I focused my attention on my computer and let the words in front of me bleed together.
“Okay, this doesn’t sound good. What happened?”
The excitement that was once lacing Jenny’s voice now turned to deep concern.
I will not cry, I will not cry, I repeated in my head as tears started to well up in my eyes.
“Rosie, why are you going to cry?”
Crap. That’s all it took. Tears started streaming down my face out of my control; it was no use, I was an emotional wreck and bottling up my emotions could only last for so long.
“We did it,” I stated through tears.
“Who?” Jenny asked, confused, as she grabbed some tissues off of my desk and handed them to me.
“Henry and me. We had sex.”
Jenny sat back for a second as she studied my confession. She knew of our friendship and how much he meant to me, so it must have been a shock for her to hear such a thing come from me.
“Wow, I wasn’t expecting you to say that. When?”
“Sunday, after we had brunch at my parents. He was really touchy and sweet, and I don’t know, it just happened.”
“I’m assuming the post sex party didn’t go very well?”
“Nope,” I sniffed. “I thought everything was good, he was stroking my face tenderly, took care of me like I was the most precious thing to him and then, like he was Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, he just switched. He became rude and detached.”
“That seems weird. I mean, I don’t like the guy very much, but that doesn’t seem like him. Did something happen in between…”
Before Jenny could finish her sentence, my door burst open and Delaney stood in the door frame, looking rather angry.
Slamming the door shut and inviting herself in, she took the other seat that sat in front of my desk and dropped her purse on the floor.
“What the hell is going on?” Delaney asked, while she briefly looked at Jenny, waved, and then turned her attention back to me. “So, what is going on with you and Henry?”
“We were just talking about that,” Jenny answered for me. “Apparently, they had the sexuals on Sunday.”
“What?!” Delaney nearly spat, as her eyes bulged out of their sockets. “And you didn’t tell me this because?”
Feeling guilty, I shrunk in my seat and said, “I didn’t want to get you in between everything.”
“What do you mean? Did things not go well?”
“The sex was good…”
“But post sex was bad,” Jenny finished for me. “He turned into a bit of a dick afterwards.”
“Really?” Delaney asked, a little confused. “That doesn’t seem like Henry.”
“That’s what I said!” Jenny replied, while lightly tapping Delaney on the shoulder. “And I don’t even know the guy that well, but I know that’s not the kind of man he is.”
“What happened after you guys did it?” Delaney asked, trying to get down to the source of the issue.
“That’s what we were just discussing,” Jenny added, as they both leaned forward and waited for me to answer.
Feeling a little overwhelmed, I sat up in my chair and replayed the moment for them.
“Well, after we did things, he held me for a while, talked to me, told me I was beautiful, stroked my hair, sweet things like that.”
“Now, that’s Henry,” Delaney pointed out.
“But my phone kept beeping from a message, so to stop the irritating sound and make sure nothing was wrong with my parents, since my mind wanders, I listened to the message on the phone while Henry sat next to me. He was totally cool with it, but once I hung up, it was like he was a completely different person.”
“What was the message?” Jenny asked.
“Remember that guy, Atticus?”
“The one you kicked in the crotch?” Delaney asked.
“Yes, him. He called me and asked to take me out again, which I thought was weird, because I for sure thought we were done after I used his crotch as a kicking bag. I was shocked and didn’t know how to respond, and that’s when Henry went all weird.”
Blowing out a heavy breath and sitting back in her chair, Delaney shook her head at me. “God, Rosie, you’re so dense at times. You obviously upset Henry with that voicemail. The guy has it bad for you, and right after you guys have sex, you talk about possibly going out with another guy. He was an ass because he was protecting his heart.”
“Wh-what? No…”
Henry’s face flashed in my mind when I started talking about Atticus, and that’s when it hit me. Delaney was right, Henry was upset about the phone call…that was the only explanation, because after that, his entire demeanor changed.
“Oh, God, I am dense,” I said, while burying my head in my hands. “Do you really think he likes me like that?”
“God, I even saw that he liked you,” Jenny said. “It’s so obvious, Rosie.”
“She’s right. It’s obvious, sweetie. Ever since freshman year in college, he’s loved you, but you’ve always just wanted to be friends, so that’s what he granted you, friendship. I can only imagine how much he wanted you as time went on, and after seeing you date all of these guys in a short time period
, he snapped.”
“I don’t know what to say. I mean, what the hell do I do now?”
“Talk to him,” Delaney suggested. “Are you going to go out with Atticus?”
“No, I haven’t even called him back.”
“Then let him know that. Do you like Henry? Do you have feelings for him?”
That was an easy question to answer. Of course I had feelings for Henry. I’ve had feelings for him ever since I met him, but I’ve always thought he was out of my league, that’s why I kept him as a friend because, if anything, I just wanted him in my life, any way I could take him. But now, now I wanted more. I wanted to be the one he kissed good night, the one who slept in his arms, the one he sent flowers to on special occasions. I wanted every last inch of Henry all to myself, but was terrified to actually hand it over.
“I do,” I admitted, making Delaney squeal. “I just don’t know if he wants me still.”
“Never know until you put yourself out there and ask. Time to take your life by the lady balls, Rosie,” Delaney said, while Jenny nodded in agreement. “He’ll be home tonight. Don’t wait any longer; make it happen.”
“I feel like I’m going to puke.”
“Welcome to the world of love, Rosie. It sucks, it’s nauseating at times, and nerve racking, but the reward is so worth it when you have someone by your side supporting you, loving you, and being your life support. There’s nothing like it.”
Life support, yup, that was what Henry was to me, because at the moment, without him, I could feel myself slowly deteriorating, losing the ability to be happy, to eat, to sleep. He was my life support, hands down; he was the reason why I breathed.
***
Later that night, when I got home from work, I stood in front of my apartment door, contemplating what I was going to say to Henry, how I was going to approach the subject without being incredibly awkward.
Usually, at this point in the books I read, the guy is the screw-up for the most part, and he goes about winning the girl back with ease, explaining that he was an idiot, and makes a grand gesture like proposing.
Well, that was out of the picture; there was no way I would be proposing, talk about an epic mistake. I would love to just jump his bones and make up that way; I read a book where that was completely acceptable, but my gut was telling me that wasn’t the best of ideas.
Talking was obviously the clear cut choice, but how to go about talking to him was the question.
Did I just say something like, “So, about our post coitus relations…”
No, no one says coitus, unless you’re a doctor in the fifties who likes to skirt around words like sex and fucking. I didn’t even really say fucking, even though, there were times where people just fucked. Not that I’ve experienced that, I’ve only had penis insertion once, but in some of the books I’ve read, those characters fucked, holy hell did they fuck. Up against walls, in hot tubs, on desks, kitchen counters, chairs, and my favorite…on top of a horse. That’s fucking, what Henry and I shared was…God, it was making love.
I’m such an idiot. I’m that girl!!
I’m that girl you read in a romance novel that you want to shake uncontrollably and say, “You idiot! He’s the perfect man for you!”
There have been many times where I’ve read a book and thought, God, what was the author thinking. Well, duh, it’s real life. People are idiots in real life, and don’t see what’s sitting in front of them until they lose it. Life really isn’t a bunch of sunshine and rainbows. Nope, people make mistakes, they can’t see past their noses to find that the one man that has been a constant in their life was actually made for them.
Sam Smith was right when he said, “Too much of a good thing, won’t be good anymore,” especially if you don’t give it the attention it needs.
My stomach flipped as I thought about losing Henry forever, if I really couldn’t patch up everything I messed up. I didn’t think I could handle not having Henry in my life.
Not wanting to waste any more time, I charged through the apartment door to find piles of boxes scattered across our living room.
What the hell?
I walked around the boxes to Henry’s door, which was closed, but I could hear voices on the other side. Lightly knocking, I waited for Henry to answer.
Were the boxes his? There was no way he found a place that quickly. Maybe they were Delaney’s; maybe she failed to tell me she was moving in with Derk, or maybe Derk had moved in with us.
Henry’s door opened, and on the other side was Tasha, his girlfriend from college. She was wearing one of Henry’s shirts and her hair was rumpled. Just past her was Henry, lying in bed with the covers over his lower half, but showing off his bare torso.
My heart sputtered in my chest at what was in front of me. Henry and Tasha?
“Rosie! Oh, my God, it’s been so long,” Tasha said, grabbing me into a hug. Involuntarily, I felt my arms wrap around her and take part in the spontaneous hug. “I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve missed you. Can you believe Henry and I are moving in together? When he called me Sunday, saying he wanted to get back together, I was shocked, but couldn’t be happier. God, isn’t this exciting?”
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I nodded my head, as I casually eyed Henry behind Tasha, who failed to make eye contact with me. Coward.
“That’s great. I’m happy for you two.”
“Do you want to help pack? We’re aiming for a Saturday move, but we’ll see. He’s going to move in with me for a bit, and then we’re going to try to find a place on the Upper West Side. Fingers crossed.” She crossed her fingers up and down and bounced in front of me. The girl was perfect with her caramel hair, olive skin, and bright blue eyes. She was the girl you chose to hate just based off of looks, but was as sweet as could be. I despised the woman.
“Fingers crossed,” I said, feeling like I was going to puke. “Um, seems like I caught you two in a bad spot. I will, uh, let you get back to business.”
“You’re sweet. It was so good to see you, Rosie.”
“You too, Tasha.”
She shut the door on me, leaving my heart broken and scattered on the floor. He called her Sunday? Sunday?!
He must not have felt what I felt to have called Tasha so abruptly after our coupling.
Every nerve in my body ached as I forced myself to walk to the kitchen for a bottle of water. Just when I thought I could fix things, it blew up in my face. I only had myself to blame.
As I was grabbing a water from the fridge, I heard Henry’s door open and shut. I refused to turn around to see if it was Henry, but once I felt his chest against my back, I knew it was him; there was no mistaking it.
“Hi, Rosie,” he said in that deep voice of his.
“Hey,” I replied somberly, as I shut the fridge and started walking away.
“Can we talk?” he asked, sounding a little desperate.
Gaining enough courage to look at him, I glanced up and saw that he was only wearing a pair of athletic shorts, the same ones he wore the other night, after we…
Damn it, my heart was ripping out of my chest.
“What, Henry?”
His eyes scanned my face, ripping every last part of my heart with those beautiful eyes of his.
“Why did you come to my room?”
To tell you I love you, to tell you I’m in love with you, that I want you more than anything. That I’ve dreamt of being held in your arms ever since I met you.
Even though those words were at the tip of my tongue, I couldn’t say them, I couldn’t risk the rejection. Clearly, he’d moved on; he was with someone else and escalating a relationship with her to a new level.
“Um, I saw the boxes and thought I should let you know the shirt I borrowed will be clean tomorrow for you to pack.”
Damn, shit….fuck.
The sullen look on his face let me know that wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but honestly, what was I supposed to say to him at this point? There were no options left for me. I wa
sn’t one to break up a relationship, and by the looks of it from Tasha’s expression, they were happy.
“That’s all?” he asked in disbelief.
“Yeah.”
He nodded his head as he looked away and ran his hand through his hair. I could see the frustration pouring off of him, but I didn’t know what he wanted from me, what he wanted me to say.
“Are you going out with him?” Henry asked, sounding angrier by the minute.
“Who?”
“Atticus, don’t play dumb with me, Rosie.”
I stepped back from his attack of words. I didn’t like this side of Henry at all. It scared me.
“That’s none of your business.”
“I thought we were friends,” he said with a snide tone.
“Yeah, so did I until you started acting like a complete ass,” I shot back.
“I’m the ass? You’re the one talking to a guy the minute I remove my dick from you.”
Fury lashed through me as I spoke. “I didn’t speak to him, I just checked my voicemail, and I didn’t say I was going out with him. I haven’t even called him back, because in my head, I thought maybe there could be something between us, but clearly I was wrong. You only wanted my virginity.”
“You know what? Fuck you, Rosie. Fuck you.”
Tears fell down my face from his harsh words. In all the years I’ve known Henry, not once has he ever said that to me. His words hit me hard, hitting me directly in the chest, where it was hollow now.
Through sobbing tears, I faintly heard Tasha say something to Henry and him just tell her to go back in the room.
I shook my head and wiped my tears. With all the bravado in my body, I lifted my chin and looked Henry in the eyes.
My voice was weak, but I still tried to speak with passion.
“I’m sorry things had to end like this, Henry. Honestly, I wish this never happened, that we never were intimate, because what really suffers from all of this is our friendship, the one thing I valued most in this world. It makes me ill to think of us as no longer friends…that I won’t be able to rely on you when I need you the most, but I guess that was all part of the gamble, of trying to make something intimate work between us. I knew the consequences, and still tried anyway. My mistake. Lesson learned.”