“I’ll be right back,” I told Cam.
I followed Jessica to the bar. Before I could tap her shoulder, she turned and bumped into my chest. “Darren.”
“Were you hoping I’d show up?” I asked, echoing her words from last week. I knew that Marcus was watching us.
She didn’t seem to know how to answer, so I went on. “You don’t want to let Marcus get close to you. He’s dangerous.”
Her face sobered. “I know. But our manager said to be nice to them, so I’m trying to play along.”
“I have an idea to get him off your back. Do you trust me, Jessica?”
She nodded.
Then I kissed her. At first her whole body stiffened, but then she relaxed against me. She opened her lips, and our kiss deepened. She felt amazing. So amazing I didn’t want to stop. She moaned against my mouth, and it drove me crazy.
Finally, I felt her hand touch my chest to push me away, but instead she held on to me. “Did he see us?” she asked in my ear.
“I think so. Stop by my table later to reinforce that we’re together.”
“Okay.” She mustered up a smile and went back to work.
I returned to my table. Cam was gaping at me. “Who the hell is that?”
“A girl from school.”
“You never said you had a girlfriend.”
“It’s complicated.”
“Looked pretty straightforward to me. Has she got a friend?”
“I’ll ask her.” I watched Jessica serve drinks to Marcus’s table. Relief flooded through me; he’d already cozied up to another girl. I knew that my plan could’ve backfired—Marcus could’ve gone after Jessica even if she had a boyfriend. But Marcus had so many women to pick from that he didn’t need to bother.
Jessica came to our table with more drinks. I tried to hand her some money, but she said, “On the house,” and kissed me right on the lips.
Before she walked away, she said, “I’ll call you.”
AT WAR
Did you hear what happened last night?” Albert asked me eagerly. We were the first to arrive at the meeting late the next morning. Vinny’s basement didn’t look or smell any better than it had last time.
“No.”
“One of Andre’s top lieutenants got taken out.”
“Nice.” If Diamond Tony wanted to start a war with the Bloods, killing a lieutenant was a great way to do it.
“They say he walked up to a car to make a deal, but got a bullet in the chest instead.”
“Too bad, so sad.” I grinned. “Andre should never have messed with Tony.”
“You said it.”
Tony’s message to Andre was clear: Stealing his customers was unacceptable. Even if his product was crap. Even if he was selling nothing but straight baking soda and calling it Diamond Dust. They were his customers and no one else’s.
Within ten minutes, everyone else had arrived. They were hyped up about the murder, praising Tony like he was some kind of hero. But I noticed Cam was quiet. He knew what this meant. The bloodshed had just begun.
Vinny clapped twice to shut us up, then started the meeting. “I want to congratulate y’all on holding shit together during this rough time. You made me proud. DT, too.”
“ ’Course we holding shit down,” Albert said. “That’s what soljahs do.”
Vinny nodded. “I know the fiends have been wilding out, but don’t worry. That’s gonna change. We’ve got premium shit that should last us a few weeks until our supply problem is fixed. DT shelled out some serious cash so we can keep the customers satisfied.”
I could tell that the other dealers were relieved to hear this. But Vinny said himself that the fix was only temporary. Prescott must’ve been right about how hard it was to secure new suppliers. I bet Tony had paid several drug dealers shitloads of cash to buy their product. It was a wise move. He was in danger of losing his business if things kept going this way.
“You’re going to keep giving out little extras—dope, weed,” Vinny went on. “And we’re keeping our prices low. The South Side Bloods are greedy as hell, and it’s gonna come back to bite them.”
“I bet Andre went apeshit after what Tony did to his lieutenant,” T-Bone said. “That was slick, yo.”
Vinny held up a hand. “The Bloods will be coming after us. It’ll be today or tomorrow or next month. But it will happen. We’ve got to be ready. They have no idea about the shit that’ll rain down on them if they come after Diamond Tony’s people.”
“Amen,” Albert and Pie said at the same time.
The meeting was over. There was nothing more to say.
Cam and I were the last to step outside. The sun had come out, and I squinted, adjusting to the light against the snow.
I turned to Cam. “Want to get a sub?”
Then I heard a burst of loud pops, like fireworks.
Bullets sprayed the air. Snow dusted up around us in a white cloud.
Down! Go down!
I dropped to the ground, then crawled behind a tree. I peered around it. The bullets were coming from a car parked a few yards from the house. A tinted window in the backseat was lowered and the barrel of a gun stuck out.
If someone got out of the car, I was a sitting duck. I’d have to run, but in which direction?
Behind the house. That’s where Cam was headed. Behind the house and over the fence.
The car’s wheels spun in the snow, then it sped down the street and took a corner.
I jumped to my feet. A short distance in front of me, two guys were lying on the ground. I ran up to one of them and grabbed the back of his jacket. Pie struggled, like he thought I was attacking him.
“Easy, easy. It’s Darren. You hit?”
“I don’t know!” He frantically felt over his body, which told me he wasn’t hit.
I went to Albert. When I turned him onto his side, I saw the blood. So much blood. Albert’s eyes stared into mine. I could see he was scared and struggling to breathe. Most of the bleeding was coming from his abdomen. Taking off my coat, I applied pressure like I’d seen on TV.
“Goddamn . . . ,” Albert muttered, then his eyes lost focus.
People surrounded us. In the distance, sirens blared.
I moved away when the paramedics came. They tried to revive him. For several minutes everybody stood around watching as they worked on him.
It was too late. Albert was gone.
I kept thinking of what Vinny had said.
It’ll be today or tomorrow or next month. But it will happen.
BLIND
What if I’d been the first to walk outside? I kept asking myself. What would have gone through my mind while I was bleeding out in the snow?
I wondered if Albert’s life had flashed before his eyes and whether he’d seen a white light. I wondered if he’d been in pain, or if, at the moment of death, he’d felt numb.
I didn’t want to think about it. But I couldn’t focus on anything else.
Around midnight I got a text from Jessica.
Meet me after work?
I texted back: Ok.
It was too late to pretend I wasn’t into her. The kiss at the club had given me away. And the truth was, I didn’t want to be alone. I needed some Jessica right now.
At 2:05, Jessica left the club in a faux-fur coat and leather boots. She saw me on the sidewalk and gave me a hug that warmed me through our coats.
“There’s a place around the corner,” she said, hooking her arm through mine. I didn’t know if she was worried about slipping on the ice or if she wanted to be close to me, but I liked it either way.
Jessica took me to a Middle-Eastern diner. Huge hunks of chicken and beef rotated on spits behind the counter, filling the air with the mouthwatering smells of spicy meat. The place was empty except for a group of old Arab guys sitting at the counter, chatting with the owner. We ordered hot chocolates and sat down.
“I heard what happened today,” she said. “Are you okay?”
I hesitated. W
as this why she’d wanted to meet with me—to get the gory details? But no, that wasn’t Jessica.
“I’m fine.”
“Must’ve been scary. Anyone could’ve gotten hit.”
“I know.”
She obviously expected me to say something more, something deep, but I didn’t know what that was.
“I’m surprised you got back into the game after juvie,” she said after a moment.
There it was. The question nobody had dared to ask. Jessica was even bolder than I’d thought. She must’ve been nervous, though—her napkin was torn to pieces in front of her.
I played it cool. “Nobody wants to hire you out of juvie. Anyway, this is a temporary thing.”
“My boss is looking for another coat check person. I could ask him for you.”
“Thanks, but don’t worry about it.”
Jessica didn’t want me selling drugs. That made me respect her even more. But I wondered why she’d bothered with me in the first place.
I changed the topic. “So how’d you end up working at Chaos?”
“My friend Natalie works there, so she got me an interview.”
I raised an eyebrow teasingly. “How does an interview work? You put on a tight skirt and heels and walk with a tray?”
“Ha-ha. The tips are amazing. I had to work at Wendy’s five nights a week to make the same money I make Friday and Saturday nights. And if I wasn’t already working there, I’d be trying to find a way in.”
“I don’t blame you. I’m just worried you’ll slip on all those guys’ drool.”
“Very funny,” she said, fighting a smile.
Warmth spread through my chest, and it wasn’t the hot drink. Jessica was achingly sweet. The memory of our kiss filled my mind. I zoned out for a few seconds, reliving every hot moment, then started listening to her again. She was saying how much she loved my music.
“I’m going to make it my career,” I told her. “Me and a friend are planning to start up a record label.”
“That’s exciting. I wish I could be involved somehow.”
“Do you sing?”
“Very badly.”
“You can dance in one of our videos, then. I know you can dance.”
She fluttered her lashes downward, and I bet she was thinking back to Smalls’s party, where we’d gotten so close there wasn’t a breath of space between us. I wished we could be that close right now.
“If you liked my dancing so much, you should’ve called me.”
Did she have to put me on the spot like that? She knew I was interested. I wouldn’t be here at two thirty in the morning if I wasn’t.
“I’ve been focused on the streets. Lot of shit going down.”
Her eyes went big. “Oh.” She was thinking about Albert’s murder, of course. She must’ve heard about Rico’s murder too. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that’s why you didn’t call.” She looked worried. About me.
“Don’t be sorry. You hungry? I’m thinking about a chicken shawarma.”
“I’ll have one too.”
I went up to the counter to get the food. When I came back, I made sure we stayed on safe topics. School. Filimino’s grading methods. Gossip—that was Jessica’s territory. But instead of trash-talking people, she managed to make excuses for them, no matter what they were into. The girl didn’t have a mean bone in her body. I guess I should be glad; if she were more judgmental, she wouldn’t be hanging with me.
By the time she suggested we leave, the sky was lightening. I wasn’t even tired. Being with Jessica made my blood buzz. We headed outside and hailed a cab.
In the backseat, the tension between us was electric. We sat right against each other, and she laid her head on my shoulder. When she looked up at me, I couldn’t resist kissing her. She cupped the back of my head and kissed me back. Her kiss was slow and sensual. There was no staying away from Jessica. No pretending I was indifferent. I wanted her more than I’d wanted any girl.
I knew that I was lost. And it was the best place I’d ever been.
Lost
That girl is a rocket ship
She blasts you up so high
That girl is a lightning bolt
Flash of brilliance in the sky
For that girl you’d do anything
Everything
Anything
For that girl you’d do anything
Even give your life.
WHITE CHRIS
Be careful out there, Darren. This isn’t over. Walker will hit back. One of his dealers is dead, and he has to save face.”
Prescott’s words echoed in my brain as I rode the subway to meet up with White Chris. Weird, but when I’d called Prescott that morning, I’d half expected him to tell me to get out of the game. To say that it was too dangerous.
Maybe part of me wanted to get out. But I was just being weak. If I abandoned my mission, the bodies would keep piling up.
I got to Local’s Restaurant before White Chris and ordered a basket of suicide-hot wings. Local’s was a dark, seedy place, but I didn’t care because the food was good, cheap, and there was lots of it. The waitresses were old but still showed off their wrinkly goods, and the same men always hung out at the bar hoping some woman would take them home. TVs were all over the place showing different games. Sometimes White Chris and I watched, hardly talking at all. Other times, we made plans for our record label and wrote lyrics.
Today, though, I needed to talk.
White Chris strolled in a few minutes later, his baggy clothes dangling off his lanky six-foot-three frame. The way he dressed, you’d never know his parents had money. But you could tell by the way he talked that he was from the suburbs—that’s why the guys in juvie called him White Chris.
“Hey.” He sat down, helping himself to a chicken wing.
White Chris was more than a friend, he was a brother. He’d been in juvie for two months when I got there, and he had given me the lowdown on which guards were cool and which never to piss off. That knowledge was key to my survival. I just wished I’d been there when he was cornered by Jongo and his gang. I’d been working in the laundry that morning, clueless about what was happening to my friend. I’d do anything to go back in time to stop the beating that’d left him half-blind. Someone should’ve had his back, and it should’ve been me.
White Chris was one of those suburban kids who got into trouble because he was so damned bored. He’d learned how to hot-wire cars from YouTube. He didn’t even sell the cars he jacked. He did it for the rush, then dropped them off in random spots.
One day he saw an opportunity he couldn’t pass up—a car parked in front of an ice cream shop. The driver hadn’t bothered to lock her doors before she went inside. Chris hopped in and drove off. He’d only made it down the street when a toddler said from the backseat, “Ice cweam?” That part of the story always cracked me up.
So Chris pulled over right away. Nice guy that he was, he put down the windows so the kid could have some air and even called in an anonymous tip to tell the police where the kid was. Too bad there was a cop car one block away. Chris got caught, and the press had a field day with the whole thing: privileged suburban kid joyrides with toddler in the backseat. Chris got locked up for eighteen months.
I told him about Albert. When I finished talking, I felt drained, but lighter. Chris stared at me with his good eye. I’d learned to focus on that eye, not the one that had a swirl of yellow where the pupil should be.
“Maybe you should rethink your plan,” he said.
“What plan?”
He snorted. “Come on. You cursed Diamond Tony out the whole time you were in juvie. Now you expect me to believe you just up and went to work for him again? I know you.”
Holy shit. He might be half-blind, but he saw right through me.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked.
“No point. I wasn’t going to try to talk you out of it. But now I am. It’s not worth getting yourself killed over this revenge thing.”
“It’s not only about me. It’s for everybody.”
“Like with Jongo, huh? You were going to get him out of there no matter what you had to do. That was some crazy shit you pulled. You could’ve gotten yourself killed.”
“But you’re not sorry I did it,” I pointed out.
“Hell, no! Jongo got what was coming to him.” His face darkened. “But if you’d been killed, then I’d be sorry. That’s the thing, Darren. You don’t know how this is gonna turn out.”
“You don’t have to worry. I’m watching my back.”
“I’m sure you are. There’s just one thing you’ve got to realize.”
“Oh yeah?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
“You’re not smarter than Diamond Tony.”
“I’m not saying I am.”
“You think you’re gonna outsmart him, but you won’t. Look, I’m on your side. I want you to squash that motherfucker. I’m just not sure you can do it.”
I didn’t say anything. Of all people, I could count on White Chris to tell me the truth. Unlike Prescott, he wasn’t looking for a promotion.
“If I try to get out now, they might think I was the snitch who told the Bloods the location of our meeting—not that I’m thinking of getting out.”
“Do what you want. But I need you around to drive when we take girls out. I can’t be taking them on the subway all the time.”
“You know I don’t have a car.”
“Want me to jack one for you?” He smiled. “At least you’ve got your license. That’s more than I’ll ever have.”
“I hear you. I’ll get us a car when this is all over,” I promised.
“Let’s hope you’ll be alive to drive it.”
There it was again, the darkness in his expression. I didn’t like being confronted with his fears, because they were mine, too.
It was cool hanging out with White Chris, but sometimes he saw too much.
HOLIDAY DEALS
His name is Darren/You’ll never hear him swearin’/Because he’s really carin’.” Jessica and I were in her bedroom. She rapped while I did some beat-boxing. Her goal was always to make the worst lyrics possible.