I just made the most difficult decision of my life. I’m leaving Buffalo Valley. How anyone could mess up as much as I have in the last few months is beyond me. All I can say in my own defense is that my intentions were good.
Perhaps Marta Hansen, the grocer’s wife, said it best. Last week she told me I was an outsider and would always be an outsider. No matter how long I lived in Buffalo Valley, I’d never think the same as they do. Never understand their ways, despite the fact that my father was born and raised in this town. Marta wasn’t insulting me, she was merely stating the truth. Her one fault was that she was insensitive to my feelings, but what can I say? She was right.
I haven’t spoken to Gage since our last big blowout. By contrast, Monte phones me every day. He’s serious about marrying me and can’t accept that I’m no longer interested. Frankly, I thank God every day that I left him when I did. He seems like a stranger to me now, and I can’t make myself care. A year ago, I would have leaped at his marriage proposal.
You asked about Hassie and, yes, her health has improved, but her spirits are low. This stay in the nursing home hasn’t been easy for her. The last time I spoke with her cardiologist, he said he’d like to wait a week or two before scheduling her surgery. I haven’t told her I’m leaving yet, and I dread doing it.
Kevin Betts, Gage’s brother, went through a rough period while he wrestled with rejecting the scholarship from the San Francisco Art Institute. I don’t know who it was harder on—him or me. In the end, all I did was give him false hope. He was born with the understanding that he would be a farmer. It’s tied to duty and family and responsibility and it’s part of what makes me an outsider. I simply and truly don’t understand. For Kevin’s sake, I wish I did.
No, I’m sorry I can’t tell you what happened in Bismarck. Perhaps one day, but not right now. It was a misunderstanding and a painful lesson. Another incident proving that if I lived here for the next fifty years, I still wouldn’t think the same way these people do. I didn’t realize one had to be born in the Dakotas to be accepted.
Several of the friends I’ve made here have tried to get me to change my mind. That’s what made deciding to leave so damned difficult. If Gage had said one word, one small word, I would have stayed, gladly signed my name to the contract for another year. His silence said it all.
If I sound miserable, it’s because I am.
The last day of school is May 29th, and Joshua McKenna told me he’s been in touch with two women who are interested in the teaching position. He hugged me and said how grateful he was that I filled in during this transition time. Anyway, back to the 29th. I’ll have everything packed up and ready to go. My dad’s flying out and we’ll caravan it back to Georgia the same way as I arrived last summer. A little older and a whole lot wiser.
I’ll see you soon.
Love,
Lindsay
Rachel sat in the middle of a stack of boxes in Lindsay’s living room. Both dogs were asleep by the fireplace, as though life was completely unchanged.
“I can’t believe you’re actually going to leave,” Rachel complained. “We were only getting to know you.”
The outcry that had come when her students learned she wouldn’t be returning had been a balm to her badly injured pride. Almost every family had voiced regret. Even Marta Hansen, after her cruel and heartless comment, had said she was sorry to see her go.
As she’d told Maddy, the one person who hadn’t asked her to stay was Gage. Without saying a word, he’d been the one who’d made it plain she should go.
That willful, stubborn farmer had stood by and said nothing.
She really had a talent, Lindsay thought sardonically, a gift for falling in love with the wrong man. First Monte and now Gage. She’d taken all the lessons she wanted to learn on the care and upkeep of a broken heart. She’d survived the last time around, and she would again. But it wouldn’t be easy.
“Sarah wanted me to thank you for everything you did for Calla,” Rachel told her. “She said that for the first time in her life Calla thought school was fun.” Impulsively the two women hugged, and Lindsay went out to the porch and watched her friend walk away. It saddened her that Rachel had been the one to tell her that and not Sarah.
The months had flown by so quickly, far too quickly. Had she stayed, Lindsay liked to think she might have become good friends, not only with Rachel but with Sarah Stern and the others.
Her father’s plane was landing in Grand Forks the following morning and Dennis Urlacher had volunteered to meet his flight, then help him arrange for the moving van. The high-school students were throwing her a party that night and then early the next morning, after stopping by the nursing home, Lindsay and her father would head back to Savannah.
It all seemed straightforward. Decided. But she didn’t know how she was going to leave Buffalo Valley and do it with a smile. Not when her heart ached and she had so many regrets.
Gage knew very well that it was Lindsay’s car that had passed the country road bordering his land. He sat on the tractor, the tiller churning up the dark, rich earth in preparation for flax, beans and millet.
He stared straight ahead, not wanting to look, pretending it didn’t matter. Her leaving was for the best. He’d told himself that so often, he almost believed it. The choice to stay or go had been up to her, and she’d come to her decision without any help from him.
From what Kevin had said, he knew that Lindsay was driving out first thing tomorrow morning. Her father was flying in later today. Apparently she was coming to make her farewells. Anger whirled inside him. He wished to hell she’d just go and be done with it. All she’d done since she got here was stir up trouble. She delved into issues that were none of her concern, got involved with other people’s business that was better left alone. He thought about his grandfather and what he’d learned about the man he barely remembered. Gage had a new respect for Jerome Sinclair, but he wondered how his grandfather would have reacted to having his secret revealed. Then there was the matter of Kevin.
With these thoughts came others, flooding into his mind, saturating his memory. The feelings of pride and community Lindsay had restored to Buffalo Valley. The Christmas play that had brought ranchers and farmers together for a celebration of the season. She’d organized a dance that was the closest thing to a prom these teenagers were likely to get. And there was the graduation ceremony held at the theater only a few days earlier. A high-school graduating class of four. And the quarterly school newspaper. The yearbook, complete with photos.
What Lindsay had done for Buffalo Valley was one thing, but how she’d touched him was another. Almost from the moment they’d met, he’d tried to push her out of his mind. He recalled the first time they’d kissed and how his heart had nearly leaped from his body. He’d known then what was going to happen and been powerless to stop it.
Throughout the school year he’d been cautious, careful. He hadn’t wanted to fall in love with Lindsay Snyder—but he had. The irony of their grandparents’ situation didn’t escape him. His grandfather had denied his heart out of love for Gina. It couldn’t have been easy, no easier than it was for him to let Lindsay walk out of his life. There’d been no other honorable choice for Jerome, but for Gage—
All at once, he knew. He couldn’t do it, couldn’t stand by and let her return to Savannah. The instant he saw her car, he knew for a fact that if he let her leave, he would regret it the rest of his life.
She was the window that allowed the light into his world.
With a sense of urgency, he shifted gears, and the tractor belched thick black smoke. He was fifteen minutes from the house, and he raced across tilled, planted land, criss-crossing rows, afraid he’d be too late.
When the farmhouse came into view, he knew he’d arrived in the nick of time. The tractor roared toward the barn. He cut the engine and with one powerful bound, jumped down.
Lindsay stood next to her car, and her gaze held him prisoner. He kept his eyes on her as he app
roached.
“Lindsay came to say goodbye,” his mother told him sadly.
He was about to tell his mother he was sure she had something in the kitchen that needed tending, but before he could say a word, Kevin appeared.
He was in one hell of a hurry, judging by the way he barrelled into the yard, tires spewing loose dirt like rooster tails. He sprang down from the cab and raced toward Gage.
“You aren’t going to let her go, are you?”
“I—”
“Dennis Urlacher just phoned Sarah Stern, and Calla told me it isn’t Lindsay’s father who’s going to drive her home.”
“My father wasn’t on the flight?” Lindsay turned toward Kevin.
“Well, yeah, he was.” The boy looked over his shoulder, then back at Gage. “But there’s also some guy named Monte who claims he’s going to marry Lindsay.”
Gage’s jaw tightened. “You’re getting married?” he demanded, the shock of it making his voice gruff. He wanted it understood right now that he wasn’t going to politely step aside.
Lindsay blinked. She seemed to be in as much shock as Gage himself. “No, of course not…” She glanced out over the fields at the crazy zigzag way he’d crossed the plowed rows. “You were coming for me?”
“Before Gage answers that, I’d like to talk to all of you,” Kevin said, standing to his full height and meeting their eyes.
“I want to answer her,” Gage said, his heart burning with the need to tell Lindsay he loved her.
“In a minute, Gage,” Kevin said forcefully. “All right?”
Gage studied his half brother and saw that whatever he had to say was important. “All right,” he agreed.
Kevin thanked him with a courteous nod. “Miss Snyder, first off, I don’t mean any disrespect, but I know you don’t want to leave Buffalo Valley.”
“Kevin…” she began.
“Please, if you’d just let me finish.” He turned to Gage and for the first time, he had the face of a man, strong and determined. “And you, big brother, don’t want her to go, either.”
“No, I don’t,” he admitted. If his brother had given him the opportunity, he would have told her so himself.
“Okay,” Kevin said, “this is the deal.”
The deal? Gage arched his brows. His brother had never sounded this firm or confident before.
“Gage, you’re marrying Miss Snyder, and Miss Snyder, you’re staying right here in Buffalo Valley. It’s where you belong. Some of the adults might be old fuddy-duddies, but there isn’t a one of us high-schoolers who want you to go. You’re the best thing that ever happened to our school. And my brother’s been crazy about you for months.”
Gage took a step forward. This had gone on long enough. “If you don’t mind, I prefer to do my own talking.”
“Son,” Leta said, holding out her arm and stopping him. “Let Kevin finish.”
“Thanks, Mom.” The teenager’s grin was enormous. “Okay—I’m going to art school.”
“But you refused the scholarship,” Lindsay said, and Gage heard the utter defeat in her voice.
“Here’s the best part,” Kevin said, his eyes bright. He pulled an envelope from his shirt pocket. “I was offered another full ride—from the school in Chicago. Two scholarships.”
“But that’s the top school in the country!” Lindsay pressed her fingertips to her lips.
“Gage, you’re planning to buy your own land, which is crazy. You have it already. I hereby bequeath this farm to you.” He made a sweeping gesture with his arms. “It’s yours, it’s always been yours. Mom,” he said, nodding in her direction, “you’re moving to town.”
“I am?” Leta’s eyes rounded with shock.
“You can stay in Lindsay’s house. It’s about to be vacated.”
Lindsay’s mouth fell open.
“Mom, Gage and Lindsay love you, but they’re going to be newlyweds. Three’s a crowd. Besides, Hassie’s going to need help at the pharmacy now.”
“You seem to have everything worked out,” Gage said, feeling both amused and oddly respectful. “But about the farm, you don’t just hand over land this valuable…”
“Don’t fight me on this, Gage. I know, I know, you refuse it as a gift. Well, big brother, this is one argument you aren’t going to win. You want to pay me for the farm, then fine, you can pick up my college living expenses.”
“Oh, Kevin,” Leta said with a sigh.
“Two scholarship offers. It was meant to be,” Kevin announced. “Now, I suspect Lindsay and Gage need a few minutes in private, so, Mom, why don’t you and I just disappear into the house?”
Gage stood before Lindsay, his heart full of feeling. Full of love. Her beautiful blue eyes were brimming with tears.
“Don’t cry, darling.”
Sniffling, she rubbed the back of her hand across the high arch of her cheek. “You were willing to break my heart, but you can’t stand to see me cry?”
Gage had to hold her. He closed the space between them and gently took her in his arms. She threw her own arms around his neck and clung to him.
Gage relished the feel of her, breathed in her unique, delightful scent. He placed his hands on either side of her tear-streaked face and kissed her just like he had that first time. Kissed her as if this was the last kiss granted him on earth; kissed her with all the hunger and love stored in his heart. He didn’t have the words to say what he was feeling. All he had was his heart, open-wide, exposed, vulnerable. And hers.
Lindsay responded to his kiss in a way that told him she was his, would always be his. Her body moved against him and he groaned.
“I was coming to ask you to stay in Buffalo Valley. I was coming to tell you I love you,” he told her, their arms around each other, holding on tight.
“I’m an outsider.”
“Yes.” He wasn’t going to argue with her. “Foolish and stubborn, too, but along with that, you’re honest and honorable. It wasn’t just Kevin and those schoolkids you taught to dream. It was me, too.”
“You?”
He lifted his head enough so she could see the truth in his eyes. “I’d given up the hope of marrying, of having a family. I don’t have a lot to offer you, Lindsay.”
“You have a double portion of everything that’s important to me, but it’s enough to know I have your heart.”
Gage’s chest expanded with a sharp intake of breath. It seemed inconceivable that she loved him, and yet the look on her face told him she did. He kissed her again because it was impossible not to.
“Will you marry me, Lindsay?”
She nodded. The tears were back, shining in her eyes. “Oh, Gage,” she whispered, smiling up at him, and then it seemed she was crying too hard to speak and she merely nodded.
Rising on her tiptoes, she kissed him. Wrapping his arms about her waist, their mouths joined, Gage swung her around, his joy overflowing, unrestrained.
The wind came up then, whirling around them, singing in his ears. He understood his grandfather’s love and the sacrifices Jerome had made for Lindsay’s grandmother. Life had come full circle and had brought him a priceless gift in Lindsay. He was going to accept this gift and love her the rest of his life.
And beyond.
Epilogue
Buffalo Bob’s face brightened when this morning’s first customer walked into the restaurant. A tourist, he guessed, his first since Gage Sinclair had married the schoolteacher, Miss Snyder, in mid-July, when the hotel had been full of guests for the wedding.
“Good morning!” He greeted the woman, who was attractive, well-dressed, probably in her fifties. He handed her a menu when she pulled out a chair and took a seat at the table. “We’ve got a great breakfast special this morning. Eggs, bacon and hash browns for a buck fifty.”
“Actually, all I want is coffee.”
“Coming right up,” he returned cheerfully.
The good mood was a facade to hide his disappointment over Merrily. She’d left again, vanishing in the middle o
f the night. On the bright side, she’d stayed longer than any previous time. She’d be back, Bob knew, when she was ready, and as always he’d be waiting for her. He didn’t know why she felt the need to disappear like this. He’d gotten comfortable having her around and had thought she seemed less on edge than she used to be. Maybe next time she’d stay.
“This is a nice town, isn’t it?” the woman asked, looking down Main Street.
“Real nice.” He poured her coffee, and seeing that she wanted to chat, set the glass pot on the table. “A year ago, it looked different than it does now.”
“How’s that?”
“Well, there used to be a lot of closed businesses. There still are some, but not near as many. The new high-school teacher got the movie house all cleaned up for a school play and afterward, the owner—a farmer over in Devils Lake—decided to reopen it. That’s been a real plus, to have a movie house in town again.”
“I’ll bet it is. Not many towns this far from any major city have a theater.”
“You’re right. Last week, Jacob and Marta Hansen announced that they’d sold the grocery store. A friend of the high-school teacher’s bought it. Funny name, too, something like Mason or Madison. No…Madeline. She wants us to call her Maddy. She flew out for the wedding, and I saw her talking to Jacob and Marta and then, next thing I heard, she’d bought the grocery. Apparently she’s got some great ideas. Lindsay’s thrilled.”
“Lindsay? You don’t happen to mean Lindsay Snyder, do you?” The tourist perked up.
“It’s Lindsay Sinclair now. You know her?”
The woman hesitated. “We met once, briefly.”
“Terrific teacher. She’s been a real bonus to this community. It looked for a while like we might lose her, but Gage Sinclair put an end to that idea when he proposed. They were married last month. The whole town showed up, even Hassie Knight, who owns the pharmacy. She suffered a heart attack not long ago, but it looks like she’s going to be fine now that she’s had bypass surgery.”
“I’m glad to hear Lindsay’s happy.”