She’d never seen anyone eat eggs with a vengeance before, and it was everything she could do not to laugh about it. He wouldn’t have noticed, he was completely lost in his own thoughts, eventually buttering a piece of toast twice and then mindlessly eating it without noticing the extra calories.
“So you couldn’t really tell what she was upset about…”
He looked up at her, unaware that he hadn’t said aloud the thoughts running through his mind. “I’m sorry! Yes. I’m just processing. I was wondering about what she could have meant by calling out of the blue just to throw a temper tantrum. I mean seriously…” Andre wasn’t even looking at her at this point. He just rambled on autopilot for a few minutes. “I mean, what in the world sparked this? I haven’t done anything wrong this week, I haven’t done anything at all!”
Marsha nodded and took another bite of salad.
“If I were to give it my best guess…not that you asked me to…but just for my own mental practice I’m gonna say it out loud, okay?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “So my best guess would be that she just suddenly got tired of whoever she was hanging out with today. There’s no other reason I can think of that would explain so many phone calls, randomly, in the same day. That or it’s something crazily drastic like she’s pregnant. She doesn’t handle crisis like that very well. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that before.”
When Marsha shook her head, he continued. “Yeah, no.” He laughed. “She’s driven, organized, fantastic, gorgeous…but she’s also a control freak. If something doesn’t go her way, she forces it to go her way, know what I mean? She’s one of those women who, if you’re in business with her, she’ll just wear you clean out until you give her the answer she wants to hear.” He looked out underneath the eave of the little restaurant they were eating at and set his eyes on the horizon sadly. “I used to love that about her. And whatever is bothering her right now, I hate that I can’t help her with it. Or at least understand what she’s saying. That’s super frustrating.”
“I can imagine!”
“So whatever it is, I told her to call me later today when she got to a place with better reception. She kind of acted like it was my fault that I couldn’t hear her, but you know. I’m not an idiot. I know how signals work. She’s just looking for someone to attack, and for the first time ever, that someone is me.”
“I’m sorry, Andre.” It was the first time she’d really used his name in a while. She usually just spoke to him, but his name really felt sweet rolling off her tongue. She wanted to help him, but she didn’t know how. “Tell me what I can do. Tell me how to help. You’ve been there for me. Anything.”
“I don’t know,” he said wistfully. “I just don’t know. There’s really nothing to be done until I can figure out what’s going on. How’s it going with Blake, anyway? I’m sorry I haven’t asked yet today.”
Marsha smiled. Here it is, her opportunity that she hoped would come much later in the day, not on the tail of something Andre was dealing with. It didn’t seem fair to offer him any news that was nice right now. It felt like she would be rubbing his face in it.
“It’s going, I guess. How crazy was that that he was here? I mean, what the heck?”
“Right?!” Andre perked up a bit, probably glad to not be talking about his wife anymore, and dug back into his eggs, albeit a little more slowly than normal. “What was up with that? I didn’t press the issue yesterday because I figured you’d talk about it when you were ready.”
“Yup.”
Andre just nodded without looking at her and added more eggs to his fork while taking a drink of his juice.
The waiter interrupted them and they both found it a pleasant break from the awkward conversation about marriage they seemed to find themselves in. They both even made small talk with him at the same time in an order to preserve the break in talking. Once he left to retrieve the check, both of them sighed.
“So I wonder what’s Blake’s excuse” Andre asked. “I’m genuinely interested to hear this. What the hell.”
Marsha laughed. “My thoughts exactly. He said that, and get this, on his way to renew our vows at the office that day—”
“—Live on camera, right, right,” Andre giggled while he was chewing, curious as to where the story could go from here.
“Haha, yes! Live on camera. He apparently ran across a brochure for Nepal somewhere, who the heck knows where, and decided to just up and tell me that that’s where he was headed. Simple as that. That’s like me seeing a donkey in the middle of the road on the way to work and then texting him to say ‘Well, dear. I was thinking we should have donkey for dinner tonight, what do you think?’” She didn’t tell Andre that she saw Blake again that morning. There were some secrets she needed to keep to herself.
Andre spit some of his egg out and it landed on the table between them, which cracked Marsha up. But she was quick to react, simply throwing her napkin on top of it and waving it off like it didn’t happen. “Someone will get that when we’re gone. So I just kind of said okay, because I didn’t really know what else to say.”
“Wow.” he offered, eyebrows raised in disbelief.
“Just wow, huh?”
They sat and ate in silence after that until the waiter returned with their change, which Andre made a point to hand to him directly, as he didn’t like leaving the tip on the table. He said it was much less personal that way, and that whoever served you for an hour or so should be thanked personally, with money and eye contact and a smile.
As they went to exit, Andre poked his arm out to the side and Marsha slid her hand in the crook of it. He held it a little tighter than normal.
“Are you going to talk to him again, too, I guess? I wouldn’t see why you wouldn’t of course. It’s just, we haven’t really discussed this part yet. And I don’t know if you can tell, but that call with Layla has me a bit shaken up. But I want to focus on spending your last days with you and not get distracted with all her drama.”
“I can tell. But if you don’t tell me what you need, how can I be sure that I’m helping you through it? You’ve been so perfect for me during this time, and I want to make you feel that way too. I mean, you’re perfect. Really.” It was as close as she could get to saying I love you without saying it. She didn’t want him to take it the wrong way, because now—in this moment—she wasn’t sure what she felt and was scared to put it in a romantic way.
“Well, love. I really do think you’re the bees knees.” When Marsha giggled, he looked confused. “Isn’t that a thing? Isn’t that an American compliment?”
“Yes,” she laughed. “Maybe from a few years ago.”
“Ah well, yes I can’t keep up. Anyway, you’re already doing everything I need right now. I need a friend, I need a hug, I need someone to touch. It’s how I cope with things, by existing with someone. It helps me process things, and life. And you’re here just existing with me, I literally couldn’t appreciate anything more on this entire planet than your existence right now. And I mean that.”
Marsha melted. Who talked like this? Existed with me. How powerful of a statement that was! She turned him around to face her when they reached the awning outside the front door, and she wrapped her arms around him in a huge hug and buried her face in his chest. “You mean the world to me. No matter what happens…to either of us…I never ever want to live a day without being able to tell you I appreciate you.”
His strong arms wrapped around her and his shoulders shook a bit, she couldn’t be sure but she thought he was weeping. Rather than look to see, she allowed her body to signal that she was in for a long hug. A couple walked past them to get to the door, but to Marsha and Andre, no two people in the world existed other than them. They were all that mattered, and they weren’t going anywhere until they were good and ready.
“I don’t want to let a day go by without telling you how much I appreciate you, either,” he added, his voice shaky. Marsha decided they’d had enough sad time and stepped away from the em
brace first, wiping her thumbs gently under his watery eyes and kissing him on the lips. She wished she could say more and not hold back. If only she met Andre at a different time. If only she didn’t have too many decisions to make. Why didn’t Dr. Lee tell her it would be more difficult to return to her normal life? What was normal anyway? Goodbyes were always hard and leaving Andre would be the hardest thing she would have to deal with next to Blake walking out on her.
“Well that may get weird if we both go back to our spouses. I don’t suppose Layla will want me texting once a day for the rest of your life asking for an update on your existence. But we’ll figure something out.” That did the trick. Andre threw his head back in a snotty, pitiful sort of laughter, and his tenderness shown through more in that five minutes than it ever had. He looked like a broken angel, finally allowed to be happy after a morning of disappointment and sadness. And Marsha loved the fact that she put that very smile on his face at that moment. “Me. Mine. I made that smile.” She pretended to grab his mouth and put it in her pocket before they strolled out onto the boardwalk. “I’m keeping it.”
C H A P T E R 22
By the time they were finished with the day and headed back to the condo for the evening, Marsha had the strangest feeling. While they were nearing the corner to pull into the complex, she had the strange daydream that Blake was waiting out in front of the building for her. She imagined that he would be leaning up against whatever car he was driving, dressed to the nines as he usually liked to do. He would look dashing as usual, and have his legs crossed at the ankles and his hands lazily in his pockets. Seeing him for the last time yesterday left them on an unfinished note. Would Blake succumb to defeat or would he be persistent? Andre squeezed her hand and pulled her out of the daydream, but she slipped right back into picturing him there when they pulled up.
For a moment, she thought, they would talk lightly about whatever came up. And then, out of nowhere, she imagined him walking over in between her and Andre and bending her down in a dramatic kiss. The thought surprised her, especially since she had Andre in the seat next to her. He was the one who was driving around, paying for half of her meals, making memories with her and holding her hand when she cried. And her hair when she puked, for that matter. There was more reason to picture him bending her backward in a dramatic, sweet kiss than to picture her cocky husband who’d basically left her standing at the altar, cliché as it was.
Marsha shook her head vigorously.
“You okay?” Andre asked.
She nodded her head and looked out the window, anxious to be anywhere else. When they pulled up to the walk, there was no car, and there was no Blake, and she felt a little ashamed for thinking there would be.
Later that evening, long after they had eaten dinner on the back patio and shared another pineapple they’d purchased at the market earlier that day, each of them received a text.
Apparently Layla was going to take to texts to have the conversation they couldn’t have earlier, and Marsha told Andre to excuse himself at any time without warning if he wanted to, assuring him that she wouldn’t be offended. He, in turn, told her the same. Before long, they were in separate rooms, doing their best to relax. It wasn’t an easy sight, if anyone were to look in, it would have looked as though they were having a lover’s quarrel and were spending time apart. As it were, they felt closer than most married couples. Each of them confident in the fact that the other had their back, and if a hug or a good cry were needed, it would only take asking nicely.
By the looks of Andre’s conversation, things weren’t going to be wrapped up anytime soon. Through the shutters of the indoor window, she could see him in the guest room shaking his head at his phone and then angrily typing things into it. She caught sight of his wallet and reluctantly looked inside. A photo of Layla and him were displayed. She looked gorgeous with her olive-toned skin and long brown hair. A pang of jealousy stabbed her in the intestines. Taking deep breaths, Marsha set the wallet aside and settled in on the bed.
After Andre was done, Marsha walked over to him and he pushed his legs forward and patted his lap. She crawled in the chair with him and curled up into a ball and they stayed like that for a long time. Eventually, Andre started to hum, and Marsha closed her eyes. There was no way any person, professional or not, could know what to do in this moment. So she decided that if no one could do it, she wouldn’t even begin to try. Content with being discontent for the evening, she fell asleep in Andre’s arms.
***
Marsha slipped out of the condo in silence. While Andre was asleep, she was able to write him a farewell note and change her return flight to San Francisco. Although Marsha was aware that she was being a coward by not saying goodbye to Andre, she couldn’t bear to hurt him. It was better this way. Goodbyes were not her thing.
She took one last look at the ocean, remembering all the blissful moments she had with Andre, the strolls they took by the water, the mind-blowing sex they had and simply existing in this majestic place. She felt emotionally naked with Andre and during the one month she shared with him, she had learned more about herself than the twenty-five years she had spent with Blake. She wished she told Andre this, but at this point in her life, she didn’t want to feel vulnerable again. Marsha wasn’t a person who made false promises and there was no way she would intrude in their life, especially now that Layla seemed to be resurfacing again in Andre’s life.
Maybe it was better this way. No expectations, no obligations, no Blake or Andre... Just simply Marsha existing, enjoying one day at a time and embracing what life had to offer. Dr. Lee was right. This trip was for her to heal, discover and transform to the woman she now loves.
E P I L O G U E
Marsha opened the door to Dr. Lee’s office and dashed to her good friend. “I’m back.”
They shared a tight embrace and Marsha realized for that moment that Dr. Lee, who used to be her nemesis, is now bonded to her for life.
“OMG! Look at you! You’re a new woman,” Dr. Lee shrieked. “But wait a minute, you’re back a day early. I expected you to come tomorrow.”
They settled in on the couch and Marsha recalled how it all began. Her desperate moments when she came here in her wedding dress, desperate to find answers and here she was sitting on the same couch as a completely renewed woman.
“I couldn’t say goodbye to Andre. I didn’t want to hurt him. I want him to remember the beautiful moments we shared and not focus on our goodbyes.”
Dr. Lee flashed her a grin. “Looks like you’re smitten by him.”
“He’s a gentleman and any woman would be lucky to have him.” Marsha wasn’t sure if she was speaking for herself or for Layla, but she had to admit she missed Andre—their candidness and ability to share everything without being judged. She was a coward to face him because she wasn’t sure what would be the next step in their relationship. They both lived in opposite worlds and she didn’t want to complicate matters.
“And what about Blake?” Dr. Lee asked.
Marsha narrated everything that transpired with Blake. “I often rehearsed what I’d say if he was to ask me back, but that trip to Puerto Vallarta changed my whole perspective. Thanks to you and Andre, otherwise, I would have never been able to pull through this myself.”
“And you deserve every bit of it. Don’t feel compelled to come up with a decision. The idea of this study was for you to rediscover your sensuality and learn something about yourself. I’m sure you’re wiser and happier. You don’t owe anything to anyone.”
Dr. Lee always knew how to put things in proper perspective and Marsha was grateful to have her as a friend. “Thank you, Dr. Lee.”
Dr. Lee rose from the couch and strode to the refrigerator where she pulled out a champagne bottle. Marsha took two glasses from the sink and help Dr. Lee pour the champagne.
They settled back on the couch.
“Cheers to us, I think we make a good team.” Dr. Lee clinked her glass against Marsha’s glass.
&nbs
p; Taking a big sip, Marsha asked. “What’s next for us? I think I may have found something cool. I was toying with the idea on my flight back.”
“What do you suggest?” Dr. Lee perked her ears.
“I propose we write a book together.” Marsha winked.
“A book? Wow! Now, why didn’t I think of that?”
Marsha crossed her legs. “Because you need me as your sidekick. I even have the perfect name for it.”
Dr. Lee drank the whole champagne glass in excitement. “What is it?”
“Mid-Life Crisis Diaries.”
An applause filled the room. “You’re a genius, Marsha, that’s an instant bestseller. Oh boy, we need to start writing soon.”
“Before we do that, Dr. Lee, can I please call you by your first name?”
Laughter exploded from Dr. Lee’s mouth. “Of course. It’s Angel.”
“And an angel you are indeed.” Marsha winked.
A knock came through Dr. Lee’s office. “Now who could that be?” Dr. Lee took a peek at the peephole. “OMG! It’s Blake.”
Marsha froze. “What? What the hell is he doing here?”
Dr. Lee’s phone beeped twice. She removed it from her pocket then showed the screen to Marsha. “And Andre just texted me that he just landed at the San Francisco airport and is heading straight here.”
“This can’t be happening.” Marsha covered her face. “What am I supposed to do?”
Dr. Lee chuckled. “Girl, I wish I was in your shoes. Two men fighting over you!”
All Marsha could do was drink more champagne, knowing this was going to be a long day and another Chapter of her life.
A C K N O W L E D G E M E N T S
I originally wrote a screenplay of Mid-Life Crisis Diaries before deciding to write this novel. After fifteen drafts, I suffered writer’s block and put my screenplay aside. Months later, I decided to write the novel and here it is.