“I don’t think it’s that easy. I don’t think I’m a better girlfriend than you. In fact, I’m sure I’m not a better anything than you.”
“You heard my conversation with Rage didn’t you?”
“It was kind of hard not to. Does Rage really have feelings for you?”
“He has feelings for the demon he thinks I could be. Not the Angel I am.”
“Still, it must suck to like someone you can’t have.”
“Did it suck for you when you first met Marcus?” she says harshly.
“I’m going to sleep.”
I turn away, she calls me back.
“I’m not trying to pick a fight.”
“Then you’re not doing a very good job.”
“Okay. How about this: for the next five minutes, we speak the truth. We don’t hide behind social niceties or proper Angel behavior. We are just two girls talking.”
“Why would I do that? I already know what you think of me. I’m the evil human who stole your boyfriend. I know that’s all I’ll ever be.”
“It doesn’t have to be all about what I think of you. You can ask me anything for the next five minutes; that includes anything about Marcus.”
“I don’t know…”
“Are you saying there’s nothing you want to know about him?”
“Okay.”
“A question for a question. The time starts now,” she actually sets her watch.
“You first,” I say.
“Do you think Marcus is still in love with me?”
Wow, no warm up, huh?
“I don’t know.”
“Can’t you just have some balls and answer honestly?” she snaps.
“Okay, okay. Fine. Maybe he is. Are you happy now?”
“Has he told you that?”
“No, I just feel like he may be holding on to…the past.”
Ameana thinks to herself. I expected her to start dancing with glee, but she remained pensive.
“My turn: has he ever done anything to make you feel like its not over with you two?”
“There are times when I think I may have caught a glimpse of a stray feeling or two, but nothing solid.”
It feels like lead is being pumped into my stomach.
“My turn: did you set out to take him from me?”
“No.”
“Why didn’t you fight your feelings for him, knowing he was taken?”
“I did. I just didn’t do it well.”
“No, you didn’t,” she counters.
A dark cloud looms over her face. She looks away and says it’s my turn.
“Why are you fighting your feelings for Wolf?”
“What feelings?”
“He’s got it so bad for you.”
“That’s not a rare thing.”
“Yeah, I guess not.”
“Look, I can’t even think about being with anyone until I know how to recognize the moment.”
“What moment?”
“When the person who loves you changes their mind. When did Marcus decide to walk away from us? Were we chasing down demons and all of sudden he thought, ‘hey, I’m over Ameana’? Was it when he was kissing me or making me laugh? When was that moment and why didn’t I see it?”
She is stunned that she has revealed so much to me. She regrets it. I can see that by the way she avoids eye contact.
“Maybe there is no moment. Maybe, he’s just taking a break and he’ll come back to you.”
“Is that what you really think?”
“All I know is I love Marcus more than anything and he has no desire to even kiss me.”
“What makes you say that?”
“He never even asked you for your Rah back.”
“You don’t remember because you were pretty out of it, but he asked me the day Julian poisoned you.”
“What?”
“Yeah, a few weeks back when we found out Julian was the one who—”
“--Julian was the one who gave me the virus?”
“Marcus didn’t tell you?”
“No.”
“Guess he didn’t think you could handle it.”
I try very hard not to show her how upset I am, but my flaring nostrils make my anger hard to hide. The clenched fists and lip biting don’t help either.
“My turn: are you ever worried that you are just a phase for Marcus and he’ll just stop loving you?” Ameana asks.
Right as she ends her sentence, the timer goes off.
“I guess I’ll never know,” she says. As she is about to take off, I answer her.
“I worry about it all the time,” I admit. She seems impressed that I am open enough to share that with her. I take a chance and ask her if she’ll answer one last question.
“The game is over,” she informs me.
“Is the game ever really over with you?”
She smiles to herself and says, “Alright human, ask.”
“Are you ever going to give Marcus his Rah back?”
“No.”
“Okay.”
“You think I’m acting like a bitch?”
“No, I think you’re acting like a…human.”
**************
I didn’t think Angels could ever get startled but apparently they can. “What’s wrong?” he asks after I shake him. He is on high alert.
“How could you not tell me that Julian is the one who sent the virus?”
“Wait, how do you—“
“—Ameana told me. She thought I already knew.”
“Did she?”
“Look I don’t know what her motives were and I don’t care. How could you lie to me like that?”
“I didn’t lie, I just didn’t say anything.”
“That’s just like lying.”
“Emmy, I was trying to protect you.”
“From what?”
“The reality of all of this.”
“My own father tried to kill me and you don’t think that was something I needed to know?”
“It would only have made things worse between the two of you.”
“I already hate him. How could it get worse?”
“I don’t agree with what Julian did. In fact I beat the crap out of him, but I understand why he did it.”
“This I have to hear. So, why did my own father send me a deadly virus?”
“He wanted us to break up. He thought you would agree to do what the virus asked for in order to save your life. He doesn’t know how stubborn you are.”
“You should have told me. We said no secrets.”
“This was for your own good. Why can’t you see that?”
“Why are you always trying to protect me? Is it because I’m human? Is that what makes you think I’m so easily broken?”
“No, of course not.”
“So, you would have done the same thing to Ameana?”
“Why does every conversation we have end with the word ‘Ameana’?”
“Because she’s in every aspect of our lives.”
“Yes, because you put her there.”
“That’s not my doing, that’s yours.”
“I hardly ever bring her up.”
“Exactly; it’s hard to talk about her because you still have feelings for her.”
“Oh my Ominus! What do I have to do to convince you that you are the only girl I love? What is it going to take for you to understand that I love you?”
“You loved her, too.”
“What?”
“You loved her one day and then suddenly you didn’t. What’s to say that won’t happen with us?”
“Are you afraid I’ll change my mind about us?”
“Always.”
He studies me and says, “You still don’t get it do you?”
I don’t answer him.
“Come one, I want to show you something,” he says.
He takes my hand and we take off into the night sky. The flight is mostly silent. I wonder what he’s thinking but I don’t ask. May
be I’m afraid of what he will say next. A short while later, he turns to me and says we are almost there.
As we get closer to whatever the destination is, he tells me close my eyes. Normally that wouldn’t be a problem, but closing my eyes midair, thousands of miles above the ground, is beyond scary. He reads my face and reminds me that I am with an Angel.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. As we move through the air, he whispers a confession in my ear.
“I’ve tried to find words to make you understand that there is no doubt about us in my head. I love you in ways Ominus has yet to understand. It was never like this with Ameana. It was never like this with anyone.
“But I’m not doing a good job at telling you how I feel. So, open your eyes and see what it feels like to love you.”
I open my eyes…
Shining before me is the most spectacular display of celestial light known to man: the Aurora Borealis. The entire sky is a wash of red, green and purple swirls.
It’s like a rainbow, in defiance of the rules, appears at night and boldly spreads itself out across the sky. The stars welcome the radical rainbow by shooting across the heavens like dancers in an aerial ballet.
I feel like I am walking into a glorious Monet painting. I am a witness to something rare and awe-inspiring.
“Marcus, this is how you feel about me?”
“From the day I met you and every day since…”
**************
CHAPTER FIFTEEN: JUDGE & JURY
When we get back, the entire team is standing on Tamera Falls Mountain waiting for us. Everyone has had a chance to recharge and now it’s time for Marcus to go to Difi. The overall feel on the mountain is a mix of tension and apprehension.
Marcus has the team go over plans for when he’s away. He orders them not to stay on the mountain and wait. He makes them promise to work on locating the Triplex. When Jay pushes once again for them to come with him, Marcus reassures them his way is the best way.
The group begins to argue about Marcus’s plan. He doesn’t counter. He lets them have their say. I think he sensed, and rightly so, they really needed to be heard. Even Wolf, who is still glaring at him, advises him not to go to Difi alone.
They ask him how he plans to come back. I never even thought to ask that. He says most likely he’ll be able to use the same Port to return. They counter with all the things that could go wrong. The fact is, the only Angel who has ever been to Difi and back is Rahell.
Rahell is the Taker. It is her job to take Angels who have fallen in battle to Difi. She took Reese there when he was killed, but she only goes to the entrance of Difi. And that entrance is only open to her. Marcus has to take the entrance at the base put there by Lucy many cycles ago.
No one really knows what to expect when he gets to Hell, and that makes the team very uneasy. Marcus once again tries to reassure them that he will be back. His tone is soft but very firm. The subject is no longer up for debate. He continues to give them their orders.
“Miku deserves someone to speak on her behalf, so you guys should go to the Summit before heading to Julian, and no matter what the outcome of the Summit is, we can’t let Redd destroy the Council. So...if it comes down to it…” Marcus leaves his statement unfinished but the team understands.
“Look I know things are crazy right now but the truth is, we are finally ahead. A few hours ago we thought Rio was lost forever, but not only is he alive, we found where they tried to hide him. That’s a win that could not have happened if we didn’t bring our “A” game.
“Now all we have to do is see this through and we will get the team back. Everyone here has sacrificed a lot. We did that because we believe in humanity. And we will not fail them; or ourselves,” the abstinent leader vows.
Finally the moment arrives. He and Wolf exchange an awkward glance. Jay hugs him and demands he come back in one piece. While they exchange goodbyes, I surreptitiously take the vile of Brom out of my pocket.
Jay and Wolf fly off to a nearby mountain. I use that time to quickly swallow the Brom. It feels cool going down my throat. I worry that it will have some kind of outward effect that will tip-off Marcus. I don’t know, maybe I will turn blue, glow, or something crazy.
I wait with bated breath but nothing happens to me on the outside. Inside however, I feel like I have downed a really strong, bitter tasting slurpee, way too fast. The rush of the cold gives me brain freeze. Thankfully no one notices me wince.
“Stop looking at me like that. This is the only way,” he says to Ameana. Now, only the three of us remain on Tamera Falls.
“I still think it’s a bad idea but you’re in charge…” she says.
“Yeah well, if something happens to me, you’re up.”
“Nothings going to happen—”
“—if it does. I want you to know something: You are ready to lead this team.”
For a fleeting moment, I see self-doubt on Ameana’s face. She pushes it away quickly and replaces it with her stock “strong and capable” expression.
As she is about to take off, Marcus remarks, “I like him for you…”
She turns to him wanting to say something but she decides against it. She flies off to where the rest of her team awaits. It’s time for Marcus and I to say our goodbyes.
He gently pulls me towards him.
“Hey,” he says simply.
“Hi.”
“You okay?” he asks.
“With my boyfriend going to Hell alone? Yeah, sure. I’ll just gonna catch up on my ‘Angry Birds.’”
He smiles despite himself.
“I’m glad we got some time alone before…” he says to me.
“Me too.”
“Promise me something: If I don’t make it back, don’t go all ‘radio silent’ like last time.”
I take in a quick breath to help me deal with the pain his statement brings to my chest. I didn’t realize I had looked away until he gently guides me back to face him.
“I mean it, Emmy. You can’t retreat from the world again.”
“Okay, I promise, but only if you promise me to forgive me.”
“For what?”
“This.”
And without another word, Marcus watches, horrified as I leap off the Tamera Falls and plunge, heading straight into Hell.
*****************
It’s dark. There is a dry heat all around me. But it’s not the heat or flames you think you will encounter in Difi, the House of Fire. The heat is kind of like, well…Florida heat. Wow, never would have guessed that. I wait for my eyes to adjust to the deep, dark nothingness.
So far, Difi isn’t that bad. I mean, it’s hot, dark and I don’t really know what’s happening, but the fact that I haven’t burst into flames or been skinned alive by some giant beast...gives a girl a reason to be hopeful.
Suddenly something falls from above. Or at least, I think it’s from above. It’s too dark to tell which direction is which.
“Who’s there?” I whisper into the void.
“I’m going to kill you,” the being says angrily.
It is a demon? An Akon? Lucy?
“Emmy, what is wrong with you?”
It’s worse; Marcus.
Judging by the rage in his voice, I may have been better off with Lucy.
“Marcus I—”
“—No. I don’t want to hear it,” he roars.
“Can I say just one thing?”
“No, I don’t want to hear anything you have to say.”
“Let me ask you just one question.”
“WHAT?”
“Are you trying to make out with me even though you’re clearly pissed?”
“No.”
“Okay, then I’m justified in doing this…” I jump up and scream hysterically as something slithers into my shirt and down my back. Marcus runs to my side and throws whatever is was off of me.
“It’s gone but we need to get out of here. There may be more.”
“What was it?”
/>
“Do you really want to know?”
“Good point.”
He takes my hand and we stumble around in the darkness. After what seems like an eternity, we finally see light. It’s not the glowing light of Paras but it will do. We run gratefully towards it. Once we are out, we realize we were in some kind of a cave. We now stand in the middle of Hell.
If the Aurora Borealis is like walking into a painting by Monet, then Difi is like walking into the artwork of Salvador Dali. It is a surreal environment where ‘bizarre’ marries ‘sadistic’ and gives birth to ‘macabre’.
The sky above us is a rolling ocean of fire. The ground beneath us isn’t a “ground” at all. It’s some kind of a rust-colored see-through crystal with twisted, moving shapes inside it.
“They aren’t shapes,” Marcus corrects me.
“What are they?”
“People.”
I look closer and sure enough the floor of Difi is embedded with humans. They are struggling against the prison that traps them. Some have already lost the fight and look up at us with broken bodies and dead eyes.
Freaking out, I look for another place to stand but literally every inch of Difi is paved with bodies. Before I can fully register what I’ve just seen, Marcus directs my attention to a great, white mountain off in the distance.
“What is that on it, snow?” I ask.
Marcus pauses. I hate when he pauses. Nothing good comes after that.
“It’s not snow; it’s feathers.”
“You mean…?”
“Lucy has her servants rip the feathers off the Angel’s wings, then she adds them to the pile.”
See what I mean?
There are several white mountains throughout Difi. I think I’m going to be sick but I’m afraid to throw up on the people beneath my feet. Although I doubt being vomited on would really matter to them at this point.
I turn my attention to what looks like a forest of giant oak tree with apples. Marcus and I go closer. There is a rusty, metallic scent in the air as we approach. The apples appear to be wet and dripping. We come in even closer and find that the fruit on the tree isn’t apple; it’s human hearts. The liquid dripping from them is blood.
Suddenly a creature that looks like a cross between a Vulture and a lizard flies over towards us. It scoops up one of the hearts into his beak and flies away.