“I don’t want to force Marcus to ask her. I want him to want to ask her”
Miku nods in understanding.
“Argh! This is hopeless,” I whine, as I pick up my tray and make my way toward the trash can.
“Where is he anyway?” I ask Miku.
“He’s in the science lab, Jay will take you.”
I turn and find the very sexy and way too-charming Jay waiting to walk me up two flights of stairs. In the beginning I fought having them follow me everywhere in school, but after being tortured by the Akon “Agony”, I quickly learned to be grateful for the Guardians’ watchful eye.
We head up to the lab and find Marcus and Ameana alone deep in conversation. Jay looks awkwardly at me and asks if I want to go back downstairs. I tell him that it’s fine. I don’t mind Ameana and Marcus talking. They are on the same team, and they used to go out so it’s only natural that they talk to each other.
Jay tells me that he’s impressed by how mature I am. I close my eyes and say a silent “Thank You” to Ominus for not giving Jay the same powers as Rio. If Rio was standing next to me, he’d see the truth: While I do trust Marcus and how much he loves me, there is still a small part of me that worries.
I try to contain my feelings of being “less than” but Ameana is striking, graceful, and powerful. She is everything I’m not. And now she is engaged in a deep conversation with my boyfriend. Not being able to hear what they are saying is killing me. Jay reads the looks on my face and says we should open the door slightly in case they need our help.
“You mean in case there’s an Akon in there or something?” I ask.
“Exactly. The only bad part about opening the door is that we’ll be able to hear what they are saying but it’s for their own safety so…”
Jay opens the door slightly so I can hear what Ameana and Marcus are saying.
“Thanks, Jay,”
“Yo, I got you, baby girl. Gotta look out for yours,”
“Am I a bad person for doing this?”
“You aint ’bout to make girlfriend of the year but I feel why you need to do this.”
He goes over to the end of the hall where he can keep an eye on me but give me some privacy at the same time. Yes, I know it’s ironic that I need privacy to spy on my boyfriend, but he works and lives with his ex. So, c’mon, give a girl a break.
Their conversation quietly flows over to my ear. I lean on the wall and hope no one finds me snooping.
Where did my morals go?
I stand by as Ameana address Marcus furiously.
“You only want me to be with Wolf so you can kiss the human.”
“You really think I’m that selfish?”
“So you’re telling me you don’t want to kiss her?”
“Yes, of course I do, but I also want you to be happy. Ameana, I think he’s good for you.”
“Just leave me alone.”
“Before we went out, we were friends. And as your friend, I really think you should try and be happy.”
“You think I’m not trying?”
“I think you’re comfortable hating Emmy and hating us for being together.”
“I’m wrong because I have a problem with you dumping me?”
“You are an Angel; you can’t be in this space of continuous anger.”
“I can do what I damn well please.”
“It’s not helping you.”
“What’s not helping me is seeing the two of you together every singe second of the day.”
“This isn’t about me and Emmy. This is about Wolf. He likes you.”
“You liked me and look how well that turned out.”
“So are you gonna punish him because I broke up with you?”
“I’m not doing anything to Wolf.”
“You know he’s falling for you.”
“How is that my problem?”
“Argh! I hate when you do that; you put up these freaking twenty-foot walls and expect a guy to climb over it to get to you. For once, why can’t you put the wall down and let someone in?”
“I DID!!!” she snaps.
She looks at him earnestly. He lowers his head. Ameana continues speaking but her tone is softer now. She sounds more like a human than a “Second-in-command” Guardian.
“Marcus, I loved you. You were the first person I told my Core to. The first person I…”
She doesn’t finish her statement. She doesn’t have to. Marcus looks back at her with sadness.
“I never meant to hurt you; you have to know that,” he begs.
“I thought a broken heart was just something that hurts today and that tomorrow things get better. But I was so wrong. I don’t even see a tomorrow; what’s even worse, your actions damage our past.”
“It doesn’t have to.”
“But it does Marcus! Every picture in my head - where you held me, kissed me, loved me, has cracks in it now. I look back and I wonder, was it real? Did he ever really love me? What did I do, what did I say to make him leave?”
“Meana, you didn’t do anything. You are amazing. You always have been.”
“Then why did you do this to me? Why did you leave us? Why didn’t you fight for us? For me?”
“I did. But in the end…”
“In the end, you didn’t love me enough.”
She turns her back to Marcus signaling to him that their conversation is over. Marcus wants to say more, but thinks better of it. He goes out through the backdoor of the lab. I lean on the wall and breathe in deeply.
She’s in so much pain…
I hear another voice. Someone else has entered the lab. I look in and find Miku coming to her friend’s side.
Ameana hugs Miku tightly. Miku tells her things will be okay.
“He only cares about getting his Rah back,” Ameana accuses.
“I think he cares about you, too. I mean he hasn’t even asked for it has he?”
“He tries to act like he wants me to find happiness. Then he flaunts his new girl in my face.”
“Meana, I know this is hard, but he really is worried about you.”
“When? When he’s not trying to stick his tongue in her month?”
“You have to let it go. That way you can move on to someone else.”
“Like who?” she asks.
“Like Wolf.”
“Ha, ha.”
“He’s a great guy.”
“You’ve just met him, Miku!”
“Okay, well, he has a great body. That’s a very good a place to start.”
“He doesn’t kill.”
“But he did; for you.”
“I don’t know…”
“I’m not saying give him your Rah, Meana. I’m saying give him a chance. Seriously, have you seen his abs?”
“Yeah, they kind of…wow.”
They share a laugh. Ameana thinks to herself.
“He was so…commanding when he stood up for you back on the Empire State Building,” she says to Miku.
“A commanding voice is mandatory for a Kon.”
“It’s not bad in a boyfriend either,” Ameana teases.
“So…you gonna go for it?”
“No…I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because love hurts too much when it goes away. And it ALWAYS goes away.”
“So…you’re never gonna love again.”
“No.”
“Are you gonna give Marcus his Rah back?”
“I shared Marcus with Emmy when we first got to Earth. She was always on his mind. He then let her into his heart and I had to share that space with her. I want to keep one thing just for me. I want to keep the way his lips feel on mine, just for me. I don’t want anyone else to know what that feels like. I will go to the House of Fire before I let Emmy kiss Marcus.”
******************
On our way to my house after school, Marcus asks why I’m so distant. I tell him I have a lot on my mind. He asks if it has to do with the Triplex. I tell him it’s mostly sch
ool work stuff. That’s not completely true, but really, I don’t feel like talking.
“Do you think I could get my mom to postpone this dinner thing?”
“Why?”
“I’m not really in the mood.”
He stops walking and takes my hand.
“Hey, Em, talk to me. What’s wrong?”
“I just…I love “us” and being together. It’s just that sometimes…ARGH!”
He laughs and pulls me into him.
“Well, at least our lives are never boring,” he whispers in my ear.
“I could use a little boring.”
“Okay, we’ll go to your house and play Bingo.”
“Bingo! I said I wanted to be bored, not pretend like I’m eighty years old”
“Hey, Bingo isn’t half bad. I used to play with my grandmother.”
“Aw, that’s so sweet.”
“Not really, we played for cash; she cheated.”
“Your grandmother did not cheat you out of money!” I laugh in protest.
“She did. She took all my paper route money. It was a deep, sad loss,” he says faking “heartbreak.”
We laugh and make our way down sunny New City Street. Just then, we hear two people arguing down the block. It’s Ameana and Wolf.
“I can’t stand you!” Wolf shouts at the top of his lungs.
“Then why did you come to see me?” Ameana demands.
“That’s a very good question; I’m gone,” he marches away from her.
“Fine, just stop coming by!”
“No problem,” he shouts without looking back.
“I thought they’d figure it out,” Marcus says hopelessly.
“I don’t think you should count Wolf and Ameana out completely.”
“You heard her. She told him to get lost.”
“Yeah, but I saw her earlier today and she wasn’t wearing any lip gloss and now she is.”
“So?”
“So, who puts on lip gloss to tell someone off?”
After one final assurance from Marcus that he won’t laugh at whatever embarrassing baby pics my mom shows him, we enter my apartment.
The lights are on and there is water running in the kitchen. I call out to my mom and tell her that we are here. I tell Marcus to make himself at home while I go to my room and check on Ms. Charlotte.
Marcus calls out to me and asks about the small red box on the table with a big black bow. I tell him I don’t know who it’s from. He jokes that maybe I have a secret admirer. I go back in the living room and examine the box.
“There’s a guy at work who kind of likes my mom. It may be from him.”
I look off toward the kitchen to make sure she’s not coming and I sneak a peek at the note above the box. Marcus and I read it together.
Dear Emerson,
Since you decided to come to my home (uninvited)
I decided to pay a visit to yours. But unlike you,
I know enough to bring a gift. I hope you enjoy it.
Sincerely,
Lucy
Alarm springs into our eyes as we look at the box on the table. My pulse is racing. My hands feel like a block of ice. My knees buckle and my mouth is dry. A wave of nausea passes through me. Marcus picks up the box on the table and opens it.
Marcus pulls out a “Sweet” fruit; a human heart. I call out for my mom then frantically I head to the kitchen.
“Emmy, no!” Marcus takes off after me.
I don’t know how, but he manages to get in front of me. He is the first to see what has happened in the kitchen. He blocks me from going inside. I attack him. I pound my fists, kick and scratch to get past him but there is no moving him.
“Mom! Mom!” I rage.
“No, Emmy!” He tells me its best that I don’t see her this way. I bite him hard on his shoulder. It does nothing to him.
“LET ME GO!!!”
He holds on to me even tighter.
“LET ME SEE HER!” I shriek. I fight Marcus continuously.
Soon Rio and the rest of the Guardians enter. Rio must have read my wave.
“LET ME SEE HER!!!”
“She’s going to hurt herself trying to get past you,” Rio says sorrowfully.
Marcus reluctantly lets me go. I stumble into the kitchen and find my mom lying on the floor. Her eyes are milky, blank and cold. There is a gaping wound where her heart used to be. I turn my attention to Marcus.
“I think we have to cancel dinner tonight. I have to clean this up and do my homework.”
The Angels look on stunned, as I calmly begin to clean up the mess around my mom’s corpse.
CHAPTER TWENTY: AGONY & ECSTASY
It’s been three days since my mom was killed by Lucy; the Angels think I have gone crazy. They keep asking me the same questions: Do I understand that my mom is really gone? Yes. Do I know that because she’s not a Seller and she didn’t die naturally, she can’t come back? Yes. Do I remember my name? Yes. Why haven’t I cried for my Mom? I don’t know.
Marcus is worse than all of them put together. He keeps studying me. We’ll be in school or at the Guardian’s home and he’ll stare at me all day. I wish he would stop. I wish they would all stop and just leave it alone.
On the day of the funeral, they were all on high alert. It’s like an ‘Emmy Breakdown’ was coming and they wanted to be ready. But I didn’t fall apart. I said pretty words about my mom, shook hands with the guests, ate coffee cake and went home.
While I am perfectly fine, Julian is absolutely inconsolable. When he found out, he rushed over to the house and held my mom’s corpse for hours. The Angels had to make him leave so that the body could be taken away. He went to the funeral but couldn’t gather enough courage to speak to the crowd.
Julian blamed Marcus for everything. He blamed him for taking me to Difi and pissing off Lucy. I reminded him that I was the one who wanted to go, but Julian wasn’t listening to anything I said. All he wanted was Marcus’s head on a platter.
They asked him what was going to happen to him now that the source of his punishment, Femi, was gone. He said he didn’t care what happens. He said his whole reason for being was gone and that all he had now was a daughter who hated him and never talked to him.
Although Julian was acting like a lunatic, Marcus encouraged me to talk to him. He thought it would get Julian to calm down and at the very least, stop drinking. I told Marcus that I wouldn’t be of much help. He said I should put my anger aside and mourn with Julian. The truth is I’m not angry at Julian any more. I’m not anything any more.
“I brought you some tea,” Miku says, entering Marcus’s room. I had been staying with them since that night at my apartment.
“Thank you,” I take the cup from her even though I don’t really plan on drinking it.
“Emmy, its okay if you cry. It doesn’t make you weak. She was your mom. You loved her.”
“I know that, but I can’t cry. I tried. Won’t come out. And anyway, people die every day.”
“Yes, but they aren’t your Mom. Emmy, she’s gone.”
“You don’t think I get that?” I snap.
“You should talk to your father. You two really need each other.”
“I don’t need anything,” I say, turning my attention back towards the window.
She sighs and leaves the room. Marcus comes along a few minutes later.
“Hey,” he says gently.
“Hi.”
“We’re off to find Julian. Maybe in his weakened emotional state, he’ll help us with the Triplex. Or help us get some fresh eyes on the clues we have already. Jay is going to stay with you.”
“I’m coming, too.”
“Emmy, you don’t have to go.”
“Marcus for the millionth time, I’m fine.”
“Yeah, I see that, but you shouldn’t be. Emmy your mom is dead.”
“I KNOW THAT!!!”
I take a moment, compose myself and speak again.
“Marcus, I sat here for days,
trying to cry or yell or feel something; anything. But nothing happens. I’m not happy, but I’m okay.”
He looks into my eyes sadly.
“You’re not okay, but when you do come apart, I’ll help you put it back together.”
He holds my hand. I wish he would just stop being so emotional about the whole thing. But I don’t say anything.
******************
We find Julian in some small dive bar in lower Manhattan. It’s nearly midnight and he’s already had way too much to drink.
“Alcohol is not going to make this go away,” Ameana tells the stumbling ex-First Guardian. Julian looks at her and mumbles something about being an adult and doing whatever he wants.
Marcus and the others walk him out to the alley. They look around to make sure we are all alone.
“Julian, we’re sorry about what happened to Marla,” Marcus says.
“Her name was Femi. That’s what it was on the bridge and that’s what it’s always going to be. She was a beautiful soul and I destroyed her by loving her,” Julian cries.
“We need you to focus and tell us what you know about the Triplex,” Marcus says.
“Screw you and the Council, with their rules and punishments. I loved her and they took her away,” he screams at the sky.
“Do you have any idea where the Council could have gone when they came to earth to hide the Triplex?” Rio asked.
“The Council sucks; they are bad people,” Julian slurs.
“Do you know anything that could help us?” Jay pushes.
“Yes. I know that Guardians are bad for humans. We’re bad Emmy. Don’t come near us,” Julian pleads with me.
“Can you stop your drunken slur and talk with some sense?” I ask, getting more and more irritated by the minute.
“You want me to help, I told you to stop seeing my daughter,” he says to Marcus.
“That’s not gonna happen. You know that by now,” Marcus warns.
“Okay, fine, but first tell me what you know,” Julian says.
“We know the Triplex is in a place where good and evil can both exist. We know it has to be somewhere where Time, Fate and Death can be. We also have a date given to us by the Sage.”
“What is it? Let me guess? Halloween. No, Groundhog’s day. No wait---”
“Julian,” Marcus barks.
“Okay, okay, what was the date again?”