By some grace of God I had been able to avoid Wroth all day. I didn’t even want to look at him, but knew that a confrontation with him was inevitable. Liam came back to the bus first. He gave me a small smile when he saw me. The smile disappeared when he saw the look on my face. I’d started crying again not long after Mia had fallen asleep and I hadn’t been able to stop since that first damn tear had fallen.
“Rissa?” Liam’s voice was full of concern and he dropped down beside me on the couch. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Are you sick?” He felt my forehead, his eyes troubled.
I couldn’t lie to my brother, but I couldn’t tell him what was wrong either. Not yet, maybe not ever. I wanted to hold onto at least a little of my pride. “I’m not sick,” I assured him, wiping at my tear-streaked face only for more tears to fall. “I don’t want to talk about it, Li.”
His eyes turned stormy. “Did Wroth do something?” I couldn’t help but flinch at the sound of Wroth’s name and my brother’s eyes went a little wild. “What did he fucking do, Rissa?”
“It’s nothing. He didn’t do anything that he didn’t have the right to.” More pain and shame filled me because it was the truth. For the last few weeks while Wroth and I had been getting closer, while I’d let him learn every secret that my body had to give, we had never said one word about being exclusive. And while my brother and Wroth might have tried their hardest to keep me innocent of what the rock world was like, I wasn’t a complete idiot. And one of the biggest rules I’d learned that the majority of them had was that rockers didn’t do exclusivity. They liked their freedom and Wroth still had his.
Liam must have seen exactly how much I was hurting, how deep the pain was, because he didn’t say another word. Just wrapped me up in his arms like he had always done when I was a little girl and rocked me back and forth for the longest time, softly humming the lullaby that Mary Beth had always sang to us as kids. He didn’t release me until the door of the bus opened.
I knew who it was without having to lift my head. I’d always had some sixth sense where he was concerned. Liam went stone still against me, his anger at his cousin evident in every hard line of his handsome face. I clung to him a little tighter for a moment, trying to steal some of his strength before I forced myself to finally look at the man behind me.
When I finally met his gaze, his espresso eyes were full of concern. “Rissa, what’s wrong?”
“What the fuck did you do to her?” Liam demanded, stepping around me so that he stood between me and Wroth, protecting me as he always had.
“Me?” Wroth’s eyes narrowed on my brother. “I haven’t even seen her since last night. I-”
“Li, it’s okay.” I touched his back and he turned to face me. “I need to talk to Wroth. Alone.”
“Rissa…” I clenched my jaw, refusing to argue with him, and he muttered a curse. “Okay, fine. But if you need me call me.”
“I can’t,” I bit my bottom lip. “I lost my cellphone somewhere last night.”
“I have your phone,” Wroth said as he pulled it out of his back pocket. “You must have dropped it in the parking lot…” He broke off when I quickly turned away. A sob bubbled up, trying to break free, but I bit my lip to keep it at bay; biting so hard that I actually tasted blood. “Liam, get out,” Wroth suddenly snarled, letting me know loud and clear that he knew exactly what was wrong with me now.
Liam didn’t leave immediately and I could imagine the stare down that both big men were having behind me, but I didn’t dare turn around to see if I was right. Tears continued to fall. I didn’t want him to see me like this. Didn’t want to have yet another reason to be ashamed, but there was no way I could stop them.
“You’d better not hurt her again,” Liam growled as he stormed off the bus.
It wasn’t until the door was slammed behind my brother that Wroth moved. When I felt his hands touch my shoulders I jerked away and turned to face him, unable to handle his hands on me right then. “Don’t,” I cried. “Don’t touch me ever again.”
“Marissa…” His face was full of strain now, his eyes pleading with me. “What did you see?”
“Enough to know I mean nothing to you.” The sob started to bubble up again and I swallowed it down. “Have you been doing that this whole time?” I demanded, my anger growing by the second. “Do you get me off and then go let your groupies finish what you won’t let me..?”
He grabbed my arms, ignoring my flinch as I tried to pull away. “No, sweetheart. No, never. It wasn’t like that.” His voice was rougher than I’d ever heard it. He pulled me against him, one hand wrapping around my hair and pulling my head against his chest. I felt his lips in my hair, felt his trembling hands. “I’m so sorry, Rissa. So damn sorry.”
My eyes closed, taking a deep breath, inhaling the scent of him that I loved so much. This man had destroyed me, had broken me to the point that I didn’t know if I would ever be able to put myself back together again. So why did I care if his hands trembled, if his voice was full of pained emotion?
I jerked away from him, unable to handle being so close when I was hurting so badly. “Just go, Wroth. I can’t… I just can’t be around you right now.”
For a moment, just a small moment, I thought he was going to protest and demand that we talk about this. If he had I wasn’t sure what would have happened. Maybe I would have broken down and fallen at his feet, demanding to know why he couldn’t want me like he had so obviously wanted Miss Bouncy Boobs last night. Perhaps I would have let him make up some kind of excuse, that what I’d seen had been just a trick of the light and he hadn’t been getting his dick sucked by some skanky-ass slut last night. Or maybe, just maybe I would have gone all ninja on him and kicked his ass for breaking my heart.
But he didn’t, and those maybes were just that. Maybes. He grabbed his stuff and left the bus.
I went to bed and cried myself into a deep, exhausted sleep…
Tears burned my eyes and I blinked them back, wishing I could blink away the memories just as easily. I looked at Wroth across the table spread out with an array of Italian food. I still loved him. Still needed him, wanted him just as much now as I did then. “Why wasn’t I enough for you, Wroth? Why couldn’t you want me?”
“Mari-” He tried to speak, but I didn’t want to hear what he had to say now any more than I had back then.
“You hurt me so much,” I whispered.
“I know, sweetheart. I know and all I can say is that I’m sorry. Just listen for a minute and let me tell you about that night.”
“I can’t.” I wasn’t ready, not by a long shot, to hear him tell me about that night. I knew what I’d seen and it was burned forever into my mind.
It still didn’t stop me from loving him so desperately. Which meant that I had to make a choice. Could I forgive him and move on with him? Or did I hold onto the pain and anger and everything else and stay buried in the past?
Chapter 11
Wroth
The food in front of me lost its appeal as I watched the pain fill Marissa’s eyes. I knew that she must have been reliving the night she had found me with the chick that had blindsided me with her drunken… Well there was no other way to describe it but to call it an attack. I grimaced, that night and the following coming flashing back.
The pain that had been on Marissa’s face that night she had thrown me out of her life was like a dagger to my heart. I had hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt. Her pain had left me gasping like someone had slit my throat. Even now, as I watched tears fill those pretty eyes I loved so much, I felt as if someone were choking me.
I couldn’t look at her and keep from drowning in her pain. Pain that I was responsible for.
The waiter appeared beside our table and he had to clear his throat a few times before I could force myself to look up at him. “Can I get you two anything else?”
I shook my head. “Just the bill.”
“Of course.” He pulled something from his apron and sat the little bl
ack book on the table. I didn’t even open it. Just pulled out my wallet, tossed down the first two bills I came to, and then reached for Marissa’s hand. The waiter made a choking, stuttering sound when he picked the book up again, but I ignored him.
“Let’s go, sweetheart.” Even white teeth sunk into her luscious bottom lip, but she didn’t protest.
Thankfully we didn’t have to wait long for a cab outside the little restaurant. One pulled up almost immediately. As soon as we were inside, I pulled her head onto my shoulder. Her tears soaked through my shirt, but I just let her cry. Marissa hated how much Liam and I—as well at the rest of our friends—tried to shield her, but she needed it. She has always had a sensitive soul and always would, no matter how much she tried to harden herself against the world, she would always need protecting. That didn’t make her a weak woman in my eyes. It made her exactly what my own world-wary soul needed.
The bus was still empty when we got back. I carried Marissa on board and then down the hall to the large bathroom. She was still silently crying, and each tear was like another slice of the dagger already lodged into my heart. If she kept this up I wasn’t going to live through the day.
My girl didn’t protest as I stripped her of her clothes. My body, already hard from having had her in my arms, throbbed as I unveiled her gorgeous curves. I pushed my need for her down with a force that left me shaking. She needed for me to take care of her, not take advantage of her vulnerability.
The last of her clothes fell to the floor and I couldn’t help but stare down at her beauty for a moment longer before stepping away from her to turn on the shower. The bathroom quickly filled with steam and I shrugged out of my own clothes before lifting her and stepping into the shower stall with her.
Trembling hands wrapped around my waist, her body going lax from the heat of the shower pouring down over us both. I bent my head and kissed away all of her tears. When you showered on a tour bus, you didn’t have the pleasure of taking as long as you wanted. The hot water only last so long before it got tepid, but I gave her another moment to enjoy it before reaching for her shampoo.
I’d never considered washing someone else’s hair as an erotic experience, but then again I’d never washed anyone else’s hair but my own. Bathing with someone was too personal an act, one that I’d only ever had the desire to do with one person. Her. During our all too brief relationship, I’d taken baths with her often, but never actually washed her. The feel of her hair, lathered with the sweet scent of her shampoo that invaded my senses, sent my body from hard and throbbing to pulsating with a need that was making standing a miracle.
A sexy little moan escaped her as I messaged her scalp. “Harder,” she murmured in a voice hoarse from crying.
I rubbed harder, paying attention to the tension that was still knotted up in her neck. It wasn’t until her head fell forward onto my chest that I rinsed her hair. Her arms tightened even more around my waist as I applied her conditioner, my fingers combing through the tangled length until I was satisfied.
The water was already cooling by the time I’d rinsed the conditioner from her hair, forcing me to rush through washing her body. I didn’t get to take my time as I rubbed her loofah over her luscious body. I wished I could have had more time. I would have worshipped every inch of her body. Would have taken the time to appreciate how perfectly her light coloring went with my tanned complexion.
I used her loofah and body wash to wash myself and then rinsed us both before turning off the water. I smelled like honey and milk, but I didn’t care. It was kind of soothing to have a scent that I associated with Marissa clinging to my skin.
Grabbing two towels from the linen cabinet beside the shower, I wrapped her hair with one and then began drying her. Unlike in the shower, I took my time, wiping away each drop of water slowly. It was sweet torture, and I knew from the way Marissa kept glancing up at me through her lashes, by the way her nipples had hardened and her tits had plumped, that she was just as affected as I was. When I crouched in front of her to dry her legs, the scent of her arousal nearly dropped me to my knees in my need to spread her folds and tongue her until she was dripping her release down my throat.
I clenched my jaw harder, feeling one of my fillings protest as I forced my attention on the task at hand. I wasn’t going to take advantage of her. If I touched her right now, she would probably hate me for it later.
Once she was dry, I roughly rubbed the towel over my own body and then lifted her into my arms once again. “Wroth?” she whispered.
“What is it, sweetheart?” I stopped in front of her roost and pulled her nightgown out from under her pillow.
“Why did you have to break your promise?”
I closed my eyes, another slice of that dagger cutting my heart open. I’d promised not to touch another chick, and for one insane minute I’d broken that promise. How could I have fucked up so badly in just sixty seconds? “It was the biggest mistake of my life. One that I will never repeat.” I cupped her face with my hand. “I swear that I’ll never break your heart again, Mari. You are everything that is good in my world. Without you, nothing else matters. I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you if I have to.”
Her gaze lowered to the floor, her chin trembling once again. “I want to be with you… But—”
“I know,” I murmured, kissing her temple. “You need time to trust me again. It’s okay, Mari. I’ll give you all the time you need. As long as there is even a small chance that you can forgive me one day, I don’t mind the wait. I’ll wait for you until the sun goes dark if I have to.”
Marissa didn’t respond, and I wasn’t sure if I’d been expecting her to or not. She needed time, and I had plenty of that. Setting her on her feet, I slipped her gown over her head and then placed her into her roost before climbing in beside her. Her damp hair was cool against my bare chest as I pulled her closer. My aching dick was standing at attention so I pulled the covers up over us to hide it. Out of sight, out of mind, right?
I wished.
Within a matter of minutes Marissa’s breathing evened out and she was asleep. I continued to lie there, in my own tortured paradise as I soaked up the feel of her in my arms. It seemed like an entire lifetime passed before my aching dick went down even a little. As the evening wore on, I heard the others returning. Heard some of them laughing, some of them arguing. With a sigh I closed my eyes, unable to fight the exhaustion that was starting to consume me.
--
The feel of soft fingers on my stomach jerked me awake. The ache in my dick that had still been there when I’d finally fallen asleep was ten times worse when I felt those soft fingertips tickle across my lower abdomen and one single digit skim the dampness on the head of my dick. I bit my lip, trying to keep back the groan that was building up in my chest, but was unable to keep it back when her fingers continued their journey downward and cupped my balls.
“Good morning,” Marissa murmured in a sleep-husky voice that was possibly the sexiest sound known to man. “I was wondering when you were going to wake up.”
Blue eyes twinkled in the dim lighting coming through the curtains of the roost. A hint of a smile teasing at the corners of her lips. The breakdown from yesterday still lingered in her gaze, but I also saw forgiveness. Marissa had always been such a forgiving person, but what I’d done—what she still thought I had done—was something most women would never be able to forgive. That she could forgive me without an explanation showed me just how strong she was.
“I love you, Mari.” The words were easier to say than I thought they would be, making me wonder why I hadn’t been able to say them until that moment. Fuck, I’d been such a pussy by not telling her how much she meant to me. Never again.
The twinkle in those blue eyes grew brighter, even white teeth sinking into a lip that had already been tortured enough the day before. I cupped her face in both hands, rubbing one thumb over her lips until she released her hold on it. “Don’t you believe me?”
Sw
allowing hard, she nodded. “Y-yes. I believe you. I’m just trying to figure out if I’m still asleep or not. Maybe I’m dreaming…”
“No dream, sweetheart. Here, let me prove it to you.” Before she could open her mouth again, I rolled her onto her back and sealed her lips with my own. Her legs spread willingly and I settled between them with a growl of contentment. The heat of her arousal burned through the ridiculously thin layer of her nightgown, scalding my dick as it rubbed over her folds. Marissa trembled, her fingers sinking into my hair in a silent plea to deepen the kiss.
It was times like this, when I had the taste of her on my tongue, the feel of her luscious body enfolding me against her own, that I could understand why Liam had gotten so addicted to his drugs. Marissa was my own form of heroin, coke, meth. The feel of her in my arms, her lips kissing me back, the scent of her arousal as I thrust against her clit was like a drug that I would have killed to have an endless supply of. The strangled little sounds she was making, the way her nails raked over my scalp, the fucking softness of her body as her legs wrapped around my waist and she arched her back to get closer pushed my arousal higher and higher until I knew that I wasn’t going to last.
With a curse, I broke the kiss and pulled back just enough to get her gown over her head. I was so far gone I didn’t have the sense to appreciate the view as inch by inch her incredible body was exposed to me. My hands went straight for her amazing tits. The need to taste her ripe little nipples was overwhelming and I sucked one into my mouth. Marissa gasped, her back arching, her nails once more scraping over my scalp as she held me against her.
My dick developed a mind of its own, twitching against her open thighs, dripping pre-cum onto her mound. My balls tightened, letting me know loud and clear that I wasn’t going to last long. My breathing was ragged, my heart pounding against my chest in a way that it only did when I was about to come. With a groan, I lifted my head from Marissa’s tits and kissed my way down her body.