I’d gotten a knowing look from Cletus when I had come downstairs for something to eat earlier, but the wink he had given me had silently promised me he wasn’t going to tell Duke about it. So I sat with my ally and kept my head low while I had eaten a turkey sandwich and drunk an entire two liter of Diet Coke.
Tasha kept snapping at me every time she walked past me and I was tempted to punch her in the face. The only thing that kept my hands to myself was the knowledge that she could be carrying my niece or nephew in her vile body. I wondered if she knew she could be pregnant or if she even cared. Would she get rid of it if she was? Have an abortion? I didn’t believe in it personally, but I was also pro-choice. A woman’s body was her own business and I wasn’t going to put my nose in it.
In Tasha’s case, however, I was pretty sure that whatever kid she had would be better off not having to deal with a psycho mother.
Now, as Tasha walked toward me with that evil smile on her face, I knew she had me in her sights. There wasn’t much I hadn’t heard from her. Everything from how much she hated our mother to the freckles on my right shoulder. She had a snide comment for everything. My sister wasn’t happy unless she was trying to make me feel bad. Mostly she succeeded but I wasn’t about to let her know that. It would just make her do it more.
“Saw you watching the Spider at dinner last night, little sis. Too bad he doesn’t like them tame. You don’t know what you’re missing with that one.” Did she really just refer to him as the Spider?
I had been determined to just sit there with Cletus and keep my mouth shut. I thought that there was nothing she could say that would set me off. I was wrong. So, so wrong. Spider was the only thing that could push my buttons. “How would you know?” I demanded before I had time or sense to stop myself.
Tasha’s eyes darkened with pleasure, knowing she had just scored a point off me, and knowing that she was about to score a hell of a lot more with whatever was about to fly out of her mouth. “Spider and I go way back, baby sis. He’s got a big appetite. Likes it all night and the dirtier the better.”
Bile rose in the back of my throat at the thought of Spider… I couldn’t finish the thought. No way. Spider wouldn’t touch Tasha. He was better than that. He was special. And he had never been dirty with me. Not once in the two weeks of all-night love making. Every time was more perfect than the last with him. He was gentle, even when he was wild in my arms. I knew he had a big appetite, though. Sometimes it took him three or four times before he was even tired. I’d been struggling to keep from walking like I had been fucked raw the last two weeks.
Cletus grumbled something under his breath but I didn’t hear it. I was too focused on my sister and the truth—for once—shining back at me. “When?” I thought that I had screamed the question from the way my throat felt so raw all of a sudden, but it came out barely a whisper.
“Oh, I haven’t had him in a while,” Tasha assured me. “But a few of the others have been all over the Spider lately. Right, Topaz?”
I glanced over Tasha’s shoulder to the female named Topaz. It wasn’t her real name, but her stripper name that she used at one of my father’s clubs. I knew because she always walked around the compound in nothing more than a G-string and a bikini top. When the guys got bored she would jump onto one of the pool tables and dance for them. She would have been beautiful if she wasn’t so sickeningly skinny and didn’t have so many wrinkles in her sun-weathered face. She was only in her late twenties but she looked close to forty. Not for the first time, I wondered if she had a drug problem.
Topaz shrugged her bony shoulders, making her expensive chest—courtesy of The Red Dragons—stand out even more on her narrow frame. “I don’t know about the other girls, but yeah I’ve played around with him a few times since he’s been here. It’s been a few weeks though.”
Did that mean he hadn’t been cheating on me?
I couldn’t think of anything else for the rest of the day. Tasha, having hit me hard with her latest verbal assault, was staying clear of me. I wasn’t sure if she was letting me lick my wounds or just waiting for me to crack before she went in for the kill. Most likely the latter, I was sure of it. It was then that I realized that not only was my sister a psycho but kind of an idiot too. Because she might have hit me hard in the chest with that last shot but she’d also gotten my blood boiling in a way that was nearly impossible to do. Blood would be shed when I finished with that crazy-ass bitch.
Cletus was still where I had left him when I came downstairs wearing my running gear. I had to go for a run or I was going to go insane.
I ran until I threw up. Even though it was getting late, as long as the sun was out it was always scorching hot outside. By the time I got back to my room to shower I had decided to just let it go. Spider deserved my trust and I wasn’t going to go all crazy on him like my sister had probably thought I would. Instead I showered, dressed in a pair of track shorts—yeah I had an endless supply—and a tank top before sneaking to Spider’s room.
He was already laid out on his bed. Exhausted from the looks of him. He was only in a pair of boxers, and a towel beside his head told me he had recently gotten out of the shower. Looking down at him, with his head on his pillow hiding his spider tattoo from me he looked almost like a fallen angel, with that almost pretty-boy face on a body that wet dreams were made of. Every inch of him was like a chiseled masterpiece that some god had created.
I wanted to run my tongue over every hard inch of him, something I had done countless times in the last two weeks. Instead I had to have patience because there was something I needed to do before I started something that wasn’t likely to stop until we were both half dead with exhaustion.
Double checking that the door was locked behind me I climbed up onto the bed beside Spider. He didn’t move as I lay down beside him and wrapped my arms around him from behind. I pressed my lips to his neck and he growled my name in his sleep. Fuck, I was such a coward, telling him this while he was sleeping. But I didn’t have the guts to tell it to his face.
“I love you, James,” I whispered against his ear.
His entire body seemed to tense and suddenly I was on my back with a wide awake Spider lying on top of me with wild eyes that were searching my own. “Say it again,” he commanded in a raspier than usual voice. “Tell me, Willa.”
I closed my eyes, feeling too exposed with the way he seemed to be dissecting my soul with his eyes. Swallowing hard, I gathered my courage and finally opened my eyes again. “I love you.”
His shoulders slumped in relief and his eyes closed as if savoring my confession. I was relieved myself. I’d been fighting with myself for days to keep those three words trapped inside. Now that they were out there and Spider knew how I felt I could breathe normally again.
If I was expecting to get those same words in return I was sadly mistaken, but his lips devouring mine distracted me from it. Spider was wild and spent little time getting me naked before he was thrusting deep inside of me. Maybe I was stupid for not making him wear a condom but I was on the shot so he couldn’t get me pregnant. My mother had taken me to get birth control the day I had come home at the age of fourteen and told her I had a crush on the senior class president. Her favorite I might be, but apparently she wanted all her bases covered. Or my bases, really.
After our first time together, Spider had told me that he had always worn a condom with other girls and assured me that he was clean. He’d been apologetic and white faced until I told him I was covered in the birth control department. I’d taken him at his word and told him that there was no need for them as long as he was clean. So even though he had at least two in his jeans pocket, he never reached for them.
It really was hours later before he dropped down onto the bed beside me and pulled me tightly against his sweat-soaked chest. “Mine,” he growled before closing his eyes.
Laughing, I kissed his chest and snuggled deeper against him. Mine. It wasn’t the ‘I love you’ I was hoping for, but coming from
the man beside me it was just about the same thing. “I love you, James.”
Chapter 6
Spider
I was going to hell.
Luckily for me, I was going there with my best friend. The blood soaking into the ground around us was only proof of how far past the point of no return we were. At least it hadn’t been one of us to pull the trigger this time. The blood splattered across our chests was not from our doing.
Duke stood between us with Raider and Duke’s vice president on the other side of Bash. We had finally found the real rat, the one who had been leaking information to the feds. It hadn’t been easy, and we had been faced with several dead ends and at least two other people dead that had actually been innocent in everything except for by association. To Duke—to any MC—that had been just as bad as if they had been the one whispering in ATF’s ear.
Now, with The Red Dragons’ sergeant-at-arms bleeding out on the ground I suddenly felt as if I couldn’t breathe. This really was the end and we would be going home in the next day or so. Fuck! That meant I was going to be leaving Willa behind.
I felt sick and it had nothing to do with the fact that there was a dead body lying in front of me. I was familiar with death. This sudden gut wrenching pain in my gut and the loss that was filling my heart? Never experienced that before in my life.
Raider and Bash shook hands with Duke and his VP, while I tried not to throw up. No one paid me any attention and I knew it was because Bash was keeping their attention on anything other than the fact that I was slowly going insane.
Three days ago Willa had told me she loved me and I hadn’t said the words back. I should have. I should have told her weeks ago, before we’d even started having sex. I’d felt it then, maybe even before that. Now time was up and I didn’t know how to tell her goodbye.
“You could go nomad.”
I blinked as Bash stepped up beside me. Everyone else was gone, except for Raider who was keeping his distance by our bikes. “What?”
Bash shrugged. “Go nomad. Move closer to her. There are tattoo artist jobs everywhere in the world, brother. Then all you have to worry about is her mother.”
The idea had merit. Only I would be giving up just as much if I followed Willa as I would be if I didn’t. Creswell Springs was home. My family was there. My MC. Bash. I couldn’t just decide to pack and leave any of them just like that. I’d have to think about it.
We got back to the compound earlier than usual. Normally we were out until after midnight following leads. The compound was quiet tonight; everyone was both angry and grieving the loss of their brother and sergeant-at-arms. The betrayal cut deep, because the stuff the guy was feeding the ATF could have had everyone within the MC going down for some hard time. Not one of them would have been exempt and that was a burn that went to the heart. That it was their sergeant-at-arms, their president’s right hand… That made the cut twice as deep.
Bash, Raider and I sat with them and helped them drink a case of tequila. Of course it was my weakness. Tequila numbed me up good and I was glad for that numbness tonight. Raider said we were leaving in the morning. Jet had called him earlier and told him we were needed at home.
I drank nearly an entire bottle of Patrón on my own and stumbled upstairs to bed. I didn’t bother to turn on the light as I slammed the door behind me. Throwing clothes in any direction I fell onto the bed and found a warm body waiting on me. My dick instantly hardened, needing inside of Willa then and there.
Blindly I pulled her across my chest and grabbed her hips…
Swearing, I tossed the bitch off of me. Even in the dark and drunk off my ass I would have known if I was making love to Willa. The chick who had just about sat on my dick hadn’t been her. Reaching for the light beside the bed I snapped it on and found Tasha lying at the foot of my bed. She had a grin on her face and a glazed look in her eyes that told me she was just as drunk as I was. I’d heard rumors that she had been in love with the sergeant-at-arms, in her weird, fucked up way. They’d hooked up more often than any other guy she had ever taken to bed, so I guess that was as deep as Tasha’s love went.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I demanded.
“Thought we would have one last ride for ol’ time’s sake,” she slurred as she pushed to her feet. “But if you’d rather not…”
I didn’t say a word as she picked up her clothes. Without bothering to put them back on—and really I doubted she could dress herself as shitfaced as she currently was—Tasha left without a backward glance. Scrubbing a hand over my face I leaned back against the headboard and closed my eyes.
When the door opened again I didn’t bother to open my eyes. “Get the fuck out, Tasha.”
The sudden gasp from the direction of the door had my eyes snapping open to find a white faced Willa standing there. “Fuck,” I muttered. Seeing the tears I knew she was thinking the worst. Her sister had just left completely naked and here I was just as naked. “Willa, it isn’t like that.”
“Oh yeah?” A tear spilled free and trailed down her cheek. “Tasha just told me differently. Said you were still raring to go if I wanted to come in here and give it a shot.” Her gaze went to my still hard dick. “Looks like she was right.”
“Willa, stop.” I stood, swayed a little and nearly fell onto the bed again. Cursing under my breath I tried again and this time nearly reached her. “I didn’t fuck Tasha. I found her in my bed and kicked her out as soon as I realized she wasn’t you.”
Willa shook her head. “I want to believe you.”
That she didn’t believe me cut deep and on top of all the other pain and confusion I was feeling, it only set me off. “Believe whatever the fuck you want, Willa. If you can’t trust me then it’s a good thing I’m leaving in the morning.”
“In the morning?” Her face crumbled. “When were you going to tell me?”
“I just fucking found out.”
“But…” She swallowed hard and nodded. “Okay. Have a safe ride home.”
And she just turned and left me there. No goodbye. No ‘I love you’. Nothing. Turning, I punched my fist through the nearest wall. The tequila kept the pain away and I fell onto the bed with tears in my eyes for the first time since I was a boy.
Willa
I paced. For hours and hours I paced.
My heart and head were at war with each other. Only problem was that I was more inclined to believe my heart when it came to Spider. But was I blinded by my feelings for him? Was I in so deep that I couldn’t accept what was right in front of my face?
Around four I gave up on the arguing and told my brain to shut the fuck up. I left my room and quietly made my way back to Spider’s. If he was leaving me in a few hours, then I had to make sure he knew that I loved him and would miss him. I needed one last kiss. Something, anything.
Tapping on the door I heard a raspy, “Come in.”
Opening the door I turned on the light and nearly vomited. Two girls were spread out on the bed beside Spider. They were in bras and panties while he was still as naked as I had left him earlier. Topaz lifted her head and blinked a few times to clear the sleep from her vision. “Oh, hey Willa. You need something?”
I glanced from her to the other chick now wide awake on the other side of Spider, who was out for the count. “No…” I whispered. “No, I don’t need anything.”
Somehow I kept it together until I was back in my room. Once I was safely inside, I lost it. Nothing was safe from my destruction as I threw things until the room was completely trashed. Then I started packing. I didn’t bother with the toiletries in the bathroom. Just tossed clean clothes in with the dirty and zipped up the case. I called a cab as I was going down the stairs.
In the chapel I found a piece of paper and wrote Duke a quick note, telling him that something had come up with my mother and I would call him. Sometime. Not anytime soon though. I didn’t want to deal with anything biker-related for a very long time.
“You leaving, girl?”
&nb
sp; I nearly jumped at the sound of Cletus’s voice coming out of the dark. Turning, I found him at his usual seat at the bar. He had a cup of coffee in front of him while he smoked a cigar. I knew he must have seen everything, like he always tended to do when it came to the compound. There was no use in lying to him. “I can’t stay here.”
He nodded. “Understandable.”
“Tasha won,” I muttered.
Cletus shrugged his thin shoulders. “Yep. I guess she did.”
His confirmation only made me hurt worse. “See you around, Cletus.”
“Doubt it, girl. Take care of yourself.” He picked up his mug and took a long swallow, making me wonder if there was more than just coffee inside. “Tell your momma I said hello.”
Swallowing a sob, I nodded and nearly ran out of the compound. The trip home wasn’t fun. I cried on the flight home until I was sick. The flight attendants kept asking me if I was okay and I finally told them I had broken up with my boyfriend. They accepted that and left me alone except to bring me cups of coffee and chocolate bars.
My mother wasn’t expecting me and I hadn’t bothered to call her in the past three days or so. The last time I had talked to her she was having some trouble with the chemo treatments and wanted to be left alone. When the cab pulled to a stop in front of the little three-bedroom house just outside Seattle I breathed a small sigh of relief. It was then that I realized I was such a momma’s girl, but I didn’t give a shit right then. I needed my mother’s arms around me or I was going to fall apart.
Using my key I walked into the house. “Mom?” Her car was still in the driveway so I knew she was home. “Mom, I’m home.”
When I didn’t get an immediate reply my gut started hurting all over again. The kitchen, which was where she normally would have been at this time of the morning, was empty and there was no coffee in the pot or any breakfast dishes in the sink. I called out her name again and after a brief moment thought I heard a moan.