I’d thought Bash and I would be married and have the house renovations finished before we even started talking about having a baby. I’d also thought that Jet would be home and Felicity would come back to help me through it…
I needed both of them right now. Jet had always been my father figure. Even when our dad had still been alive he had taken on the role. He’d been the one to understand me the best out of my four brothers. He could help guide me. Felicity… She was my best friend, the only female I had in my life that I trusted and could help me with anything female related. When I had realized I was pregnant my first thought was to call her and ask her to go to the doctor with me. I wasn’t the kind of person to need someone to constantly hold my hand through tough times, but right now I really needed her.
Knowing I wouldn’t be able to talk to Felicity any time soon, I did the only thing I could. I turned my car around and headed out of town. I called ahead to see if I could get an appointment to see my brother at San Quentin and was told I would have to wait until morning as it would be way too late by the time I got there.
Five hours later I was in a cheap motel room, lying in bed as I gazed sightlessly up at the ceiling. I’d turned my phone off hours ago when Bash and my brothers had started blowing it up. Even the few calls from Spider had gone unanswered because I couldn’t handle talking to anyone right now. No one would understand why I needed to see Jet, maybe not even Jet himself. He didn’t want me to see him in prison, had forbidden me to visit, but right now I didn’t care what he wanted.
I didn’t sleep much that night. My mind wouldn’t shut up and by the time I sat down in the visitors’ room in front of my brother I was pale with circles under my eyes so dark they looked like bruises. Honestly, Jet didn’t look much better. He was bigger than I remembered him, his muscles bulging and flexing with every breath he took, but he was pale, in need of a shave and looked as if he hadn’t been getting enough sleep.
Jet’s safety hadn’t been something I had really worried about while he was in prison. We had members of brother charters in San Quentin that would have my brother’s back when his reputation wasn’t enough to protect him. Few people wanted to mess with Jet Hannigan though. He was ruthless, scary as hell, and more often than not had a menacing look on his face that would radiate around him and could cause grown men to piss themselves.
Maybe I should have been worried about him though. For a moment my own problems were pushed to the back of my mind as I reached for my brother’s hands. “Are you okay?”
His fingers tightened around mine and he gave me a smile that eased some of the tightness in my chest. “I just have a lot on my mind, Rave.” His eyes were eating up the sight of me and he clenched his jaw. “You weren’t supposed to come here. I told you this isn’t a place for you.”
“I had to see you…” I whispered, swallowing the tears that were suddenly burning my throat.
Eyes identical to my own narrowed. “If you’re here to give me some shit news like Flick then I don’t think I want to hear it.”
I closed my eyes. Hawk had had no choice but to call Jet when Felicity had run away. That she had stopped to see him before moving on had been like a slap in the face for me because I had had no clue that my best friend and my brother had created and lost a baby. I hadn’t been completely blind because I had known that Felicity had been just as much in love with Jet as I was with Bash, but I had been so stuck in my own problems that I hadn’t had a clue things had actually gotten serious between them.
“Raven..?” Jet’s voice was firm, forcing me to open my eyes. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
A tear escaped my eyes and I bit my lip to keep it from trembling. Why was I crying so much lately? Was it the baby doing this to me? If it was then I didn’t think I was going to like being pregnant at all. Finally I cleared my throat and shook my head. “I’m pregnant.”
His eyes lit up for a second and then he saw that this wasn’t exactly happy news for me to share with him. “I thought you and Bash were working things out? Is he messing around? Do you want me to put a hit on him?”
That he was serious about actually having a price put on Bash’s head even though Bash was the new Angel’s Halo president scared me a little. “No!” I quickly told him while eyeing the guard who was standing a few yards away watching us. “No, he isn’t cheating on me. Please don’t do anything stupid like that, Jet.”
“Then why are you here Raven? Why are you so upset about being pregnant? You love Bash, I know you do. You have from the time you were fifteen…” I gave a surprised gasp and he laughed. “I knew, Raven. I knew the whole time you and Bash were sneaking around. It didn’t bother me. But when it came out I had no choice but to dole out the punishment.”
“You could have killed him.” I glared at him now, angry all over again that he had hurt Bash so badly. If he had known then why had he put Bash in the ICU? “I begged and begged you not to hurt him.” Why hadn’t he done it sooner..?
He sighed and ran a hand over his face. “There was no getting around that, Rave. The entire club would have rebelled if I hadn’t. But I did do it all myself. If Hawk, Raider and Colt had gotten in on it then he would have died. Colt and Raider would have ripped his head off.”
My anger burned out and I wanted to do nothing more than to crawl onto his lap and let my brother hold me. He really did love me more than the MC, just like I had thought all along. That wasn’t exactly the case when it came to my other three brothers. Jet reached out, causing the chains holding his wrists together to clang on the table between us as he cupped my cheek. “So, why aren’t you happy about having my niece or nephew, Raven?”
“Bash tricked me. He got me pregnant and I had no say in it. I’m not ready for a baby. Things are complicated enough as it is without adding another kid to the craziness.” I sighed and shook my head. “I don’t know what to do.”
Jet raised a brow, an odd expression on his face. “He tricked you? How the fuck did he trick you?”
“He didn’t use protection. In the past he was always so responsible and I trusted him to be this time around. But he never did.” My brother rolled his eyes. I frowned. He actually rolled his eyes at me. “What?” I demanded.
“Really, Raven? He tricked you? Don’t you think you let him trick you?” I opened my mouth, determined to defend myself, but closed it just as quickly. Was he right? I hadn’t said anything after that first time. I’d known that he hadn’t used anything but had remained silent. Every time after I’d known he hadn’t been using protection. I could have said something then, told him that I wasn’t ready for a baby… “After the first time you had to have realized he was doing it on purpose. If you really wanted to keep from getting pregnant you would have spoken up. That you didn’t tells me that you didn’t really mind if you got pregnant. Maybe you wanted it just as much as he obviously does.”
Jet was repeating everything that was running though my head. “No…” I tried to deny, but it was weak even to my ears.
He grinned, making him look younger and less tired. “Yes, sweetheart. Admit it, Raven. You really are happy about this baby. Say it.” I shook my head as I fought tears, not sure if they were sad, angry tears or happy tears now. “Say it, Raven Anne.”
“I really do want this baby…” His hand on my jaw gave a little squeeze and a tear spilled over. “I’m happy about this baby.”
Saying the words out loud eased the pressure on my chest and I closed my eyes as I savored the free feeling admitting it caused. This was why I had needed to see Jet. So he would give it to me straight, make me see what I was refusing to see. Opening my eyes I turned my head and kissed his hand. “I love you.”
His face tightened with emotion. “Love you, too.”
Chapter 10
Spider
I stood at the fridge, deciding if I wanted yet another beer or a can of Coke. I’d been back at the Hannigans’ house since midnight the night before when I’d had to cry defeat and return without Raven.
I’d ridden for fifty miles in every direction with no sign of Raven or her car. Since then Bash had been going crazy and no one except for Lexa had gotten any sleep last night.
Bash was sitting at the kitchen table when I turned around with the Coke in hand. He looked like pure hell with his hair a tangled mess from running his fingers through it all night. His face was gray and his hands were still shaking. If Raven didn’t come home soon Bash was going to lose it and I doubted there was anything I would be able to do to contain the explosion.
Thankfully Gracie had taken Lexa out for the day to keep her away from the tension in the house. The three-year-old had been upset by the fact that Raven hadn’t been around to tuck her into bed the night before. That on top of the tension radiating off her father was enough to make Lexa anxious.
Raven’s brothers were out searching for her today and hadn’t checked in at all. Bash had wanted to go too but he had been in no shape to ride so I had stayed behind to help Willa in case Bash jumped off the deep end. With darkness starting to fall I knew that it wouldn’t be long before it happened unless Raven was either found or walked through the door.
Willa, who was standing at the stove cooking dinner, shot me a concerned look and I shrugged. She gave me a grim little smile and I was so glad that it wasn’t a ‘fuck off’ glare that I smiled back. “Are you hungry? Dinner is almost ready.”
I hadn’t eaten more than a sandwich all day. My stomach was in knots worried about Raven. Running away wasn’t like her at all. I knew that she just needed time to clear her head and then she would be back, but I couldn’t handle the not knowing where she was. “Sure, baby. I could eat.”
She didn’t call me on my ‘baby’ slip and I took that as a good sign as I leaned against the counter beside the stove where she was making the spaghetti that Raven had promised me yesterday. From the looks of things dinner was nearly done and my stomach growled at the sight of simmering tomato sauce. The kitchen was filled with the scents of the mouthwatering sauce along with crispy garlic bread in the oven.
“That smells amazing,” I took another drink from the can of Coke and leaned closer, trying to breathe in her unique scent over the garlic and Italian herbs. She stilled as I put a hand on her hip but didn’t immediately move away. This close to her, my dick was hard as a rock. “I didn’t know you could cook like this.”
Willa bit her lip and raised her eyes to mine. I saw the desire burning low in her eyes, knew that it wouldn’t take much to seduce her back into my bed. That’s where I had wanted her for the last four years and once I got her there I wasn’t likely to let her out of it ever again. I moved a little closer and her breath hitched.
It didn’t matter that Bash was in the room. He was off in his own little personal hell. I needed to taste her lips again. Find out if she tasted as addictive as she had four years ago. I lowered my head, my gaze locked on her lips. I could feel the heat from her breath on my cheek. Her teeth released her plump lower lip and I thought I actually heard the pounding of her heart—or maybe that was my own I was hearing.
“Willa…” I breathed her name, about to take what I wanted…
The ringing of the house phone made her jump and whatever spell she had been under seemed to evaporate before my eyes as those gray eyes turned cloudy. The next ring had her reaching for the cordless on the counter behind her. “H-hello?”
I muttered a curse under my breath and refrained from punching the cabinet beside me.
“Yes… Jet? But…” My head snapped around at the mention of Jet Hannigan’s name and Bash jumped up from his seat at the kitchen table. When he reached out to take the phone from Willa she waved him away before plugging her ear with a finger to hear whoever was on the phone better. “Okay. Thank you for calling.”
She hung up and set the phone down before looking at Bash. “That was one of the guards at San Quentin. Jet asked him to call and make sure that everyone knew that Raven should be home in the morning.”
Relief washed over me and the tightness in my chest eased. Raven was safe. She’d just gone to visit her brother. I was going to spank the shit out of her when she got home. “She okay?”
“The guard said that she was tired after spending the morning with Jet so Jet asked her to get a hotel and start home fresh in the morning.” She stepped toward Bash. His entire body was shaking now. I’d never seen my friend like that before. He was losing his shit quick.
Willa put her hand on his arm and he jerked back as if she had slapped him instead. “I have to go…” He growled and pulled his keys out of his pocket. “I have to…” He broke off and shook his head. “Call Hawk and tell him that she’s okay,” he called over his shoulder.
He was out the door before I realized I should have probably stopped him, but I knew that he needed some time alone to pull himself together. He wouldn’t thank me if I saw him break down completely. He was one of the toughest presidents an MC could have. Bawling like a baby in front of a member, even if I was his best friend, would unman him big time. Grimacing, I swallowed the rest of my soft drink and tossed the can in the trash.
Willa glared at the trashcan before turning that cool look on me. “Recycling.”
“What?”
She put her hands on her hips. “Recycling. Put it in the recycling bin.” She pointed to the pantry.
“Since when do they recycle in this house?” I grumbled as I picked my can out of the trash and opened the pantry door. Inside there were three bins. I saw glass beer bottles in one, plastic water bottles in another, and empty soda cans in the last.
“It wasn’t my idea. Gracie is all about saving the world. She’s been lecturing everyone about the importance of saving electricity, recycling, and countless other things that we need to do to be greener.” She shrugged as she turned off the stove and lifted the pot of noodles. “I’m just doing as I was told. First by Gracie and then enforced by Hawk.”
I smirked. Of course it would be Gracie. The girl was sweet and full of all kinds of innocence. Hawk was in deep with her. Like the couldn’t eat, sleep…breathe without her kind of deep. I knew all about that. For six weeks Willa had been mine. For four years I’d been unable to draw a deep breath.
By the time I had made the call to Hawk, dinner was on the table and Gracie walked in with an obviously tired Lexa. The four of us sat down to eat and I wondered if I could find a reason to spend another night. I was still semi hard from the almost kiss earlier and I was like a junkie in need of a taste of my drug of choice.
Bash
My hands were still shaking making it hard to ride. I was lucky I hadn’t wrecked the fucking thing and killed myself. It had taken six hours to get here because of it.
I raked a hand through my hair and put my helmet on my bike before turning to look up at the cheap-ass motel. Raven had her credit cards with her along with the cash I asked her to keep on her in case of emergencies. She could have gone to any number of nicer places to spend the night, but instead she was in one of the seedier parts of the city.
It hadn’t taken me long to find her car. I’d started at San Quentin prison and worked my way back from there. Two hotel parking lots later and I had spotted the Challenger SRT. The powerful sports car stood out in the parking lot full of clunkers and obvious drug dealer’s Cadillac. A doctor or lawyer wouldn’t be driving that kind of chromed out cage.
It was nearly two in the morning and I was probably going to scare the hell out of her, but after the fucking last thirty-six hours I’d had I didn’t really give a shit. She had had plenty of reasons to get pissed off at me over this, but running away had never been her answer to a problem before. Running away was the coward’s way out and Raven Anne Hannigan was anything but a coward.
I walked up to the first door that I came to right in front of her car and pounded on the door. After waiting a few seconds I started pounding again. I heard someone stumbling around inside, followed by a soft curse before the door opened a few moments later.
My breath caught in m
y chest at the sight of Raven. Her hair was a tangled mess, her eyes still half asleep. Dressed in only her T-shirt and panties, my dick instantly hardened for her. Fuck, she was so beautiful. The shaking moved from my hands and radiated to my entire body. Relief like I had never known before in my life washed over me and my knees nearly buckled.
She was okay. She. Was. Safe.
“Bash?” She blinked a few times then took a step back. “What are you doing here?”
I didn’t answer. Couldn’t have if I had wanted to. My throat was blocked with a lump the size of a hubcap and I could barely breathe let along speak. Grasping her arms I moved her back into the room and let the door slam shut behind me. There was a lamp on beside the bed she had just crawled out of so I was able to see the way her eyes widened when she took in all of me.
I was a mess. Hadn’t been able to sleep at all the night before as I paced the house, worried about her. Thoughts of her hurt and scared without me there to protect her… Thoughts of never finding her. Never telling her how much I loved her just one more time and how sorry I was that I had forced getting pregnant on her.
“You’re trembling.” Raven gasped, feeling my tremors as my hands tightened on her arms. She pulled free and pushed me toward the bed. I fell back and took her with me. She landed across my chest and I breathed in the calming scent of her hair. If I was touching her then I could breathe again. “Bash, you’re scaring me.”
“I’m sorry,” I choked out before clearing my throat. “I’m so sorry, Raven.” It was the most important thing that needed to be said and the only thing I could squeeze out of my windpipe. Tears of relief burned my eyes and throat, but I didn’t care if she saw them. Damn it, she needed to see them. To understand how sorry I was for fucking us up all over again.
She pushed herself up so that she could look down at me. Her eyes were full of concern, the hate that had been glaring back at me Sunday night was no longer there. A new relief washed through me and she used her thumb to wipe away a tear that had slipped free. “I’m okay now. I just needed to see Jet to get it straight in my head. I would have been home in the morning, Bash. There was no need to come looking for me.”