“For many assignments the Seraphim take mortal shape, and for the duration we’re subject to the limitations of our human form. We eat, sleep, and have all the same bodily functions and emotional reactions as mortals. It’s part of our great burden, the challenge and sacrifice of being a guardian.”
“But you have parents!”
He nods. “Gabriel, the sixteen-year-old boy, has parents.”
“Fictional parents?”
“No. My parents are other Seraphs, who support a handful of guardians in whatever way their assignment calls for: mother, father, siblings, children, grandparents, aunts and uncles.”
Even though I know he’s being honest, my mind has a hard time wrapping itself around the unbelievable circumstances. “What about all those things you told me about your life? How do I know what’s true about you and what’s a lie?”
“A guardian’s life-story is infused with as much truth as possible.”
“And the surfing? You said you loved surfing!”
“I do. I’ve had the pleasure of surfing on more than one assignment. It’s one of my most favorite mortal things.” Mortal things. My addled brain takes a moment to absorb that.
“What do you really look like? Do you have wings?”
He laughs. “No. And I don’t change shape if that’s what you’re asking. This form is as close to my true essence as a sixteen-year-old mortal can get. For assignments I may appear older or younger depending on the needs of my charge, but I’m always my true self.”
Charge. Sent. Assigned. His words twist in my head, causing it to ache.
“So I’m—what—your project? This is all an act? You were just pretending to be interested in me? Pretending to be my friend?”
Gabriel presses his lips together. “I wouldn’t say that.”
“What would you say then?”
He takes a controlled breath before explaining in deliberate, careful words. “In mortal form, guardians succumb to mortality. Fear, pain, temptation. Hormones. We’re subject to the same feelings and reactions as all of humankind. But we possess an inner strength—a discipline—people can’t begin to comprehend. Fighting against those feelings is part of our mission, our great sacrifice.”
“So, you don’t feel anything for me?”
The look he gives me is too complicated to define. His answer—when he finally gives me one—comes out strained. “Of course I feel for you.”
“But you fight against it!” I can’t help the accusation. I’m entirely too raw to finesse my responses.
Gabriel jumps to his feet, pacing. “As if I could fight against this. I don’t understand it. I’ve never felt so weak.”
His last word sucks all the fury from my side of our discussion. Although he hasn’t meant it as a recrimination, I’m struck with guilt. “I make you weak?”
“No, you make me feel—to the depths of my core. The sensations are overwhelming. You’re so powerful!” Taking a ragged breath, he gazes at me with unnerving intensity. “Don’t you know how amazing, how beautiful, you are?”
He’s talking about more than physical beauty, but I’m not ready to embrace that part of myself. Does he see people like I do? I think back to him the first day of school, so brilliant that I distrusted my own eyes. Now I realize some part of me knew, even then. “Your halo,” I say. “Show me.”
Holding my breath, Gabriel’s pained expression mirrors mine as we stare at one another until our pretensions slip away leaving us naked and vulnerable. Eyes locked on my face, he gives a single nod. Then he explodes with blinding, white-hot light.
For a moment Gabriel is the sun, my only purpose to revolve around him. And he’s more beautiful than I envision, more resplendent than I could ever imagine. His magnificence fills me until I can no longer contain it. Then he gently holds me while I weep.
Later, when Gabriel has rocked me into a semi-peaceful stupor, I admit, “I’m not meant to leave this time, am I? I’m supposed to stay.”
I feel his face bob against my hair. “You’re supposed to discover your destiny. Become who you’re meant to be.”
“Is that why you’re here?”
“Part of it, yes—but there’s more to it. I’ll explain everything, I promise, but another day.” When I start to protest he says, “I’m not going anywhere, Alexia. We’ve got time.”
I realize it’s true and, also, that I’ve reached my limit for what I can handle in one single day. First leaving, then staying, now this. A guardian angel—my guardian angel!
Quietly I admit, “I’m afraid, all the time.”
“I know.” Gabriel’s arms tighten around me and I let myself think—really believe for the first time—things will be different. And maybe, I don’t have to face the darkness alone.
CHAPTER 6
It seems strange that something as surreal as discovering I’ve got my very own, and very hot, personal guardian angel would contribute to a good night’s sleep. But I sleep like a baby and wake up more eager to face the day than I can ever remember. This morning I’m bursting with questions for Gabriel as we walk.
“So, you said you do normal things like sleep and listen to music?” I wait for him to nod before continuing. “And you said you live further down Midlands Avenue. Is your house some kind of angel safe house?”
“Actually, it’s for sale. The price is great and it’s completely furnished,” he answers with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. “But I happen to know it won’t sell until after my assignment’s finished. In fact, there won’t be one single showing for a long while.”
Somewhere in the back of my mind the word finished registers, but for the moment I push it away. “So how does it work? Do your parents and sister just sit around waiting to be needed or do they really work?”
“Both and neither.” My eyebrows lift, causing him to chuckle before continuing his explanation. “They only come when I need them. The rest of the time they’re on other assignments, supporting other guardians.”
Something from the other day niggles at my brain. “They’re not guardians?”
“No, they’re Seraphs whose gift is support.”
“So they’re still angels?”
“Yep.”
Another thought leaps out at me, causing me to stop in my tracks. “So all this time you’ve been all alone in that house? What do you do in the evenings and on weekends?”
His eyes are tranquil, his smile peaceful as he replies, “I read, listen to music, occasionally watch T.V. But mostly I use the quiet to meditate and think—I think a lot about you.”
A small shiver of satisfaction trembles electrically up my spine. “You do?” To cover my reaction, I turn and start moving again toward school.
Automatically, Gabriel falls into step with one warm hand flush against the small of my back. “Yes. I’m very attuned to you.”
Cascading thoughts tumble in my brain, and for the next half block I quietly sift through them. There’s something else I need to ask, but now—surrounded by a growing mass of students—is not the time. Gabriel being a Seraph changes things. All the times my instincts were screaming at me that he knew more than he was saying are confirmed. He has answers. Answers I desperately need.
“What are you thinking about Alexia?”
As the foot traffic around us becomes heavier, I push away the questions that must wait for later. Instead, I confess, “I think about you sometimes, too.”
*
“So do we have a winner?” Becke’s asking about our movie outing on Saturday, only this time I’m paying more attention because I’m staying. I can count on one hand the previous times I’ve been to a movie theatre and still have a couple of fingers left over.
Nervously, I glance at Gabriel who slides me a couple of Oreos and surreptitiously squeezes my hand before answering. “Why don’t you surprise us, Becke? You and Jonah pick the movie and Alex and I will figure out the restaurant.” Then he winks at me. “It’ll be even more fun that way.”
Jonah nods.
His inky hair falls around his shoulders causing him to sweep it back as the scent of his shampoo reaches us. Something clean and spicy, subtly hinting at masculinity. Since our unlikely little group has formed, Jonah’s been taking more care with his appearance. I note his crisp dark blue t-shirt depicting the evolutionary chain from monkey to robot and realize when he’s not succumbing to his volatile, dark side he has an obscure and pleasing sense of humor.
Becke’s sharp eyes follow my gaze. “I like your shirt, Jonah.” She smiles broadly, causing him to swallow twice before managing, “Uh, thanks.” He fixes his eyes on the scarred lunch table as color rises against his pale cheeks.
In unison we begin to gather up the remnants of our lunch, but before we’re able to stand Jonah’s head whips around to smile nervously at Becke. “Maybe I could call you tonight and we could talk—I mean, decide on the movie for Saturday?”
All around us lunch time is breaking up in animated bursts of movement and chatter, but our table’s frozen with suspense. I try not to stare, not wanting to intrude on their personal moment. In my peripheral vision, I see Gabriel, smiling to himself while he studies our Oreo wrappers.
“Okay,” Becke pulls a pen from her backpack; her gossamer lemon halo sparkles like sunshine on a deep, clear lake. With quiet assurance, she meets Jonah’s astonished stare. “Now,” she demands lightly, “Give me your hand.”
Hesitantly, he offers her his left hand. As Becke takes it in both of hers, there’s no doubt about the chemistry between them. She continues to hold his hand while she writes her number then confirms he can read her writing. When she lets go, Jonah cradles his hand to his chest as if it contains precious treasure.
“So, I’ll call you.” He has no discernable halo, and that’s very good. Becke’s halo twinkles in response as she says “Okay.” I’m happy for them.
The warning bell causes us to leap to our feet and scramble though the mostly empty cafeteria toward English. For once, the ever present dread at the prospect of facing Mr. Creepy has little hold over me. It’s not that I no longer fear the dark, but instead I possess something greater than my fear. My own guardian Seraph, Gabriel.
By the time school’s out, the temperature has dropped. Although sunny, a brisk fall wind whips with violence, chilling me in unexpected places as it heralds the onset of winter. Walking into the icy gusts, I shrink against Gabriel’s warmth. Unexpectedly he wraps his arms around my hunched shoulders, pulling me even closer to him.
“So where do you want to go to eat Saturday?” he asks. Nearer than usual, his heated breath tickles my neck as we walk.
His question reminds me Kate and Steven expect him for Sunday dinner. Taking advantage of a corner building that acts as a buffer from the wintery drafts, I step against the brick wall to gaze up at Gabriel. “Um, I totally forgot. The Fosters want you to come for dinner Sunday. I would’ve told you sooner but we were fighting and, well…” Running out of explanation, I give a helpless shrug.
Gabriel frowns, causing me to instantly regret my offer. Backpedaling, I stammer, “Of course, if you have something else to do or you don’t want to come—it’s fine.”
Something close to alarm crosses his face. “Are you thinking I don’t want to come?”
My back is pressed so hard against the wall I can feel every contour of the freezing, rough surface. And Gabriel’s in front, crowding me so I can’t move. His expression is deep and searching, melting my insides despite the surrounding chill.
Absorbing his warmth as it crashes over me, I explain, “You were frowning.”
“Because you thought I was fighting with you.” One of his hands is over my shoulder, braced against the cold wall. The other, reaches to capture a stray tendril of hair. Twining it absently around his finger, he says, “I hope you understand now, I wasn’t fighting with you. I was fighting with myself, and I’m so sorry for the pain I caused you. Please forgive me?”
Tearing my gaze away from his anguished eyes, I become distracted by his partially open mouth and perfect, white teeth. His tongue darts between his lips wetting them enticingly as I force my gaze back upwards. “I understand and forgive you. Will you forgive me?”
His fingers release my hair to brush lightly against my cheek. He shakes his head at my request. “There’s nothing to forgive, you were confused and hurt. I never want to hurt you. Will you always remember that?”
His blazing eyes are fierce and surprisingly tender. Gulping, I try to remember how to form words. “I will. Uh—does that mean you want to come Sunday?”
My question breaks the tension and he shifts ever-so-slightly away. With a small smile he teases, “Hmmm, let me see… My options are to sit around an empty house on Sunday, thinking about you OR to actually spend the day being with you.” Sucking in his breath between his teeth, he says, “That’s a tough choice. I’ll need to think about it.”
Giving him a shove of mock annoyance, I try to pull away but he envelops me from behind in a giant bear hug. “I would love to come!”
Feeling giddy from our contact and intoxicated by his outdoorsy scent, I let myself relax against his hard angles, admitting, “I would love for you to come!”
Despite Gabriel’s proximity, the bitter wind blasting into my face causes me to shiver. With a frown he moves back to my side, declaring, “Let’s get you home before you freeze to death.” Suddenly he’s all business as he hastens me toward the shelter of the Fosters’ residence.
Once we’re securely on the blue and white porch with the red door, the tension between us comes flooding back. While I stand expectantly in the cold—doing my best not to shake—Gabriel leans in and tucks an errant strand of hair behind my ear, his fingertips tingling my skin where he grazes my cheek. His eyes are luminous, recalling to me the overwhelming sensations of witnessing him in all his angelic glory.
Gazing at him, I can’t help but ask, “Why me?”
“You’re special.”
“No, I’m not—”
His finger presses against my lips, halting my denial. “Yes you are. You know it—you just refuse to see it. All you need to do is open your eyes.”
It’s my greatest hope and worst fear come true, that my ability isn’t just an aberration of genetics, like an extra digit, but something bestowed for a purpose. Still, I can’t help but whisper, “My curse.”
“No, Alexia, you have a gift. A very rare and precious gift or I wouldn’t be here.”
This surprises me. What little I know about guardian angels is they come to anyone who’s in terrible crisis in their time of need. Like in that old, black and white Christmas movie. “Doesn’t everyone have a guardian angel?”
“Yes, if they need one, but very few get me. I’m one of less than a handful of Greater Seraphs—Greater as in Higher Purpose—not as in better. We have particular talents as guardians no other angels possess. The assignments I’m given are unique to me because of my gifts, because no one else is called to do what I do.”
My voice is awed—low and breathless—and maybe a bit scared. “What do you do?”
He turns away, thoughtfully watching the wind rearrange the leaf-strewn lawn. His explanation is careful, as if he’s trying to order his words into a context I’ll understand. “A combination of things, really. Mostly, I’m called to stand in the gap between good and evil—at all costs. But I’m also here to help you—accept—your gift. So you understand what you’ve been given and embrace your destiny.”
“But why now? I mean I’ve been dealing with this, or not dealing with it, for almost ten years. So why now?”
Turning back to face me, the look on his face is paralyzing. His partially crazed eyes, agonized and deeply apologetic, send goose bumps prickling uncomfortably across my skin. Staring at me with those terrible eyes, he says, “Because now is when you need me the most.” He pauses briefly to compose himself, but cannot completely mask his dread. “Alexia, something’s going to happen—to you—and I’m here to prevent it.”
His fear pier
ces me like a sword and for a moment all I can do is stare at him in shock. “What’s going to happen, Gabriel?”
“I don’t know.” The shaky tone of his voice matches the one in his eyes, like he’s about to crack.
I open my mouth to speak but he cuts me off. “Whatever’s going to happen is the main purpose for my assignment. But not even I have foreknowledge of what the event is or when it’ll happen. That’s part of my particular burden—my unique gift.”
I’m stunned! Some really bad things have happened to me. Numerous times I’ve encountered dark ones and their evil—up close and personal—and none of those situations were severe enough to warrant a Guardian. So what the hell is going to happen to me? Panic, like an insidious infestation, crawls through my veins, torquing my heart, cutting off my airways, and making my head spiral beyond rational thought.
Before I know it, Gabriel gathers me into his arms. Holding me tight, he breathes for me, slow and peaceful. His voice whispers like a soothing balm into my ear. “It’s going to be all right. Whatever happens, I’ll stop it. I’ll protect you. That’s why I’m here Alexia. The only reason I’m here—to keep you safe.”
Around the chattering of my teeth, I ask, “But how will you know?”
“When the time comes, I’ll know.”
That there’s no doubt in his voice does little to help me dispel the terror of the unknown. “How can you be certain?”
“I always know.” His words are as reliable as he is, enveloping me in reassurance. After my trembling stops, he pulls back to regard me, saying, “I know it’s hard for you, but you’ve got to trust me. That’s part of why I’m here. You can tell me anything. Everything.”
Waiting for me to process, Gabriel, my guardian, radiates purpose. Gazing at him, I wonder if the candidness goes both ways. Gabriel obviously has all the answers—if I ask, will he tell me everything?
“Tell me about the CD store.”
Although his lips press together disapprovingly, his head dips in a single nod of agreement.