CHAPTER XIX. MR. MERL'S "LAST" IRISH IMPRESSION
Never once turning his head towards Cro' Martin, Mr. Merl set out forOughterard, where, weary and footsore, he arrived that same evening. Hisfirst care was to take some refreshment; his next to order horses forDublin early for the following morning. This done, he sat down to writeto Captain Martin, to convey to him what Merl designated as a "piece ofhis mind," a phrase which, in popular currency, is always understood toimply the very reverse of any flattery. The truth was, Mr. Merl began tosuspect that his Irish liens were a very bad investment, that propertyin that country was held under something like a double title, the oneconferred by law, the other maintained by a resolute spirit and a stoutheart; that parchments required to be seconded by pistols, and that hewho owned an estate must always hold himself in readiness to fight forit.
Now, these were all very unpalatable considerations. They renderedpossession perilous, they made sale almost impossible. In the cantphrase of Ceylon, the Captain had sold him a wild elephant; or, to speakless figuratively, disposed of what he well knew the purchaser couldnever avail himself of. If Mr. Merl was an emblem of blandness and goodtemper at the play-table, courteous and conceding at every incident ofthe game, it was upon the very wise calculation that the politeness wasprofitable. The little irregularities that he pardoned all gave him aninsight into the character of his antagonists; and where he appeared tohave lost a battle, he had gained more than a victory in knowledge ofthe enemy.
These blandishments were, however, no real part of the man's naturaltemperament, which was eminently distrustful and suspicious, wary todetect a blot, prompt and sharp to hit it. A vague, undefined impressionhad now come over him that the Captain had overreached him; that even ifunincumbered,--which was far from the case,--this same estate was like aforfeited territory, which to own a man must assert his mastery with thestrong hand of force. "I should like to see myself settling down amongstthose savages," thought he, "collecting my rents with dragoons, orlevying a fine with artillery. Property, indeed! You might as wellconvey to me by bill of sale the right over a drove of wild buffaloes inSouth America, or give me a title to a given number of tigers in Bengal.He'd be a bold man that would even venture to come and have a look at'his own.'"
It was in this spirit, therefore, that he composed his epistle, whichassuredly lacked nothing on the score of frankness and candor. All his"Irish impressions" had been unfavorable. He had eaten badly, he hadslept worse; the travelling was rude, the climate detestable; andlastly, where he had expected to have been charmed with the readywit, and amused with the racy humor of the people, he had only beenterrified--terrified almost to death--by their wild demeanor, and aferocity that made his heart quake. "Your cousin," said he,--"yourcousin, whom, by the way, I only saw for a few minutes, seemed admirablyadapted to the exigencies of the social state around her; and althoughball practice has not been included amongst the ordinary items of youngladies' acquirements, I am satisfied that it might advantageously formpart of an Irish education.
"As to your offer of a seat in Parliament, I can only say," continuedhe, "that as the Member of Oughterard I should always feel as though Iwere seated over a barrel of gunpowder; while the very idea of meetingmy constituency makes me shudder. I am, however, quite sensible ofthe honor intended me, both upon that score and in your proposal ofmy taking up my residence at Cro' Martin. The social elevation, andso forth, to ensue from such a course of proceeding would have thisdisadvantage,--it would not pay! No, Captain Martin, the settlementbetween us must stand upon another basis,--the very simple andmatter-of-fact one called L s. d. I shall leave this to-morrow, andbe in town, I hope, by Wednesday; you can, therefore, give your man ofbusiness, Mr. Saunders, his instructions to meet me at Wimpole's, andstate what terms of liquidation he is prepared to offer. Suffice it forthe present to say that I decline any arrangement which should transferto me any portion of the estate. I declare to you, frankly, I'dnot accept the whole of it on the condition of retaining theproprietorship."
When Mr. Merl had just penned the last sentence, the door slowly andcautiously was opened behind him, and a very much carbuncled faceprotruded into the room. "Yes, that's himself," muttered a voice; andere Merl had been able to detect the speaker, the door was closed. Thesecasual interruptions to his privacy had so frequently occurred since thecommencement of his tour, that he only included them amongst his otherIrish "disagreeables;" and so he was preparing to enter on anotherparagraph, when a very decisive knock at the door startled him, andbefore he could say "Come in," a tall, red-faced, vulgar-looking man,somewhat stooped in the shoulders, and with that blear-eyed wateryexpression so distinctive in hard drinkers, slowly entered, and shuttingthe door behind him, advanced to the fire.
"My name, sir, is Brierley," said he, with a full, rich brogue.
"Brierley--Brierley--never heard of Brierley before," said Mr. Merl,affecting a flippant ease that was very remote from his heart.
"Better late than never, sir," rejoined the other, coolly seatinghimself, and crossing his arms on his breast. "I have come here on thepart of my friend Tom,--Mr. Magennis, I mean,--of Barnagheela, who toldme to track you out."
"Much obliged, I'm sure, for the attention," said Merl, with an assumedsmartness.
"That 's all right; so you should," continued Brierley. "Tom toldme that you were present at Cro' Martin when he was outraged andinsulted,--by a female of course, or he wouldn't be making a complaintof it now,--and as he is not the man that ever lay under a thing of thekind, or ever will, he sent me here to you, to arrange where you 'd liketo have it, and when."
"To have what?" asked Merl, with a look of unfeigned terror.
"Baythershin! how dull we are!" said Mr. Brierley, with a finger to hisvery red nose. "Sure it's not thinking of the King's Bench you are, thatyou want me to speak clearer."
"I want to know your meaning, sir,--if you have a meaning."
"Be cool, honey; keep yourself cool. Without you happen to find thatwarmth raises your heart, I 'd say again, be cool. I've one simplequestion to ask you,"--here he dropped his voice to a low, cautiouswhisper,--"Will ye blaze?"
"Will I what?" cried Merl.
Mr. Brierley arose, and drawing himself up to his full height, extendedhis arm in the attitude of one taking aim with a pistol. "Eh!" cried he,"you comprehend me now, don't you?"
"Fight--fight a duel!" exclaimed Merl, aloud.
"Whisht! whisht! speak lower," said Brierley; "there's maybe a chaplistening at the door this minute!"
Accepting the intimation in a very different spirit from that inwhich it was offered, Merl rushed to the door, and threw it wide open."Waiter!--landlord!--house!--waiter!" screamed he, at the top of hisvoice. And in an instant three or four slovenly-looking fellows, withdirty napkins in dirtier hands, surrounded him.
"What is it, your honer?--what is it?" asked they, in a breath.
"Don't you hear what the gentleman's asking for?" said Brierley, with ahalf-serious face. "He wants a chaise-to the door as quick as lightning.He 's off this minute."
"Yes, by Jupiter! that I am," said Merl, wiping the perspiration fromhis forehead.
"Take your last look at the West, dear, as you pass the Shannon, for Idon't think you 'll ever come so far again," said Brierley, with a grin,as he moved by him to descend the stairs.
"If I do, may--" But the slam of his room-door, and the rattle of thekey as he locked it, cut short Mr. Merl's denunciation.
In less than half an hour afterwards a yellow post-chaise left the"Martin Arms" at full speed, a wild yell of insult and derision greetingit as it swept by, showing how the Oughterard public appreciated itsinmate!