“Do you know what that shimmering screen is?” said Molly beside me.
“No,” I said. “Never seen it before. It’s not part of the Hall’s defences. Maybe some kind of improvised force shield?”
“I don’t think so,” said Molly. “Looks…wrong for that.”
“We’ll find out when we get close enough,” said the Regent.
Molly and I turned back to look at him. He seemed entirely serene.
“You think we should just go running out there?” said Molly. “Into monster-snack territory?”
“I think the family needs all the help it can get,” said the Regent. “Don’t you?”
“You’re wearing Drood armour, Molly,” said Patrick. “You don’t have to worry about monsters anymore.”
“We’re not doing any good just standing here,” I said quickly. “So I say…Go the reinforcements!”
I took a deep breath, silently called myself all kinds of idiot and ran out into the clearing, heading straight for the shimmering barrier hanging in the air and the Hall beyond it. Molly was right there at my side in her rogue armour, and I just knew she was grinning broadly behind her featureless golden mask. She put on a sudden burst of speed, leaving the rest of us behind, striking out savagely at the monstrous creatures that blocked our way. Her golden fists gouged great chunks out of alien flesh, but the creatures didn’t even seem to notice one more stinging irritant at their feet. Molly’s actions worried me. They showed a viciousness I’d never seen in her before. And why wasn’t she using her magic instead of relying on the armour’s brute strength? Was the rogue armour getting to her already, the way it had got to me? I fought to keep up with her, striking out with Oath Breaker. Wherever the ironwood staff struck alien flesh, great slabs of muscle exploded and more than one monster lurched suddenly to one side as a limb buckled unexpectedly. Patrick and Diana stuck close behind, maintaining a devastating rate of fire and keeping anything from getting too close to us. And the Regent just trotted along behind us, puffing gently, still smiling that interminable smile.
Molly laughed aloud, delighting in the strength and speed the rogue armour bestowed on her, smashing her way through everything that stood before her. I was disturbed at how quickly she’d taken to the armour after all the comments she’d made before about how she didn’t approve of unnatural sources of power. But it is an undeniable truth that power tends to seduce, and appalling amounts of power…Molly took the rogue armour away from me to save me from its influence. Was I going to have to take it back again for her sake?
We were halfway across the clearing now, almost at the shimmering screen. I could see the Hall ahead of us. Huge creatures the size of airplanes cruised by overhead, circling the great clearing, swooping down to attack the Hall on massive wings that briefly blocked out the sun. Droods went up to meet and duel with them, in flying saucers, autogyros, attack helicopters…even sitting astride winged unicorns. They darted back and forth, easily evading the languorous movements of the larger creatures, plunging in to attack again and again and blasting the winged creatures with all kinds of weapons. Like golden wasps attacking winged whales.
Huge wormlike things burst up out of the ground inside the shimmering barrier, exploding up and up into the air, sending dark earth flying in all directions. Slimy ringed segments the size of hot-air balloons and with leprous grey flesh rose over the Hall, carrying blunt heads with great circular mouths full of rows of teeth that rotated like meat grinders. The Droods inside the Hall targeted the massive worms with every weapon they had and blew them apart one segment at a time. The slimy flesh soaked up incredible amounts of punishment before the worms collapsed and fell, slamming back to earth inside and outside the barrier. The creatures still outside tore the wounded worms apart and ate them up, all in a few moments.
And inevitably there came a time when the monsters were packed so tight together before the shimmering barrier that Molly and I were forced to a halt. No matter what we did with armoured strength or with Oath Breaker, we just couldn’t make any progress. They were simply too big and we were too small. Of course, size didn’t mean anything where Oath Breaker was concerned; if I’d unleashed its true power, even for a moment, I could have blown whole monsters apart right down to the molecular level.…But then, neither I nor any of my party would have survived such an explosion. Using the ironwood staff as a club was a bit like hitting someone over the head with a nuclear device, but it was still safer than the alternative.
Patrick and Diana kept up a steady stream of fire, while Molly and I looked around for another way forward. They blasted anything that got too close, and then they stopped briefly to confer before concentrating their firepower on a massive leg that blocked our way. The vicious energies actually opened up a tunnel through the flesh of the leg, and Molly immediately ran forward into it. So of course I had no choice but to go after her, with the others bringing up the rear. Patrick and Diana kept firing their guns, blasting out more elbow room from the meat walls and ceiling of the tunnel, expanding it as we went.
I couldn’t help noticing how well they worked together, as though they’d been doing it for a long time. And they certainly seemed a lot more familiar with action in the field than I would have expected, even from the Regent’s favourite Special Agents. They were excellent marksmen, too. I never saw them hit anything they didn’t mean to. So, professional field agents with a long working relationship who didn’t seem fazed by anything they encountered…Who were Patrick and Diana, really? And why was I so sure I knew them from somewhere?
We burst out the other end of the meat tunnel to find the shimmering barrier right ahead of us. I yelled for Molly to stop so the others could catch up, and she did, reluctantly. I looked back in time to see Patrick and Diana run out of the dripping tunnel mouth and immediately look around for new things to shoot at. The Regent strolled out after them, and a monstrous foot came slamming down from above and crushed him into the ground. We all cried out in shock and horror, but there was nothing any of us could do. It had already happened; it was over. And then the massive foot lifted up and moved on, and there, in a deep depression in the ground, was the Regent. Sitting up and brushing fussily at his clothes, entirely unhurt. Which was, of course, when I remembered.
“Kayleigh’s Eye!” I said. “When that tea lady tried to kill you, the bullets couldn’t hurt you because you were wearing Kayleigh’s Eye! No wonder you weren’t bothered by taking a walk in monster country!”
Even as I was saying that, a winged thing dropped down from above, heading straight for the Regent. It was much more our size, our scale, barely twenty to thirty feet in wingspan. The Regent looked up at it, smiling, and suddenly there was a small silver gun in his hand. He aimed carefully and pulled the trigger, and the winged creature just blew apart into hundreds of meaty chunks. The Regent smiled, blew imaginary smoke from the end of the short barrel, and made the gun disappear with a quick flexing of his fingers.
“I didn’t just bring the Eye,” he said easily.
“Told you,” said Patrick. “More tricks up his sleeve than a barrel of conjurers.”
I turned away, not trusting myself to speak, and tested the shimmering barrier with one hand. Nothing bad happened, so I just plunged right through it. And the moment I was on the other side, the alien world’s heavier gravity fell away and I could breathe again without struggling. The barrier wasn’t a force shield; it just marked the spot where alien conditions ended. The Hall was still surrounded by an area of Earth-normal conditions that it had brought with it. The relief was so great I just stood there for a long moment, breathing deeply, a big stupid grin on my face. And then the others came through to join me, so I put on my professional face again and led them towards Drood Hall.
The golden figures at the perimeter, inside and outside the screen, just nodded briefly to us as we passed, concentrating on keeping back the monsters. More armoured figures ran back and forth from the Hall to the barrier, presumably with important messages or
more ammunition. They were too busy even to acknowledge us. As we approached the front doors, a single figure appeared, carrying the single biggest and most impressive-looking gun I’d ever seen. I was surprised he could even hold the thing, let alone aim it. It was, of course, the Sarjeant-at-Arms. He aimed the gun right at us, and then he saw me, and I swear his jaw actually dropped. I think the whole journey was worth it just to see that. His mouth snapped shut again almost immediately, and he stepped outside and urged us in. He tracked the gun back and forth, making sure nothing had come through the barrier after us, waited till we were all safely inside, and then hurried in after us and slammed the front doors shut.
It was wonderfully cool and calm and quiet in the hallway.
The Sarjeant-at-Arms put down his huge gun, leaning it carefully against the closed front doors. He nodded briefly to me.
“Good to see you, Eddie. What took you so long?”
I stepped forward and hugged him tightly. It was a bit like trying to hug a brick wall, but I gave it my best shot. Then I stepped back and grinned at him.
“Good to see you too, Cedric. You have no idea how good.”
“Please, Edwin,” said the Sarjeant. “Not in front of strangers. Who are these people you’ve brought with you?”
Molly armoured down, and the Sarjeant blinked several times as the golden mask disappeared to reveal her features. But that was nothing compared to the look of actual shock that took over his face when he looked at the Regent, Diana and Patrick. He stepped forward involuntarily, his gaze fixed on the Regent of Shadows.
“Dear God,” he said. “It’s you!”
“Quite, Cedric,” said the Regent. “Demons in Hell are probably snowboarding even as we speak.…But, yes, it’s me. I’m back. Where is the rest of the Council?”
“Here,” said a familiar voice. “All that’s left of us.”
I looked around, and hurrying down the hallway towards us were William the Librarian and the telepath Ammonia Vom Acht. The Librarian looked his usual tall and world-buffeted self, but he was wearing clothes that actually seemed like he’d put them on himself for a change, and with his great head of grey hair and full grey beard, he looked more like an Old Testament prophet than usual. His eyes seemed sharper and clearer than they had in a long time. Ammonia Vom Acht stuck close beside him, giving every appearance that she’d been doing that for some time. Medium height, sturdy, with a broad mannish face and a shock of unruly auburn hair, Ammonia had a face so full of character there was no room left in it for anything like good looks. She was wearing her usual battered tweed suit and stout brogues with trailing laces. Her jaw protruded forward with bulldog stubbornness. I noted, with quiet shock, that William and Ammonia were holding hands.
I pointed at them. “All right,” I said, “when did that happen?”
But before William could answer, I stepped forward and hugged him hard. The Sarjeant sniffed loudly behind me.
“He keeps doing that. I don’t know why.”
I let go of William, stepped back and grinned at him. “You’re looking a lot more yourself, William.”
“Ammonia’s been helping me,” said William. “I always knew what I really needed was the love of a good woman.”
“But we couldn’t find one,” said Ammonia, “So he has to settle for me.”
They smiled at each other fondly. The Sarjeant-at-Arms gave me a What can you do? look but said nothing.
“The three of us are all that’s left to form a Council,” said William. “And we’ve been very busy since we arrived here.”
“Where’s Uncle Jack?” I said. “Has something happened to Uncle Jack?”
“The Armourer is down with Alpha Red Alpha,” said Ammonia. “Hitting it with the science stick, trying to persuade it to work again and get us the hell out of wherever it is we are.”
And then we all cried out and jumped back as a vicious snapping creature materialised abruptly in the hallway. Covered in dark green scales, long and Reptiloid with a great wedge head, lots of fangs and claws and a vicious barbed tail that snapped back and forth behind it. Big enough that it filled the hallway from wall to wall and from floor to ceiling, it was actually trapped for a moment, unable to manoeuvre. Ammonia pointed a single finger at the beast and scowled really hard, and all the beast’s eyes rolled up in its head. It collapsed, slamming its great length on the floor.
“Telepathic bludgeon,” said William proudly.
“Best kind,” said Ammonia.
“Yes…” said the Sarjeant. “Luckily, it appears only a very few of these things can teleport, or we’d be hip deep in the bloody things by now. Is it dead or just sleeping, Ammonia?”
“Dead, of course.” The telepath kicked the creature in the head a few times, just to be sure. “William, get this out of here, would you?”
“Of course, dear.”
William armoured up. I didn’t think I’d ever seen the Librarian in armour before. He grabbed the long barbed tail and dragged the creature briskly down the hallway to the front doors. He kicked them open and dragged the dead thing outside, where he picked the whole creature up and pitched it right through the shimmering barrier. William came back in to join us, and armoured down.
“Why am I always the one who has to take out the trash?”
“Show-off,” said Ammonia. She fixed me with a hard look. “Don’t even think about hugging me, boy. Why are you so pleased to see everyone?”
“He thought you were all dead,” Molly said briskly. “When this Hall disappeared from the world, another Hall rotated in to take its place. That Hall was a burnt-out ruin, full of dead Droods. It took us a while to figure out what had happened.”
“Wait a minute,” said the Sarjeant-at-Arms. “The whole world thinks the Droods are dead? We have got to get back. With the cats away, the rats will run riot.”
“Well, yes, quite right, Sarjeant,” said William. “But first things first. The Armourer really was very clear and most upset when he told us that Alpha Red Alpha couldn’t get us home again. That we were, in fact, trapped in this shithole of a world. And it was very nice of you to come and join us, Eddie. But have you brought anything useful with you? Something to help us get back home?”
“I’ve brought along a few useful items,” I said. “I’ll take them down to the Armourer.”
“I still want to know who all these other people are!” said Ammonia, scowling at the Regent in particular.
“Ah yes,” said William. “I should have got around to that, shouldn’t I? Sorry, everyone. My mind isn’t what it was.”
“Though we are working on that,” Ammonia said quickly.
The Regent smiled gently at the Librarian. “Do you remember me, William? I’m your uncle Arthur. First husband to Martha. I’ve been away for a while, but I’m back now in your hour of need. Because that’s what I do.”
William just nodded vaguely. He clearly still had some way to go. The Sarjeant nodded heavily.
“The Regent of Shadows. Never thought I’d see the day…Welcome home, Great-uncle.”
“I and my associates here are just along for the ride,” said the Regent. “It’s Eddie’s show, really. And Molly’s, of course.”
“The infamous Molly Metcalf,” said the Sarjeant-at-Arms. “And wearing Drood armour…There’s a story behind this, I’m sure, and I’m really not going to like it. Am I?”
“Almost certainly not,” I said.
“Then it can wait. Get down to Alpha Red Alpha and do what you can to help the Armourer. Those things out there are getting closer all the time. We don’t have any of the Hall’s usual exterior defences; they didn’t travel along with us. Most of the family are out manning the perimeter, doing what they can with all the weapons we could find in the Armoury, some of which are being field-tested for the first time even as we speak.” He scowled briefly. “We’ve lost some good people. And a lot of the weapons are running out of ammunition. I don’t want to open the Armageddon Codex, but I will if I have to. I will destr
oy this world before I let it destroy us.”
“Spoken like a true Sarjeant-at-Arms,” I said.
The whole hallway was suddenly full of a rose red glow as Ethel manifested, bestowing her peaceful and calming presence on us.
“Hello, hello, hello, Eddie!” said the familiar disembodied voice. “I’m so glad you caught up with us at last! Isn’t this an absolutely fascinating world? I’ve never seen creatures this ugly before, and I’ve been to dimensions you don’t even have concepts for! I’m sure if some of these things would only stop trying to kill us, just for a moment, we could have some really interesting conversations!”
“You can talk to them?” I said.
“Well, no, not as such,” Ethel said reluctantly. “I keep trying, but all I get is this mental static.…They’re just so different! I’ll keep trying, though. But first things first. You need your armour back, Eddie.”
And I cried out loud in relief as armour poured out of my torc and formed around me. I’d forgotten how good it felt after the cold embrace of the rogue armour. I revelled in the feeling for a moment and then reluctantly armoured down again. But before I could say anything, the rose red glow seemed to concentrate around Molly, as though Ethel was studying her closely.
“That’s a very interesting torc you’ve got there, Molly,” said Ethel. “Where on earth did you get it? It’s not one of mine. I can see it contains armour, but it’s not strange matter. It tastes funny. I don’t like it.”
“I don’t like it, either,” said the Sarjeant-at-Arms. “Only Droods are supposed to have armour.”
“This was a special case,” said Molly.
“I needed armour,” I said steadily. “And you were gone with the Hall, Ethel. So I went with the only armour that was left. The armour in the hedge Maze. Moxton’s Mistake.”
The Sarjeant just frowned, but William’s head came up immediately. He looked at me sharply, and I thought he was going to say something, but he didn’t.
“Still doesn’t explain why she turned up here wearing it, and not you,” said the Sarjeant.