Key change. ‘Brightly shone the moo that night. Though the frogs were cool. Anna porman came inside, gathering …’ A lengthy pause. ‘What was it, Gramps?’
Stage whisper: ‘Winter fuel.’
Big finale. ‘Winter fuuuuu-uuu-eeel.’
‘That was brilliant,’ I tell her, and, ridiculously, there’s a tear in my eye. Despite the fact that I don’t have much hope of my daughter becoming a pop star and keeping me in the style I’d like to be accustomed to. We’re such a tight unit that I hate being away from her. ‘Did you learn all that tonight?’
‘Yes. On the way home.’
‘You’re so clever.’
‘Shall I sing it again?’
‘No, no, no,’ I say. I’m hoping that at some point I’m going to get back to the strangely welcome attentions of Josh Wallace. I also hope that, in the meantime, Karen hasn’t decided to slip into my place. ‘You can sing it again tomorrow.’
‘Say night-night,’ Gramps urges.
‘Night-night, Mummy.’
‘Night-night, sweet pea. Love you to the moon and back.’
Then Dad comes back on. ‘Isn’t that grand?’
‘Fab.’
‘She’s such a quick learner. Just like you at that age. How’s the party, love?’
‘It’s fine, Dad. Nice.’
‘I can come for you,’ he says. ‘No trouble. I left the car out.’
‘Dad …’
‘I’ll be there in a flash. I can come straight after part one of the Strictly Christmas special finishes.’
‘I think I’m probably going to stay later than that, Dad. Make a night of it.’
‘Oh.’
‘I’ll get the coach home. Don’t. Wait. Up.’
‘You know your mother worries when you’re not in.’
‘I’m fine. Really fine. I’m having a great time.’
‘Oh. That’s good. Watch what you drink. It can creep up on you.’
‘Dad, I’m a big girl now. I know all that.’
‘People do silly things when they’ve had a drink.’
‘Not me. There’s no need to worry. Look, I’ve got to go, Dad. They’re about to serve dinner.’
‘Lovely. What are you having?’
‘Turkey, Dad. I’m having turkey. Got to go.’
‘My favourite,’ he says. ‘I do like a bit of turkey.’
‘Love you,’ I say. ‘Hanging up now.’
And before my dad can say anything else, I cut off the call. I must get out more often if this is the effect my only night out in living memory has on them. What will they do when Mia and I are set to move out? They might chain us in the basement.
With that thought in mind, and feeling quite glad that my parents’ house doesn’t actually have a basement, I hurry back to the marquee. Tyler’s eyes follow me across the floor again. I feel like sticking my tongue out at him. Instead I mutter, ‘Fuckofffuckofffuckoff,’ under my breath.
As I feared, when I get back to my table Karen has slid into my seat. She’s looking rather settled. She has a proprietorial hand on Josh’s arm and is fashioning a tinkling laugh.
Josh looks up as I approach. ‘Everything all right?’
‘Yes. Fine. My daughter wanted to sing “Good King Wenceslas” to me.’
‘That would be urgent.’
‘I don’t think she understands the concept of me-time. And, like all mothers, I assumed it was a call about an impromptu trip to A&E.’
‘But she’s OK?’
‘Yes, totally.’
‘Good.’
He seems genuinely concerned, and that’s nice.
‘Oh to be bogged down by commitments,’ Karen says with added drama. ‘Glad I’m free and single.’
‘And available,’ she forgets to add, but I think both Josh and I get the picture.
Then I stand there a bit like a lemon until the waiters sweep in with the main course. With a barely disguised huff Karen somewhat reluctantly extricates herself from my seat.
‘Just keeping it warm for you.’
I bet.
‘Catch you later.’ She gives a little wave to Josh and what I interpret as a warning glance to me.
I’m putting this down to the fact that she’s been drinking to excess and hoping she’ll be all sweetness and light in the office tomorrow. Albeit with a monster hangover. Slightly harried, I sit down and let out a sigh.
‘I’m afraid your soup’s gone cold,’ Josh says.
‘That’s the least of my worries. I’m just glad I’m back in time for the turkey.’
Josh smiles at me. ‘Me too.’
Chapter Fifteen
I think I’m becoming paranoid. Every time I look up, Tyler Benson’s gaze is fixed on me. Now his wife is doing the same thing. I pretend not to notice and return my attention to Josh, who is proving to be a very attentive dinner companion. Twisting in my chair, I keep my glass in my hand, so that it’s blocking their view of my face. What else can I do?
Josh tucks into the lovely Christmas dinner that’s been served. ‘Don’t let it bother you.’
So he’s noticed too.
‘It’s very difficult,’ I tell him. ‘I don’t want to upset Tyler – he’s my boss. But I’m not the slightest bit interested in being yet another conquest for him.’
‘That’s probably what he finds most attractive about you.’ Josh spears a sprout and studies it, contemplating whether to eat it or not, before popping it into his mouth with a slight grimace.
‘They’re good for you.’
He points at my plate, which is barely touched. ‘Then you’d better eat yours.’
To be honest, I can hardly eat my dinner, I’m so anxious. I don’t want to put a foot wrong this evening. The marquee is filled with Christmas songs while we eat and the mood of the staff is very jovial. Above the chatter, there’s a layer of laughter and a contentment that’s palpable. This feels like a very aspirational company to work for. People are upbeat, keen to get on, and I so desperately want to be a part of that for many years to come. I can do things with my life in a company like this. If only it wasn’t for Tyler Benson.
‘Our Tyler loves the thrill of the chase,’ Josh says, getting back to our conversation. ‘Whether it’s a sales contract or a woman, he likes to be the hunter.’
I sigh. ‘How very Neanderthal.’
Josh laughs. ‘Don’t worry about it too much. He’s kicking around at the moment because we’re at year-end.’
‘The devil always finds work for idle hands.’
‘He does indeed. Come January, we’ll all be flat out and he’ll be far too busy to bother you.’
‘I hope you’re right.’
‘I’ll look out for you,’ he promises.
‘Thanks, that’s very kind.’ It would be nice to know that someone at the office has my back, although I feel as if I’m going to have to learn to fight my own battles with Tyler otherwise he’ll keep treating me as a pushover.
‘There’s something going on at Fossil,’ Josh confides. ‘I’m not sure what. But I’ve got the impression that Tyler Benson is going to have his hands full very soon.’
As long as his hands aren’t full of my bottom, then I’ll be happy.
‘How long have you been working for the company?’ I ask.
‘Eight years now. Some days it feels a lot longer.’ He refills both of our glasses. ‘I joined them as a salesman when I was a callow youth of twenty-five and not long out of university. I’m gradually working my way up the corporate ladder.’
‘Sounds like you’ve had quite a meteoric rise to me.’
‘I’m ambitious, Louise. I want to get to the top.’ He lowers his voice. ‘I wouldn’t say this to just anyone – well, no one really – but Tyler Benson’s job has my name on it.’
I do hope so. I’d rather work for Josh Wallace any day of the week. All those late nights might not seem so bad. And then I check myself. I haven’t had thoughts like this in years. When Mia’s dad left us, I swore that no o
ther man would ever darken my door. My daughter is the focus of my life now. I could count on one hand the amount of dates I’ve had in the last four years and they were all fairly disastrous. And yet there’s something beguiling about Josh’s brand of understated charm. Where Tyler Benson is brash, loud, arrogant, Josh is just the opposite. He’s considered, he laughs readily but it’s not a hideous guffaw and, although he seems a confident man, I can’t help but feel that there’s an underlying vulnerability. I think he’d be a good boss. Fair. Plus he looks kind of cute in the yellow paper hat that came out of the Christmas cracker that we pulled together. It’s on lopsided and it makes him look very boyish. I resist the urge to straighten it.
‘What about you?’ he asks. ‘What did you do before joining Fossil?’
‘I was working in Boots, stacking shelves,’ I say honestly. No point in trying to make out I’m something I’m not. ‘Before that I was in a bank. When Mia was born, she was my priority. She’s four now, nearly five, and has started to go to school full-time, so it’s time for me to kick-start my career again.’ That sounds like I ever had one. ‘My mum and dad help me with childcare.’
‘Are they babysitting tonight? Or is she with your husband?’
I could pretend, at this moment, that there’s still a ‘Mr Louise’ on the scene. Josh seems to be making a play for me – but not in a creepy way like Tyler. In fact, it’s been so long since someone chatted me up, it feels quite nice. Do people still even say ‘chat up’? If I told him I was still in a relationship, that would certainly put paid to any ‘available’ vibe I might be giving out. But for some reason I want to be honest with him. If he is interested in me, then he’d better know up front what the score is. I come with baggage, with a capital B.
‘No husband. No partner. No nothing. Just me and Mia. And my parents, of course.’ He might as well get the full story. ‘They’re great. Which is just as well as they’ve got us both living at home with them now.’
‘Ah,’ he says. ‘That must be tough.’
Yes. No chance of coming back to my pad for a night of passion, Mr Wallace. Process that.
‘It works really well. I couldn’t manage without their help,’ I tell him. ‘But I still want to get my own place again. If I can.’
‘That’s the reason why this job is so important?’
‘Got it in one.’ I know I should keep this light, impersonal, but Josh is very easy to talk to. ‘My ex left me with a lot of debts too. It’s going to take a while to clear those.’
‘You’ll do it,’ he says. ‘I was in the same boat when my wife and I split. It took time, but I dug myself out of it.’
‘How long have you been divorced?’ I should have got the low-down on him from Karen. She’ll have done her homework. I bet she knows everything there is to know about Josh’s personal life.
‘We split up twelve months ago. Just before Christmas last year.’
‘That must have been awful.’
‘It wasn’t the best Christmas I’ve ever spent.’ He gives me a wry smile. ‘They say it’s the most difficult time of year for relationships. Doesn’t the divorce rate soar in January?’
‘What a depressing thought!’
‘Yeah. “Here’s your Christmas present, I’m off!”’
‘Do you have any children?’
‘No,’ he says sadly. ‘That was never really on the cards. Shame, really.’
‘I guess it’s for the best. In some ways.’
‘Yeah, I suppose so.’ He shrugs. ‘Still, life goes on, doesn’t it? She’s happy now. I guess that’s all that matters.’
The waitresses engulf us again and take away the plates before returning with Christmas pudding and great platters of mince pies. This is a sumptuous Christmas feast. More wine is brought to the table and glasses of champagne for the toast as, apparently, Lance Harvey is rumoured to be giving a big thank you address to the staff later on. Must be good news, if we’re raising our glasses with decent fizz. I’m only relieved that I’m not having to pay for any of these drinks. If it was left to my budget, I’d have made one glass of wine last all night. As it is, despite promising myself I’d stop at a couple of glasses, I’m drinking far more than I’d intended.
I think of my parents’ own, distinctly more modest Christmas celebration, which I look forward to every year. Their ritual hasn’t changed since I was a child and now I feel as if I’m passing it all on to Mia. I’m sure we’re the only household in Britain who still sit down together and watch the Queen’s speech. My dad gets positively delirious if it’s followed by a 1970s Bond film. I hope that, one day, I might have a marriage like theirs. One that’s unshakeable and grounded in shared simple pleasures.
‘What are you doing this year?’ I don’t know why I’m asking him this.
‘Nothing much,’ he says. ‘I’ve been so busy at work these last few months, I haven’t even thought about it. This is my Christmas dinner.’ He stares appreciatively at the brimming bowl of Christmas pudding in front of him. ‘It’ll probably be egg on toast for Christmas Day. If I remember to get some eggs in. And some bread.’
‘Ah, the bachelor lifestyle.’
‘It’s not all it’s cracked up to be,’ he says sadly. ‘I used to love coming home to Corrine and our little house. Unfortunately, she didn’t like me being away so often. That’s the cost of climbing higher. Every rung has a sacrifice attached to it.’
‘Surely she understood that?’
‘There’s no doubt Corrine wanted me to get on in life, but I don’t think either of us realised the toll it would take on our relationship. I was travelling all over the place. One day in Scotland, the next in Belgium, then back to Kent or somewhere. Sometimes, I didn’t even make it home for the weekend. I guess in the end she just got lonely.’
‘Did she leave you for someone else?’ Then I realise what I’ve said. ‘Sorry, that’s none of my business.’
‘It’s fine.’ He gives a laugh and there’s no bitterness in it. Perhaps he has moved on. ‘She went off with the bloke who used to deliver our organic fruit and veg box.’
I give him a sympathetic look. ‘I’m sure there must be a joke in there somewhere.’
‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘I don’t blame her. He’s a nice bloke. Homely. In a weird way, when she left, it made me more determined to go as far as I could at work. While I haven’t got any commitments – romantic or otherwise – I really want to push the envelope. The worst thing is going home to an empty house.’
‘I can sympathise with that. When Mia and I lived in our own place, once she’d gone to bed, I was on my own all the time.’ I think of the nights I spent just staring at the television, wondering how to break out of the rut we were in. ‘It can be lonely.’
‘Yeah. Life isn’t bad though. I’ve got so many plans for the future.’ He gives me a shy smile. ‘I just need to find someone who’s happy to come along for the ride.’
At that moment, Karen comes to the table. I’d intended to keep an eye out for her but, to my shame, I’d completely forgotten. Doesn’t look like she’s faring too badly though. She’s currently flanked by the two half-naked firemen and is giggling madly. Her cheeks are flushed and glowing. Her breasts, if possible, seem even more jiggly than they did earlier. I don’t know how her dress is managing to contain them.
‘Raffle tickets!’ she says. ‘There are some fab prizes.’ She leans against Josh as she waves her book of tickets at us. ‘I’m here to relieve you of your cash. A pound a strip.’
I search in my handbag for some money. ‘I’ll have one.’
One of the firemen holds out his bucket and I toss in my pound. She tears me off a strip of tickets and I note a steely look in her eye as she hands them over. It’s clear that she thinks I’m intruding on her territory. I hope she doesn’t realise that Josh actually moved her off this table.
‘I’ll give you a fiver,’ Josh says.
‘Men have to give a forfeit too,’ Karen tells him. ‘Hand over your bow tie and, later on
, you have to pay a tenner to get it back.’
Josh shrugs his compliance. ‘OK.’ He goes to undo his bow tie, but can’t quite get it. ‘I’m all fingers and thumbs. Could you give me a hand, Louise?’
He offers me his throat and my fingers also fumble as I loosen it. As I move closer, I can smell his aftershave, musky and inviting. He has a strong throat, also inviting. I’d like to run my fingertips over the bit that dips just below his collar. Then I realise what I’m thinking and I cough to hide my discomfort, hurrying to undo the tie. ‘There you go.’
Josh slides it out from under his shirt collar and undoes the top button. ‘That feels better.’
His bow tie goes into the bucket held by the other fireman. There seem to be an awful lot of bow ties in there that all look identical. How will they know which one belongs to whom? I’d be a bit hacked off if I threw in a silk one and got polyester back. But maybe Karen has a foolproof plan.
‘Thank you, Josh,’ Karen simpers. ‘What about a dance later?’
‘I’m not much of a dancer,’ he says. ‘I’ll have to turn you down.’
Karen’s face doesn’t flicker. ‘I’ll make you dance with me, Josh Wallace. Just you wait and see.’
She waltzes away, chin up, chest out, the two beefy firemen in tow.
I turn to Josh. ‘I believe her.’
He laughs and there’s something in his eyes that warms me down to my toes. ‘I had hoped that my dance card was already full this evening.’
Chapter Sixteen
The next thing Kirsten knew was that Tyler was grabbing her by the hand. ‘Let’s get this party started!’ he declared.
‘Not yet, Tyler. Let the dance floor fill up a bit.’
‘Noooo,’ he said. ‘We should show these youngsters what we’ve got.’
Despite her obvious reluctance, he pulled her on to the dance floor with him.
The Christmas dinner was finished and now some of the employees were relaxing back in their seats with coffee while the more exuberant were already up and dancing to the band, who were playing lively covers of current hits. Some of the staff had headed straight to the casino that had been set up for the evening.