“Maybe she’s not answering because she doesn’t recognize the number,” he said.
“Possible. It’s the third on the left,” I said as we turned on to my street. Little boxes of single-family homes lined each side. They all looked alike, and they all held middle-income, happy families. Except for mine. Someday I’d get around to fixing up my place, but it wouldn’t hold a family until after I was long gone.
He pulled into my driveway. “It’s lovely. Yours?”
I nodded. “My grandmother’s really. She left it to me when she died. It’s not what you’re probably used to, but it has a roof…mostly.” I slipped out of the car and stumbled only once, which was impressive. He followed me up to the porch.
I took a breath before I opened the door, making peace with what I was about to do. Nope. No peace here. My mind seemed pretty well ravaged by war, actually. Letting a client into my home was against every rule Emilia had set. But more than that, it was against every rule I had set. And Hayden wasn’t just another client.
So many things could go wrong as soon as I opened the door. How weird would it be to have him wait on the porch? The swing would squeak, but it would hold him.
I turned toward him, the door still locked behind me. He was maybe a foot and a half away, looking at me with an expression that might actually be very similar to the one I wore, both of which were highly dangerous. “I’m giving you an out now.”
He cocked his head to the side. “Clarify.”
“You’re allowed to leave now.”
“If it’s alright with you, I’d rather stay a bit longer.”
Was it alright with me? Yeah, way more than it should be. For all the wrong reasons.
When I hesitated, he added, “You might need another ride somewhere tonight.”
Although, if I had to pick Sara up somewhere, I could take a cab. And pay a ton of money to hear the driver complain and drive me around the city searching for her.
“That’s an excellent point.” I nodded gratefully.
This kind of crap was why I’d stopped drinking, why this night should’ve never happened, and why I really needed a car. If Sara needed help or a ride, I couldn’t give her one. So, logically—and having nothing to do with the fact that I really, really, really wanted him to stay—it made sense for him to stick around a while.
Plus, I wasn’t going to give in to my baser urges, no matter how much power they currently held over me. Especially while my friend might need me. And I would never go to bed with a married man. So as far as I was concerned—Hayden was safe from me.
“I’m not sleeping with you, Hayden,” I said, still facing the door. “So if that’s what you’re thinking is going to happen, you’re totally wrong.” Well said. And not even a little bit slurred.
“I’m not going to sleep with you either.”
“You’re not?” Not as well said. There was a bit too much disappointment in it.
“No, I’m not. I’m here to assist in whatever way I can, not to take advantage of a beautiful woman who’s been drinking.”
Beautiful? I kind of got stuck on the word, unable to move past it for a moment. But then all the others hit me and made much more sense. “Right. Okay, then… That settles it. Neither of us is sleeping with anyone— I mean, each other. Neither of us is sleeping—” I scratched my head. “I’m going to switch topics now.”
I heard him chuckle as I unlocked the door and went inside. “Whatever you see in here is classified.”
He shut the door behind us. “Lights?”
Right. I flicked on a lamp in the living room. “Don’t touch anything, move anything, or lay down on anything.” That last one was so that I didn’t get distracted.
He crossed his arms over his chest, his fingers denting his biceps. Very distracting biceps.
Focus, damn it. But not on him.
I didn’t turn on too many lights, just in case there was anything incriminating lying around, like a piece of mail with my real name on it. As long as he didn’t know who I was, then he wouldn’t know the computer setup he’d bought me could put me in prison. And he wouldn’t get in trouble for knowing. Great. Lies were so useful.
Now was not the time to go into it. I wasn’t sure when that time was, but it definitely wasn’t after drinking heavily. If I started talking about it now, we’d probably end the night with me sobbing onto his shoulder, confessing about that pack of gum I’d stolen when I was nine. Or the time—yesterday—I’d hidden Emilia’s keys so we were late for spin class, and by the time we got there, only one bike was left so I generously said she could take it and then went home and finished off a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.
I shook my head and led him to the kitchen. “Help yourself to whatever’s in the fridge.” Nothing in there had ‘Andi’ written on it. “I’ll…um…be back in a few minutes.”
He looked at me strangely but didn’t say anything. I went straight to my office and booted up my computer. Halfway through the boot, I realized that while the fridge might not have anything with my name on it, there could be any number of condemning things in the room I’d just left him in. Better to keep him close.
“Hayden, can you come here?” Thank God my computer wasn’t in my bedroom. I quickly shoved my bills into a drawer, hearing the click of his shoes on the wooden floors. When he came inside the office, I dove into my chair.
“Nice.” He came up behind me and rested his arm right above my head. “So this is where the magic happens, huh?”
“Nah, the real magic happens next door in my bed—” I bit my tongue. Literally. “Never mind.”
“Is that…?” He blinked and tilted his head, looking at my desktop computer—using the word loosely.
“The system you bought me?” I tilted my head too—nope, didn’t make it any better. “Um…I did a little customization, that sort of thing, but yeah, it is.”
I’d salvaged what I could from my last computer and combined it with the one he’d given me. It looked a bit Frankenstein-ish but worked like a miracle. Plus, if I ever got in trouble with the law—which would never happen to sweet, innocent, never-screw-up-anything me—well, it was a hell of a lot easier to hide than the original set-up.
“Think of it like this: Computers are like people—what’s going on inside is more important than the way it looks outside.”
“Huh.” He shook his head after a little more staring. “So what happens now?”
“Now I track her phone,” I said quietly.
“You what?”
I spun my chair around. “I’m going to track her phone, but please don’t tell anyone because I could get in trouble, beyond just making Sara mad.”
“My mouth is shut about anything that happens tonight. Anything.”
I was sure he hadn’t meant that to sound so seductive. I spun back to the keyboard, hearing him back up and lean against the wall. My heart was beating triple-time as I worked—once for staying alive, once for Hayden being in my house, and the last for my Sara-induced anxiety. It only took a few minutes to get into the phone company’s system and then a few more to triangulate Sara’s phone. When I heard Hayden sigh, I knew I had to explain, at least a little.
“If I had my phone, I could just use the app that tracks the chip in Sara's phone. It’s usually used by parents who want to know where their teenager is, but it’s also handy for paranoid friends.” I’d set up the tracking on Sara’s and Emilia’s phones without them knowing. I was hiding so much from so many people, sometimes I couldn’t keep it all straight. A perfect example of that was the man standing behind me, leaning against the wall and not even knowing my real name or anything about me.
“Why are you paranoid?”
“Long story. No laugh-out-loud parts.” He was silent, maybe waiting for me to go on. But I wouldn’t. “Actually, it’s not really something I can share.” Even if I knew exactly what had happened to Sara, why her behavior had changed from one night to the next, I couldn’t tell Hayden.
“Maybe yo
u could install one of those tracker things on my phone, too. I’m always losing the damn thing.”
I whipped my head toward him, needing to see his expression to know if he was making fun of me. Damn, he had a great smile, dark, intelligent eyes, and just a shadow of stubble softening his jaw.
I think I sighed.
“I’d be happy to, Hayden. But then I would know exactly where you are at all times.”
“Where I am, not where I want to be, correct?” His tone was bittersweet—humorous but sad at the same time. I didn’t look too long, though, because if I saw what I hoped I might, my priorities would change. And my judgment might get even worse.
Just as the dot appeared over a map of the city, Hayden’s phone rang. “Bennett.” Then a pause. “This is Hayden Bennett, a friend of the other Sara’s.”
I jumped out of my chair. “Give me the phone.” As soon as he handed it to me, I said, “Sara, are you okay?”
“Yeah,” she grumbled. “That guy was a total loser. He took me to this gorgeous house and then told me he lived over the garage. So I’m thinking, ‘Okay, he works for the owners, and they give him a place.’ Right? But no, his parents own it and support him. Obviously, I’m not looking for a boyfriend so I could overlook that because, whatever, times are tough right now. But you should’ve seen his room. No, actually, no one should ever have to see that. There was no way I was laying down on that bed. No way. Seriously, it was so disgusting, Andi.”
I covered the phone up as if Hayden could hear Sara call me by name, but he’d turned away and was looking at the books on my shelf. I tried not to think about a couple that were up there. I was a single woman who didn’t date or leave the house very often, and who liked to read. So yeah, there might be a few titles I wouldn’t want my mother, or my boss, or whatever Hayden was, to know I had. I refocused on what Sara was blabbing on about.
“I don’t think he’d washed his sheets since high school. You know how men are, so you know what’s on those sheets. Eww. Soooo I took a cab home and was about to turn off my phone when I saw that I’d gotten a call. Or four. I called the number back because I thought it was sticky-sheet boy, but it turned out to be your boyfriend.”
“He’s not my—” I shut my mouth because the last thing I needed was for Hayden to hear that word anywhere close to this situation. “I’m glad you’re okay. Let’s meet tomorrow so I can get my phone back. And don’t ever leave without telling me where you’re going again, got it?”
“Okay, Mom. Got it. Oh, and Andi? Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.”
“There is nothing you wouldn’t do.” I hung up on her giggle and handed Hayden his phone back.
“So, all is well?” he asked.
“Yeah, false alarm.” I shut down my computer and led him into the living room. “Sorry I made you come over here for nothing.”
“I’m not over here for nothing. I’m over here for you.”
“Me?” Maybe it was because I wasn’t worried about Sara anymore, or maybe the alcohol had worn off and my brain could function again. But all of a sudden, it hit me—holy-motherboard, I was standing three feet away from Hayden Bennett. Hayden Bennett was… Aaaand, there went the brain function.
“Um…” Yep. Three years of college, student loans I’ll be paying off until the end of time, and the only thing I could think of to say was, ‘um.’
“It’s nice that you care about someone that much.”
“Uh-huh.” My command of the English language was so impressive he’d probably ask me to speak at his next board meeting.
He stepped closer to me. “Is there anyone else you care about that much? Or more?”
I got what he was asking—did I have a friend I spent a lot of time naked with—but the closer Hayden got, the harder it was to move…anything. Including my mouth.
“Nuh-uh.” See? No mouth movement at all.
“That’s…good news.”
I can’t even describe the sound I made. It was like an affirmative sigh with a little fear tossed in somehow.
“I’m still processing that I’m finally in the same room with you,” he said quietly. “But it’s late, so…”
Okay, this was just awkward for everyone within a three-mile radius. Us standing about two feet from each other. Staring at each other.
Why did he keep glancing at my lips? I hoped it wasn’t because he was anxious for me to say something. He’d be seriously disappointed unless he wanted to hear another ‘um’ or ‘uh-huh.’
“Could I have a glass of water before I go?”
“Go?” I shook the stupid out of my mind. “Yeah, of course. Of course, you’re going to leave. And hydration is important.” I slammed my lips together and headed for the kitchen, brushing his shoulder slightly as I walked by. The tingly feeling was completely gone by the time I got to the sink. I’d be fine. I filled up two glasses and downed mine while handing the other to him.
He took a sip before setting it down on the counter. A sip? That’s it?
“I thought you were thirsty.”
He shook his head. “The water was just an excuse to give me a chance to think of another excuse to stay longer. But it’s delicious. Thank you.”
“I only serve the finest of tap waters.”
“Then I’d hate to waste it. It’s only polite to stick around until I’ve finished it and thought of the next excuse, don’t you think?”
“Definitely.” Thank God I hadn’t put it in a to-go cup.
He pointed to one of the kitchen chairs, waiting until I nodded for him to sit down. My kitchen was the least romantic place on earth—designed by an eighty-year-old woman that the twenty-three-year-old woman who lived here now hadn’t gotten around to redecorating.
“How did you know it was Sara who left?” I asked. “How did you know she was my friend when she walked by?”
“I saw her with you, and then, while you two were standing in the bar, Other-Sara saw me through the doorway. Probably because she’d caught me staring at you.”
“How did you know what I looked like?”
“I didn’t. I recognized your voice but didn’t expect you to look like you do. So I stared. And when she saw me staring at you, she stared at me. And frankly, Other-Sara has a way of staring that makes a man feel a bit…objectified.”
“And I’m sure that’s never happened to you before.” I laughed until the look on his face drained all the humor away, leaving only feelings that shouldn’t be there. “How were you staring at me before she started staring at you, Hayden?”
He smirked. “Remember, I didn’t expect you to look like you do. So I stared in a mostly bewildered and”—he looked away guiltily—“possibly objectifying manner. But only slightly objectifying.”
“I don’t believe for a minute that you aren’t used to people looking at you.”
“I’m completely used to it. It happens all the time. I have one of those faces, common faces, that everyone thinks they recognize.” If he thought his face was common, he needed to replace all the mirrors in his house with ones that actually worked.
“Do you actually think that’s why people stare at you?”
“I hope it’s not because I have something between my teeth.” He shrugged. “Although, even if I did, I don’t spend much time smiling, so how would anyone know?”
“Something between your teeth? Sure. It couldn’t be because you’re ridiculously attractive and seem to be important in certain circles?”
“You think I’m attractive?”
I laughed. “Don’t get overly excited, Hayden. Everyone else thinks you’re attractive, too.”
“I’m not concerned with what everyone else thinks of me.”
I took a deep breath. Then another. Then another, until I remembered that’s how people hyperventilate. And that would just suck.
“You’re married.”
He leaned back in the chair and took a long swig of his water. Almost finishing it. Probably wanting to go. “We keep coming back to this point
, don’t we?”
“Are you surprised? It’s kind of a deal breaker.”
“No, I’m not surprised. Disappointed, yes. Surprised, no.” He finished his water and got up to put it in the sink. I was a millisecond away from asking him to stay when he turned on the tap, filled his glass back up, and spun around to face me. “I understand why you don’t believe me when I tell you Clare and I are getting a divorce. I understand because you don’t know me as well as I wish you did, as well as I wish I knew you. So I’m not asking for anything more than that chance—to get to know each other.”
“I think you’ve had enough water for one night.” I took it from him and dumped it into the sink. “Come back when your divorce is official.” I put out my hand, like that would fool either of us into thinking this was a business relationship. Maybe I was trying to remind both of us.
“I will. I will come back. And you’re going to have to come up with another reason to not see what this could become.” He took my hand and lifted it to his lips.
I swallowed when I felt my girlie insides melt. “Where do you get your moves, Mr. Bennett?”
“I watch a lot of black and white movies.” Made sense. Men didn’t behave like this anymore. Men didn’t behave period.
I stared at him, frozen in thought. “I believe you. Maybe I’m an idiot, but I believe you’re getting divorced. Because you believed me when I told you I didn’t leak that information to your competitor.”
“I didn’t, though,” he said sadly. “Not until you showed me proof.”
“Well…” I sighed. “I guess that means I’m either a better person or a bigger idiot than you are.”
“Definitely the former.”
I should’ve added ‘better liar’ to those options. But I think this was the proof I needed. Proof that I could trust him, that he was the man I hoped he was. If I knew that for sure, then I could tell him who I was. But I couldn’t go first. Blind trust had ruined my life and my future, so it was a little tough to muster more up.
“I’m going to ask you this once,” I said. “Please, don’t make me regret trusting you.” The words that mirrored his own held the same amount of meaning. This was about trust, and this was for good. “Are you really getting a divorce?”