Liz swallowed hard. “But Luke is.”
Grace froze, completely. “What are you talking about? What the hell are you talking about?”
“He arrived before you, Grace. I tried to get him to go to his assessment, but he refused to go without you. He’s been waiting in the transference room.”
Grace didn’t wait for the next word, although Liz kept right on talking. Instead, she jumped from the chair and ran into the corridor, before promptly stopping in her tracks, her eyes on the transference room door. He was there? He was there? It couldn’t be true. They told her he was on another world.
And then as she took the next step forward, the door to the left of her flew open with such force that the impact of the handle thrown back against the wall smashed a gaping hole. Dust rose around her. Her ears were ringing now. She glanced through the open door. Pietra was calling to her from inside the room.
“Grace! Grace! Come in! Come in! Let’s have a chat. You’ve got questions and I’ve got the answers. Come in, dear!”
Before Grace could respond, a domino of crashes began, as each door swung open, pounding against the wall. She could not make out the individual voices, but within each room, a teacher was screaming for her to come in.
In her previous time of need, they had all remained silent, their doors closed. Now all doors were open – every instructor desperate to speak with her. With every step forward, the barrage continued. With each step she took, the screaming was louder. She didn’t care what any of them had to say. Nothing was keeping her from getting to that room.
By the time she reached the transference room door, Grace could not place the pain in her ears as lesser or worse than the pain in her chest. She wanted in that room as much for her own physical relief as for what might be waiting inside.
Everything she’d been through had led to this moment, and yet she could not believe what Liz had told her. There was no longer a keyhole. She reached for the knob. This was not only a room of transference, but a room of illusion. She’d seen Luke here before. The illusion of him anyway.
There was only one way to know. She ignored the storm coming at her from all directions, reached down, turned the knob and stepped inside.
The pain was gone. She reached up with her hands and placed them over that familiar place, just to make sure it was true. It was.
There was a cloudless sky overhead and a warmth from the sun. Beneath her feet was the coolness of thick, green grass. She walked ahead, finding herself at one end of a football field.
Before her was a stretch of beautiful natural turf. Above her, a goal post. She stepped out further into the grass and shielded the sun from her eyes. It was a regulation field with a proper stadium. There were full bleachers to the left and right of her.
She scanned the seats. And there he was. Halfway up, at the fifty yard line, there he was. He’d seen her the whole time and had waited for her to find him. Now he was up and moving towards her. She stayed where she was, unable to move. It wasn’t the first time she’d been in this room, indulging in an illusion. She was far from letting herself be fooled.
But there he was. He was in the grass coming to her and still she could not move. No way this was real. It wasn’t possible. Closer and closer. His feet were moving toward her. The sound of the grass crunching under his feet was unworldly. It was crazy. And now he was there, right in front of her.
“Grace.” His eyes were filling up. It was all he could say.
Luke had never spoken to her in the illusion scenarios. He’d never said a word.
“Say it again,” she locked eyes with him just then. “Say it again. Say my name again.”
He wasn’t going to be able to do it without crying. He didn’t want to break down standing in front of her. He took the final paces, wrapping his arms around her, his tears spilling into her hair.
“Grace. Grace. Grace.”
She was crying now too. His arms were around her, his tears on her face. He was as she remembered him, her seventeen year-old love. She’d been told to let him go and move on so many times. She never could. She never would. They stood there crying until there were no more tears.
When the tears were gone, there was a kiss. His kissing had not changed, either. It made her lightheaded. Thankfully, he pulled her closer. She needed the steadying.
While she wanted to be completely present in the moment, she was distracted with rising anger. Why had they all lied? She knew with everything in her that Luke was her soul mate. The fact that he was here with her was the final, undisputable proof. Now that they were together again, she was determined that never would she go anywhere without him. Never would he go without her. She wrapped her arms tighter around him. They didn’t have to rush. They had forever.
There was no way to judge how long that kiss lasted, except by the weakness it produced in Grace’s legs. She pulled back for a moment and gestured toward the grass. He obliged, holding onto her and helping her down. He rolled to his back and she half straddled him, one leg wrapped in his. She rested her face on his chest. His heartbeat strummed against her cheek. She was never letting him go again.
It was Luke who finally broke the silence.
“Where were you, Grace? You died before I did. I expected you to be here.”
“What did they tell you exactly?”
“Not much at all. They just explained that I was done on Earth for now and that I would be moving on. They said everything else would be explained when I had my assessment. But none of it felt right, because you weren’t here. I told them I wasn’t doing anything until I talked to you.”
She moved to rest her chin on her arm, so she could look into his eyes. There was so much to say. Part of her didn’t want to start talking. This was a perfect moment, nothing else getting in the way of just loving him. He had no idea what she’d endured to be with him. And once she started to explain it, she knew she’d lose it.
She took a deep breath and let the floodgates open, spilling every detail of what had happened to her since the accident. Tears fell unchecked, she wiping his, and he wiping hers.
As she recounted what she could recall of her lives on Earth all for the sake of being near him again, his heart was broken anew. He did not know the baby pup who had died before she had a chance to find him. But Noel he knew. Lucy he knew. Sugar he knew.
And for every misty memory Grace could recall, Luke had ten more vivid ones. His descriptions filled in all the missing parts, the parts that for Grace were shadowed images and feelings. He completed the picture, filled in the details of her journeys. And more than that, he confessed for the first time the strange instances of connection he’d had with these beautiful dogs, how each and served to heal a portion of his heart in their own way.
He’d always loved her. Always. But never had he been able to measure out with any justice the courage of this girl, his Grace. And now, the realization that she had demanded they let her go back to him, that she’d suffered to go back, was bittersweet in the most potent way. He sat up in the grass and held her, rocking her as they continued to talk.
She told him about Gabe and how he’d helped her. She told him about Castellans’ supreme right of free will and how she’d defied them all to claim hers. She told him about Abigail and the Council of five, about the origins of Castellans itself and everything she’d learned about their coming assessment and the retreat to follow.
He told her more about life on Earth after she died, about his addictions and his failures. He was ashamed that he had been unable to live up to his dreams. He admitted that no matter how many counseling sessions he’d had, how much valuable advice he’d been given, after she was gone, so was his motivation.
In the end they agreed. No matter what they’d been through, it was all behind them. From this point forward, they’d make their decisions together. Their first resolution was that there was no hurry, even now. This football stadium was a great place to be. They found an equipment room and made use of it. They ran plays
, celebrated touchdowns and mock interceptions.
They sat in the bleachers and talked some more. Luke told her about the boys he’d coached over his career and what they’d gone on to achieve in their lives. She relished that. He spoke about it with such sincerity and passion. It made her proud. They talked about everything and then talked about it again, until they’d come full circle. And there was still more to say. They were back to Luke’s arrival on Castellans, before Grace had returned.
“So what did you think when you were standing at the end of that long corridor before walking to the office at the end of the hall? It was surreal, wasn’t it?” she asked.
“Oh, you know what, I never got that far.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I remember getting here. I remember that crazy ride. And then suddenly, this whole room came out of nowhere around me.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And that was it.”
“What was it? You didn’t notice all the doors? You didn’t walk down the corridor?”
“No, not at all. I remember white all around me. That I remember. And then there was just pain. I’ve never felt anything like it. I mean, I actually passed out. The same girl, Liz, who you met, dragged me in here. Poor thing. She said I’d feel better here. Thank God she was right. She told me it was probably the heart attack that had killed me on Earth. She said I was probably holding onto the residual pain. It made sense I guess. And I told her I wasn’t leaving until you got here. She said we’d figure it all when you arrived. And here you are.”
He was smiling, but Grace’s smile had disappeared.
“I had a pain like that, too, when I first arrived. But each time I’d come back after being with you, it was less. They gave me a line about the pain too, about it being caused by the accident that killed me. Then they told me it was my attachment to you that was causing the pain and that each time I saw you again, I was letting go a little bit. The last time I was here, it was completely gone. But that was another lie. I never let go of you. And the pain is back.”
They’d already discussed that Grace had been told Luke was on another world and whatever time they had left together on Earth was all there would ever be. She’d also told him about her refusal to go her assessment that final time, because she knew that he was still alive on Earth.
Luke was continuing. “Well, they told us the pain would be gone after our assessments. So maybe it’s time for us to move on – together. I mean, as much as I love this place, Grace, there’s obviously more to this world. I’d like to see it, wouldn’t you?”
Something wasn’t right. There were too many lies. And now they both had the excruciating pain. It wasn’t her attachment to Luke that had caused it. He was right here.
After some thought, she responded. “Okay, let’s get out of here. Do you think you can make it down the hall?”
“I can try.”
She took his hand and they walked together to the door. He squeezed it tighter as she turned the knob. She opened the door and they took a step inside. She looked to Luke. His face was all at once drained of its color and the magnitude of the pain was written all over it. And then without warning, he slumped to the floor.
Once again, the screaming began throughout the corridor. This time the teachers came right up to the doorways. All eyes were upon her. She backed up and moved behind Luke. She propped him partially off the ground and dragged him back through the door. She closed it behind them and knelt next to him.
“Luke. Luke.” She was stroking his hair, kissing his face. She kept telling herself he was immortal. He could not die. In a moment, he began to stir before finally blinking his eyes open.
“Well, that’s not gonna work,” he smiled.
She smiled back and kissed him on the lips.
“For some reason, I think it’s worse for you than it is for me. I know we agreed to stick together, but I think I need to go get some help.”
They were not the words he wanted to hear, although he wasn’t going to put up a fight about it. He didn’t want to remain stranded in this football stadium. He wanted to start their lives together.
“Well, you do know your way around a little better than I do.”
“Luke, all I’m gonna do is walk down this hall back to Liz and ask her how we get to our assessment. Then I’m coming right back and we’re gonna get you out of here.”
“Okay.”
He sat up for a minute and when he felt strong enough, he stood. His faith in her was unbreakable now. He knew she would do exactly as she promised. He kissed her again and then he stepped way from the door, afraid that even looking into that hallway would knock him on his ass again. Grace reached for the knob before looking back at him over her shoulder.
“I love you, Luke.”
“I love you, Grace. I’ll be right here waiting for you.”
She smiled and braced herself as she walked into the corridor. It was no picnic for her, either. She closed the door behind her and immediately leaned up against the nearest wall. That bowling ball was back, announcing itself in the most horrific way. She stepped forward, but it was a nightmare of a trek.
She covered her ears and avoided the screaming all around her. From the corners of her eyes she saw them standing in the doorways, arms stretched into the corridor reaching toward her. There was a desperation in every one of them. There must have been some rule, some law that kept them from entering her corridor. All stood at their thresholds, but none stepped foot inside. From some of them, she felt what could only be described as rage.
She was glad nobody had ever referred to this place as heaven. It was pretty hellish at the moment. When she finally reached Liz’ office, she entered and closed the door behind her. Remarkably, shutting it seemed to blunt the noise almost completely.
“Liz, this is absolutely crazy.”
“Yes, it is.”
Liz was trying so hard to be upbeat, but she was a nervous wreck. She smiled as best she could. “But don’t worry. It’s only temporary. The sooner you get to your assessment, the sooner this will all be over.”
This was strangely ironic. Every time she’d been here, someone had been trying to talk her into getting to her assessment. And she’d never stopped fighting against going. Now here she was asking for her assessment, wanting it with pretty marked desperation.
“I need to get Luke out of that room, Liz.”
“I agree. It’s very important that we get you both to your assessment as soon as possible.”
“Can we go together?”
“Certainly.”
“Well, that’s good, because otherwise, it’d be no deal. It’s together or not at all.”
“I totally understand.”
“The only problem is, Luke can’t take one step into this corridor without collapsing.”
“Yes, that is a problem. But I can help.”
“Oh my God. Thank you. Thank you.”
“Of course. You ready?”
“I am.”
This was crazy. Here she was for the first time going willingly to her assessment. And with Luke, no less. She had most certainly manifested what she wanted most for herself. Now it was time to continue their journey together. She stood from her chair and braced herself for a moment.
“You poor thing.” Liz moved to put an arm around her for support. “Let’s do this together.”
“Thank you.”
Liz swung the door open and once again they were in the corridor. Grace tried to stay to the center, away from the screaming teachers.
Liz seemed just as overwhelmed. “Oh my,” she spoke under her breath as she acknowledged the sight before her.
Liz was to her right, providing support as Grace took the first steps back toward the other end of the corridor.
The floor was littered with the debris of smashed doors and chunks of wall. Grace stumbled to the side, nearly losing her footing trying to avoid the obstacles. And as she moved to stand up straight again, an outstretched ar
m shot towards her and a hand clenched around her arm.
Grace’s eyes moved to see Pietra hanging out from her doorway. She had one arm latched tightly to the door jam and the other thrust out, wrapped tightly around Grace’s arm. And so strong was that grasp that Grace buckled under its strength, sliding to the floor.
Liz was pulling Grace from behind in an attempt to free her, but it was no use. Using just her one hand, Pietra pulled Grace to her inch by inch with Liz unable to do anything but be pulled along herself.
Oddly, about half the teachers had stopped their screaming. The others continued without any gaps in their ranting. Pietra had succeeded in pulling Grace all the way to her door. Then Pietra dropped to her knees, to be on an even level with her. Pietra moved in close enough that she could speak into Grace’s ear. And not even the screaming from around the room could drown out Pietra’s voice.
“Did you ask him, Grace? Did you do as I told you and ask Gabriel what he was risking by giving you what you want? Did you ask him?”
Grace did not look up or answer, but shook her head no.
Pietra knew she had little time to say everything that needed said.
“You have traded his eternity for your own happiness.”
Grace’s spine stiffened.
Though it didn’t seem possible, the shouting around them grew louder.
“You owe it to him to speak to Abigail before taking another step down this hall. You owe it to him!”
After that, Pietra knew that no matter how loud she shouted, Grace would be unable to hear her. She used her free hand to pull Grace’s face toward hers, so that she could look her in the eyes. It took nerve to meet her gaze, but Grace did it.
In Pietra’s eyes was a communication more potent than the best sonnets of every dead poet. If Grace had not already been on her knees, those eyes would have put her there anyway. Her stomach was twisted into an instant knot. The whites of Pietra’s eyes were bloodshot and watery, like little pools of blood on a blanket of snow. Pietra kept her grip on Grace, until she knew for certain that the full impact of that communication had been felt.
Grace remained on the ground. She didn’t care about the pain now in her arm, the pain in her chest or the pain in her ears. What mattered only were the powerful blows she had taken from Pietra’s eyes. Even as her stomached churned, she turned to look into them once again. Now she was speaking to Pietra with her gaze. And what was contained in Grace’s eyes confirmed to Pietra her intentions, her promise. Only then did Grace look away.