It was power, and she reveled in it, the ability to urge sighs and moans from him. To make his body react to her touch. She slid a hand down to cup his balls, her thumb finding the sweet spot just below them. His heartbeat rose as she sucked and stroked him.
Her hair came free from its loose bun and fell over her shoulders, covering them both, and Joel reached a hand to pull it away from her face and hold it back. The simple act of consideration stopped her only briefly before she bent back to using her tongue and lips.
He said her name again, his voice low and husky, and she paused. She gave his cock a last, gentle suckle and replaced her mouth with her hand. She stroked him slowly as she moved up his body to find his mouth and kiss him there.
"Now?" she whispered, and he nodded.
She reached for the nightstand and tugged open the drawer to find the box, praying the condoms hadn't expired. It had been a long time since she'd thought about needing them, after all. The date on the package was for next year and she gave a prayer of thanks to the gods who watched out for single, sex-craved women everywhere. She tore open the foil and moved back to Joel. She sheathed him, admiring his erection as she did, but her courage failed her at the last moment and she looked at his face.
"Yes?" Joel whispered, and she nodded.
"Yes."
He reached for her and pulled her close. Slow, sweet kisses joined them as he rolled her under him and guided himself inside her. Joel paused when he'd filled her, his weight resting on his arms.
Joel shifted upward. The tiny change of position brought his pelvis in direct contact with hers with every thrust, and though she hadn't expected it to, Audrey's body responded again. When he moved, she sighed and arched, moving with him. There was no resistance. Her body accepted and welcomed him, embraced him, a perfect fit.
Joel slid a hand under the back of her neck, supporting her as they kissed. She held him, hooking her legs over the back of his thighs. In and out, slow and smooth, their bodies coming together and drawing apart, but always remaining joined.
They kissed. Pleasure filled her, the ripples of a pond rather than the crash of ocean waves, but somehow even better. She was looking into his eyes when she came the second time, and he followed her a bare half-minute later. His body tensed and he pushed inside her, shuddering.
After a moment he rolled off her, onto his side, a hand still splayed protectively on her waist. She sighed, sated and content, and waited for him to say something flirty that would allow her to dismiss what had just happened as a fluke.
"You are beautiful, Audrey," was what he told her instead, and kissed her again. "I mean it."
She wished she could believe him.
* * * *
Joel had been a guest for dinner enough times to know the layout of Audrey's kitchen, so finding the pan and the spatula had been easy enough. Eggs and cheese from her fridge, onions and potatoes from the pantry, some olive oil and butter, and he'd made omelets and hash browns. He'd come up empty-handed when it came to the toast, though. A noise from the doorway behind him made him turn, and he smiled.
"'Morning. Do you have any bread?"
Audrey padded into the kitchen on bare feet, her over-sized t-shirt hanging to her thighs. She tied up her hair as she looked around, expression surprised.
"You made breakfast?"
"We sort of forgot about dinner." Joel turned off the burner. "But I couldn't find bread to make toast."
She still looked a little taken aback.
"I'm sorry," he said. "Was this all right?"
Maybe she had an issue about a man in her kitchen?
Audrey nodded. "Of course it's all right. Oh, you made coffee, too? Joel, you didn't need to do all this."
He grinned at her. "Sure I did. Told you I wasn't just a pretty face."
He watched her pour a mug of coffee, sweeten it, and take a long drink before she looked up at him again. She looked gorgeous in the morning. Hell, she looked fantastic any time. But especially gorgeous in the morning, after spending the night in his arms.
"I slept so late," she said. "Lauren's going to be home in just a few hours. And I didn't get any studying done!"
He slid the eggs and hash browns onto plates and carried them to the breakfast bar. She stepped aside to let him, and he guided her to a stool. "Sit."
She did, taking the fork he handed her as he sat next to her. Joel dug in, his stomach refusing to be ignored any longer, not even in favor of satisfying his body's other urges. Audrey cut into her omelet, but didn't eat right away.
"Is it all right?" he asked. He washed down a mouthful with a swig of orange juice.
She nodded and took the bite. "It's great."
He speared a potato and chewed it, his growling stomach subsiding its complaints. "What time's Lauren due home?"
She looked up. "Ted's bringing her back at two."
"Great." He'd had time to flip through the Sunday paper while the coffee brewed. "There's a matinee showing of The Wizard of Oz today at the Allen Theater. I thought maybe we could take her to see it."
Audrey laughed. "You like The Wizard of Oz?"
Joel grinned and winked. "Sure. Who doesn't?"
She didn't say anything to that. Her smile faded and she looked at her plate. She toyed with the food on it, the set down her fork. When she looked up again, Joel put down his own fork. Her eyes told him there was bad news.
"What is it?" he asked.
"I'm not so sure that would be the best idea," Audrey said slowly.
He said nothing. His gaze traced the shape of her brows, the line of her nose and the curve of lip and jaw. He could have drawn them all, he'd so well memorized her face. He didn't want to look away, but he did, not wanting to see her tell him this wasn't going to work.
"Joel..."
"She doesn't like The Wizard of Oz?"
"She does."
He looked up then, hoping she'd meet his gaze and disappointed when she couldn't. "You don't?"
"I do, too. I just think it would be a bad idea for us to go to a movie together today."
"We've gone to the movies lots of times," he told her. "Lauren knows me."
"That was before," Audrey replied.
"Before we slept together." His voice came out flat and devoid of emotion, though Joel felt anything but. He took his plate and scraped the rest of it into the trash, then put it in the dishwasher.
"Yes."
He turned to face her again. "I thought you wanted this, too."
She looked up at him. "It was wonderful, Joel, it was really great. But..."
"But what?" He wanted to understand.
"Joel," she cried, "we're friends! Study buddies! Right? This was a one-time thing. It has to be."
Coldness filled him. "Why does it have to be?"
She sighed, running a hand over her hair. "Because I'm not ready for it to be anything else."
He nodded, reaching for her. She let him take her hand, which was something, at least. "We'll go slow. I promise."
She laughed and squeezed his hand. "Too late, Joel."
He pulled his hand back, frustrated. "I don't understand."
"Joel..." She sighed again, this time the one to reach for him. "You're a great guy, and I know you're not used to being turned down..."
He gaped at her. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Audrey looked uncomfortable. "You know what it means. You're a flirt. You go out with lots of girls--"
"Only because I've been too much of a chicken to ask you out," he retorted. "Which I've been wanting to do since we met."
She laughed, scoffing. "You're a charmer, Joel. I've always known it. A flirt. You flirt with me, you flirt with the other girls in our class...you flirt with the professor, for God's sake! Friday night you were taking off your clothes in front of a room full of women waiting to shove dollar bills down your crotch! How am I supposed to believe I'm different? I can't risk it, Joel. Not for me and not for Lauren."
"You seem to have it figured out wh
y I slept with you," Joel said through gritted teeth. "But why did you go to bed with me?"
Her apologetic answer didn't make him feel any better. "Joel, I made a mistake. I'm sorry. I should've been smarter about this. I should've been more responsible--"
"Why?" he interrupted. "Because I'm not?"
She didn't say anything, which was answer enough, and Joel tossed up his hands in frustration and anger, and headed for the living room to grab his things. She followed, her tone pleading as she said his name. He ignored her.
"Don't go like this," Audrey said. "Please."
He grabbed up his jacket and stuffed his books into his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder. "Don't worry about it, Audrey. Forget it."
"Joel, don't be like that."
He faced her, hating himself for still noticing how lovely her hair looked curling around her face, and how the light from behind silhouetted her body. She looked as though she meant to reach for him, but then clutched her hands together.
"I can't believe that's what you think of me," he said, sounding helpless and despairing, and hating himself for that, too. "That I'm just some playboy who goes around telling women what they want to hear so I can get them into bed."
"I don't think that."
"But you think I'm a flirt."
"You are a flirt!" She laughed, but stopped when she saw he wasn't joining her. "Joel...you are."
"So, does that mean I'm insincere, too? That I can't possibly mean what I say to you when I tell you you're beautiful and smart and special, and I want to spend all my time with you?"
For once he didn't seem to be hitting on the right words to say. Audrey looked puzzled, and a little embarrassed, and Joel scowled.
"Joel..." She sighed. "I just don't want to take the chance of ruining what we have. A great friendship."
"Oh, you're not giving me the 'I like you as a friend' speech, are you?" He put his hands on his hips. "Not after last night."
"But I do like you as a friend!" she cried. "I like you a lot, and I don't want to lose that! I don't want to end up just another--"
"What? Notch on my bedpost?"
She didn't say anything for a moment, then nodded.
"I thought we were friends," he told her, and took some small pleasure in the way his words made her flinch.
"We are." Her voice was small and sad.
"But that's it?" He watched her, hoping to the end she'd change her mind. Give them a chance. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. "You think I'm just some kid with ants in his pants, don't you?"
"Oh, Joel."
He turned to look at her. "Before last night, I hadn't been to bed with anyone in over a year. Since meeting you."
"But...you're always talking about going on dates..."
"I went on dates. But I haven't had a girlfriend, a real girlfriend, since you sat down next to me in Intro To Psych and lent me your pen."
Audrey seemed stunned. "I didn't know. You've always been--"
"The guy with the golden grin." He nodded grimly. "I know. But it doesn't ever mean anything, Audrey."
He wasn't helping his case, he could tell by the way her mouth turned down.
"Then how am I supposed to believe you when you say it to me?" she asked, and he was mortified to see tears glimmering. He hadn't meant to make her cry. "You say all you've thought about is me since we met, but all I've ever seen you do is move from one woman to another."
"Why did you let me make love to you?" He asked the same question she hadn't answered earlier.
"I shouldn't have," she said quietly. "I knew it would be a mistake."
"Why, Audrey?"
She shook her head a little, which was no answer at all.
"You wanted to find out for yourself if I was as good as my reputation?" The words stuck in his throat, but he forced them out. "Figured you might as well get a piece, too?"
Something that looked suspiciously like guilt flashed across her face, and her protest sounded false. "Of course not."
"I'm not a secret agent."
"I know that, Joel."
"Well, if you can believe I'm not a secret agent, can't you believe I'm not a gigolo either?" he asked, voice more defiant than he'd meant it to sound. "Audrey, sometimes I dance for Muy Caliente because the money's good and I need it. And, yeah, I'm a flirt, I admit it, but that's it. I don't make love to women for money."
She blinked. "I didn't know, Joel. You never said anything."
"I guess I never thought I needed to. I guess I never thought I had to explain myself to you. I thought we were friends." He slung his backpack over his shoulder. "I'm outta here."
"Joel, please--"
He reached into his pocket and pulled out two quarters, which he tossed at her feet.. "Here's your change," he said. "I give my 'friends' a discounted rate."
Then, before he could say anything else or listen to her say anything, he was out the door and gone.
* * * *
The quarters were warm from being in her hand for so many hours. Audrey hadn't let go of them since picking them up from the floor. She'd probably memorized every whorl on Washington's face with her fingertips.
"Mommy, can we have pizza for dinner?" Lauren plopped into the chair next to Audrey's and rested her elbows on the table. "Watcha studying?"
"Same old stuff, honey." The truth was, Audrey had been staring at the same page for the past twenty minutes without seeing a word.
"Oh." Lauren swung her feet. "Pizza?"
Audrey smiled. "Did you have pizza at Daddy's?"
"Yes," Lauren admitted, "but it was the frozen kind. Can't we order some?"
Audrey looked at her daughter's sweet face and couldn't resist. "Sure. Pizza it is."
"Yay! You're the best mom ever!" Lauren hopped up and gave her mom a squeeze and a kiss. "Hey, Mom, how come Joel's not helping you study?"
"I guess he's busy, honey." Audrey sighed and closed her book, knowing it would be useless to bother with any more work today.
"Aw, too bad." Lauren shrugged. "He told me we could go see The Wizard of Oz."
"Did he? When?"
"Last time he came over." Lauren grabbed Audrey's pen and started doodling on a piece of paper.
"Maybe another time, honey."
"Mommy?" Lauren drew curly hair on her stick figure. "Is Joel your boyfriend like Tammy's Daddy's girlfriend?"
Audrey shook her head. "No, honey."
"How come? I like Joel a lot. He's nice." Lauren held up her masterpiece for Audrey to admire. "And he really likes you."
"Does he?" Audrey studied her daughter. "How do you know?"
Lauren rolled her eyes. "He doesn't need to come over here all the time just to study, does he? He's smart enough to study at home, right?"
"Yes, well, Mommy's smart enough to study alone, too, but it makes it better sometimes to have someone to do it with."
"Like eating ice cream." The leap of eight-year-old logic made a twisted sort of sense. "It always tastes better when you're eating it with a friend."
"Right. And Joel's my friend."
"Well," said Lauren, "I don't see what the big deal is then. If he's your friend and you like him, why you guys can't just kiss and stuff."
"Lauren," said Audrey, "that's not any of your business."
Lauren giggled. "Okay. Can I go watch cartoons?"
"Yes. I'll order the pizza."
"Yay!" Another squeeze and kiss, and Lauren ran off to the living room to turn on the television.
She stared at the text, thinking of Joel. Lauren had made it all sound so simple.
So...why couldn't it be?
* * * *
"Hi ya, Morty." Joel pushed the window in the conservatory wider to let in the warm spring breeze. "How're you doing today?"
Morty grunted from his spot by the bougainvillea. "Doing, doing. How's you, kid? You look low."
Joel shrugged. "Nah."
Morty raised both straggly brows. "What? You're gonna lie to an old man lik
e that? For shame!"
Joel laughed. "Girl troubles."
"Still? I thought you was gonna tell her how you felt!" Morty shook a gnarled finger at him. "What are ya waiting for?"
"I told her," Joel said. "She didn't believe me."
"How'd ya do it, kiddo? You come right out and tell her ya love her, ya buy her flowers, what?"
"I told her I thought she was beautiful," Joel admitted. "And I kissed her."
He wasn't going to admit to Morty he'd done it at the club, or that he'd gone to her house and made love to her the next day.
Morty sighed. "Oy, you just kissed her? That's it? You didn't make the sweet love to her?"
Joel rubbed his eyes. He should have known better than to keep anything from Morty. "You've got a dirty mind, old man."
Morty blew a raspberry. "Listen, kid, I'm old, not dead. So, you told her she was beautiful, and you kissed her. And she did what? Laughed? Nothing? Kissed you back? Slapped your face?"
"She kissed me back, but the next day..." He scowled.
"The next day she gave you the 'we're good friends' speech?"
The old man really was amazing. "Yeah. How'd you know?"
"Women," Morty said. "Most confusing and ornery creatures on this planet. Lemme ask you something, sonny. How long you known this girl?"
"A year. We met at the end of last spring semester, and this year we had two classes together."
"She got another fella?"
Morty looked expectant.
Joel sighed. "Yesterday, after we'd...kissed...all of sudden she didn't want anything to do with me. Said it would be a bad idea for me to be around her daughter since we'd...kissed."
Morty laughed his raspy chuckle. "Sounds to me like she's got it as bad for you as you got it for her, sonny."
Joel frowned. "Yeah, right. Turns out she thinks I'm some sort of charming flirt who was safe to...kiss...because I go through women like...like..."
"Like shit through a goose?" Morty guffawed. "Reputation bit you on your ass, did it?"
It sure had. Joel shrugged, still stung. "Let's just forget it, Morty, okay? I thought she felt the same way about me, but she doesn't. I just made an idiot of myself, that's all."