ღ ~ ღ ~ ღ
Logan didn’t work the average Monday through Friday, nine to five schedule. Every day was different, depending on if he had a concert that evening, was traveling for a tour, doing an interview, sound check, recording, or whatever else was on his plate for the day. That was why he loved being a singer though, because there was never a dull moment.
He knew he could never survive a cubicle job, because his soul was rock and roll. He thought in musical notes and dreamed in lyrics. Lately his dreams had only been of one thing. He dreamed of the woman he had spent hours painting last week, remembering every detail of her face as he brushed her into the canvas.
Monday morning had come and gone, but Logan was still lying in bed. He had been awake for hours, but just kept staring at the ceiling. His bedroom was a dark red color with velvet drapes and a large four poster bed draped in even more velvet. He hated the decor in this room, in most of the apartment actually. Gina had designed it all. She loved the dramatic and the over the top look.
Every time he looked at that crushed velvet, he felt irritated with her. He felt that same feeling today, but it was mixed with something new, something deeper than annoyance. Logan had always been an easy going guy. He got along with everyone and went with the flow. He didn’t create friction, because he never cared enough to be in that situation. He kept his feelings to himself. He was private and guarded, the only time his real feelings came out was through his music.
Yet he hadn’t been guarded yesterday. His mind replayed his interaction with Caroline and he felt a aching swelling in his chest. He swallowed and took a deep breath, pushing the pain away. He didn’t want to feel it anymore, he didn’t want to feel anything. He got himself out of bed, walking over to the window, and pushing the curtains open.
His easel was in the corner of the room, he grabbed it and dragged it over to the window. He picked out a clean canvas and some paints from a table near the corner. His bedroom was big and sectioned into multiple areas. There was the section with their bed and closet, then the bathroom and changing area, and then a lounging area. He had changed the lounging area into an art room, which was the only area of his penthouse that Gina had let him have. He had to fight her for it, because she wanted to always control everything.
Logan picked up a brush and dipped it in some paint. He gazed out the window to find some inspiration over the city’s building tops. Finding nothing interesting, he started painting what was on his mind instead. He imagined Caroline sitting in her window, sketching that old woman on the bench. He began to draw her, as if he was outside her window looking in.
Time started to go by quickly as he got into the painting, really focusing on the window and its trim, trying to not accentuate the woman inside the window. He had drawn her out but hadn’t painted her yet. He was avoiding her, not consciously thinking about it, but he was definitely taking more time than was necessary painting a window surround. Logan wasn’t paying attention to anything but what he was painting, so he was startled when he felt someone slip their arms around his waist.
“Hey, baby,” Gina’s sultry voice whispered into his ear. His jaw tightened with tension as he continued painting, attempting to ignore her.
“What’s up?” he responded dully.
“Well, shit. Someone is being cranky today,” Gina teased, slightly annoyed, and let go of him. She gave his back a little shove, causing him to take a step forward to balance himself, then turn around to look at her.
“What the hell, Gina?” Logan growled, angrily.
“It’s almost six o’clock. You have sound check in two hours. You need to start getting ready, because we have to leave soon. What are you even doing in here all by yourself? You could be preparing instead,” Gina began to lecture him as she normally did.
“I wanted some time to relax, Gina. I practiced plenty. I just did Madison Square Garden two days ago, remember? I think I can handle tonight’s small party,” Logan quipped and went back to painting.
He had a job at a private party for a rich wall street event that was paying him a ridiculous sum of money, especially for a Monday night. Tomorrow, he had to be on a national talk show almost before the sun would be up. He lived quite a busy life, but he was an adult and could take care of his own schedule. Gina seemed to think he couldn’t even walk without her guidance.
“Fine, Logan. Just leave everything to chance. Can you at least hurry up and get dressed? We need to get going. We have a packed week. I’ve scheduled a bunch of interviews on talk shows the next three mornings to promote the tour this weekend, ending in a bigger talk show on Friday. Plus, we need to pack everything up to leave.” Gina was looking down at her phone, rambling off a to-do list.
Logan tuned her out and put down his paint brush, then walked over to the closet to change, while she followed him around, talking incessantly. He changed into some leather pants and a loose fitted top, ran mousse through his hair and tousled it, and finally pulled on some black army boots. He didn’t like dressing that way generally, but Gina was his manager and insisted that this needed to be his image since it was a very rock star style outfit. He was more of a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy, with maybe a buttoned shirt left open at most.
Logan had a six month long tour about to start this Friday that spanned America and then went international. It had been scheduled for a while, but Sunday morning he had been ready to cancel it. He didn’t want to leave New York City anymore. After how poorly yesterday went with Caroline, everything was different. Logan wanted nothing more than to leave this city and completely forget about the last week. The prospect of going on a six month long trip with Gina by his side every second was a nightmare, but somehow still the easier choice than facing reminders of Caroline everywhere.
Until he had met Caroline, he hadn’t really invested anything real into his life, he hadn’t invested anything real into himself. He kept his emotions hidden in his music and art instead. Sighing, he finished getting dressed and headed out of the penthouse to go to the event for the night. Gina never went to smaller events, she said they weren’t worth her time. That meant he liked those the best, because he enjoyed being able to hear his own thoughts.
She would spend the night at home planning more appearances for him as usual. She was a very hands-on manager, even though that is not what she had planned in life. The two had met at an open mike night before he had become famous. She was like an addictive drug to him and just was suddenly his whole life, controlling him with her intoxicating sexuality. They just had an instant sexual attraction and he traveled with her to New York to sign a record deal with her father’s company. She had just finished business school when they first met, but after they came together, she decided that it was her mission in life to make Logan famous. Through a lot of hard work, she got his music out there and he quickly took off to the top of Hollywood’s A-List.
If he was being honest with himself, he had to admit that it had been an amazing journey becoming Logan Clay, the Rockstar. He liked the fame, he loved his music, and he enjoyed the luxurious lifestyle. The truth was that he owed all of that to Gina. He owed her that and so much more. She had given up everything for him, her entire future. She may be frustrating and controlling, but he had to appreciate everything she had done and still did for him. She had saved him and his family, he owed her more than he could ever repay. No matter why their romance had fizzled, he still knew that she given him gifts that changed his life forever. But that is a story for another day. He couldn’t help feeling guilty that he had fallen so deeply for another woman.
He took up painting around the same time that their romance fizzled. His inspiration and emotions that had once been invested in her, had to be hidden and rerouted into his paints. Accidentally, he had learned that not only did he greatly enjoy art, but he was very talented at it as well. Gina did not approve though, saying it was a waste of his time. He still got to paint recreationally every once in a while, so but he didn’t get to put the time into it
he really wanted to.
Logan wasn’t sure when the romance between Gina and him had fizzled exactly, but he just knew that it wasn’t there anymore. When they met, they were both young and fresh faced with little life experience. He was the unknown Logan Clay and she was the recent college graduate, Gina Vile. They were about enjoying life to the fullest. Now, it seemed like Gina was all about the fame and money. Logan couldn’t complain, he loved those things too. The issue was that he resented that those materialistic things had taken the place of their romance, and subsequently, their love. The more and more fame that Gina tasted, the less time she had for him. She spent more time with Logan Clay the Rockstar, then Logan, her boyfriend.
Even with all their struggles, Gina didn’t deserve him being unfaithful. He knew that he had overstepped yesterday, to the point that he hadn’t even known he was capable of. He had never been that type of man, a player. Even as a celebrity who was made to look like a womanizer in every tabloid, he was never that personality in real life. He had always been a monogamous man, infidelity was out of the question. But then yesterday happened. He sat back in his seat in the town car on the way to the event and sighed, feeling the guilt wash over him. He closed his eyes, but could only see Caroline.
This was going to be a long week.
Chapter Eight
The show was small, but it went well and Logan was headed back to his penthouse, slumped in the back of his town car, taking a nap. Shows were physically demanding and Logan hadn’t been sleeping very well, so it wasn’t hard for him to drift off to the vibrations of the car. It didn’t take too long to get back to his building, Logan was awoken by his driver opening the back door for him.
Logan thanked Jackson, shaking his hand as he got out. Jackson had worked for him for many years and the two were close friends, even though Jackson was his employee. In fact, Jackson was probably the only person in his daily life who really knew him and Logan trusted him to keep it to himself. Jackson didn’t ever spread gossip or rumors, but rather listened and acted as a confidant for Logan. The two sometimes had long conversations about life while Jackson drove, or whatever was on their minds.
Logan would often give Jackson large Christmas bonuses, so that he could buy nice gifts for his six children and his wife. In return, Jackson was always there to listen and offer advice when Logan was in need. The two had spent a few rides already talking about Caroline in the last week. Jackson had never taken a liking to Gina, so he had no problem encouraging Logan to find love elsewhere. He valued this friendship with Jackson, being that it was really the only one he had right now. Logan used to have a close knit group of friends back home, but he hadn’t spoken to them in years. Gina didn’t exactly encourage his independence or friendships. He felt a pang in his heart as her thought about them, but pushed those feelings away like all the rest.
Logan entered his building and stepped onto the glass elevator, leaning back and taking a deep breath as he rode the elevator up. He was tired and couldn’t wait to collapse into bed. His mind was almost entirely blank, because he just didn’t have the energy to even think after all the activity of the last few days. As the elevator arrived at the penthouse, Logan punched in the code to have the door open, then walked into the apartment. He had only taken a few steps in before he came to an abrupt stop, staring around him wide-eyed.
The apartment looked like someone robbed them. Pillows were tossed off the couch, papers were in disarray on the desk and counters, the pantry was open and food was spilled everywhere. Every door was wide open. Logan, shocked, slowly walked through the apartment towards the bedroom to see that that was in disarray as well. All the blankets and sheets were tossed off the bed, boxes from the closet were pulled out and opened, clothes were strewn everywhere, and his art supplies were knocked to the ground. Logan stopped in his tracks again as he looked at his easel by the window, where he had been painting earlier. He had gotten through most of the painting, except for Caroline’s figure, but now there was a gash straight through it.
“What the hell?!” Logan shouted, rushing over to the easel, and picking up the canvas. He looked at the front and back, attempting to see if there was any way to remedy the cut.
“Look who the fuck is finally home,” Gina’s cold voice echoed behind him. Logan twirled around to stare at her.
“Gina, what the hell happened? The place is a wreck! Were we robbed or something? What happened to my painting?” he said holding it up.
“Where were you?” she spoke calmly and tensely, not answering his questions.
“What do you mean, where was I? At the job, that you fucking scheduled. What the hell is going on, Gina?” The volume of his voice now raising as he began to realize that Gina was responsible for the chaos.
“It’s two in the morning, Logan. That was a small party. They said it would probably end by eleven. So, I am going to ask you ONE. MORE. TIME. Where the fuck were you?” Gina spoke slowly, in a low and angry tone.
“Well, it didn’t fucking end at eleven! Those suits can party and it was a great show that I got a huge fucking check for, isn’t that all that matters to you anyway? Do I need to tell you where I am at all times now? You’re the one who made fucking my schedule!” Logan shouted, walking at an intimidating pace toward Gina.
“Really? How do I know? How the fuck do I know you weren’t at that skank’s apartment cheating on me?” Gina stood her ground, looking him straight in the eyes with her hands on her hips. Her eyes had always been emerald green, but right now they were on fire.
“What?! What the fuck are you talking about?” Logan was really yelling now.
“Gina, this is ridiculous! You wrecked our fucking home, because you thought I was out with some girl? When you knew that I was working at a job that you scheduled for me! I am always doing something that you scheduled, practically following your every command every damn day of my life! Then, you don’t hear from me for an extra three hours and you assume I am cheating on you? Which means you get to, what? Fucking bulldoze our house? Do you hear how fucking crazy you sound?” Logan was inches from her, screaming.
Gina took a few steps back to put some distance between them, since Logan was starting to frighten her. She held her ground and started yelling back.
“Don’t call me crazy! I know when something is going on! Who is that girl in the damn painting? That is the third picture I have seen you paint of her! And it looks just like that bitch who was with you Saturday night after the concert, who you claimed was just there to buy a painting. What do you think I am, an idiot? You’re fucking sleeping with her!” Gina barked back, angrily.
Logan spun around and walked over to the window, his fists clenched. He needed to get his anger under control. He couldn’t stand this. This wasn’t the first time Gina had done something like this. However, it was the first time that there was a grain of truth to her insecurities. He felt guilty over that and knew he needed to calm down and get control over his emotions immediately. He stood by the window for a few more minutes, just breathing slowly.
“Gina, I never slept with that woman. Yes, I have drawn her a few times. I am an artist, we find inspiration in all kinds of places,” he spoke a bit more calmly, still facing the window and looking out at the city roof tops. Gina was quiet behind him.
“Logan, do you still love me?” Gina asked, her voice coming closer to him.
Logan didn’t respond, he just kept looking out the window. He didn’t know what to say to her. He hadn’t fully thought it through until just then. Now that he was being asked, he realized that he didn’t have the answer she wanted to hear. He didn’t love her anymore.
He had loved her at one point, he had loved her fiercely with everything he had. He loved her for her heart, her beauty, and her kindness. She had been there for him during times no one else could understand, but that sweet Gina he had known years ago wasn’t the Gina Vile standing behind him now. He kept his mouth closed, because he didn’t want to lie and he didn’t want to hurt her eit
her.
“Logan?” Gina asked again, putting her hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. Logan took a deep breath and turned to face her.
“What do you want me to say, Gina?” he spoke softly, looking down at his feet. He didn’t want to see pain in those beautiful green eyes he had once been unable to look away from.
“I’m sorry, Logan. I just got scared. I’m sorry,” Gina begged quietly, pulling him toward her with her hands on his cheeks.
“Can you forgive me?” she asked.
Logan slowly nodded his head yes, allowing her to pull him closer and kiss him. They embraced for a moment and he kissed her back. It was just a peck, barely anything.
“I’m going to go. I’m going to get a hotel room over by the morning show’s building,” Logan told her, letting go and walking out of the bedroom. Gina tried to stand in front of him.
“Logan, don’t go! Please! Stay with me! I’ll make the bed, we can make up. Please, I will do anything!” Gina begged him, starting to cry and grabbing at him. He pushed her off him and kept heading towards the door, but she kept grabbing his shirt and dragging behind him.
“Gina, will you fucking stop it? Let go of me! This isn’t healthy. I just need some space. Let go!” He pushed her hands off of him again. She stopped and watched him hit the elevator button. She stomped her foot and grabbed a pillow on the floor next to her and threw it at him.
“Fine! Just leave! Fuck you, too! You don’t deserve me, you cheater! I own you! I can ruin you! I have your career in my hands and I can, and will, crush it! You can’t screw me over, you fucking jackass! Not after everything I gave you! And your fucking family! I could call your mother right now and tell her what you’re doing after all I’ve done for them!” Gina screamed at him, continuing to throw whatever was around in his direction. Logan ducked from the objects and shielded his face with his hands.