“Honestly, Mother.” She tried not to, but she couldn’t help laughing. In an effort to understand her parent’s point of view, she added, “If the circumstances were reversed I’d probably be just as worried about you. All I’m asking is that you trust my judgment.” Which was asking a good deal in light of her lengthy relationship with Jack Kingston.
“Your father doesn’t know what to think.”
“I imagine he’s concerned, and I can’t say that I blame either one of you. Perhaps it would help matters if I brought Reed over so you and Dad could meet him. Once you got to know him, I’m sure you’d feel the same way I do about him.”
“You’re serious about this young man, aren’t you?”
Clare hugged a novel against her stomach and resisted the urge to laugh. “Very serious.”
Her mother’s eyes moved away from Clare. “I’ll check with your father and get back to you with a time.”
“Thanks, Mom.” If they’d been anyplace else, Clare would have been tempted to blurt out the truth. She more than liked Reed, she was crazy in love with him. If they continued in the vein they had the night before, Clare would be bleary-eyed from lack of sleep and pregnant by the end of the month.
Pregnant. The desire for children was no longer muddled in her mind. More than anything she longed to give Reed a child. Her feelings hadn’t crystallized when she took the pregnancy test. She hadn’t known what she felt when the results proved negative. She’d been a bit apprehensive, then later a little sad, her emotions too confused for her to judge her true feelings.
Clare was utterly confident about what she wanted now. At one time she’d been concerned about where they’d live. Details no longer interested her. Her needs were simple—she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Reed. If he opted to continue living on the reservation, then she’d be utterly content to be there, too. If he chose to move into town, all the better. As long as they were together, nothing else mattered.
Reed came into the library just before closing time, when she least expected to see him. The first thing she noticed was that the swelling had gone down around his eye. Other than a small bruise along his jaw line, it was difficult to tell he’d been in a physical confrontation.
He set several books on top of the counter and waited until he had her attention, which he’d had from the instant he walked in the front door. Unfortunately Clare was occupied with a young mother and her two preschoolers, her last customers for the day.
Reed waited until they’d gone and Clare had locked the glass door behind them. She felt a little nervous with him. A little unsure.
She wanted to know why he’d left her that morning and why it’d taken him the entire day to come back, but she didn’t feel she should make demands of him. He had his reasons, and when it came time he’d let her know what had dictated his actions.
“Hi,” she said, occupying herself with the last-minute details.
“You look different.”
“Thank you.” She wasn’t entirely sure he meant it as a compliment, but she chose to accept it as such. She lifted a heavy stack of books from the counter, prepared to move them to the large plastic bin, when Reed silently stepped in and took them from her. It was then that she noticed his knuckles. They were scraped, bruised, the skin broken. In her concern about his face, she hadn’t realized his hands had taken the brunt of the fight.
“Oh, Reed,” she whispered, his pain becoming her own.
He raised questioning eyes to her. His gaze followed hers before he grinned. “Don’t worry, it doesn’t hurt.”
“But I do worry. Jack…”
“He isn’t bothering you, is he?”
“No…I haven’t seen him since Saturday.”
“What happened Saturday?”
“Nothing.” She shook her head and resumed her task.
“Clare,” he repeated softly, “what happened Saturday?”
“He…stopped by the house with a diamond ring and proposed.”
Reed was silent for several moments. “What did you tell him?”
“I wanted to tell him I was already married, but I couldn’t very well do that, could I?” she blurted out, growing impatient with his questions. They had a lot more important issues to discuss than Jack Kingston.
“What did you say?” Reed repeated.
Clare flashed him an irritated look, one similar to what her mother had given her earlier in the day. “I told him I wasn’t the right woman for him and sent him on his merry way. He doesn’t love me, you know. He might have convinced himself he does, but I know better.”
A smile quivered at the edges of Reed’s lips.
“What’s so funny?” she demanded, reaching for her purse, ready to leave.
His smile became full-fledged. “You. I imagine you’re able to quell whole groups of rebellious youngsters with that look of yours.”
Clare didn’t bother to pretend she didn’t know what he was talking about. Arguing with him would have wasted valuable time.
“Unfortunately Jack saw the totem pole you gave me and guessed that I’d spent the day with you. He was angry when he left. In thinking over what happened, I’m sure he’s relieved to be off the hook. Jack never was keen on marrying me until I wanted nothing more to do with him.”
Reed didn’t agree or disagree with her. “We need to talk about what happened last night.”
“All right,” she agreed hesitantly. As far as she was concerned there wasn’t anything to discuss. She walked around the front desk and sat down at one of the round tables the library had purchased that spring. There wasn’t any threat of someone interrupting them since the library was technically closed and she’d secured the lock.
He didn’t make eye contact with her, and that troubled Clare. It bothered her enough for her to speak before he could.
“We can discuss last night—unless you plan to tell me it was all a big mistake,” she blurted out. “Because if that’s why you’re here, I don’t want to hear it.” If he attempted to trivialize their lovemaking, pass it off as unimportant, an error in judgment, then she would refuse to listen.
Reed didn’t sit down. He walked past her, as if he needed time and space to form his thoughts. “You should never have posted bail for me. There’s already talk.”
“Talk’s never bothered me. I knew when I went there what I was risking. It was my choice and I made it.”
“Your parents—”
“Don’t worry about them,” she flared, growing impatient with him. “Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks.”
“Your reputation’s at stake.”
“My reputation,” she repeated with a small, humorless laugh. “I’m just grateful the good people in Tullue feel they have something to say about me. It’s the first time in my life I’ve generated so much interest.” This last bit was an attempt at humor, but she recognized right away that it was a mistake.
Reed’s eyes darkened and his shoulders went stiff.
“I was just joking,” she said, making light of her words.
“Your parents…”
“Already know,” she finished for him. “Mom was in earlier this afternoon.”
Reed’s probing gaze searched hers. “You didn’t tell her we were married, did you?”
“No, but I wish I had.”
“Clare, no.”
“Don’t look so concerned,” she said, frowning. “I told her how important you are to me…much more important than a friend.”
“This isn’t good,” he muttered.
“I’m not ashamed of being your wife. You might prefer to keep it some deep, dark secret, but I happen to-”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he bit off gruffly. He stalked away from her, and Clare realized he was removing himself from her emotionally, as well as physically.
“I told Mom I wanted to bring you over so she and Dad could meet you,” she said after a moment, doing her best to keep her voice steady.
“I wish yo
u hadn’t done that.”
“Why?” she asked innocently. “We’re married, Reed, and they have a right to know. I’m their only daughter.”
“They don’t need to know.”
“What is it you want me to do?” she flared back. “Do you want me to wait until we’ve moved in together before I tell them? Or do you want me to get pregnant first and then casually announce we’ve been married all along? Is that what you want me to do? Because I find that completely unfair to everyone involved.”
“Pregnant.” He said the word as though he’d never heard it before. “Okay, I get it,” she continued, “they aren’t going to be leaping up and down for joy to know I got married behind their backs. That’s going to cause some readjustment in their thinking, but they love me and in time they’ll come to love you too.”
Reed whirled around to face her, his look wild, almost primitive. His eyes were narrowed and pained. She could see him steel himself against her. Against her words, against her love.
When he spoke, his words were low and harsh. “I’m afraid you’ve assumed too much, Clare.”
“What do you mean?”
An eternity passed before he spoke. “You’re not moving in with me.”
“Fine, you can come into town,” she said brightly, giving a small, dismissive gesture with her hands as though to suggest it made no difference to her. “That’ll save me the long drive from the reservation every day, so all the better.”
Even as she spoke, Clare realized she was being obtuse. Reed was trying to tell her he fully intended on following through with the divorce.
“The attorney mailed me some preliminary papers for you to read over,” he said, removing an envelope from his pocket. He set it on the table in front of her.
Mutely Clare stared at the envelope. It was a plain white one, not unlike thousands of others. This particular one had the name of the law firm printed on the upper left-hand corner. It amazed Clare that something so small, so simple, could be the source of so much pain.
Her heart felt as if it had stopped completely, then she realized it continued to beat, but it was her lungs that weren’t functioning. Not until it became painful did she realize she wasn’t breathing.
In the past, pride had saved her, granting her the impetus to pretend she was unaffected, unscathed, unconcerned. She could rely on it to carry her for several minutes, long enough, she prayed, before she broke.
“How embarrassing,” she said with a frivolous laugh, trying to make light of it. “I’ve just made a complete idiot of myself, haven’t I?”
“Clare…”
“Don’t worry, I get the picture. Despite last night you don’t want to stay married to me, but an occasional bout of good old-fashioned sex wouldn’t be amiss.”
He looked as if he wanted to say something, but held himself in check. “If you need me for anything…”
“Be assured I won’t,” she told him in clipped tones. The temperature would drop below freezing in Hawaii before she’d turn to Reed Tonasket for anything.
“If you’re pregnant I’d appreciate knowing it.”
“Why? Are you worried that might delay the divorce proceedings?”
“Don’t, Clare,” he whispered, and it almost seemed he was pleading with her.
She didn’t realize how badly she was trembling until she attempted to stand up. “Please go…just go.”
He hesitated, his face set and hard with determination and pride. Unfortunately, Reed Tonasket wasn’t the only one with an oversupply of pride. It had carried Clare this far. Her heart was shattered, her dignity in shreds, but by heaven there was a shred of pride left in her and she clung to that the way a trapeze artist hangs on to the bar.
“You’re right, I’m sure. This quickie divorce is for the best.”
Reed’s eyes were savage, but Clare was too busy concentrating on maintaining her control to pay him much heed. “I’ll let you out of the library,” she said, walking to the front door, her keys jingling at her side.
Reed walked out, and she stood there watching him through the glass door until he was out of sight. Somehow she made it home; only when she was parked outside the single-family dwelling did she realize where she was. She remembered nothing about the drive.
Her neighbors were out watering their flower bed, and Mrs. Carlson gave her a friendly wave. Clare returned the gesture, walked into her house, went straight into the bathroom and lost her lunch.
Someone rang her doorbell, but Clare was too distraught to care who it could be.
A short, impatient knock was followed by a small voice. “Clare, are you here? Your car’s parked out front.”
Clare hurried into the living room. “Erin,” she cried, and burst into tears. “I’m so glad you’re home.”
Chapter Ten
Erin didn’t seem to know what to do. “What happened?” she asked gently, then bristled. “Don’t tell me, I already know. Jack’s at it again, right?”
Clare laughed, not fully understanding why she found her best friend’s words so amusing. Her life was far removed from Jack Kingston’s now. He was a figure from her past, and although it had been only a matter of a couple of weeks, it seemed much longer.
Clare slumped onto her sofa and gathered her feet beneath her. She was feeling ill again and weepy, and detested both. Weakness had always bothered her, but never more than in herself.
“How was the honeymoon?” she asked.
Erin brightened, sinking into the overstuffed chair across from her. “Fabulous. Oh, Clare, marriage is wonderful.”
The flash of pain was so sharp that Clare closed her eyes until it passed.
“Clare?” Erin asked softly. “Are you ill?”
Clare nodded. “I…I must have come down with a bug,” she murmured.
“Then this doesn’t have anything to do with Jack?”
“Not a thing. It’s over between us.”
“You told me that when we left for Vegas, but I didn’t know if you were sure.”
“Trust me, I’m sure. Now tell me when you got back and why you’d waste time with me when you’ve got a husband at home waiting for you.”
Erin crossed her long jean-clad legs and smiled. “Gary told me to get lost for a few minutes. He’s got some kind of surprise brewing. My guess is that he ordered new living room furniture and is having it de livered, but I’m not supposed to know that.”
“I didn’t think you were due back until Saturday.” Clare had hoped that by then she’d have recovered enough both physically and mentally to welcome Erin and Gary home.
Clare couldn’t ever remember seeing her friend more radiant. Love had transformed Erin’s life. It had transformed her own, too, but not in the same way. Loving Reed was a mistake, she tried to convince herself. Another in a long list of relationship errors. But her heart refused to listen. If loving him was just another blunder, then why was she grieving like this? When she’d broken up with Jack, there’d been a sense of release, of freedom. She felt no elation now. Only a pain that cut so deep it was nearly crippling.
“How’d you and Reed get along after the wedding?” Erin asked conversationally.
Clare tensed. “Wh-what makes you ask?”
Erin paused, her leg swinging. “You two didn’t get into an argument or anything did you?”
Her lifetime friend had no idea how far the “or anything” had stretched. “No…we had a wonderful time together. I won a thousand dollars.”
“Gambling!” Erin cried. “I don’t believe it. Gary and I were in Vegas and I didn’t so much as bet five dollars.” She hesitated, and a shy, slightly chagrined smile lit up her features. “Of course we didn’t leave the hotel room all that much.”
The living room started to spin, and Clare scooted down on the sofa and pressed her head against the arm. “How was Boston?”
“Great. Gary’s family is wonderful, which isn’t any real surprise, knowing the man my husband is.” She stopped abruptly and exhaled sharply. “My husban
d…I still can’t get used to saying that. I never thought it was possible to find a man I’d love so much. I never thought it’d be possible to say the word ’husband’ again and feel the incredible things I do.”
Pain clenched at Clare’s breast; how well she understood what Erin was saying. “Husband” was an especially amazing word to her, too.
“Then you and Reed had a chance to get to know one another a little better?” Erin continued.
For the first time that afternoon, Clare wanted to laugh out loud. “You might say that.”
“Good.”
“Why good?” Clare wanted to know.
“I like Reed. I never knew him very well—I don’t think many folks around town do since he keeps to himself most of the time. Gary knows him about as well as anyone, and claims Reed’s both talented and generous. I had no idea he was so actively involved with Native American youths. He’s helped several of them over the years, kept them out of trouble, given them pride in their heritage. From what Gary said, Reed’s taken in and been like a foster father to a handful of boys over the last several years.”
Clare wasn’t surprised, although she hadn’t known that about him.
“I don’t think anyone in town realizes how well-known his artwork has become all across the country, either,” Erin continued. “Gary and I saw one of the totem poles he carved while we were in Boston.”
“You don’t need to list his virtues for me, Erin.”
“I don’t?” she asked, elevating her voice. “You like him?”
“Very much,” Clare admitted.
“Then you wouldn’t be opposed to the four of us having dinner together sometime soon? I don’t want you to think I’m playing matchmaker here, but I was kind of hoping the two of you would be interested in each other.”
Clare couldn’t keep the sadness out of her smile. “I…don’t think that would be a good idea.”
“Why?” Erin returned defensively. “Because Reed’s half Native American?”
“No,” she returned, defeat coating her words, “because I sincerely doubt Reed wants anything more to do with me.”