‘But it was different when I saw him sleeping. He thought he’d burnt us alive, yet he could fall asleep watching it! What sort of a man did that make him?’
‘A very, very evil one,’ Bryan said. ‘He had it coming to him; no one could feel any sympathy for him after what he did to you.’
‘But why did I go so far?’ she asked in a small voice, her blue eyes brimming with tears. ‘One whack with the axe would’ve stopped him coming after us. It would have shown him I wasn’t quite the mouse he took me for. But I kept on and on.’
Bryan’s sympathy for her brought a lump to his throat. He knew exactly why she couldn’t stop. Each whack was for all the injustices which had been piled on her, from her parents, the sweetheart who was run over, the rapist, to all that the Ramsdens had done to her. He felt nothing but understanding and empathy for her. Furthermore, he fervently hoped that Howard Ramsden would survive, so that he would never walk again, never father another child, and would have to stand trial for all his crimes either here or in the States.
‘He deserved all those whacks,’ he said, his voice cracking with emotion. ‘You had so much courage to confront him, and I promise you will get through this and have a good life again.’ He paused, cleared his throat and smiled at her.
‘Now, I happen to know there’s a man dying to see you. He’s walked miles, talked to hundreds of people on your behalf, did everything in his power to find you. So I’m going to get out of the way and give him a chance to spend some time with this very special lady.’
‘Do you mean David?’ she asked in a small voice.
Bryan laughed. ‘We ought to call him Chief Inspector Mitchell,’ he joked. ‘If it hadn’t been for his questions around the villages, coming up with someone who had seen Fern Ramsden, and most importantly spotting the blue van at the house in Itchenor, we’d still be searching fruitlessly around Selsey.’
David stood in the doorway of the room just looking at Lotte for what seemed like ten minutes, though she knew it couldn’t have actually been more than twenty seconds. He looked more handsome and rugged than she remembered, wearing a dark business suit and striped shirt and with his light brown hair just a little tousled.
‘I’m sorry to stare,’ he said eventually. ‘But there’ve been times when I thought I’d never see you again.’
‘I’m surprised you want to,’ she said with a shy smile. ‘I’m nothing but trouble.’
‘I saw Dale outside in the corridor,’ he said, walking over to the locker and putting down a large bar of Cadbury’s chocolate and a bunch of freesias.
‘I thought she was with her parents?’
‘She was. They’ve gone to check in to a hotel near here and they are coming back later. She said she was going for a walk because she had cabin fever.’
‘We’re both suffering from that,’ Lotte said with a smile. ‘But I suspect she was just being diplomatic and getting out of the way. And thank you for the flowers and chocolate. Freesias are my favourite, they are so delicate and smell heavenly. And I’m a real pig with chocolate. I’ll probably stuff myself with that tonight.’
‘Then I’d better get you started,’ he said with a grin and broke off a couple of pieces, giving one to her.
‘Has anyone told you what happened?’ she asked, her mouth full of chocolate.
He knew without asking that she meant the axe business and he nodded.
‘I’ll have to stand trial for it, and killing Fern.’
David hadn’t been told about Fern, but he swallowed hard and pretended he knew.
‘You’ll be acquitted,’ he said staunchly. ‘No one will blame you; they both deserved all they got.’
‘Back away now, David,’ she said softly. ‘I’m not what you need.’
David looked at her for a moment or two without answering. She looked so young and vulnerable, yet he already knew from Dale that she had not only kept her head in the fire, but pushed her friend out first. She was brave and resourceful, but he suspected she wanted him out of her life because she was afraid she was too damaged ever to be able to form a full sexual relationship with any man.
‘I think that’s up to me to decide,’ he said. ‘Besides, just now all I am is your friend. If you don’t want me to be anything else, then that’s fine.’
She turned her head on to the pillow, and he saw a tear rolling down her cheek. He moved closer and gently wiped it away with one finger.
‘You’ve had such a raw deal it must be difficult to believe it will ever be any different,’ he said softly, bending to kiss her cheek. ‘But it will, Lotte. Just don’t push away your friends; they are the ones who will help make it all come right for you.’
She looked at him with tear-filled eyes. ‘I remembered everything while we were stuck in the basement,’ she said in a croaky voice. ‘I told it all to Dale, and back there it was like I was watching some strange film I’d acted in, scene by scene. But talking to DI Bryan just now and repeating the whole miserable tale brought it home to me that it wasn’t a film I’d acted in, but for real.’
‘I can understand that,’ David said, taking one of her hands and holding it between both of his. ‘It must be the most surreal, weirdest thing to lose your memory, then have bits popping back, perhaps without the explanation as to why they happened, or why you felt as you did.’
‘I don’t think you’re quite getting what I’m trying to tell you,’ she said with a sigh. ‘You remember I said to you before that it was nice being with you because I knew there wasn’t any past with us?’
‘Yes, I remember that.’
‘But we are all the sum of our past experiences,’ she said. ‘When I first met you I didn’t know what had gone before, at least not all of it. So to all intents and purposes I was still the person I had been before all that shit happened. But that shit altered me, and in a way that can never be put back. I have been a rape victim, I’ve had a child who died. I’ve killed, and attacked someone else with such savagery he’ll probably die too. Now, you tell me, David, how I can have a “normal” life again.’
There was still so much that David didn’t know about all this, but he realized it really was terrible by the pain in her eyes.
It probably would be wise to do as she’d said, and what his mother advised, to walk away and forget her. But wise didn’t come into it, not when he’d found her on the beach and felt sure that wasn’t just chance. His heart swelled up as he looked at her, and that wasn’t sympathy, he knew it was love.
‘You can have a normal life again if you just take it a day at a time,’ he said eventually. ‘It’s not going to be easy, babe, you’ll have nightmares, I expect, you’ll find yourself dwelling on it all, and yes, you will have to face a trial. But while all that stuff is going on, there will be other things too.’
‘Like what?’ she asked, her eyes filling with tears.
‘Good things,’ he said. ‘There’ll be days on the beach when it’s hot. There’ll be picnics, dinner parties, going to the pictures and getting very drunk. I’d like to take you to a fun fair and ride a rollercoaster, paddle by moonlight in the sea, and hold you in my arms and kiss you till you forget everything but that.’
‘Would you?’ she asked.
‘Well, I didn’t tramp round the whole of Chichester harbour asking questions and showing your photo just because I’m a do-gooder,’ he said with a smile. ‘I did it because I was desperate to find you, and to do all those things I’ve already mentioned with you.’
‘Including kissing me?’ she asked shyly.
‘Most of all kissing you,’ he replied. He had been perched on the edge of the bed as he held her hand, but now he leaned towards her and kissed her lips. Just a gentle but lingering kiss, his hand on her cheek. ‘I do have a variety of different kisses,’ he said, taking his mouth just a few inches away from hers. ‘That was the “maybe-the-nurse-will-come-in” one. Tomorrow, if the burns on your feet don’t hurt too much and you can stand up, we could repeat the variety we tried in Sim
on’s flat.’
‘What’s that one called?’ she whispered.
‘The “I’ve-been-dying-to-hold-you-in-my-arms” one,’ he said as he kissed her nose.
She laughed. ‘How long will I have to stay here for?’
‘Not long I wouldn’t think, just until they are sure the burns are healing. Dale told me she can leave tomorrow. Her parents want to take her home for a few days. You could come and stay at mine.’
‘That’s very sweet of you, David, but it’s too soon for that,’ she said. ‘Besides, if they charge me with murder won’t I have to go to prison until the trial?’
‘Is that the worry lurking at the back of your mind?’
Lotte nodded.
David knew very little about criminal law, only odd things he’d picked up in pubs. ‘I shouldn’t think so, babe,’ he said. ‘You’ll get bail as long as the police don’t oppose it, and I can’t see Bryan doing that. But going back to stay with Simon and Adam will be the best thing for you. All your friends are in Brighton, and though I’d love to take care of you, I do have to go to work so you’d be alone a lot.’
‘You would come and see me though?’ she asked anxiously.
‘Of course, so often you’ll get bored with me. Now, can I have the “here’s-one-for-the-road” kiss?’
‘You’ve got to go?
‘Yes, because Dale is lurking outside the door wanting to come in, and I think when her parents come back they’ll want to talk to you. You might get a visit from yours too!’
‘I doubt that,’ she said, and caught hold of his face with both her hands and pulled him closer to kiss him.
It was a delicious kiss, sweet enough for Lotte to want to say, hold-on-I’m-coming-home-with-you. Instead when it ended she just smiled. ‘I guess that was the “now-don’t-you-go-forgetting-me” kiss?’
‘As if.’ He laughed and turned to go. ‘It was the “now-eat-up-that-chocolate-before-Dale-gets-back-or-she’ll-want-some” kiss,’ he said at the door, and then left, blowing her another one.
Kim and Clarke Moore came into the room with Dale about five minutes after David had left. Lotte had seen lots of pictures of them, and Dale described them as ‘wacky’ when she was being affectionate, ‘mad’ when she was irritated by them. But Lotte would have described them as ‘colourful’.
Kim was wearing a vintage lilac and green patterned crêpe dress, with lilac-coloured tights which made her look as though she’d got some weird skin disease. Her red hair was held back with a green silky band which had a kind of silky pompom resting just above her right ear. And she had a complete rainbow of eye shadow.
Clarke wore jeans and a red, fringed cowboy shirt, his long greying hair held back in a pony-tail. They were as warm as a thirteen-tog duvet, hugging Lotte spontaneously as though they’d met her dozens of times before.
Kim talked fast, and flitted from subject to subject like a butterfly. One minute she was talking about the awful food in the hospital café, the next about the antiques shops in Brighton, and then with another leap describing the hotel they’d booked into in Chichester.
But Lotte was fairly certain it was just a nervous reaction to the last few days of terrible anxiety.
‘It was such a relief to get the call from the police,’ Kim said eventually, perhaps suddenly remembering that Lotte hadn’t witnessed the reunion between her and her daughter and therefore didn’t know there had been buckets of tears. She went on to relate how thrilled and excited she’d been all day, her eyes shining with delight as she constantly patted Dale’s cheek.
Each time Kim turned away from Dale, Dale pulled a rude face at Lotte because she’d doubtlessly heard all this several times already.
Lotte lay back on her pillows, only too happy to listen to the woman’s joy, even if her daughter was getting bored with it.
‘Dale tells me that it was you, Lotte, who got you both out of the shed. She said she was frozen with fear.’
Lotte looked across at her friend and wagged a reproving finger at her. ‘If she hadn’t had the presence of mind to hold on to the Stanley knife when Howard dragged us out of the house, we would’ve burned to death.’
Kim rounded on Dale. ‘You didn’t tell me that!’ she said accusingly.
‘Oh Mum, enough,’ Dale said impatiently. ‘What happened was horrible, and just about the most scary thing I can imagine. But it’s over now, and we both want to move on.’
‘I hate that expression “move on”,’ Kim said, looking sullen. ‘I heard someone say it to a woman who had only been widowed for a few weeks. Why should she move on? To what? Surely it’s better to stay put until you’ve figured out where you want to go?’
Lotte wanted to laugh. She could see now where Dale got that belligerent streak. ‘I think I agree with you there, Mrs Moore,’ Lotte said. ‘Moving on could also be called running away.’
‘So how was it with Lover Boy?’ Dale asked, making a ridiculous pouty mouth.
‘Lovely to see him,’ Lotte said guardedly, wishing her friend could be more tactful.
‘What a nice young man he is,’ Kim said. ‘We really liked him, didn’t we, Clarke? He organized us all, and motivated some of us who really didn’t want to do anything.’ She stopped short when her husband shot her a warning look. Lotte realized she had been talking about her parents.
It had been a surprise when David told her that her parents had joined the house-to-house; she just couldn’t imagine them doing such a thing. But it was no surprise to hear that her mother hadn’t really got the heart for it.
‘How come my parents joined you?’ she asked.
‘Well, we called on them,’ Kim said. ‘I mean, when we arrived in Brighton we were so frantic about you both. We thought if we saw them we could help one another.’
‘You wouldn’t get much help from my mum,’ Lotte said dourly.
There was an embarrassed silence. Lotte had to break it. ‘It’s OK, don’t feel bad because of it. She’s been that way for a long time, I’m used to it. But how did you get on with Simon, Adam and Scott? I understand they were with you too?’
Kim was very enthusiastic about them, and asked Lotte if there wasn’t something going on between Dale and Scott. Dale said she was far too nosy and told a funny tale about how Kim had tried to play Cupid when Dale had a crush on a boy in their street.
‘She kept making suggestions as to how she could get him to come to our house. I was terrified that she’d go and kidnap him.’
‘I got him to come round in the end though,’ Kim said silkily.
‘Yes, and how cringeworthy was that!’ Dale said indignantly. ‘She found out he was a bit of a maths genius and asked if he’d come and coach me! I ask you! I was fifteen, and I didn’t even know my tables.’
‘How did it end?’ Lotte asked, thinking how wonderful it must be to have parents like Kim and Clarke.
‘Very badly,’ Clarke spoke up. ‘He got very serious about Dale, and of course her being so contrary, it put her off. He became almost a stalker and eventually I had to threaten to knock his block off if I found him hanging around on our doorstep any more.’
Lotte laughed, and suddenly she couldn’t stop; everything Dale or Kim or Clarke said was funny to her. Dale joined in, and before long they both had tears running down their cheeks.
‘You’re getting hysterical now,’ Clarke said after a bit, but he was grinning too. ‘I think it’s time we left, and you two went to sleep.’
‘We’ll pick you up in the morning, and come with you to the police station when you make your statement,’ Kim said to her daughter. ‘We can go straight home after that.’
Kim turned to Lotte and went to hug her. ‘Why don’t you come home with us too?’ she asked. ‘Let me feed you up and look after those burned feet for a bit? We could bring you back when Dale has to return to Marchwood.’
‘That’s really kind of you, Mrs Moore,’ Lotte said, touched by the kindness. ‘But I’ll be here for another day at least, and anyway I think Dale
has seen enough of me for a while.’
‘Too right I have,’ Dale said, and then began to laugh again.
‘If you change your mind you could always ask David to bring you up,’ Kim said, and bent to kiss Lotte on the forehead. ‘I just wish I’d insisted Dale brought you home with her after the cruise. If I had, none of this would’ve happened.’
Chapter Nineteen
DI Bryan could see by the Ward Sister’s expression that she had little real sympathy for her patient even though she was trying to insist that Howard Ramsden should be left in peace. Once the newspapers had got a sniff of the nature of his crime, they had gone into a feeding frenzy, including lying in wait outside the hospital. They were only allowed to print basic facts about him until after his trial, should he make it to one, but they’d still managed to divulge enough information about Lotte’s ordeal at his hands to make people hate him.
‘He really isn’t up to questioning,’ she insisted. ‘He is conscious of course, but traumatized by his injuries.’
The Sister was an attractive brunette in her thirties with a curvaceous figure and doleful dark eyes. She was Bryan’s type and he was determined to charm her.
‘And his victims are traumatized by what he did to them,’ he said pointedly. ‘I have the unenviable job of arresting young Lotte because she’s admitted killing his wife, but with a statement from him that shows she had just cause to act in self-defence, and that he disposed of his wife’s body, I could at least get Lotte bail until the trial.’
The nurse’s attractive face softened in sympathy. ‘It’s terrible that she has to be charged with anything. And awful that she might be put in prison, after all she’s been through. Is it true her baby died through his and his wife’s neglect and that he threw her into the sea after Lotte?’
Her dark eyes were deep, mysterious pools, and her lips were very plump and kissable. Bryan wanted to prolong this conversation. ‘So it is alleged,’ he said cautiously. ‘He hasn’t been charged with anything yet because it was touch and go whether he would make it. Plus the American police want him back over there too, they’ve got a whole book on him, it seems. I could tell you more over a drink if you’d let me talk to him.’