The donkey meat sang in my mouth as my brain went into high gear, each discarded idea quickly replaced by a new one. In the end, I came up with a solution that both suited local conditions and was simple and cheap. Lao Lan's eyes flashed in excitement when I explained it to him: ‘You really are something, youngster!’ he said with a pat on the shoulder. ‘I approve. Put it into operation.’
‘I guess that's what we'll have to do,’ said Father.
At the workshop's exit, I had a team of workers build a rack with five thick fir posts. Then a hoist atop the rack with a block and tackle, christened the ‘lifting gourd’. Another team joined two flatbeds to make a moveable platform. With that device, when the workers led or dragged a water-treated cow or some other large animal to the exit—standing if possible, lying if not—a rope was placed under its belly to hoist it up onto the platform, which was then pushed and pulled—two men on each end—rumbling straight into one of the kill rooms.
What happened to it there was not our concern.
Water-injected large livestock no longer presented a problem. As for pigs, sheep, dogs and other domestic animals—well, they're not even worth a mention.
POW! 35
My narrative is cut short by the wail of ambulance sirens, one from West City and another from East City. Then two more out from each, making it a total of six. When they meet on the highway, two turn onto the grass field, leaving the remaining four in the middle of the road. Their flashing red and green lights heighten the tension and terror in the air. EMTs in white smocks, white caps and blue masks, some carrying medical bags, others lugging simple stretchers, rush out of the ambulances in the direction of the meat-vendors, where people have formed a dozen or more tight circles. The medics push people out of their way to get to the stricken—some lying unconscious, some rolling on the ground, some others bent over, vomiting. People pat the backs of their retching friends, and family members kneel beside the unconscious and anxiously call out their names. The medics first examine and tend the unconscious and those rolling on the ground. Then up onto the stretchers they go, to be carried off to the ambulances. There are not enough stretchers so an EMT asks for help to carry or help poison victims to the ambulances. The medical vehicles halt traffic from both directions and, in no time, more than forty cars are stopped, bumper to bumper. They do not suffer in silence, however, and announce their displeasure with a barrage of blaring horns. It's the worst noise in the world. If I were king of the world, Wise Monk, I'd destroy every single horn and horn-blower. Now come the police cars and the police. A policeman drags a truck-driver out of his cab because he refuses to stop honking. The driver resists, and his surly manner so angers the policeman that he grabs the man by the throat and throws him into a ditch. The driver crawls out, soaked, and screams in a heavy accent: ‘I'll sue, damn it! All you cops are thugs!’ The policeman takes a step in his direction and the driver jumps back into the ditch. With the police directing traffic, the ambulances bearing the poison victims drive onto the temple grounds, then turn and speed off to their respective hospitals through the slender spaces between the lines of cars. The police cars lead the way. A policeman sticks his head out the window and orders the drivers to clear a path. Another group of poison victims has collected on the grassy field, the sound of their retching and moaning merging with the shouts of the police directing traffic. The police have commandeered several private vans to take the sick into town, ignoring the drivers’ complaints. ‘Who told those people to eat so much?’ grouses a low-ranking Party official. His comment draws a glare from a large, swarthy policeman. Thus silenced, he stands by the road and lights a cigarette. Now van-less drivers begin to congregate in our compound. Some poke their heads inside the temple, others gape at the Meat God lying out in the sun. One of them, delighted at the calamity that has struck the enviable Carnivore Festival, says: ‘Well, folks, I think we're witnessing the end of the Carnivore Festival.’ ‘The whole thing's ridiculous,’ another agrees. ‘Baldy Hu was looking to make a big splash. It was a terrible idea but his superiors think the world of him and let him go ahead. He's in big trouble now, and he'll be lucky if no one dies. If lots of people die—’ A woman with piercing eyes steps out from behind a tree and interrupts in a severe tone of voice: ‘If lots of people die, Chairman Wu, what good will that do you?’ ‘I was just thinking aloud,’ the man replies, obviously embarrassed, ‘and I apologize. We were about to phone the hospital to send help for you.’ The woman, a cadre herself, shouts into her cellphone: ‘It's beyond urgent! To hell with the cost! Mobilize everything you've got, personnel, money, everything. Punish anyone who stands in the way!’ A small fleet of Audi A6s drives up with a police escort, and Mayor Hu steps out of the car. On-site cadres rush to report. The mayor's face grows grave at the enormity of the situation and he walks towards some of the stricken individuals.
With Father (actually, with me) in command, the United Meatpacking Plant began production as scheduled.
I was enjoying a meal in the kitchen.
‘Your father's the plant manager,’ Huang Biao said, ‘but you run the show.’
‘I'd be careful with what I say, Huang Biao,’ I replied sternly although I was secretly pleased with his words. ‘My father won't be pleased that thought.’
‘It's not just what I think, my young friend. It's what everyone thinks. I can't help repeating what I hear. It's my nature. I just thought you'd like to know.’
‘What else do they think?’ I said, trying to sound casual.
‘That sooner or later Lao Lan will fire your father and hire you in his place. If you ask me, there's no need to be humble when that day comes. Having officials for parents is never as good as being one yourself.’
I turned my attention back to the meat in front of me and ignored him but I didn't ask him to stop. His flattering remarks—half true, half false—were like spice for the meat, stimulating my appetite and giving me a sense of true comfort. When I finished the meat, I felt replenished and sated. It now lay in my stomach, waiting to be digested, as I drifted off into a state of suspended animation, as if afloat in the ether. Thinking back now, those were among the happiest days of my life. When I first went to the plant kitchen to feast on meat during working hours, I did so on the sly so as not to be seen. But the day came when I could openly enjoy my meals. When we were gearing up for production in the workshop, I'd say: ‘Yao Qi, take over while I go to the kitchen to think.’
‘Go ahead, Director, leave everything to me,’ he'd reply deferentially. ‘I'll let you know if there are problems.’
I gave such heavy responsibilities to Yao Qi not to patch up relations between him and my parents but because he'd become such a good worker—it was the right thing to do. I had no authority to give him an official title or status but he was the de facto director when I was away. I'd also planned to repay the kindnesses of Cheng Tianle, but he had changed and not for the better. He walked about with a frown and never said a word, as if people owed him money and refused to pay it back. My good opinion of him was pretty much a thing of the past.
It was clear that many of the men, including Yao Qi, resented the fact that I ate in the plant kitchen during working hours. I had no way of knowing what truly lay behind the the sweet words and smiles with which he greeted me. But I had no time to waste worrying about that. Why should I? Meat was my life, my love; the meat that went into my stomach, and only that meat, was mine. Meat in my stomach made me carefree and happy, and if the men were unhappy, if they were envious, if they drooled at the thought of it, even if they were downright angry, that was no concern of mine. They could drop dead for all I cared.
I told Lao Lan and my parents that the way to ensure that United flourished was to see that I remained strong and vigorous and that my creative juices kept flowing. An endless supply of meat guaranteed both. The only thing that kept my brain functioning was a bellyful of meat. Without it, my brain was like rusty machinery. My parents withheld their response to my request but Lao Lan
roared with laughter.
‘Luo Xiaotong,’ he said, ‘Director Luo, is there even a remote chance that this plant could not supply you with the meat you desire? No, I want you to eat. Eat as much as you can, set a new standard of eating, create a model of eating and, in the process, establish the prestige of our plant.’ He turned to my parents. ‘Lao Luo, Yang Yuzhen, meat-eaters are fated to enjoy prosperity and power. Paupers are not blessed with a well-developed digestive system. Do you believe that? Well, I do. The quantity of meat any individual is slated to eat is predetermined at birth. For you, Luo Xiaotong, the quantity is probably twenty tonnes, and the King of Hell will see that you eat every bit of it.’ Another hearty laugh, this time joined in by my parents.
‘We're lucky United Meatpacking is in financial good shape,’ Mother said. ‘Any other plant would have gone bankrupt!’
‘Why don't we organize a meat-eating competition?’ said Lao Lan in a burst of inspiration. ‘We can hold it in the city, even show it on TV. Then, when Xiaotong takes first place, United gets free advertising.’ Waving his fist excitedly, he carried on. ‘It's great idea! Think about it—a mere boy finishes off a platter of meat! But that's not all—he can hear meat talk, he can see its face. He can't lose, and the image of him destroying the competition is beamed into thousands and tens of thousands of living rooms. The impact will be mind-boggling! Xiaotong, you'll be famous! And as you, director of a workshop at United Meatpacking, will be feasting on our meat products, we'll be famous too. Huachang meats will be the best brand of all, and all the consumers will trust only our meat. Xiaotong, eating meat will be your finest contribution, and the more you eat the greater the contribution.’
‘First place in meat-eating?’ Father shook his head. ‘He'll be seen as nothing but an empty vessel for food and drink.’
‘Lao Luo, your backsliding has become serious,’ commented Lao Lan. ‘Don't you watch TV? Contests like this are all the rage—beer-drinking, meat-pie-eating, even leaf-eating. In fact, everything but meat-eating. No, we're going to do it. The effect will be felt not only in China but worldwide. Our meat products will show up in shops all over the world. Everywhere, people will be able to enjoy Huachang meats—meats you can trust. And when that happens, Luo Xiaotong, you'll have achieved international fame.’
‘Lao Lan,’ Mother said with a smile, ‘have you got drunk on meat, like Xiaotong?’
‘Not having your son's talent or luck, I don't know what it feels like to be drunk on meat. But I can, unlike you two, appreciate his vivid imagination. Your biggest problem is that you see your son through the eyes of parents. That's a mistake. First, forget he's a child, and second, forget he's your son. If you can't do that, you'll never be able to discover his value, his unique gift.’ Lao Lan turned to me: ‘Worthy Nephew, let's settle this here and now. We'll organize a meat-eating contest, if not in the next six months then some time later in the year, and if that fails then next year. Your sister is a talented meat-eater, too, isn't she? She can be a part of what will be a true sensation…’ There were tears in his eyes as he continued: ‘Worthy Nephew Xiaotong, all sorts of feelings rise up in me when I'm in the presence of a boy who knows how to eat meat. There are two meat-eating virtuosos in this world, you and the son of my third uncle, who sadly died way before his time…’
A while later, Huang Biao was ordered to set up a new stove in the kitchen, one that could accommodate a larger pot; it was to be reserved for Luo Xiaotong's exclusive use. Huang Biao was then ordered that stock be constantly boiling in the pot and the meat cooking at all times. A ready supply of meat for Luo Xiaotong was the key to United's prosperity.
Word soon got out of my daily supply of free meat, as well as of Lao Lan's plan of sponsoring a meat-eating contest. One day, three unhappy workers confronted me at the entrance to the meat-cleansing building. ‘Xiaotong,’ they said, ‘just because your father is the manager and your mother is the bookkeeper, and just because you're the director of this workshop and Lao Lan's protégé, does not mean that we have to kowtow to you! What makes you so special anyway? You can't read—a blind man can open his eyes but he still can't see—which makes filling that big belly of yours with meat your only talent.’
‘First of all, I'm not Lao Lan's protégé,’ I interrupted. ‘Next, I know enough characters to read what's important. As for my talent, I'm good at eating meat but I don't have a big belly. Tell me, would you call this a big belly? Eating lots of meat with a big belly is nothing to boast of. Eating the same quantity with a small belly is. If you don't want to kowtow to me, go tell Lao Lan. We can have a contest. If I lose, I'll step down as workshop director and leave the plant for good. I'll go out into the world or back to school. Of course, if I lose, someone else will have to enter the contest, maybe one of you.’
‘It won't do us any good to go tell Lao Lan,’ they said. ‘You may deny you're his protégé but it's obvious you two have a special relationship. Otherwise, there's no way he'd have appointed a boy without a hair on his crotch as workshop director and given him the right to eat all the meat he wants.’
‘If you want to out-eat me, I accept the challenge. There's no need to disturb Lao Lan over something so silly.’
‘That's exactly what we want,’ they said. ‘To see who's the champion meat-eater. You can count us as your drill squad. If you can't beat us, you can forget about entering a real contest. It would be humiliating, and not just for you. The plant would suffer, and that would include us. So we challenge you to a contest, at least in part as an expression of fairness.’
‘Good,’ I said. ‘We can start tomorrow and, since public spirit has entered the picture, I'm going to take this very seriously. Now we must inform Lao Lan, but don't worry, I'll assume full responsibility. And we need to establish ground rules and conditions. First, of course, is quantity. If you eat a pound and I eat eight ounces, that's simple, I lose. Next, speed. If we both eat a pound but I finish in half an hour while it takes you an hour, I win. Third, post-contest. Anyone who throws up what he's eaten can't win. Style points are received only by keeping down what you've eaten. Oh, and one more thing. One round won't be enough—the contest must stretch over three days, or five, even a week or a month. In other words, all contestants have to come back day after day. Someone might be able to eat three pounds the first day but only two the next and by the third day he's lucky if he can get down one. A person like that isn't a true meat-eater and definitely not a meat-lover. Meat-lovers have an ongoing relationship with meat, day after day. We never tire of eating it—’
‘That's enough! You're can't scare us off with bluster. All we're talking about here is stuffing meat into your mouth. So, whoever eats the most in the shortest time without puking wins, right?’
I nodded.
‘Then go talk to Lao Lan. We'll be waiting to begin. I'd like to start today,’ said one of them, patting his stomach. ‘This belly hasn't been greased in a long time.’
‘It's best to ask your un-patron to lay out plenty of meat,’ said one of his companions, ‘I can eat half a cow at one sitting.’
‘Half a cow? That's nothing!’ another retorted. ‘Half a cow will just get me started. I can finish off the whole thing.’
‘All right! Wait here. And try not to eat anything until the contest so you can start with an empty stomach.’
‘Don't worry,’ they laughed, patting their stomachs, ‘they're empty all right!’
‘And I think you'd better go home and make arrangements with your families. Too much meat can be fatal for some.’
Their eyes blazed with contempt for a moment and then they burst out laughing. ‘Not to worry, youngster,’ one of them said. ‘Our lives aren't worth anything.’
‘And even if it's fatal,’ said another, ‘at least we'll die happy!’
POW! 36
The enormous hulk that was Lan Laoda's son, surrounded by fresh-cut blooms, lies not so much on the bier as on a bed of flowers. Dozens of mourners—all in black—walk round it amid the soft
sounds of funereal music. Lan Laoda stands, bent at the waist, looking down into the face of his son. Then he straightens up, raises his head and faces the mourners with a broad smile. ‘From the day he was born,’ he says, ‘my son lived in the lap of luxury. He knew neither suffering nor worry. His only wish in life was to eat meat, and that wish was never denied him.’ Looking down at the hillock that was his son's belly, then continues: ‘After consuming a tonne of meat, he slipped away painlessly in his sleep. His was a happy life, and I carried out all the responsibilities of a father. What I find most gratifying is that I was with him when he died and that I am now giving him the finest funeral possible. If a netherworld exists, my son will never know an unhappy moment, and now that he is gone I have no more concerns. I am hosting a banquet at the manor tonight, to which you are all invited. Please come in your finest clothes and bring lovely women with you to share the best food and drink money can buy.’ At the manor that evening, Lan Laoda raises an amber glass of VSOP brandy, immersed in the aromas of gourmet dishes, the liquor swirling in his glass, and announces grandly: ‘To my son, who knew the best that life has to offer and who then passed away peacefully!’ Grief seems not to have touched him, not at all.