Chapter Nine
A heart attack had to feel better than this. The wretched ache in Kate’s chest was worse than any physical pain she’d endured during or after her time in the hospital. And that was saying a lot considering she’d already died once.
Unable to bear it anymore, she slipped out of her office and made her way over to see Mitch. He seemed to be closer to Ryan than anyone else. Maybe he could tell her what she should do.
He was on the phone when she peeked her head around the doorjamb, standing near the window, tossing a baseball in the air. When he turned her way, she forced a smile she didn’t feel and waved.
Mitch motioned her in and gestured he’d be just a minute.
She checked out his office while he finished his conversation. Shelves were in various states of disarray. Field research lay scattered across his desk. A framed Mariners poster hung on one wall, and a bat leaned against a corner. A wry smile spread across her face when she realized this guy was a baseball freak.
Moving by his desk, she noticed the framed photo next to his computer. It was of her, Ryan and Mitch. She was standing in the middle, wearing a cap and gown, grinning from ear to ear. Mitch had his arm around her neck, sporting the same goofy smile, and Ryan was on her other side, his arm around her waist, a smirk across his handsome face.
She picked up the photo, ran her finger along the faces. Was it really her? It was like looking at someone else’s life. She didn’t remember the day. Couldn’t, for the life of her, figure out why they were all smiling.
“College graduation,” Mitch said softly.
“I see that.” She hadn’t even heard him end his conversation. “I guess it never occurred to me you’d have pictures. From before, I mean.”
“We have lots of pictures. I can get you some if you want. You can look through them, see if it helps.”
“I think I’d like that.” She set the frame down and drew in a deep breath. “I was hoping we could talk. If this is a bad time, I can come back.”
“No, this is a good time.” He glanced out the door. Kate didn’t miss the way his secretary was staring at them with suspicion. “Are you up for a walk?”
“Yeah.”
Mitch led her down to the lobby, slipped on his sunglasses. They headed toward the waterfront.
“I’m assuming you heard about what happened yesterday?”
Mitch slid his hands into his pockets. “Yeah, I did. Are you okay? You don’t look very good.”
Her brow quirked. “No, huh? Well, I don’t feel very good. Nothing like having everything hit all at once. Ryan was a little ticked when he left.”
“Ryan has a temper,” he said as they walked into the park. “He doesn’t handle it well sometimes.”
“Well, that’s a surprise,” she tossed back sarcastically. “He wouldn’t even let me talk.”
“You’ve got to understand, this is really hard for him. He changed after you disappeared, shut down in a lot of ways.”
“Just what is your relationship?”
“He’s my best friend. He was before you two were even an item. But,” he added, “that doesn’t mean I won’t kick his ass when he’s being a jerk. Especially when it involves you.”
The determination in his voice made her smile. “Why is it so much easier for me to talk to you than it is to talk to him?”
“Because I’m your brother.”
Warmth closed around her heart. She’d never thought she had a brother.
“And I don’t want anything from you,” he went on. “Except to get to know you again, to be your friend. Ryan wants his wife back.”
She dropped onto a bench, a deep sigh escaping her lips. “I’m not his wife. I may have her body and her face and her voice, but I’m not her. Not inside.”
“Yeah, you are.” He sat beside her. “You just can’t see it because you don’t remember it. But you’re still her. Things you say, things you do, the way you carry yourself. You’re still ready to bite my head off when I disagree with you about geology.” She looked down at her hands and smiled. “And you have the same gentle spirit she did.”
“But I’m different.”
“Yeah, you’re that too. But it doesn’t mean you aren’t who you are now because of who you were then. People change all the time. If this whole situation didn’t change a person, they wouldn’t be human. Ryan’s different. I’m different. It makes sense that you, of all people, would be different.”
“He’s so cold. I can’t believe he was ever the sort of man you all describe. You and Simone, you make him sound so warm and friendly, but everything I’ve seen of him in the last week makes him look exactly like the cold-hearted, arrogant, ruthless tyrant the media makes him out to be. I can’t read him. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to.”
Mitch smiled. “That’s Ryan. He keeps his emotions closely guarded. But he wasn’t always like that.”
“What changed him?”
“Losing you changed him.” He shook his head when she looked away. “Ryan closed in on himself after we lost you. He exists for two reasons these days—to work and to take care of Julia. Nothing else in his life matters—not the money or the fame or the power. He only works as hard as he does because it’s a distraction from having to feel anything. It’s the game that keeps him going. If he lost it all tomorrow, he wouldn’t care as long as he had Julia. He’d just start all over. You have to understand that although he wants you to get to know Julia, the thought of losing her at all is terrifying to him.”
“I’m not trying to take her from him.”
“I know that,” he said softly.
“I feel like my life is split into two parts, the person I was before, and the person I am now. I don’t know how to blend them.”
“You’re trying too hard. It’ll happen when it happens. I know it’s hard. I know you think about her and you see Annie, and you think about yourself and you see Kate—two different people, two different lives—but deep down, they’re the same. You just need some time to figure it out.”
“And in the meantime, I’m just making a mess out of everything.”
He brushed a hand over her shoulder. “You guys will get through this. Give Ryan a day or so. Once he spends time with Reed, all of that anger about not knowing about him will slip away. Trust me, I know the guy. He’s hard as steel around the edges, but inside, he’s one big, gooey mess.”
“So I shouldn’t go see him today?”
“No way. He’s brooding today. You won’t get through to him.”
“I don’t know what difference a day will make. I just seem to set him off every time he sees me.”
“You think you didn’t set him off before?” He grinned. “You think you two never crossed sparks? You did all the time. It’s what made your relationship so fun to watch. He always thought you were too independent. It used to bug the hell out of him. Deep down, he feared you didn’t need him the way he needed you. I guess in some way, this is just the same old argument magnified about a thousand times.”
He reached for her hand, and she noticed their fingers were the same length. The same shape. His were thicker, more masculine, but their hands were similar. Worn. Weathered. Solid.
“He’s a good guy, Kate.” One side of his lips curled in a smirk as he studied her fingers, and the dimple she’d seen so many times in the mirror creased his cheek. “God, it’s weird to call you that. But I’ll get used to it. You just have to give him time too. This hurts him because he wants more from you than you can give him right now.”
She almost laughed. “He’s got beautiful women draped over him all the time. What could he possibly want from me?”
“You really don’t know?” There was amusement in his voice. “He wants you back.”
An ache settled in her chest. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to give him what he wants.”
“You have to jump off that bridge when you get to it. In the meantime, think about Julia and Reed and how you’re going to handle the
m. That’s the most important thing at this point.”
“I know.”
He hesitated, then said, “You also have to understand that knowing you were married, that you were with someone else, it’s eating away at him.”
Frustration welled inside. “Well, that’s just great. He can go off with a different woman every weekend, but I happened to be in a committed relationship and I’m the one feeling guilty.”
“Ryan may date, but he hasn’t opened his heart to anyone since you left. I think the realization that you did is what’s making this so hard. He loves you as much as he did before you disappeared, and you don’t. That hurts him.”
She closed her eyes. “I don’t want to hurt him.”
“Were you in love with the other guy?” he asked gently.
She pushed off the bench, unable to sit anymore. “I thought I was. Although now I’m wondering why. There were inconsistencies, but I thought it was the stress of my illness. Of his job. How could I have been so wrong about someone? It makes me question my judgment.”
Mitch crossed to her. “There’s a reason all of this happened. You have to believe that.”
“I don’t really know what I believe anymore.”
“I’ll tell you one thing.” He slipped on his sunglasses. “I believe in a higher power pushing all of us together. I never used to, but I do now. You can’t not believe when you look at the situation.”
“How can you think that? How can you believe God would let us go through this hell?”
“Because you have to think of the alternative. If it hadn’t happened the way it did, you’d have been on that plane. You’d really be gone now. There’d be no second chances. There’d be no Reed.”
She hadn’t thought of it that way. The realization sent a chill down her spine.
“I have to get back,” he said. As they turned and headed back out of the park, he shot her a look. “You know, we need to call my…our,” he corrected, “parents.”
She grimaced. “I was afraid you’d say that.”
“I was thinking maybe Sunday, after you and Ryan have a chance to see the kids. I’d really like you to be there when I call them. We could do it at my house, if that makes you more comfortable.”
She nodded, though what she wanted to do most was run away.
“They’re going to want to fly right down and see you.”
“I thought of that too.”
“Are you okay with that?”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Not on your life. They’re good people, Kate. I’ll be there with you.”
“Okay.” She blew out another breath, wanting to lighten the mood. “So, I hear you’ve got the hots for my lawyer.”
“Why? Did she say something about me?”
Kate couldn’t help it. She laughed. He looked and sounded like a middle schooler. “You like her.”
“Yeah, I do. But this might not be the best time to start something.”
“Because of me?”
“Because of…a lot of things.”
“Mitch, don’t let me hold you back.”
“I’m not. It’s not just you. My life is complicated. I travel a lot. Sometimes I’m gone for months at a time. I don’t make good boyfriend material.”
“I don’t believe you. Something tells me you’d make great boyfriend material for the right woman. And I’d feel a lot better if at least someone in this mess was happy.”
With a grin, he swung his arm over her shoulder. The small gesture warmed her. “One step at a time, sweetheart. We’ll get you there. Just have faith.”
***
A little faith would do them all some good.
When Mitch strolled into Ryan’s house later that evening, he found himself in the middle of a war zone.
“I’m not going!” Julia screamed from upstairs and slammed her door.
“Yes, you are, young lady. You don’t have a choice!” Ryan quieted his voice as he yanked open the refrigerator. “If I don’t have a fucking choice in this, you don’t have a fucking choice in it.”
“You can’t make me go! I won’t go!” Julia screamed down the kitchen stairs, then slammed the door again.
“I hope this isn’t about my date with her tonight,” Mitch said as he walked into the kitchen. “Because it’s really going to mess up my plans if she’s bitching like this.”
“Heaven forbid we should cramp your plans.” Ryan scowled, moved to the stove and slammed a pan on the burner. “She’s pissed off about tomorrow. She doesn’t want to go see Annie…or Kate…or whatever the hell she’s calling herself these days.”
“Oh.” Mitch sank into a chair at the bar and popped a grape in his mouth from the bowl on the counter. “And it’s Kate. You call her Annie, it’s going to piss her off too.”
“At this point, I don’t give a fuck if she’s pissed or not.”
Mitch blew out a breath and glanced around. Definitely not a good night in the Harrison household.
Julia stalked into the kitchen, glared at her father, then moved to Mitch. “I’m not going tomorrow,” she said, fisting her hands on her hips. “You can just tell him that, because he’s not listening to me.”
Mitch caught Ryan’s tight jaw out of the corner of his eye. “I think he can hear you loud and clear, sweetheart.”
“I don’t want to see her. I don’t want to have anything to do with her. She’s not my mother!”
“Julia, dammit,” Ryan said. “We’ve been through this a thousand times. I’m not thrilled about the situation, either, but she’s your mother, and she wants to see you. And you’ll just have to get used to it.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. Her little eyes filled with tears. “I don’t want to go. I hate her! I don’t want to have anything to do with her!”
Ryan stepped forward, but Mitch saw the fire in his eyes and sent him a warning look. Nothing Ryan had to say was going to get through to her.
“You know what, Julia?” Mitch asked. “I love you. I even like you, a lot, which is pretty important to me because love is a requisite in families, liking each other isn’t. But you’re acting like a spoiled brat right now.” Her mouth fell open in surprise. “You’re talking about my sister there, and I’m not gonna let you badmouth her in front of me. You can be upset and frustrated with this whole situation, just like we are, but you’re going to have to get used to it. She is your mother, and she does deserve a chance to get to know you. And you can glare at me and your dad all you want, but it’s not going to change that fact.”
Tears fell down her cheeks. She turned and ran out of the room.
Ryan braced his hands on the counter and dropped his head.
“Let me go to her,” Mitch said, already pushing off his stool. “I’m the one who yelled at her. I’m the one she’s mad at right now.”
“She’s mad at the whole goddamn world.”
Mitch patted his shoulder. “So are you, buddy. Bad combination.”
Mitch didn’t bother to knock when he reached Julia’s room, just pushed the door open. She was sitting on her bed, arms crossed over her chest, glare of the century on her face.
The full-size bed dipped as he sat next to her. “How long are you planning on being pissed at me?”
“As long as I feel like it.”
He checked his watch. “Well, we’ve got plans tonight. I had to work my ass off to get this playdate for you. I’m trying to put the moves on this hot little lawyer and if you don’t show up to entertain her daughter, it shoots my chances to hell.”
“Is that all I am to you, just some kid you can use to get a girl?”
A grin tugged at his mouth. Now there was the feisty nine-year-old he knew and loved. “Basically. You got a problem with that?”
“You’re incorrigible.”
He couldn’t help but laugh. “Where’d you hear that?”
“At school. And you are. And you’re obnoxious too.” She released her arms and sighed. “And I’m not mad at you. I just don??
?t want to see her tomorrow, that’s all.”
He slid his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. “I know, sweetheart. I know this is hard. It’s hard on all of us, especially your dad. You’ve got to cut him some slack on this one.”
She swallowed the tears and leaned into him. “I like things just the way they are, with you and me and Daddy. I don’t want her around messing things up.”
“She won’t.”
“She will.”
“Give it a chance, okay? Just give it a chance, Julia.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Then do it for me. She’s my sister, and I love her. And you’re my niece, and I love you. Do it for me if you can’t do it for any other reason.”
On a long sigh, she pulled back and wiped her face. “Okay. But you owe me.” Her eyes narrowed. “And you owe me for tonight too. If this girl ends up being a total bore, you’re gonna owe me big time.”
“Thanks.” He nudged her off the bed. “Now get your shoes. We’re late.”
***
Mitch glanced over at Julia and studied her profile illuminated by the dashboard lights. She needed a firm hand right now, someone to tell her the way it was going to be. Ryan was having problems of his own. He wasn’t exactly handling any part of this well.
Who could blame him, though?
“Now don’t go embarrassing me,” he said, refocusing on the road.
“Would I do that?” Julia batted her lashes.
“Yeah, you would, especially when you’re pissed at me. No telling amusing stories about me or bringing up personal stuff.”
“Like how you drink milk straight from the carton? Or how you wear your jeans until they’re basically walking before you wash them?”
He cringed. “Yeah, like that. And no bringing up past girlfriends with her, either. I’ll have to take you down if you do.”
She smiled. “You like her.”
“Yes, I do.” A frown tugged at his lips. “Why does everyone keep saying that?”
She reached over and tickled his side. “Aw, she’s your penguin.”
“My what?” He wiggled his way out of her grasp. “Cut that out.”