He was just down the hall. All she had to do was go to him, to ask for his touch. Shaking with need, she braced both hands on the tiled wall of the shower and drew in gulps of air. Technically, he was her husband after all, wasn’t he? That wouldn’t be asking too much.
Common sense seeped in, dampening the fire. Yes, he was her husband, but she didn’t know him. Not in any way that mattered. All she knew was she was wildly attracted to a man she barely knew. That they had some incredible connection she couldn’t comprehend. That she wanted him with a passion she hadn’t experienced before.
Would wild sex solve any of her problems? Would it make her remember a life that seemed foreign to her? Would it help her understand what had happened? Would it make him see her as Kate?
That was the most important question.
She hadn’t missed the fact he had yet to call her that, that he avoided saying her name altogether. She knew when he looked at her, he saw Annie. He didn’t see the woman she was now. Would sex change that?
Probably not. But, oh, it would be good. And it would crush the pulsing ache she felt now and whenever he was close.
The sharp knock at the bathroom door brought her head up. She flipped off the water and ran unsteady hands over her hair, squeezing out the moisture to run down her body. “Um…just a minute.”
“Coffee’s done,” Ryan said through the closed door. “Breakfast is almost ready.”
He was just on the other side of the door, in her bedroom. She had but to flip the lock and he could be here with her, right now. Had he read her mind?
Shaking, she stepped out of the shower and grabbed a plush white towel from the rack, then wrapped it around her body. Her breasts tingled. Warmth pooled in her abdomen. On a deep breath, she forced herself to relax. “Okay. I’ll, um, be right down.”
“Do you need anything?”
Yes. You. Now.
She swallowed the words before they could slip out of her mouth. “Um, no. I’m fine.”
“Okay. Don’t take too long.”
When his footfalls fell silent, she dropped to sit on the closed toilet lid. A smart woman would recognize she was in over her head and get the hell out of his house. But of course, she wasn’t going to do that. She was going to stay here and suffer until she worked through these insane desires.
Or until she jumped his bones. Either way, she was screwed.
She put the thought out of her mind, slipped on jeans and a T-shirt. Then she brushed on mascara in the hope it would hide that tired look in her eyes, and slicked on some pale lipstick. Glancing at her reflection, she couldn’t do anything but frown. Her curly hair was a mass of wetness, but she didn’t want to take the time to dry it. She needed coffee and a good dose of reality more than a dry head.
She made her way into the kitchen and found Ryan standing at the stove with his back to her. That fire built again, heat careening through her veins as she watched him. He was barefoot, wearing loose-fitting, faded jeans and a light blue T-shirt stretched seductively across wide, toned shoulders. His blond hair was still damp at the edges from his shower, and her fingers itched to tangle in it like they had yesterday.
Oh, man. If she didn’t get in control of this wild need, she was in for big trouble.
Clearing her throat, she stepped into the room. “Smells good. I didn’t know you cooked.”
Ryan turned at the sound of her voice, and heat arced between them. A heat she saw from the way his eyes darkened, he felt too.
He looked away quickly, but not before her breasts tingled all over again.
“Coffee’s over there.” He gestured with the spatula in his hand.
She poured a steamy cup of coffee, drew in a deep whiff of the enticing brew. Prayed it would settle this impossible hunger inside her. But something told her this hunger would only be sated one way.
She turned, leaned back against the counter, and eyed him over her mug. God, he was sexy. Not for the first time, she was awed by the fact she’d been able to snag a man like Ryan Harrison. Those shoulders, the tapered waist, that firm butt… She couldn’t take her eyes off him. She’d felt that body pressed up against her yesterday. Had tasted that mouth with her own. If they hadn’t been interrupted, she’d have known what every inch of him felt and looked like.
Fire flared in her veins. Shot straight to her sex.
She was losing it. She needed to remember what was important. Finding answers. Not wild, erotic, X-rated sex with the man in front of her.
She cleared her throat. Sipped her coffee again. “This is wonderful.”
He flipped off the burner, turned, and crossed to her. She looked up with surprise and confusion as he plucked the mug out of her hand. Something dark lingered in his eyes. Something dangerous and, oh, yes…something hot.
He slid a hand around the nape of her neck, then pulled her to him and covered her mouth with his own.
Her legs nearly went out from under her. She dug her fingers into his shirt and held on for dear life, opening her mouth to his, drawing his tongue inside, sliding hers over and around his as she returned the kiss with everything she had in her.
Yes, yes, oh, finally, yes.
He tasted like mint and coffee, smelled like the soap she’d run all over her body, and felt like pure heaven. Her hands streaked up into his hair and fisted, her mouth turned wild and greedy against his. Her blood pumped hot as his hands slid down to her waist, drawing her even closer to his body. When his hips pressed into hers, she felt his erection, already hard and hot and so very eager for her.
“I couldn’t sleep last night,” he murmured against her lips, tipping her head with one hand to kiss her deeper, using the other to draw her shirt up so he could palm her breast. He squeezed just hard enough to make her gasp. But it didn’t hurt. It felt good. So good. “All I could think about was you in that bed, naked. I was hard the entire night.”
“You were?” she managed. The news thrilled her. Exhilarated her. Made her wet with anticipation. She kissed him harder.
“Yes,” he groaned, kissing her again and again. He let go of her neck, used both hands to push her shirt up over her breasts, then pulled back and looked down at her puckered nipples. And when he groaned all over again, her sex contracted.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. Warmth unfurled in her belly as he palmed one breast, as he lowered his head and laved his tongue across her nipple.
Pleasure arced to her pelvis. She dropped her head, threaded her fingers in his hair, leaned back against the cabinets and moaned long and low as he licked her again and again, as he flicked her nipple with his tongue, as he drew her deep into his mouth and finally suckled.
If he touched her between the legs, she knew she’d come. Every nerve ending in her body was alive and on fire. She pressed her hips against his, felt his cock swell even bigger behind his jeans.
“Ryan,” she managed as he moved to her other breast. Her elbow knocked into a bowl. She heard something crash at her feet. Could only think about one thing. “I need you.”
His head came up. His hair was messed from her fingers, and those achingly familiar eyes of his flashed with the same hunger devouring her.
He pulled her away from the counter, turned her for the back stairs, moved his hands to her hips, and pushed her backwards. “Come to bed with me.”
“Yes. Yes,” she groaned, slanting her mouth over his and wrapping her arms around his neck.
His body pressed into hers. His arms slid around her waist. He lifted her feet off the floor. He was close, but not close enough. She tangled her tongue with his as she tried to wrap her body around his.
The front door opened, and voices echoed down the hallway. Kate stilled in Ryan’s arms. He froze near the bottom of the stairs. Julia’s laughter echoed from the front of the house.
Ryan tightened his arms around her waist and dropped his head to her shoulder. A strangled groan resonated from his chest, one that vibrated through her whole body. Though she tried to stop it, a ch
uckle bubbled inside her.
“This isn’t funny,” he mumbled as he lowered her feet to the floor.
“I know. I’m sorry.” Her back hit the stairwell wall.
“I think your parents have a hard-on radar. Anytime I get turned on, they show up.”
Her chuckle turned to a full-blown laugh.
“That’s not funny, either,” he said into her shoulder.
“Imagine how much worse it would be if we were already upstairs.”
“I can lock the door upstairs.” He eased back and looked down at her. But he wasn’t mad or upset or frustrated like the last time they’d been interrupted. Laughter glinted in his eyes. Laughter that made her chest constrict. “What was I thinking? I should have locked the front door.”
She laughed again, brushed her fingers through the silky hair at his nape. Was this the same man who’d ranted and raged at her only a few days ago? The one who’d looked at her like she was destroying his world? She couldn’t believe the changes in him. She’d done that, she realized. It was because of her the lines around his eyes looked softer now. Because of her, he looked…almost happy.
The realization sent warning signals running through her mind. But before she could overanalyze them, Reed burst into the kitchen. “Mama!”
She eased quickly out of Ryan’s arms, dropped to her knees, and gathered her son in a bear hug.
Ryan moved behind the counter to hide, she knew, what was still a rather large erection. She’d done that too, she thought with a wicked flare of heat in her belly. She glanced over Reed’s head and saw Ryan watching them. And that heart that had only just started to warm to him took one long, hard tumble when she recognized the emotion flooding his mesmerizing blue eyes.
Love. For a son he hadn’t known. For a wife that wasn’t her.
Her stomach pitched. And fear brewed inside at the realization that the fire between them was only physical. She’d never be the woman he remembered. With how fast she was falling for him, she didn’t think she could take it when he realized that for himself.
Julia emerged from the hall, her face full of smiles. When she saw Kate in the kitchen her expression dropped.
Tension seeped into the room, a tension Kate didn’t know how to break. No matter what happened between her and Ryan, she had to be here for her daughter.
Kate slowly pushed to her feet and lifted Reed to sit on her hip. “Good morning, Julia.”
“What is she doing here?” Julia asked, glaring at Ryan.
“She,” Ryan said firmly, “is about to have breakfast. And so are you. Go wash up.”
Julia’s eyes narrowed, and she glanced from her dad to Kate. “I’m not hungry.”
Kate knew what the girl was thinking, and she wasn’t far off base. One look and it was obvious what had been going on. Kate’s hair was likely disheveled, her lipstick smeared. Julia was a smart kid. She’d obviously seen her father with other women before. Unease and guilt and fear tumbled together in Kate’s chest all over again to make drawing air downright painful.
“I don’t really care if you’re hungry or not, missy,” Ryan snapped. “We’re about to eat, so go wash up.”
Kate looked to him, saw the anger in his eyes. And felt the need to defend Julia. But before she could, tears filled the girl’s eyes, and she darted for the stairs.
“Ryan,” Kate said in the quiet that remained. “Don’t be mad at her.”
“I won’t put up with her treating you like—”
“Hi, dear.” Kate’s mother rounded the corner and shot her a beaming smile, oblivious to the tension in the kitchen. Kate’s father followed closely on her heels. “We didn’t expect to see you so early.”
Oh, crap. Her parents. Panic swamped Kate, and she tried to smooth her unruly hair with the arm not holding Reed. “Well, uh…”
She looked to Ryan for help, but he only tipped his head and grinned, as if to say, busted.
Some help he was. Kate scowled his way, then looked back at her mother. Dammit, what was she going to say?
“We have some errands to run this morning,” Ryan said to her parents, rescuing her when she’d thought he’d let her flail in the wind alone. “Any chance you two can watch the kids for us today?”
Roger settled onto a stool at the bar. He reached for a grape from the bowl. “Sure thing. Giants are playing this afternoon. Kids’d love it. You two want to go?”
“I don’t think we’re going to have time,” Ryan said, “but thanks.”
A door slammed upstairs before Kate could wonder too much about what he had planned. She watched as Ryan’s eyes shot to the ceiling and frustration settled over his handsome features.
The guilt Kate had gotten so used to over the last few days ramped up a notch. “I should go talk to her.”
“Let me.” He reached out and squeezed her arm. Warmth circled from that spot and spread straight to her heart.
“Come on, Reed,” Kathy said, reaching for Kate’s son as Ryan disappeared up the back stairs. “Let’s help your mom finish breakfast. My goodness, what happened to these eggs?”
One glance over confirmed Kate’s worst fear. The bowl she’d hit with her elbow lay upside down amidst a giant, goopy mess of shattered raw eggs.
She closed her eyes. Wished like hell she could just disappear into the background. Knew she couldn’t. Not only was her life a mess, but her daughter hated her, her parents had all but just walked in on her having sex with Ryan, and worst of all, she was pretty sure she was falling hard for the man.
A tumble, she feared, that would no doubt lead to nothing but heartbreak down the line, for all of them.
***
Ryan rubbed a hand over his chest as he made his way up the stairs. Hearing Annie say she needed him had sucked the air out of his lungs. But seeing her holding his son and the love that radiated between the two had nearly brought him to his knees.
He wanted his family back. He wanted the happiness they’d all missed out on. But mostly he just wanted her in his life permanently. Wanted to see her smile every morning, wanted to cuddle with her and Reed and Julia, wanted her looking up at him with those big green eyes heavy with desire and focused solely on him just as they’d been in the kitchen. And he wanted her telling him again and again that she needed him. That she wanted him. That she loved him in the same way he loved her. He didn’t care that she couldn’t remember what they’d once had. What was happening now between them…it was hotter than anything they’d ever had before.
He stopped outside Julia’s room, gathered himself. When he knew he wasn’t going to embarrass himself, he knocked gently on her door.
She didn’t answer, but he knew she was in there. He turned the knob and pushed the door open with his shoulder.
She was sitting on the window seat, leaning back against the wall, staring out at the trees in the backyard. Her arms were crossed, her brow furrowed in anger, her eyes so full of pain and anguish, for a moment he didn’t know what to say or do. She’d been his rock after Annie’s death. She’d been the only thing keeping him going. He ached with the knowledge that while he felt like he’d been given a second chance, she was suffering.
He eased down next to her. “Do you want to talk about it, or do you just want to stay mad?”
“I want to stay mad.”
“Well, I want to talk about it.”
She stared out the window. “I don’t like her.”
“You haven’t given her a chance yet.”
“I don’t have to give her a chance. I already know I don’t like her.”
Ryan massaged his forehead. “Julia, I don’t know what to do to make this easier for you. You have to try. I know this isn’t easy, but you have to at least try. The rest of us are giving it a shot.”
Her eyes darted to his. Eyes that were hard emerald gems, just like her mother’s, glittering with tears. “I don’t want to give it a shot. I don’t want to try to get to know her. I don’t want to be around her. And I don’t know why you do. She’s
not the same. Why can’t you see that?”
“She is the same, deep down. You have to give her a chance to show you.”
“She’s fooling you, can’t you see it? She’s just going to mess everything up.” Julia jumped to her feet. “She doesn’t love you, she doesn’t love us, and when she figures that out, she’s going to leave again!”
“No, she won’t,” he said softly, hating that she had to deal with this.
“Yes, she will! And this time, it’ll be her choice. It won’t be an accident.” Tears streamed down her little face. She wiped at her cheek. “I don’t want to have that happen again. I don’t want it to happen to us again!”
“Oh, baby.” He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her even though she struggled. “That’s not going to happen, I promise.”
But how could he be sure? Annie had all but told him last night she wanted to leave, to forget the whole mess. He couldn’t make her stay, not if she didn’t want to. But he wouldn’t let her go without a fight, either. Not after this morning.
When she stopped struggling, he eased back, swiped tears from her cheeks. “I love you, Julia. I’m not going to let you get hurt again. I promise.”
Her arms slid around his neck, and she rested her head against his shoulder. “Why do you have to date her? Why can’t you just be friends?”
“Because I love her, baby,” he said softly into her hair. “Because I have for a long time, since way before you were born. That doesn’t stop just because someone says it should. It doesn’t stop because time goes by. It’s always there.”
“But you don’t love her. You love Mom.”
He leaned back to look at her. She was so much like her mother. The same eyes, the same chin. The same silly dent in her cheek. That same stubborn nature. With gentle fingers he brushed back a lock of her hair. “She is Mom, baby.”
She pulled him back, hiding her face in his chest.