Cam stepped closer. “How I feel about you hasn’t changed. Or maybe it has. It’s gotten stronger. I have a good lead on a position in DC when my fellowship ends. I want to try for that position and move down there. I want to be with you. I want us to start over and build the life together we should’ve already had.”
“You’re not listening—”
“I am. I hear you. You think you’re serious about this guy. But he’s the blink of an eye compared to how long we’ve known each other. If you gave us a chance—”
Makenna stepped back, away from his intensity, away from his touch, away from these words that tormented her only because they no longer mattered. And once they would’ve meant the world. There was a sadness in that that hurt. A lot.
He moved with her, staying close. “Please, give us a chance. Give me a chance.” He pulled something from his pocket. A ring box. “I still have it,” he said, cracking the velvet top open to reveal a stunning emerald-cut diamond in a magnificent setting. She remembered how beautiful it looked on her hand. “I would give anything to be able to earn my way back into your heart, to have the chance to hear you say again that you would marry me.”
Swallowing around the knot in her throat, Makenna closed the ring box in his hands. “Cameron, I appreciate what you’re saying. I do. But I moved on. You made your choice and I made mine. And three years have passed. Caden and I haven’t been together very long, but that bears no relationship to how much I care about him. I can’t turn that off, and I don’t want to,” she said. She didn’t want to hurt Cameron’s feelings, in fact she hated that her words might hurt him, but he’d waited too long. Damnit, that wasn’t her fault.
Cam clasped his hands around hers. “Don’t say no. Please. Just think about what I’m saying. I’ll wait. I’ll wait as long as you need to figure things out.” Desperation shaped his classical features into a tortured mask she’d never before seen him wear, and it made her realize how sincere he was being just then. Which meant he really had grown up a lot since they’d split.
Her heart ached for what they might’ve been. “I don’t think I need to think about it, Cam.”
“I’ll wait, Makenna. Because I love you,” he gave a helpless shrug. “I’ve loved you so much of my life.”
She’d said those words to him once, but now when she thought of love it was Caden’s face that came to mind. Caden’s touch. Caden’s eyes. “Where were you three years ago, or even two?”
He shook his head. “So lost. Clearly. Just think about it, okay?”
Her shoulders sagged. She didn’t want to fight with him. She didn’t want to hurt him. And she didn’t want to ruin Thanksgiving. What was she supposed to say? “Okay,” Makenna blurted, already mentally drafting the email where she told him they were through, for good.
She inhaled to say more when Cameron suddenly stepped fully into her space and pressed his lips to hers. Makenna was so stunned it took her a moment to realize what had happened.
She wrenched back and glared. “Don’t. You know what? I don’t need to think about this. I meant what I said. I’m with Caden right now. I have no intention of stopping being with him because we’ve had this talk.”
He held up his hands. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I understand. I just…I just miss you.”
“I need to get back downstairs now,” Makenna said, and without another word, she slipped around him and padded down the steps.
And then she locked herself inside the hall bathroom, pressed her back against the door, and slapped her hand over her mouth. What the hell just happened?
* * *
“Okay,” Makenna had said. And with just that one word, Caden’s whole world tilted on its axis and sent everything reeling.
He bolted from where he’d been standing near the bottom of the steps, having gone looking for Makenna to see if she wanted anything before he made himself a turkey sandwich. And he’d overheard her entire conversation with Cameron. The guy missed her, loved her, and wanted her back—well, that much had been clear most of the day, hadn’t it?
Bee-lining through the house, he was glad everyone else was still downstairs. He made for the kitchen, then the back door, then his Jeep, just for space, just to escape, just to find some place where there might still be some oxygen left to breathe. Outside, he braced his hands on the hood of the Jeep, not caring about the snow or the way the cold wetness of it immediately made his fingers ache.
As if all that wasn’t bad enough, to learn that Makenna had once agreed to marry that guy. That they would’ve already been married if Cameron hadn’t made some mistake. Caden hadn’t gotten all the details, but they didn’t really matter. What mattered was that Makenna had loved Cameron enough to want to make a life with him. A life with a man who was Caden’s opposite in just about every way—professional where Caden was blue collar, wealthy where Caden was just comfortable, all-American good looks where Caden appeared rough around the edges, confident and charming where Caden was awkward and clumsy.
Cameron was the kind of guy Makenna was attracted to when she met a man in the light of day. The darkness in that elevator had been Caden’s saving grace, because it had allowed both of them to get to know one another without the preconceptions that appearances created—and he’d created some of his on purpose, hadn’t he? Except once he’d gotten to know her within the freedom of that darkness, he hadn’t wanted her to turn him away when she saw him. He hadn’t wanted her to be put off by him.
And, miraculously, she hadn’t been. He could still hear her calling him freaking gorgeous that night. And the memory of it still stole his breath and set his heart to racing. But if Cameron was the kind of man she’d once agreed to marry, then it proved that her attraction to Caden was a fluke. At the very least, not her norm. Didn’t it? Did that matter?
Maybe it didn’t. Or at least shouldn’t.
But it made him doubt, for maybe the millionth time since they’d started seeing one another, whether he was good enough for her, whether he was right for her. He thought he’d put the worst of that behind, because he knew it was his past and his anxiety and his fucked-up fears talking. He knew it was. But seeing an alternative future for Makenna held up in front of his face like this had reached inside his chest and his brain and his heart and stirred it all up again.
Stirred it up bad.
Jesus.
Breathe, Grayson. Just fucking breathe.
He braced wet hands on his knees, lowered his head, and counted backward from ten. Ten. Deep in, deep out. Nine. Deep in, deep out. Eight. If it hurt this bad to imagine Makenna with someone else, how much would it hurt to lose her? Seven. Deep, in, deep out. Six. I’ve lost everyone else, why would she be different? Five. Deep in, deep out. Four. You have her now, focus on that. Three. Okay, okay. Two. Deep in, deep out. One. Deep in, deep out.
Shit, his shoulders and chest were just as tight.
He did it again from ten, this time blocking out all the non-stop commentary racing through his head.
When he was done, he stood up and rolled his neck, his shoulders. She’d only agreed to think about what Cameron had said to her. She hadn’t agreed to be with him and she’d made it clear that she was serious about Caden. Focus on that. Right. Okay.
Except hearing the echo of Cameron’s declaration of love in his ear added another layer of stress to the whole situation. Because that dickhead had said it to Makenna again when Caden hadn’t said it once yet.
In fact, the prospect of declaring how he felt scared the shit out of Caden. Because it felt like tempting the fates. Hey, lightning, let me show you what I really care about so you know where to strike next!
The past. Anxiety. Fucked-up fears. He knew it.
Didn’t change that he felt that way though.
Which brought him back around to the gut check that maybe he wasn’t good enough for her.
Because didn’t Makenna deserve to hear those words? And if Caden couldn’t give them to her ….
Then what?
/>
Stop it. Get back in there and be with her. That’s how you keep her.
He scrubbed his hand over the scar on his head. “Fuck,” he bit out. And then he turned on his heel and got back in the house. He could pull himself together. Nothing had happened, nothing had changed. She’d show him.
“Hey, there you are,” Makenna said, standing at the kitchen counter stirring a cup of hot tea. “I was looking for you.”
“Just needed a little air,” Caden said, joining her at the counter.
“Family proving a little too much?” she asked with a smile. She wrapped her arms around him. “Oh, you’re so chilly. I better warm you up.” Pressing herself tight against him, she held him closer and tucked her head in against his throat.
The embrace was fucking life.
He hugged her back. “Not too much,” he said, clearing the roughness out of his voice. “I like your family. It’s been a great day.” And it was. He’d meant it when he told Mike he hadn’t had a Thanksgiving this enjoyable in years.
“Would you like anything?” she asked.
His appetite for that turkey sandwich was long gone. “No,” he said. “I’m good.”
“Would you like to go be alone, just the two of us?”
He didn’t even have to think. “That sounds like heaven,” he said.
Makenna’s smile was like the sun coming out from behind the clouds. See how she’s looking at you? Trust that look, Grayson. Nothing else matters.
She grasped his hand. “Then come with me.”
CHAPTER SIX
When they made it to her room, Makenna closed the door. “It’s only a double bed, so I hope you’re not too cramped tonight with me.”
“We’re sleeping together?” he asked, looking around her childhood room. Pieces of her youth remained tacked to the lavender walls and hung from her mirror. Ribbons, photographs, posters of bands. The room spoke of a person who grew up in the warm embrace of family, happiness, wholeness. “Your father doesn’t mind?”
Chuckling, Makenna shook her head. “We practically live together, Caden, which he knows. I’m sure he’s figured out that his twenty-five-year-old daughter has had sex before. Collin and Shima are sleeping together, too.”
“Shima’s pretty awesome,” he said, wondering if Makenna would say anything to him about her conversation with Cameron.
“She really is,” Makenna said with a smile. And then she unbuttoned her jeans, pushed them down, and took them off altogether, leaving her standing there in an oversized, faded red and blue Penn sweatshirt that was just long enough to cover her panties. “You should get undressed, too,” she said, coming to him and starting on the buttons of his shirt.
Press and release, press and release. Until she was pulling his shirt from his dress pants and exposing his skin.
She gave a little moan and kissed the center of his chest. “Just like unwrapping a present.” She trailed a line of kisses and licks from one nipple to the other.
“Fuck, Makenna,” he whispered. “What are you doing?”
“Tasting you,” she said.
The words were like a blowtorch to his blood. He was hard in an instant. “We can’t,” he said, though his hands went to the back of her head, encouraging her, guiding her as she continued to kiss and tease and drive him wild with her mouth.
“We can if we’re quiet.” Slowly, she dropped to her knees and bared him to mid-thigh. She took his cock in hand and gripped him firmly, tearing a soft grunt from his throat. “I’ve been wanting you all day,” she whispered, her lips teasing his head with soft kisses. “Wanting to touch you and kiss you and hold you. I can’t hold back anymore.” She licked him from root to tip. Once, twice, three times. And then she sucked him into her mouth.
It felt so fucking good that Caden’s hands flew to her hair, digging in, grabbing hold. She moaned at the contact and pushed herself deeper, burying his cock in the back of her throat. The intensity of it nearly took his knees out from underneath of him.
Makenna pulled off his length. “Lay down on the floor.”
He was too far gone to debate the wisdom of having sex in her father’s house. He needed this. He needed her. He needed the connection and the coming together of the act. Caden locked the door, took the rest of his clothes off, and spread himself out on the beige carpet.
She undressed, too, all that beautiful red hair spilling around the bare porcelain of her shoulders and making him think of peaches and cream. And, fuck, he was starving.
Caden grasped his cock. “Take me back in your mouth.”
He didn’t have to ask twice. Makenna settled herself between his legs and wrapped her lips around his cock. She sucked him deep and slow, than fast and shallow, her baby blues flashing up at him so fucking sexy. He needed to see her eyes, so he fisted her hair into a ponytail to keep it out of her face. He used his grip to urge her harder, faster, deeper. He needed it. God, he needed it. And she took it. She took everything he gave her and so much more.
“Fuck, Red, I’m gonna come if you don’t stop,” he whispered.
She pulled off him, her lips shiny and swollen. “I want you inside me first,” she said, already crawling up his body.
Caden reached for his pants and fished a condom out of his wallet. Rolled it on with shaking, needy hands. Then he gripped her hip. “Take all of me, Red. Fucking take all of me.” The words came from someplace inside him that was raw and wounded and so full of yearning.
“Yes,” she whispered, sinking down, impaling herself on him inch by maddening inch. “Oh, God, it’s so good.”
“Jesus,” he rasped. Every urge inside him had him wanting to flip her over, to pin her down, to drive himself into her until they were both screaming and coming and losing their minds. But there was no way that would be quiet. He had to let her lead this. His hips surged when she’d taken him all the way. “Ride me, Makenna. Use me.”
She planted her hands on his chest and lifted herself up and down his length, her slickness coating him and creating the most delicious friction. Their breaths were the only sounds in the room, and the way she gasped and pressed her lips together and furrowed her forehead proved she was having to work to be quiet. “Shit, Caden,” she breathed.
Their gazes collided, hot and needy. He gripped her hips and guided her into a new rhythm—forward and backward on his cock so that her clit ground against him. “Want you to come on me.”
“Oh, yes,” she gasped, her expression almost anguished in her desire. His gaze raked over her pretty face, her swaying breasts, the red hair between her thighs rubbing against his lower belly.
“Come here,” he said, pulling her down to his chest. Caden banded an arm around her lower back and one around her neck, pinning her in place on top of him, and then he took over the grind, rubbing himself hard against her clit, his cock still deep inside. “Love being inside you,” he whispered. “Love this closeness, with you.”
“I’m gonna come. I’m gonna come,” she cried.
Caden crashed his lips down on hers and filled her mouth with his tongue. Her whole body bowed on the orgasm, trying to break free from his arms. He held her tight and swallowed the moan that ripped up her throat as her pussy fisted him and fisted him and coated his cock and balls with her pleasure.
Her muscles went limp and she released a long breath. “Holy shit,” she rasped. “Your turn. I want to feel you fall apart like that so bad. How do you want it?”
“Lay down on your stomach,” he said, need and lust still stalking through his blood. “I’ll be quiet, promise.” They switched positions, and Caden spread himself out on top of Makenna. He took his cock in hand and entered her from behind. As he penetrated deep, he laid down on top of her, covering her from head to feet, all of him touching all of her.
“Oh, God, I love that,” she whispered. “Love your weight on me. Love how filled up I feel.”
Her words licked over his skin. “Gonna fuck you so deep, Red,” he said against her ear, his hips surging and gr
inding into her ass. “So fucking deep.” His arms wrapped around her head and shoulders for leverage, and his abs contracted on each thrust, hunching his body quietly around hers. Driving deep, deep, deeper. She arched her back and lifted her ass. “Oh, that’s it,” he said, balls deep inside her. “That’s so fucking it.”
“Caden,” she breathed. “Jesus.”
“Yeah, you’re taking me, aren’t you? My cock’s so deep inside you.” But as deep as it was, it wasn’t deep enough. Never would be. Because he’d never be able to get enough of her. Not if he lived a hundred lifetimes.
That was how hard he’d fallen for her. The clarity of the thought was startling. For weeks he’d been hiding from the truth of it, not examining it too closely.
He drove the thought away. Not now. Not yet. Not with another man’s words pinballing around his brain. He just couldn’t… Just feel. For once, just feel.
Caden gripped her tighter, drove deeper, clenched his teeth against the grunts that wanted to tear up his throat. He gritted out whispered words into her ear, dirty little nothings that had her core growing tighter around him and his balls aching with the need to release.
“Faster,” she whispered. “Faster and I’m gonna come again.”
“Fuck, yeah.” His hips snapped more quickly, the meeting of their skin making more noise now. But he couldn’t hold back, couldn’t resist giving her what she needed. And then she was coming once more, a moan spilling from her mouth. He covered her lips with his hand as her body clamped down on his cock. Then his own orgasm nailed him in the back and exploded him apart. He rode her slow and deep as wave after wave of sensation tore through him, not wanting it to end. Ever. “Jesus Christ,” he rasped when their bodies finally stilled.
“So sexy to hear you come,” she whispered.