The corner of my mouth lifts. “Thank you, Mr. Coccia.”
“And your parents? Any word?” Eliza asks blatantly, clutching her purse to her chest. Her nose seems permanently lifted in the air.
The temporary band aid on my heart has been ripped off carelessly.
“Mother,” Katie snaps, giving her a harsh look.
“Nothing.” It’s the most I can offer, the most I can say. My insides suddenly feel like they’ve been on a rocking boat for far too long.
Katie scowls at her mother and rubs the back of my arm. “I’m sure they’re okay,” she says, but I know she’s not sure. There’s no way she can be.
Eliza continues on, oblivious or uncaring of my feelings. “Will you be attending the festivities?”
Katie snorts and shakes her head. “Unbelievable,” she mutters in my ear before she turns back and says, “duh, mother. Why wouldn’t she? Just because her partner isn’t here doesn’t mean she can’t celebrate. She did survive the Culling. She does have her powers, even if they’re muted.”
An acute smile purses Eliza’s lips. She isn’t a fool. I don’t like how small she makes me feel in just one look. I shift uncomfortably. The setting sun feels a little too warm. I pull at the collar of my shirt. I don’t wear lies very well. I never have. She notices too. I can tell by the way she’s looking at me with narrowed eyes.
“Anyway,” Katie says to her parents, “we should get going. I want to see my room before the festival and I’m sure Faye does too.”
“Okay,” Jonathon says, taking Eliza’s hand. He looks relieved to go. “We should be meeting with the Elders anyway. About that one matter.” He looks at Eliza, a look my mother always gave my father when she was mentally telling him something.
I don’t think I’d want someone to be able to come and go through my thoughts. I don’t think they’d want to either.
“What matter?” Eliza asks, shaking her head in question.
“You know. That one.” It’s obvious he’s trying to get her to go along with it. His eyebrows arc too high, asking her to just agree.
“Right,” Eliza says, looking back at the both of us. “Well, I don’t know what your father is talking about, but if privacy is what you want, then you may have it. We’ll meet back up at the festival.”
Katie rolls her eyes and pulls me away without another word. “She really is heartless sometimes. I don’t know what her issue is.”
I want to say her issue is that she has no personality, she wasn’t gifted with empathy, but I don’t because I don’t want to encourage Katie in hating her mother. Eliza is the only mother she’ll ever have. She should cherish her, even if she isn’t perfect.
“I think I’m in that building.” She points to one of the six buildings that sit between the dining hall and the Witches Quarters. “One of the Elders told me after Chett and I left the stage. Do you know where you’re staying?”
I shrug. “Mack didn’t tell me.”
“Mack? I’m guessing that’s Elder Maddock, right? You’re on a nickname basis with Maddock?” She’s smiling that smile, the one that hints at mischief and late night laughs and sneakery, the one that I love the most.
My lip twitches before it finally loosens enough to let out a genuine small smile. “Yeah, Elder Maddock,” I repeat in a drone voice. “He uh, he told me to call him Mack.” I scratch the back of my head and hope she doesn’t ask too many questions.
She stops and forces me to face her under a beautiful pink-petaled tree. “When?!”
Here’s the hard part, where I have to choose between my fate and my friend, where the secret I hoard hides in the back of my throat, waiting to slice through me should I reveal it.
I sigh deeply and shut my eyes. There are knives of regret stabbing them, making them water. There are cotton balls filled with lies in my mouth, sucking out all the moisture. There’s a stale, emptiness in my stomach, making me want to hurl.
She grabs my shoulders and my eyes open. I can barely see her past the watery blur. It’s like trying to look through a rain-pattered window. The world is blurry, rippled, distorted. “Faye?” I don’t like the worry in her voice. It turns the hoses on in my eyes. “Faye, you’re scaring me.”
She’s pulling me forward as I try to stop the leak in my eyes. A large, blurry door opens and noises surround us. A barrage of heightened, excited voices slams against my eardrums. I shut my eyes and drop my chin to my chest, hiding my breakdown as best as I can.
This is not helping me. This is not hiding me.
“Can you direct me to my room?” Katie says, stopping in front of someone who’s wearing formal, slick black shoes.
“Name?” The voice is dry, monotonous, and a lot like Nathanial’s.
“Katie Coccia. Witch.”
“Room 214.”
She pulls me forward, and then up some stairs. “We’re almost there,” she says soothingly, quietly. Her voice could guide me through an apocalypse. A few steps later and we’re behind a door, the quiet wrapping around us like a warm blanket. She moves me to a bed and I fall onto it, my head landing in my hands. Everything floods out of me in a rush as a riptide of guilt crashes down on me. I’m sucked into the undercurrent, gasping for air and trying to find a way to the truth that doesn’t involve my death.
Her arms are around me, and her words are held back as she lets me go. She lets me cry. She lets me just…be.
When I think I’ve cried every bit of guilt and fear out of my body, she lets go of me and heads into the bathroom. She comes back with a hand towel and wipes my face. “What is it, Faye? You can tell me.”
I can’t. I’m not supposed to.
“Faye,” she says again, calmly. “Faye, I’m here. Always. Tell me.”
My throat clenches. I gasp for air. The lie in my throat presses the knife against my skin. It knows I’m going to. It’s ready for me to slit my own future.
I take a deep breath and say, “I’m not who you think I am. I’m not…I’m not a dormant. I’m not a Hunter. I’m not a Defect.”
She shakes her head a little and flinches back in confusion. “Back up a step. What do you mean?”
I grab her hands and find my way to her eyes. “I’m both, Kat. I’m both and I’m dangerous. Bad people might want me, my parents are lost, and I have to hide as a dormant. I don’t know anything more. I don’t know anything at all.” I look away from her, too ashamed...too scared.
“I don’t know what you mean. Both? What do you mean?” She sounds patient, like she’s trying to meet me halfway, but every time she approaches the halfway mark, the road grows a little further.
I pull the fabric over my arm back and show my mark; the awkward heart shape. “I mean I possess both sides and wear the mark of old power, from the time before affinity bonds, and you’re not supposed to know. No one can, not yet at least.” I bite my lip.
She stands up, runs her hands down the front of her pant legs, sighs a little, looks back at me and then away from me. I feel like she’s slipping, like the earth is rotating around me, but not with me.
“You were the one that caused the screaming,” she states, sounding like she’s finally found the rock I’m hiding under.
I nod, unable to look at her. I’m afraid she won’t look at me the same. I’m afraid I will see the freak I am in her eyes.
“Wow.” She falls down next to me. “Are you okay?”
I’m frozen in shock. I look over at her. “Not really.”
She laughs. “That was a dumb question. Of course you aren’t, but everything will be. I promise. I’m here for you. You aren’t facing this alone.”
I think I could cry again. I think I want to, but I don’t. I have dried every tear up and, in her friendship, have found the much-needed strength to get me through this day. I should have never doubted her.
“So what now? What’s going to happen?”
“I have to be trained by a few Watchmen while pretending to be a dormant. I don’t know anything after that.”
“Did you meet the Watchmen?”
Fire burns behind my cheeks.
“Oh my, you did, didn’t you? A guy, was it?” She’s nudging me, smiling and poking again. She’s trying to lighten the mood and I want her to.
“His name is Jaxen,” I admit, trying not to smile, trying not to lose my cool.
“Jaxen. Jaxen, as in your future boyfriend, Jaxen?” She wiggles her brows, beaming like a proud best friend.
I laugh a little. “Kat, really? He has a Witch,” I point out.
“And?”
“And that’s that.”
She purses her lips. “Not really. Not if he and his Witch don’t get along. You know it’s more often than not that this happens.” I know she’s thinking of her parents when she says this. I can see the slight falter in her smile. I rub her back.
“Well, I don’t want to be the cause of that happening,” I say. Being a home wrecker isn’t my style. “Let’s just not talk about it, okay?” Sounds of laughter and excited shouting drift down the hall. I walk over to her window and move the blinds aside. Lights flicker on outside the dining hall. The festivities have begun. “We should get going.”
She stands and walks over to look out the window with me. Her shoulders slouch a little. “I hope things get better.” I know she’s talking about her partner. I wrap my arm around her shoulder.
“They will. They have to.”
And for a moment, I think I believe this.
AFTER KATIE FINISHES PREPARING FOR the festival, she steps out of the bathroom wearing a black corset and black tulle skirt that rests just above her knees. Black socks with tiny purple broomsticks on them reach up to her knees. Her auburn hair is a perfect mess of curls that hang down past her glittering shoulders. She places a hand on her hip and pops it out. “What do you think?”
“I like your eyeliner,” I say, trying to sound unsure. I laugh when I get the reaction I want. She sucks her teeth and I stand up. “You look great, Kat. Duh.”
She sits on the chair outside her bathroom and grabs one of her boots. She pauses before sliding it on and looks up at me like she just realized something. “Aren’t you going to dress up? It’s Halloween. You have to. Everyone is.”
Of course she notices I hadn’t changed. “Everyone is also partnered with an affinity bond, and you don’t see me sailing on that ship, now do you.” She winces. “Kidding,” I add quickly, “I was thinking of wearing a mask. Do you have one I can borrow?”
She snorts. “Why, so you can hide? No way.”
I roll my eyes. “Kat, come on. That’s really what I want.”
She sighs, relents, and then walks over to her large suitcase sitting in front of her closet with clothes spewing out of it. She digs around, tosses a few things over her shoulder, and then stops. “Here,” she says, holding out a mask she used when she was Catwoman one year. She brought a few different costumes for the Samhain Festival just in case she changed her mind.
I move to take it, but she yanks it back.
“This mask comes with a complete costume, a costume you’re going to wear,” she says with a mischievous grin.
“Kat, you can’t be ser…”
She shushes me with her finger. “I am. Very. Put it on and let’s go. Black eyeliner is on the counter. So is the glitter and hairspray.” She pauses, gives me a once over, and then says, “Better yet, go put the outfit on first, and then let me fix your make up.”
I sigh, because I know with her, it’s a fight I won’t win. I head into the bathroom and emerge from it wearing a skin-tight Catwoman suit, a suit that swallows every curve of my body and lines it in confidence, a suit that squashes the fearful side of me.
She whistles on cue, and I bite back a smile. “See! I told you that you have an amazing figure. This is perfect.” I’ve become her test dummy and I actually don’t mind, not when it momentarily takes away the sting of being me.
She drags me into the bathroom and lines my eyes with dark liner. She runs red lipstick over my lips. She sprays my hair into a wild mess, and then pulls it back into a high ponytail. The last touch is the mask she carefully sticks on. When she steps away, and I look in the mirror, I don’t know who I am.
And I like it.
“Ready?”
“Yeah.”
We follow the few novices left in the hall out into the courtyard. Fast-paced rock music thumps from the inside of the dining hall. The air is lit with excitement. It’s alive with hope. Small orange and purple lights are strung from tree to tree, creating a glowing arc to walk under.
I feel alive for the first time in a long time and I’m not sure how I should feel about that. I know I should be worried about my parents and my future. I should be in some dark corner waiting for word from Mack, but I feel different beneath this costume. I feel like I can be who I want to be, versus who I should be, even if it’s for just one moment in time.
The door to the dining hall is pulled open and loud music drifts out around us. The lights have been dimmed and tables and tables of food have been set out against the back walls. Skeletons hang from the ceiling. A small altar with an offering of flowers and food to the God and Goddess is in front of the stage with the live band. Bodies of novices, affinity partners, parents, and siblings all blend together, swaying and jumping to the beat.
Katie takes my hand and drags me into the middle of it all, and we dance. My eyes close and the music fills me, awakens me. It breathes life into me and I let go willingly. I don’t stop until my hair is slick with sweat and my legs are trembling and my stomach is growling. I don’t stop until I lose myself completely and surface as a whole new me; a me who will get through this. My stomach growls again; a me who needs to eat something.
“I have to eat. I’m going to faint,” I tell Katie. She nods, still scanning the crowd for Chett, who remains unseen, who remains disconnected from her mind. I squeeze her arm and make my way through the pulsing crowd over to the banquet table. I think my eyes are hungrier than my stomach. A cascading fountain of punch sits in the center, surrounded by pieces of fruit carved to look like moons and stars. Thin slices of meat and cheese are piled up on platters beside chilled buckets of shrimp. Serving dishes of different pastas and salads stretch out along the table. Bowls filled with candy and layered tiers stuffed with cakes wrap the ends of the tables.
It’s a starving man’s paradise. I grab a piece of cheese and chuck it into my mouth while I load my plate up with slices of ham so thin you can almost see through them.
“Hungry?”
I jump at the sound of Jaxen’s voice, and the contents of my plate slide off and land on his feet. I follow his gaze and watch as he shakes his foot a little. The ham falls to the floor with a splat. I close my eyes, wishing for a magical eraser that could go back in time and remove that moment, wishing I was someone else who didn’t startle because a handsome guy spoke to me.
“I’m…so…sorry.” With each word, my head hangs a little lower. I am the epitome of awkward moments, of failed attempts at being cool.
But when I open my eyes, he’s laughing. Amusement brightens his features and lightens his eyes. A warm, bubbly feeling spreads through my chest, and I think I might float away from my humiliation. I think his laughter can pave a golden path to my salvation. I think his smile can end all that’s wrong in the world.
“It’s all good,” he says, “I’ve had worse land on my shoes.” He lifts his brows and leans in closer to me, his hands tucked behind his back. “Try Demon’s blood.” His voice drifts over my ear and down my neck, leaving a trail of secrets I’ve yet to unravel, secrets I somehow know will be my undoing.
“I…uh, I thought you didn’t like parties,” I say evenly, trying to remain cool, composed, and in control.
“I don’t.” He looks up from his boot and his eyes roam over me; every inch of me, turning my insides into a furnace just waiting for his match. He’s still close to me, just a few breaths away.
“But you’re here,” I say, holding
my breath. Why am I holding my breath?
“Yeah, I uh…” he shakes his head like he’s shaking off fog and leans back. He clears his throat. “I came to take you to my room, I mean, your room,” he corrects automatically. He stops, his eyes flinch shut, and I swear I see a flush to his skin.
I bite the corner of my lip, trying to hold back a smile.
“That sounded wrong. Sorry.” He looks down and adjusts his stance, shoving a hand into his pocket. “I meant, we think you shouldn’t be out late since you have a big day tomorrow.” His eyes finally open.
I turn back to the table and reach for another piece of ham. I have to remain cool. I have to seem indifferent. “We?” I ask casually.
“Gavin and me. Gavin’s my…”
“Brother?”
“Yeah,” he pauses, looks at me weirdly, and then continues, “We think you should rest tonight. We’re going to start first thing in the morning, since the novices will be in introductions and scheduling all day.” He ruffles his hand through his hair, and then reaches past me to grab a piece of ham. He shoves it in his mouth like he’s glad for the excuse to stop talking.
This time I can’t hide my smile. “Okay, but can I tell my friend first?”
He points to his mouth, still chewing, and nods his okay.
I set the plate down, food now far from my mind, and rush to find Katie. She’s near the stage staring up at the lead singer of the band. He’s all piercings and tattoos and every bit of everything she’s dreamed of. I tap her shoulder and, when she turns around, say, “He’s here.” I stare at her, waiting for my words to sink in.
“Who’s here?” she asks, peering over her shoulder back up at the lead singer who tosses her a hunky smile.
I grab her chin and turn her face back to mine. “Him,” I say quickly, almost in a panic. A good kind of panic.
Her eyes quirk up. “Ohhhh. Him, him? Where? I want to see him.” She’s already looking around me, looking past me on her toes, scanning the room for him. I have to pull her back to reality before she embarrasses me.
“Please, stop,” I say under my breath, pushing her back down by her shoulders. “He’s over by the banquet table with his back to us. The dangerously handsome one.” I can almost see my mortification blazing a trail across the dance floor in his direction.