When I stood before him, he pulled back and said, “I ... I can’t.”
“What? What do you mean, you can’t?”
I was baffled. We’d been dating for months and hadn’t gone there since that first night. We had now gone out of town, and though he had come to my hotel room, all he’d done was hold me all night. Now we had an opportunity to go all the way, and he was telling me he couldn’t? What? No, uh-uh. I wanted him.
“I really can’t explain it, Malloy. God’s working on me here.”
“God? Are you kidding? He knows how much I care about you.”
“Sorry. I just can’t. I’m asking Him to bless me, and I need to play this His way. Sorry.” He kissed my brow.
So I went into the bathroom and slammed the door hard. The Almighty had given my man a conscious. HonestlyI was mad.
“Come on, Malloy. Come on out,” Kade said, as I sat in the bathroom trying to calm myself. If he was still wearing nothing when I opened the door, the Lord and I were going to have a real serious counseling session. The brother would just be too fine to resist.
“Babe, you don’t understand—all I’ve been doing is kicking it with girls during college. Girl, I want you so bad. I’m tortured at night sometimes thinking about it.” I heard him lean on the door. “But now I’m tryin’ live to His standard. You’re different than all those other girls.”
I came out wearing a bath towel and said, “It’s cool, whatever. Um, could you drop me off at the spot on campuswhere we’re having our party? I know my car is out there, but this way I can ride back with my girls.”
“So you’re going to go out? You just got in. You aren’t tired?”
“Naw,” I said in a ticked-off voice.
I couldn’t believe I was being such a baby about it. But I was upset. I didn’t want to be turned down. I just knew he would give in, not want me to go out, and allow us to continue finishing what we started. But when I heard someonefidgeting with the front-door knob, I looked back and saw he heard it, too. Kade picked up his shirt and dashed into the bathroom.
“Hey, girl. Glad you’re back. They’re going to use my strobe light at the party. Why aren’t you dressed—you just got out of the shower? So many men at the party, girl, we’re going to have a good time,” Torian said, as I put my finger to my lips. “What? What’s going on?”
I pointed to the bathroom door and whispered, “My man.”
“Oh, Kade’s here.” She laughed and then yelled, “Kade, you have to come to our party!”
“Naw, I have to get on back to Arkansas. I’m sure a lot of my teammates are down here, though.”
When he came out of the bathroom, Torian smiled and tried to help play it off. “Not many men there at all. Just a few.”
“Yeah, all right,” he joked.
I went into Loni’s bedroom and got dressed. I was not gonna miss the fun. Kade knocked, and I opened the door.
He said, “Hey, sorry if I let you down. I just want everythingto be right with us next time. I don’t want us having anger and animosity between us. I just need to feel it’s the right thing to do. I don’t know. A lot of stuff is on my mind. Maybe I shouldn’t blame it all on God getting me back for being a freak, but I’m freakin’ out!”
“Hey, if you want me to stay,” I said, coming out into the hallway and looking at my man in the eye, “I’m here for you. I don’t need to go.”
“Naw, naw. Enjoy yourself.” He reached out and kissed me.
Nobody at the party would be able to make me feel like he could. That was for sure. About twenty-five minutes later, I was dancing in line with my sorority sisters. All the men and women were really feeling the party.
“Ain’t no party like a BGP party, cause a BGP party’s got it going on! We rock, we roll, got so much soul! All the men in the place want to get in our face! Yes, it’s the jam! Beeeebop!”
When I got off the floor, Sharon came over to me. I wanted to walk the other way. I was finally stress free, dang!
“Can I talk to you?” I really had been having a good time, and I wasn’t trying to get into any kind of tiff. But then she said, “We’re sisters. We do have a bond. I’m just asking for a minute of your time. You’re not going to give me that?”
Huffing, I thought I couldn’t refuse her request. We stepped over to the ladies’ bathroom. For a long while she just she looked at me.
“What’s up?” I finally said.
“I hear you think I’ve been destroying your property. The first time that happened to you at that gig up there at the University of Southeastern Arkansas, I did think you deserved it. I didn’t do it, but I think you deserved it. But then your place being ransacked—it wasn’t me. My heart hurts thinking someone would do you like that.”
“Sharon, I know you’re trying to put on an act because we’re sorority sisters. We don’t want to have any tension between us. Everybody knows or thinks you’re such a good girl, but I know the real you. I know how bitter you are. But Kade is mine, and he and I have our own issues, so everythingain’t precious in our world. What, you mad now because they say he’s going on to the third round of the draft? You don’t even know me. Talking about being sisters.Please, get out my face.”
“I didn’t do it.” she yelled when I left her fake presence.“My love for my sorority is too strong to do somethingcrazy like that. For real, it wasn’t me.”
I blew her off. She was just talking noise. She’d done it. I went back to the dance floor and started groovin’ with the sorors I could trust.
It was funny because my place had been ready for a while, but I was still staying with Torian and Loni. But it was time; I wanted to get my own space back. After I helped clean up all the beer bottles, balloon pieces, and extra trash from the food we’d served at the party, I told Torian I finallywas gonna get my car and my things and head back to my place.
“Girl, I just don’t think you’re ready.”
“No, really, me staying in that hotel—it really helped.”
“What? Are we driving you crazy?”
“No, no, I’m just saying I need my independence. Y’all can come stay with me some nights.”
When I got to my place, the weather was a little breezy. Torian had insisted on following me over. She’d said she wanted to come because she didn’t want to leave me in case I really couldn’t take being there by myself. We walked in my front door and were immediately freezing.
“Why is it so cold in here? They left the air on or something?”Torian asked.
“I know right. It feels like Antarctica,” I said.
She walked around me. The new paint on the walls made my place look better than it ever had. My dad had been working with the landlord to get it straight, and he’d kept asking me when I was going to move back in so he could get his money’s worth
“Oh, no!” I heard Torian frantically holler.
I dashed down the hall and saw that my back door had been kicked in. I sank to the floor; I couldn’t even take it. The place was immaculate. Nothing had been harmed or touched except for my door.
“Why is somebody doing this to me?” I was clearly upset.
“I’m going to check around,” Torian said as she whipped out her cell. And then I heard her say to the phone, “Y’all have to come in here. We have trouble.”
“Who are you calling?”
“Sorors. We just need to make sure you’re okay. And you aren’t. We got to get to the bottom of this.”
“What’s going on? What’s wrong?” I asked as Torian handed me my Beta Gamma Pi jacket.
It was torn up worse than if a dog had bitten it tons of times. Knife gashes had ripped the jacket from one end to the other. I just held my jacket and rocked back and forth. My head started hurting as if someone were kicking me in it deliberately. I didn’t understand any of this.
“Sharon would never do this to our stuff,” Torian said to me. “Do you think, Malloy? Really?”
“No, I don’t think she did this.”
&nbs
p; Hayden, Bea, and Loni came in. They yelled out that it was them so we’d know not to fear. I was so tense, I jumped when I saw them anyway.
Loni hugged me. “Y’all, I’m scared. This is crazy.”
“We got your back. We’re going to report this to the police and let them come and get any evidence they can. And we’re going to watch and find out what’s going on here. Police can do their jobs. We’re going to be in this together and make it happen,” Hayden said. “Someone comes up against one of us, they’re coming up against all of us. You are our sister. You will not be tortured in this way.”
I moved in front of all of them. “I can’t ask y’all to do that. What if whoever is doing this sees you and hurts you? This is too dangerous. No.”
“You can’t tell us not to care. You can’t tell us we’re not going to get involved,” Hayden said as she came over and put her arms around me. “Someone is messing with our sister, and they just don’t know what a mistake that is. We are Beta Gamma Pi. We’re too strong to be shaken. United, we’re powerful.”
16
BULLYING
“I’m not going to let you guys put yourself in harm’s way for me,” I said in a heartfelt tone to Loni, Bea, Hayden, and Torian as I stepped back from Hayden’s grasp. “Yes, we’re sorors, but I want it to stay that way. If anything were to happen to you guys, I just wouldn’t be able to take it. So, thank you, but no, thanks. I need serious help, but I want y’all to stay out of this. Somebody’scrazy, but that is my problem, not my chapter’s problem.”
Hayden stepped back close to me and said, “Look, I’m the chapter’s president. I learned that I can’t speak for everybody—that I have to take things through the proper channels—but on this particular call I will talk to everyone,including Sharon. You are not going through this alone.”
“I feel so bad. I was convinced she’d done all this. All my accusations ... She won’t be able to forgive me.” I dropped my head in shame.
“Once she understands the love that one Beta has for another ... We may get angry, we may get mad, but violence?We need each other too much. She’ll forgive you.” Hayden squeezed me. “And there is nothing you can say and nothing you can do to push us out of this whole thing. We’re in it. Okay?”
Then my girls sat me down and took care of everything.My mom was called; the police were called; Kade was called. I was in such a trance that I heard talking, but I was out of it. Still, I could not fathom why this was happeningto me.
A good bit later, Torian brought me the phone. My mom wanted to check on me, but I was half hearing what she was saying. As I let the phone drop, Torian assured her I wasn’t going to be there alone and that the Betas were taking care of everything.
Moments later, my dad was kneeling by my side as Mikey and Kade stood on both sides of him. I hadn’t ever seen my dad tear up. Even the day he’d pulled out of our drivewayto move on without me, I remembered being the only one crying.
“Guys, she’s numb,” he said as he took my hand.
“She’s been like this for hours,” Loni said.
My dad pulled me up and sat in the spot I’d been in. Then he inched me onto his lap. I leaned on his shoulder and finally felt peace. He kept saying he loved me until I broke my trance.
“Daddy, I love you, too.”
“The policeman wants to talk to you, and an emergency worker wants to check you out,” Hayden said, obviouslyhandling everything.
My father helped me to my feet. After I was cleared for just having a panic attack, I gave a statement to the same officers who had been at the scene months back when my place had been ransacked. They told us they could not believeI had had another incident. My father didn’t appear thrilled that they had no leads. He stepped up to one of the detectives and said, “Listen, this is getting very serious.”
“We didn’t find any unfamiliar fingerprints last time. The perpetrator must have been wearing gloves.”
“Well, you’ve got to catch him,” Kade said with urgency as he came and stood next to me.
One policeman looked at the other in a strange way. “Sir, she was saying you were together here earlier. Might we ask you a few questions?”
Kade walked over to the corner with the blue suits. “Yeah, sure, I want to help you guys catch this guy.”
“When she left, where did you go?”
“We weren’t even over here,” Kade said defensively, now understanding that the detective might be alluding to the fact that maybe he had been the one looting.
I quickly came to his side and said, “No, you’re barkingup the wrong tree. This is my boyfriend.”
“No relationship is perfect, ma’am and sometimes it’s the people you think you can trust who cause the most damage.”
“Officer, I’m pretty sure it was not this young man.” My father vouched for Kade. “He’s my son’s best friend and a dynamite football player at the University of SoutheasternArkansas.”
“Wait. Oh, my goodness! You’re Kade Rollins—you usually have on football gear.” One of the officers got starstruck, lost focus, and asked for his autograph.
The officers then joked with Kade. Mikey walked my sorority sisters out because Hayden was insistent they head out. I told them I’d be over to their place in a bit. I stood by my dad and began shaking as I again thought about all this.
“What have I done, Daddy, that somebody would want to do this to me?” I asked.
“Honey, this is some whacked-out crazy person. It’s not even what you have done to them. They’re just pervertedand twisted—some guy that ain’t got laid in ages, I bet. Seeing you come in here all happy—he may have just snapped. You’re going to get your stuff, let me put in a security system, and then you can come back. You cool staying with those Beta girls?”
All of a sudden Sirena came rushing in before I could answer. “What’s going on? Malloy, girl, what’s going on?”
“I’m alright, girl. Sirena, this is my dad. Dad, this is Sirena, the girl who lives next door to me.”
“Nice to meet you, sir. Sorry it’s under these circumstances,police cars and emergency vehicles in front of your door. What’s going on?”
“Somebody broke in here again.”
My dad asked, “You didn’t see anyone over here did you, Sirena?”
“No, sir, I know Malloy lives alone, and I keep watch all the time. I was on campus with a study group this weekend.I wish I would have run into somebody trying to hurt her. Where’s your stuff? You have to come stay with me.”
“No, thank you. It’s okay. I’m gonna chill at Torian and Loni’s place.”
“Uh-uh. That’s crazy. Your stuff is right here. You’re right next door. If the police have to come back and ask you any questions, you’ll be right here.”
“It’s fine, but I’m trying to get away from all this right now,” I said in a sweet voice, trying not to hurt her feelings.
“Fine, do whatever. I was trying to give you a place to stay right next door, but if you don’t want to stay, cool,” Sirena said, getting all upset before she exited my place huffing and puffing.
Both my dad and I just looked at each other. She was so high maintenance. I appreciated that she cared, but if things didn’t go her way, she could have such a tantrum. Right now I needed her to back off. She was applying too much pressure. Couldn’t she see I couldn’t take any more.
My dad joked, “Stay away from that one. She’s crazy.”
After the police made sure the back door was secure, we left and locked the front door. My car was already loaded with stuff. The three men in my life looked pitifully at me. I knew they, too, were worried all this was happening.
My dad stood with me alone by my car. “Daddy, you do not need to get any surveillance or camera equipment for my apartment. It’s going to cost a fortune,” I said.
“Well, the police are not doing their job. I want to make sure my little girl is taken care of. You don’t need to let nobodyknow we have a watch out. Nobody! Sorority sisters, Kade—
nobody!”
“Yes, sir,” I said as we walked back over to my brother and Kade before my dad took off.
When my dad was gone, Kade said, “I’ve got to go back, babe. Some scouts are coming to give me an individual workout tomorrow, but if you need me to be with you tonight, I’ll stay.”
Mikey said, “Naw, Kade. I need to get you back, if someoneneeds to stay with my sister, I can do that.”
The two of them bickered back and forth as to who was going to take care of me. At first it was cute. Then their voices got louder.
“Why don’t the two of you just follow me out of here, and when I turn into Torian and Loni’s apartment, y’all can jump on the highway and get back? I’m a big girl and can take care of myself. Nothing will be accomplished with the two of y’all fussing. Remember, we’re on the same team.”
My brother gave me a kiss on the forehead. “I’m serious,girl. Call me or this dude if you need us.”
“I’ll be okay.”
Kade said, “Yeah, don’t let me have to hear from Sharon again that you need me.”
“I can’t believe Sharon called you tonight. I thought Torian or Loni did,” I said as Kade held me tight. “I was out of it, though.”
Holding me tighter, Kade said, “I’m just glad you’re okay now. And I’m happy Sharon isn’t the one doing this to you. Then another side of me is really creeped out because I just don’t want you to ever be alone. I’m nervous.”
“Don’t worry about me. We’ve got Beta week coming up in two weeks, and we’re training for our probate show so we can compete at the National Convention. I hope you can attend it this year,” I said, remembering our pleasantrendezvous last May when I had first met him.
“Probably not, sweetpea. I’ll probably have to be at someone’s training camp.”
“You know I enjoy being in your arms.”
“Don’t say that. You’re making it so hard for me to leave you.”