I moved closer to him. It was so interesting that I couldn’t even focus on my own problems because I found myself so enthralled with what was going on with Kade. I needed to support him. I cared for him so deeply. Did I love him? No. I shook off the thought.
Being real, I told him, “If you want a relationship with your dad, don’t let money stand in the way.”
“What do you mean?”
“Now that you have money, don’t think he just naturallywants to take it. I mean, I thought that at first, but hearing what you just said, maybe I misjudged him. It’s hard to trust people. After what Sirena did to me, I don’t want to trust anybody. A part of me wants to pull away from you, but I just can’t.”
“That’s all I needed to hear.” He swooped me up off my feet and took me over to the guest bedroom I was staying in. He plopped me on the bed and he said, “You know if you need me, I’m just a phone call away.”
“Well, I do hope maybe I can come to New York this summer. I’d love to intern with one of the big designers.”
“I’ll be meeting a lot of people. If I make any connections,you know I’ll put it in for my girl.”
I playfully punched him in the gut. “You concentrate on football, rookie.”
“I’ll concentrate on us. You know, Sharon’s been callingme.”
I didn’t know how to respond. Was she calling him becauseshe still wanted a chance, or was she calling him to tell him what a lame girlfriend I was? Without me asking, he divulged. “They’re trying to find out where you are.”
“You didn’t tell them, did you?”
“Naw, but you should give them a call. Those girls really care about you. They just want to make sure you’re okay. We all underestimate people from time to time. I didn’t know Sharon was gonna be so clingy when I tried to cut it off. But you know, it is what it is, and you move on. But those sorors of yours—even Sharon—they really look at you as a sister. This lasting-lifetime stuff ... don’t throw that away. Sometimes a heart has to get hurt just a little so it can love even deeper and stronger the next go-around.”
“Okay, so look at you sounding all wise,” I said as we both got up.
He wanted me to say more, but I just couldn’t utter those special three words. He bent down and kissed me anyway, and then he headed out the door, and I watched him until he was gone.
18
PASSION
I couldn’t believe my mom had made me go to the NationalConvention. I’d been in hide-out mode. I hadn’t even seen any members of my chapter for a couple weeks. However, my mom convinced my dad that while he was on a trip, I shouldn’t be alone. And who could turn down time spent in a presidential suite? With my dad on the road and Kade away at camp, having someone near me at night just made sense. I wasn’t at all expecting it, though, when I answered the knock at the door and saw Torian and Loni with tears in their eyes.
“I’m sorry,” were the only words that came from my mouth. “It’s just been a lot.”
“We care about you, girl,” Loni said, making me feel horrible that I’d pulled away.
Torian said, “Yeah, your mom told us where to find you after she saw we were so broken up. Malloy, it’s hard for everybody. But you’ve been driving us crazy not being able to see for ourselves that you’re okay.”
I walked away, leaving the door open as a sign for them to walk on in. But I was blown away when I turned and saw all twenty-two members of our chapter.
Hayden stepped between Torian and Loni and said, “I told you, girl, we’re one. You should know that we are always here for you. I hope you know that.”
I moved to the kitchenette and said, “No, it wasn’t any of you guys. Y’all didn’t let me down. I felt like I let you guys down because my world just got crazier. I blamed Sharon for something that somebody else did and split our chapter apart, and there’s just no way to rectify that other than to pull me away from it. Maybe now you guys can be one. Maybe without me you guys can have harmony. I just don’t know how to fix it all.”
Hayden came over and said, “When bad things happento you, girl, you need family. And that’s what sisters are. We’re supposed to be there for each other, supposed to care about each other unconditionally. I’m not saying we’re gonna be perfect, not saying mistakes aren’t going to be made, but you’ve got to at least give us the chance to kick you in the gut for your mistakes and love you out of this painful place.”
I had to sit down for a second. I held my head down. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. They cared so much for me that they had had restless nights. The chapter hadn’t felt whole because I wasn’t around. They wanted me still to be an Alpha chapter Beta. Surely she wasn’t speaking for everyone.
Sharon then came from the back of the crowd and pleasantly shocked me when she said, “You are a better match for Kade than I could ever be.”
Shaking my head, I said, “No, he was your boyfriend, and I’m sorry he and I had a connection that broke all that up.”
“No, girl, you don’t need to be sorry. Dealing with my own hang-ups and grief, I now see you make him happy. Before, I was so focused on getting him back that I couldn’t even see that I was acting crazy. I was making my own sorors even question my character when some of them thought I was capable of vandalizing your property. You had a right to assume it was me. My actions were so suspect,it could have been. I’d be lying if I said I never thought about doing something crazy to you because I felt like you were ruining my world. But the sorors prayed me through it, and they helped me see that what’s mine is gonna come one day.”
This was too much. I couldn’t believe she was sharing this. I was blown away by her compassion.
She continued. “You helped Kade find a sense of purpose.He is so spiritual. He wants to do better so God can bless his life with you. He loves you, girl. I just wanted to say I guess if it couldn’t be me, I’m glad he’s with my soror.” We hugged. “Now come on and get dressed and let’s go on downstairs to the Greek show.”
“Y’all aren’t even performing because I wasn’t there to help,” I said, remembering that their name wasn’t in the program book.
“Girl, we aren’t performing because we aren’t prepared. So much has distracted us. Everybody’s grades are slipping.Keisha’s verdict came back, and she was sentenced to ten years in jail. Despite my pleading with my uncle, as our college president he has suspended us off the yard for a year. He suspended only certain sorors last year, but he said that didn’t do any good, so he was left with no choice but to kick us all off. If we don’t get our act together it could be longer than a year. Plus, we’re supposed to meet with your mom about our fate with the sorority and see what our punishment from Nationals is. You don’t know her decision on us, do you?” Hayden asked.
“No, we haven’t spoken about it. I’m sorry to hear all this. I haven’t looked at the paper or watched the news in days to avoid hearing more on my story. You guys go and have fun.”
Torian took my hand. “Uh-uh. We are not leaving this place without you. And you know we’d like to stay becauseyou’re in a suite!”
“Beeeeeebop!” everybody said in unison, including me.
It felt great to be back with my girls.
It was the big afterparty, and the Betas were throwing down all over the room. The sorors from Texas A&M had won the Greek show. They’d had this Hispanic girl in the middle of the crowd who knew how to rock it onstage,and she was dope. I had a body Kade said killed, but this girl had hips made for modeling. When it was time to jam, this chick with the sexy black, straight hair, got in the center of the floor and had all the men in the place—Qs, Alphas, Kappas, Phis—everybody looking at her.
Torian leaned into me and said, “I ain’t even know we let Hispanic girls become Betas. Why they make her one?”
Flinging my hand to hush her up, I said, “Girl, don’t even sound so prejudiced.”
Pushing my hand down, Torian replied, “I’m just saying.”
“You know brothers
still like girls with that long straight hair. If it ain’t blond, it needs to move like it. Most don’t like our kinky stuff.”
“Oh, so you hating, for real.” I was actually happy I was smiling.
“Naw, I ain’t hating. I forgot to tell you, but I got a man.”
“What? Gimme the scoop!” I said to Torian as she smiled from ear to ear.
She giggled. “Harry London.”
“Our basketball player?” I asked.
“Yeah, girl. He’s a baller. I want him to handle me in all sorts of ways, you know what I’m sayin’?”
Laughing, I said, “You keeping them legs closed, right?”
“Are you keeping yours closed?” she joked back.
“Oh, see, why you all up in my business?”
“If they closed now, they ’bout to be open,” Torian said mysteriously.
“What are you talking about?”
All of a sudden, somebody put their hands over my eyes. My nose took in a familiar, alluring smell I knew all too well. I turned around and felt sexy all over when I laid eyes on Kade.
“What are you doing here?” I said, right as my brother popped out from behind around him.
Mikey said, “He wouldn’t let me come by myself.”
Kade kissed me on the cheek and said, “Came into town for just a couple days and had to get with Mikey to try to find you.”
My brother said, “Of course I didn’t mind with all these honeys in the house. Who was that girl rocking the dance floor? Y’all got a Hispanic chick in the fold?”
“See?” Torian said. “Even he knows she’s not supposed to be a Beta. Right, Mikey?”
“Oh, no, she’s supposed to be mine!” he teased.
“You are so stupid,” Torian said and hit my brother. I hit him as well. Kade stared me down. I excused us from Torian and Mikey.
“Okay, I thought you were at training camp?” I said when we stood alone in the corner.
“No, that’s in July. This is mini camp. It was only a week. It’s over, and though I’ll be working out in New York, I came just to see you. The coaches took everything I had. I’m drained, exhausted, tired. All that. I need you to pour a little lovin’ up in here. Give me somethin’. I missed you, girl.” Kade leaned in and nibbled on my ear.
Hayden walked toward me and Kade and said, “We’re about to do our chapter step, Malloy. Let’s show everybodywhat Alpha chapter’s got. You in?”
“Yeah, I’m in,” I said, looking at my man. “I’ll be right back.”
“You’ve really found your place with these Betas, huh?” he said. “I’m so glad to see you okay.”
“Yeah, they’re like my sisters. You were right to tell me to try it. What we have is tight. I’m even closer to my mom because of this.”
“That’s good. Mikey says she’s real proud of you.” He slowly let go of my hand. “Go and do your thing. Your man ain’t going nowhere.”
I just laughed. We’d come a long way in a year. God had showed me grace by allowing us to work out after all we had been through. I was humbled, and I was thankful for another chance. We were trying to keep things right.
Before I could follow Hayden, I saw Mikey headed my way. That crazy nut was with the Hispanic girl. He hadn’t wasted any time trying to get to know her. Torian was behindthe two of them. I could tell she wanted to be nosy and find out whatever she could.
“Hey,” I said to the girl as I extended my hand. “I’m Malloy, and right behind you there is my line sister Torian.You’re our soror. Where are you from?”
“I’m from Mexico. Been in the States most of my life, though,” she said as she shook my hand and squinted her eyes, wondering why I was staring.
“Sorry, I just didn’t know we had more than sistahs as our sisters,” I huffed, looking away, regretting I had put my foot in my mouth.
The fly girl didn’t take offense, but said, “Yeah, I get that all the time. But none of the applications said say you couldn’t be—”
“Oh, no, no, no. I don’t have any problem with it, and neither does Torian. Right, girl?” I said as I jabbed Torian in the arm.
Mikey teased, “Well that’s good because, uh, she’s about to transfer to Western Smith.”
“No!” Torian screamed as I quickly jabbed her again.
“Great!” I said in a phony way.
“I lost my scholarship at Texas A&M, and I qualify at Western Smith, so I’ll be able to attend your school,” the girl said. Your brother was telling me you guys just pledged there. As you can see, I like to party. I’ll try to get with you guys tomorrow. You’re gonna be here all weekend for the convention, right? I need to meet the rest of the Betas in your chapter. Because when Alyx Cruz is in the house, the house rocks!” She walked away, and my brother quickly followed.
Torian and I went to find our chapter sorors. It was hard, with so much lavender and turquoise in the place. I so missed my jacket.
Torian said, “The house is gonna fall down if that Alyx girl moves to our school.”
“Don’t be so insecure. You said you got a man. You know how to keep his eyes on you.”
“Maybe I should go introduce her to Kade and see if you still singing that same song?”
“All right. She’s cute and fly and all, but she’s our soror. She ain’t gon’ make no waves.”
I watched as my brother danced with her on the dance floor, and a whole bunch of other guys waited for their turn. Alyx Cruz was gonna add a lot of drama to our chapter.As I saw her commanding attention, I got excited she was coming. We needed her different flavor. Instantly I could envision us doing many more things, and we’d be able to reach a whole new community.
I was learning so much about the sorority. We weren’t all alike. But we were very similar and had the same core values. We were all Betas, wanting to make the world, and each other, better. As I felt Alyx Cruz’s sassy energy, I knew just as my sorers had found a way to like me, they would find a way to care for Alyx, too. Next semester was going to be fun.
“So, Mom, you’re really gonna suspend our chapter?” I asked as she got ready for the opening ceremonies of our National Convention. “Everybody’s gonna be so mad at me. I’m supposed to have inside pull. You’re supposed to cut us a break because your child is in the chapter.”
Putting on her Beta Gamma Pi jewelry, she said, “Sweetheart,truthfully I saved that chapter last year, hoping you’d get an opportunity to pledge, And now because of some crazy actions, someone lost their life. The chapter has to be suspended.”
She’d spoken her piece, so I tried to slip away.
“And don’t try to be slick about it. I heard there was a baby involved, and that’s my concern. I was looking at the grades for everybody in the chapter last week, and though yours are still up, Malloy—I’m still proud of you for that—the chapter average has dwindled from a 3.6 to a 2.6, and unfortunately, from what I understand, there’s also going to be sanctions from the university. So not only am I suspending them from being able to participate, they’re not going to be able to live on campus. When you go against the rules, there are consequences.”
“Consequences, I know. But still, they’re gonna be mad at me.”
“They can’t be mad at you forever for actions they knew were illegal in the first place. Sometimes you gotta look within and be angry at yourself. I’ve seen the bond you ladies have. Before my own eyes it has gone from nothing to something is beyond powerful. I’ll be talking to everybodytomorrow. We’ll make sure no one leaves the suite until all hearts and minds are clear. But for now, let’s get on down here to this ceremony.”
My mother looked beautiful as she put on the turquoise robe with the lavender sash. She appeared so regal, so important, like a queen. I was proud of her. “Mom?”
“Yeah, honey? We gotta get down.”
“I just remembered being here last year, when the last thing I’d wanted was to be a Beta. But you didn’t give up on me. You told me it was going to be something that would change my lif
e. I just wanna tell you that it has. Thank you.”
“Thank you,” she said as we hugged. “We’ve always had a bond, but now it’s even stronger. We share a commongoal in life. We are sisters ready to make this world a better place. I know we talked about this before, but, honey, I’m sorry Beta Gamma Pi took so much of my time.”
“Mom, I’m not. I’m just thankful I can now fully understandwhy you spent time away. You weren’t running away from me. You were running to a cause much bigger than me,” I said as we shared this special moment.
Nearly an hour later, I was sitting with my chapter. My mom was giving the convention welcome address. She had the attention of over five thousand Betas. I was moved when she said, “Many of you know that my daughter becamea Beta this year. It was absolutely one of the highlightsof my life to be able to pin my daughter and make her a member of our precious sisterhood. She didn’t want any part of this at first. There was an inward change that took place, and now she’s transformed into a young lady who loves our beloved symbols. She experienced some turmoilthis year when someone on campus took things furtherthan they should, but the sorors in her chapter came to her rescue. And though they do have some things they, too, need to make a little bit better, I want to say I see the bond of sisterhood growing among you. I know this sorority has a very bright future. Sorors, keep being betterwomen and keep on being better sisters.”
I looked around and saw the smiles on so many people’sfaces. There was a movement in the room, a spirit in the air, a collective agreement that we were Betas. We were proud. We could achieve anything, and I sensed we all felt that sisterhood did matter. I was proud to be a part of such a strong group of women who could put aside pettinessor jealousy and not try to hold each other back from achieving greatness. We were a group of united women wanting to be a part of the solution that could make our world better. Overwhelmingly, yes, I was happy to be a Beta.