Isaac snorted. “We should wait for them to come for us? Is that all you want? Cause they will come for us. They will throw us out and deport us to one of these camps or they will just kill us here on the spot. It’s only a matter of time, Father. We have to at least defend ourselves.”
I sighed and looked at my soup. Vegetables and water. No meat, I thought disappointedly.
“Does anyone know where they take the Jews who are deported?” I asked.
Everyone around the table stopped eating and stared at me. I hardly ever spoke anymore and I never ever showed any interest in politics or the war. I didn’t care much for their discussion, but I did care about what happened to Catalina and where they had taken her.
Leon shook his head. “No one knows,” he said.
“Some have seen them on trains,” Isaac said. “I’ve heard that they bring them to Germany to work.”
Leon nodded pensively. “Almost all Jews in Bucharest have lost their jobs and been forced to work for the administration. They take their properties, their businesses, their belongings and make them live in ghettos where there are many diseases and not enough food or even clean water.”
I sighed and poked a potato in the soup. It fell to pieces in the warm water. I was worried about Catalina and I desperately longed to find her and protect her. I was also concerned about my family. We all knew that Isaac was right. It was only a matter of time before they came for us as well. If they did all those things to people in the city they would soon find us in the countryside as well.
My two oldest brothers got up from the table. “It’s getting dark,” Leon said. “It’s time to get going.”
“Be careful out there,” my father said.
I stared at them. “Where are they going?” I asked.
“A big wolf is loose in the forest,” my father said. “Didn’t you hear its howling last night?”
I shook my head.
“Well, the rest of us did and this morning two of our sheep were gone. We saw its paw print in the snow. It’s a huge one. We can’t have it out there. We are used to wolves in the forest but not of this size and not ones that dare to come this close to our house. Your brothers are going out to kill it before it eats all of our food. We don’t have much anymore, so we need to protect the little we have.”
I saw Leon lift up his rifle and load it. Then he stared through the crosshairs. Isaac patted him on his shoulder. “Let’s go,” he said. “I have a feeling we’ll shoot the bastard tonight.”
Chapter 8
I TOLD MY MOTHER I wasn’t feeling well then ran to my room and locked the door. I threw myself at my bed overcome with fear. I stared out the window at the dark forest in the distance. A wolf? A huge wolf? I stared at my hands in the fading light. The hair from yesterday was gone. It had all been gone when I woke up in the morning in the snow. Those animals. Had I killed them? Was that why I wasn’t hungry? Had I been in the forest all night? Was that why I felt exhausted and slept all day?
I felt a small pain in my fingers that slowly grew more powerful. It was like needles penetrating through the skin from the inside and out. Hairs were poking out from my pores now. Thick, stiff, grey hairs. All over my body it came creeping. It was extremely painful. As I watched the sun set completely behind the forest it all came back. The hairs that soon covered my body, then the pain in my fingers as something grew out of them. What were those? Claws? The extreme headache I recognized from the day before followed and I bent over in excruciating pain.
After that it all went black.
I woke up naked in the snow once again. I was confused, startled and rose to my feet at once. Then I had to bend over. I was feeling sick. I had a pain in my shoulder. A huge pain. I threw up in the snow, a strange yellow mass mixed with red blood and pieces of raw meat. I fell onto the snow to gather my strength. My chest was hurting badly. I touched it and had blood on my fingers. I was hurt. A small round hole was on my shoulder, and around it blood was smeared on the skin. It hurt when I touched it. Then I did something I had never thought possible. I reached into the hole in my shoulder with two fingers. It was extremely painful and I picked out a small metal bullet. I looked at it in the light from the rising sun. The light hurt my eyes and I had to shield them from the sun. I touched the wound again and realized that the hole in the skin was smaller. I watched it for a few seconds while it slowly closed up. The wound was healing rapidly. I moved my shoulder slowly, carefully. The pain was almost gone. Soon the wound was nothing but a small dot on my skin that I only knew was there. I probed it gently. Not even a bump or a scar. I looked around me and saw yet again what looked like a true massacre of dead animals. A few steps away I picked up a rabbit from the ground. It was dead, looked like something had ripped it with its claws. I counted five straight lines across the back. But other than the cuts it was intact. I picked it up and took it with me.
Then I ran back. I wasn’t in the same spot as the day before, but still in the forest so it wasn’t difficult to find my way back. I felt worn out as I spotted the small castle in the distance. It seemed quiet for now but I knew it wouldn’t last. My mother always rose with the sun. Ever since our maid had quit because she didn’t want to work for “dirty Jews” anymore my mother had decided to take care of everything herself. It was a lot of work and it had been wearing her down. The rabbit was for her, I thought. She needed the meat.
I saw light in her room and in the kitchen. She was already up. I cursed then ran towards the back door leading to the cellar. It was overgrown with bushes that I pushed aside. I opened it as quietly as I could manage and then ran up the back stairs towards the hallway upstairs where all the rooms were. I had to pass all of my brother’s rooms on my way. My sister slept in the other wing closer to my parents. I crept along the walls trying to not make a sound, when suddenly one of the doors opened. Isaac stepped out of the room. He looked like he wasn’t fully awake yet. He rubbed his eyes and stretched.
Then he looked right at me.
I froze, and then swallowed hard. He stared at me like I was a ghost. I held my breath. Then he laughed out loud.
“What the hell are you up to little brother?” he asked.
Then he stared at the rabbit in my hand. It was dripping blood on the floor. Isaac shook his head. “I’m not sure I even want to know,” he said. “Did you go hunting naked or something?”
I shrugged. “I guess,” I said.
Isaac shook his head. “You are strange, baby brother. I always knew you were, but this I hadn’t foreseen.”
I shrugged again then walked past him towards my room. I was swearing and cursing while dressing myself. I had no idea how I kept ending up in the forest with all those animals and now I was apparently shot? What was happening to me? If they were going to ask questions about my behavior I had no idea what to tell them. What could I say? That I had blackouts and didn’t wake up until the morning in a strange place not knowing what happened?
I picked up the rabbit and walked downstairs to my mother in the kitchen. She was bent over the pot as I entered. Probably making porridge for our breakfast. She looked tired, worn out. I stepped closer. She saw me and smiled gently. I adored her smile. I lifted up the rabbit.
“It’s for you,” I said.
She wiped her hands in her apron. It was strange to see her in those worn-out clothes. My mother had always dressed nicely and had the comportment of a woman of a certain stature. Her clothes had been the newest fashions and she would often go to Bucharest to find them. Now she was wearing rags and an old torn apron. She was complaining about her back that was killing her. It was so unlike her to look like this and it saddened me immensely.
Mother took the rabbit with a huge smile. “How?” she asked.
I shrugged. “Does it matter? I killed it in the forest.”
“You know your father won’t like that you went out there alone. We never know when the Iron Guard will start trespassing on our property. They have driven through a couple of times. They don’t
respect boundaries. If you’re in their way they might hurt you.”
“I know he doesn’t like it, but I can’t stay locked up inside forever.”
She sighed and then smiled. “I know and this will definitely please your father,” she said holding up the rabbit. “He probably won’t even think about how you got it.”
Now that was like her. Always thinking about everybody else.
“Don’t forget to get some for yourself,” I said.
She reached out and touched my face. “Sweet boy,” she said. “Always taking care of his mother. I am blessed to have you.”
I kissed her forehead. She closed her eyes. “I’m sorry if I haven’t been much help to you lately,” I said.
“I know a lot has been going on with you. You’ve been sick for a long time ever since that bear attacked you.” She felt my forehead. “Luckily the fever is gone now,” she said with a gentle smile. “I knew that doctor was wrong. No medicine in the world can beat the love of a mother.”
I sat at a kitchen chair while my mother started preparing the rabbit. “I think it might have saved me,” I said. “I don’t think it attacked me.”
She took out the big knife. Then she looked at me pensively. “You think the bear saved you? How come?”
“I don’t know. I felt something ...” I sighed deeply. “Like a connection or something. Like it knew me. I couldn’t see it or look into its eyes when it bit me, but I felt like ...” I looked at my mother and realized that she would never understand. How could she? I had felt something deep when this animal bit me; it was like it had chosen me. I could never explain that to her. And what about all that was happening to me now? The change of my body, the hairs, and the nightly runs to the forest. I knew it was all connected to the bite, to the beast that had bitten me. Could it have transferred something to me, something that caused me to have these blackouts and go into the forest? Was I becoming someone else when I had those blackouts? Was I becoming something completely different?
I was caught yet again by fear sitting in front of my mother in the kitchen. This change I was going through, could it be? I had heard stories about humans turning into something else, but weren’t they nothing but fairy tales? Stories told to scare kids from going into the forest at night? Could they be real? Could there be more to this life than I had anticipated?
“Your mind is drifting again,” my mother said.
“Have you ever heard about werewolves in these areas?” I asked.
My mother froze, her back turned to me. She hesitated before she answered. “I’ve heard the legends. The myths told mostly by old people.”
“What legends and myths?” I asked.
“You know, all the stories.” She spoke without looking at me.
“Could you tell me about them? I really want to know,” I said.
She stared at me. Then she smiled. “You always loved listening to stories. I used to say that it’s because you belong to a different world. It’s nice to see that some things don’t change.” She walked towards me and pulled out a chair. She sat in front of me while she spoke. I enjoyed listening to her soft voice. “Well if you must know, some legends say that the first man in Romania to become a werewolf did so because he was cursed by the spirits. They told him he would be a wolf for nine years. If he hadn’t tasted human flesh, he would be allowed to turn back and be with his family again. It was said that he became the wolf because he ate human flesh and the spirits wanted to punish him for doing so. Another story is of a woman. As the legend goes, a spirit came forward to punish her for terrible sins by forcing her to put on a wolf skin. Once she did she immediately began to crave human flesh. Unable to control herself she attacked her own children and the children of her relatives, eating them one by one. That done she moved on to children of others.”
I looked at my mother with wide open eyes. She grabbed my hand. “Oh don’t you take any notice of those old stories, that’s all they are, myths and fairy-tales,” she said but didn’t sound convincing. Then she got up and went back to cooking. I felt my heart racing in my chest and broke into a sweat. Was that me? I kept thinking. Was that who I had become? Had I been cursed as a punishment? Was I going to crave human flesh like I craved the animals of the forest? The thought frightened me.
My mother noticed it on my face. “Oh sweet boy. You got scared. I shouldn’t have told you those dumb stories. They are only meant to scare people.”
“But you used to tell me that the forest is filled with creatures like that,” I asked. “You used to say that there is a lot more to this world than what we see. Does that mean that there is evil out there too? Evil creatures?”
My mother placed a bowl of porridge in front of me. Then she looked at me and stroked my cheek.
“Sweet boy. Don’t you worry anymore about those kinds of things. Just eat your food.”
“But ...”
I didn’t get any further before the kitchen was invaded by the rest of my family.
Leon, my oldest brother patted my shoulder. “Well what do you know?” he said laughing. “Our baby brother is up early.”
“You missed out on a great hunt last night,” Isaac said and sat at the table. He began shoveling in food. “We found that bastard and hunted it for hours,” he continued with his mouth full.
“He was huge. I kid you not. Ran like the wind as well. Outsmarted us a couple of times. Finally I managed to get close enough to shoot him,” Leon said. “A nice and clean shot.”
My mother turned and smiled. I sensed she wasn’t really listening. Then she placed freshly baked bread at the table. My brothers attacked it like vultures. My dad hadn’t said a word. He was sitting next to my third brother, Jakob. My sister Elina was assisting my mother in the kitchen. My father grumbled loudly while he ate.
“So did you kill it?” he asked.
“Sure did, father,” Leon replied. “Won’t be of any trouble anymore. Our sheep are safe.”
“Well, we didn’t actually see if it was dead,” Isaac continued, “since it kept running even after it was shot and it disappeared deeper into the forest, but it must have died. No animal can survive being shot like that. It was bleeding, we saw traces of blood in the snow where the moon was shining.”
My father growled again. Carefully I felt my chest where the bloody wound had been when I woke up, where I had pulled out a bullet. There was nothing there. I wasn’t even sore.
“You’re not eating?” my father said nodding in the direction of my full bowl. “You’re not getting sick again, are you? You have to eat to stay strong,” he grumbled. “We need you well enough to begin working in the fields again in spring. We need your labor.”
I stared at my family while they ate. The smell of the porridge was repulsive to me. It startled me since I used to be able to eat almost anything. But I didn’t care for this food anymore. I didn’t feel hungry at all. Still I ate a spoonful to make them happy. In these times we didn’t waste food. I knew my parents worked hard to provide for us and there was a lack of everything.
The porridge did however make me feel sick to my stomach. I was nauseous and afraid I might throw up. I drew in some deep breaths to try and keep calm. It was all spinning in my head. The stories my mother had just told me, my brother’s voices, their laughter and their many thoughts that I couldn’t stop hearing. The pictures from last night soon took over in my head. I pictured myself running through the forest, then I heard the sound of my brothers firing the rifle in my head, followed by the pain when I was hit. I did remember, didn’t I? Or was I just imagining things because I assumed that was what had happened? If I concentrated I could still taste the salty meat I had eaten before my brothers got to me.
I shook my head slowly while glaring out the window. It was snowing again. The sky was gray and heavy. I felt tears pressing behind my eyes. What was happening to me? What was to become of me? What was my future going to look like? I was afraid I was about to go insane. Something was very wrong, I thought. But worst of al
l I couldn’t bear the thought that I was about to turn evil like the people in my mother’s stories.
Would I eventually be a danger to my own family?
Chapter 9
I LOCKED THE DOOR to my room by key the following night. Then I grabbed a rope and tied myself to my bed. If what I was becoming at night was in fact evil, then I wanted to do anything I could to prevent it from hurting anyone. It was my responsibility, I thought. I was scared watching the sun go down behind the trees of the forest. I closed my eyes while sensing the hairs growing out on my hands, legs, chest and back. Even in my face I felt the sensation from the hairs growing out. Then the pain followed. I screamed in agony just before everything once again went black.
When I woke up I sensed someone was next to me. I opened my eyes and realized I wasn’t in the forest this time. I was lying on the ground outside a house, an old farm. I gasped and looked around me. Then I froze. Not far from me I spotted the bodies of two people. Or what was left of them. Two men in green uniforms were on the ground. I walked closer, then gasped again when I realized they were dead, their bodies almost ripped apart. Parts of them were bitten and eaten. There was blood all over the ground. I got up and backed away, when I stepped on something and almost fell to the ground. I looked down. The body of a woman was on the ground as well. I stumbled backwards away from her in utter terror. Her eyes were open and empty. They were staring at me but there was no life behind them. She was dead. She had been shot in the head by the soldiers. I could tell because she had a gunshot wound in her forehead, but something else about her drew my attention. Her leg was bitten, I saw huge teeth marks on them. I looked down my own body and realized I was covered in blood. But it wasn’t my own blood. It was theirs. I was panting heavily as I tried to get away, stumbling over the bodies, falling to the ground in the snow. I was freezing, shaking when I started running as fast as I could towards the forest.
Had I done this to these people? Had I killed them? I couldn’t have. I wasn’t a killer. A fear rose inside of me. If I could kill humans, if I could take the lives of people in cold blood like that, then what could I have done to my own family?