"So, when you kept pushing to alter your brain, and you sounded so reckless about it, it brought up some things I thought I'd been able to bury. I couldn't deal with the thought of losing you the way I lost her."
"I'm so sorry, William. I had no idea. I would have been more careful for your sake. But I was stupid. I... I altered the simulator. Changed it so I'd learn faster, then altered the readouts so you wouldn't catch on. I thought I'd learn more but no. I pushed too hard and then everything..." she stifled a laugh. "Everything started making perfect sense! Any idea I had, no matter how goofy, was a brilliant gem. Another month, and I would have been stapling a picture of a sea otter to an actual sea otter and proclaiming it the best thesis ever to come out of UCSD."
William chuckled, then put his arm around her. "It's okay. You seem a lot better now."
"I've dialed it back, and I should stabilize with time. But no, it's not okay. I hurt the people around me. What I said to Kriti--"
Dr. Mellings gave a gentle shush. "She understands. She just wants you to come back."
"And the worry I put you through, after what you've already been through with your wife. I mean, it's not as though you were in love with me or anyth--" The look that crossed his face was gone in a split second, but it was enough to betray him. "Oh, god," she said, pulling her hand back and covering her mouth. "I shouldn't have said that. I never said that! Bad mouth, bad!"
Dr. Mellings chuckled. "No, it's all right. I never expected you to return the sentiment. I'm just an old professor with a foolish crush on a beautiful and talented student." They looked at each other in silence.
An old professor who brought me back from the dead, she thought.
An old professor who rescued me from a dragon.
An old professor who -- in this world at least -- looks like a thirty year old with a rockin' bod.
An old professor who ran out on me when I needed him. Yeah, not over that one.
Helen couldn't fully ascertain her own feelings about the man. It seemed too cruel to offer him hope before she was sure. But the idea had its merits.
She leaned forward, kissing him on the cheek. "You're very sweet."
"Do you think less of me?"
"Of course not. Quite the opposite, in fact." Helen smiled. "I've gained new respect for your taste in women."
They stood there for a minute, not entirely sure what to say, or if anything needed to be said. Finally, Dr. Mellings broke the impasse. "Shall we go?"
"Where?"
"I'm not sure. How much longer do you intend to stay here?"
Helen sighed. "I'm really not looking forward to going back. The apologies, the therapy, the ceremonial burning of my thesis paper. I'm not sure I'm ready to face it all."
"Would it help if I came back to the lab?"
Helen was at a loss for words. She finally managed, "But your new job."
"Wasn't nearly as much fun as I'd imagined. And the dental plan sucked. I talked with the department, and they're okay with me coming ba--" Helen laughed, and grabbed William in a tight bear hug, burying her head in his chest. "So, is that a yes?" he asked.
"Quiet. I'm feeling stuff." Helen let out a happy sigh. Gingerly, Dr. Mellings hugged her back. Eventually, she released him and stepped back. "Okay. Feeling felt. Now, let's go get ourselves killed."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, this place is a little too amazing. I could just leave, but it will always draw me back. Maybe just for the occasional day trip for now. But then something will happen to me, something I don't want to face, and I'll jump back in and stay for weeks."
"It wouldn't have to be like that."
"Please. I have commit rights to my own source code, so allow me the conceit of thinking I know myself pretty well. Anyways, there's something I've always wanted to see before I die. I don't have the levelage to get there myself, but you, you might be able to get me there."
"Lead the way."
Together, they battled their way through the frozen wasteland, slaying every dragon, troll, and demon-possessed wood squirrel1 that crossed their path. After about three hours, they arrived at the ridge of an enormous crater. They looked down into it.
"Welcome to the top of the world," Helen said.
"Is that what it looks like? Because it looks like a giant mountain in the shape of a dragon."
"It's not a mountain. Easy mistake to make, though. Dr. Mellings, this is Tiamat, the World Dragon. Tiamat, this is Professor William Mellings, UCSD." She drew her sword. "Time to go shake hands."
* * *
1 That is, Helen told herself that they were demon-possessed.
/////////////////
// SECOND LIFE //
/////////////////
"So, this is what heaven looks like." Dr. Mellings stepped aside to let a woman with wings and full battle armor pass. She gave the academic an appraising smile as she walked by.
"Technically, we're in Ajandari, or 'warrior's repose,'" Helen said, settling down to a heaping plate of what could best described as 'random animal parts in gravy.' "Third circle, judging by the accommodations. Means we did good." She stuffed some meat in her mouth, and juice dribbled down her face. Dr. Mellings didn't move.
She tried waving him in with a hamhock. It didn't work.
"C'mon," she said, mouth still half full of food. "We have six hours in this realm before we disappear entirely. We can't leave until we've feasted, fought, copulated with the heavenly host, sung rousing drinking songs, and lied about our exploits as the entire hall listens."
"You've been planning your untimely death for a while, have you?"
"Every true warrior does." Helen lifted her glass to a passing angel who carried a flagon of wine. She filled it, giving her guest a beatific smile.
"Would your companion like anything?" she asked, her voice throaty and suggestive.
"Ten hours of sleep?" William asked, a hint of hope in his voice.
"This is something nobody gets to see twice. You're not seriously going to miss this, are you?"
"As a matter of fact, I am. Give my regards to the feathery underwear models." He started walking towards the exit, but Helen grabbed his hand.
"Before you go, you have to do two things for me. First," she handed him her glass, "you chug this, and give me your best war cry."
As William looked around the crowded hall, Helen could see the uncertainty in his face. "Don't be frightened," she cajoled. "Everyone here is your brother or sister in arms, a warrior of glorious Kortatka!" The angels around them roared their agreement.
"Fine," he said. He took the glass, and climbed up on the table. He closed his eyes, took a breath, drank deep, shouted "For Kortatka!" and promptly fell over. The angels pulled him to his feet.
"Sorry. My gear can't really simulate 'drunk,' but it can mess with my equilibrium. That stuff worked fast." Helen pulled William by his hand toward the front of the hall. He allowed himself to be led.
"Now, the second challenge." She handed him a glowing sphere. "Hold aloft the Pearl of Lore, and recount the story of our battle with Tiamat."
He held up the sphere. "Um..." he said. His voice boomed through the hall, amplified by the sphere. "Well, we were at this crater." A ray shone out from the pearl, displaying the scene on the wall behind him. In it, Dr. Mellings and Helen stood at the top of the ridge, looking down at their enormous foe.
"We got to the dragon." The scene shifted, and now the two were looking far up, into the dragon's southernmost nostril.
"We fought." Now it showed William and Helen shouting at each other, and from time to time gesticulating at the dragon. Helen was wagging a finger in her mentor's face. "Um, I mean, we fought the dragon." It showed Helen standing on the dragon's mouth, repeatedly smacking one of its enormous teeth with a sword, leaving no noticeable mark. William was calling down lightning on one of Tiamat's clawed toes, also with no discernible effect.
"I unleashed the dreaded spell, Fires of Moloch!" The wall showed an errant fireball bare
ly missing Helen, causing her to lose balance and plunge twenty feet to the ground.
"Enraged, the dragon rose up!" Like plate tectonics in action, the dragon lifted its head, yawned, and settled back down with a grunt.
"Finally, the mighty swordswoman struck the creature where it was most vulnerable." Helen was now seen climbing between its teeth, then disappearing into its mouth. Twenty seconds later, Tiamat's eyes shot open, she got a slightly confused look on her face, then belched out a river of fire that spread for miles, incinerating both warriors instantly.
"We think it was a gag reflex. You've been a wonderful audience."
William hopped off the stage to a smattering of applause. Helen gave a cheer from the front row, where she sat between two gorgeous seraphim.
"That was an epic... thingy," she laughed. She was leaning on one of her angels for support.
"That was fast. How drunk are you?" he asked.
She thought. "A bit too drunk," she said, voice slurred. She got a look of intense concentration on her face, then stood up. "Okay, now I'm just buzzed. I may need to dial it back up before the night is over."
"Why? Are you planning on doing some things you'll regret tonight?"
"Absolutely!"
William looked taken aback by the answer. "That seems self-contradictory."
"That's true. But this is my last night in this world, and I intend to live it up."
"With these two?" he asked, pointing at her companions, and finally Helen realized what she should have known from the beginning: he would be jealous if she bedded them. She could see it on his face.
"Don't be that way," she said, shaking her head. "You don't have the right, even if there were something real here to be jealous of."
Mellings looked chagrined, and a bit hurt. Finally, he said, "You're right. What you do with what empty-headed avatar is none of my business. See you at work tomorrow?"
She nodded. He gave her a deep bow, then disappeared.
"Well, that's one big pile of awkward to deal with tomorrow," she muttered to herself. "So," she said more audibly, unsuccessfully trying to add a bit of a purr to her voice, "are you boys feeling playful tonight?"
/*****/
Date: Septmber 20, 2035
The next day, Helen returned to the lab. She was afraid of the welcome she would receive. Would it be awkward? Would people be angry? Would they be outspoken in their disappointment, or would they hide it behind forced smiles.
When she walked in, and was greeted with a standing ovation, she nearly burst into tears.
William -- when had she started thinking of him as William? -- laughed, and told everyone to calm down.
"As your new lab director," he said, "I have some speeching to do." He waited for everyone to settle down. "I figure I'm entitled. We're in a bit of a mess right now. We're losing a lot of funding from the private sector, and we need to get that back up. The university is losing enrollment. Universal U is starting to attract a higher caliber of students, not just the flabby tuition cows we're used to losing." Helen actually liked the idea of Universal U, a free, open AltWorld university that had burst onto the scene a few years earlier. But to listen to Mellings talk, it was just another barbarian sharpening its axe outside the university's gates.
As Dr. Mellings kept on, laying out his plans for the lab over the next couple of years, Helen's mind wandered. She saw Kriti standing in the back of the room, by the door. At the same time, Kriti's eyes glanced over to her. Her friend startled, then slipped into another room.
When the meeting broke up, Helen followed her, and found Kriti sitting cross-legged on a work table, surrounded by a thicket of floating diagrams and documents. Her face was screwed up in concentration as she painted gestures onto the air in front of her, perhaps to tug one collection in or shove another away. Helen watched her make a few annotations to one of the diagrams, then scowl in dissatisfaction.
"What's that?" Helen asked.
"It is unready!" Kriti grabbed the whole batch with an expansive gesture and shoved them into her pocket. She hopped down from the workbench and turned to face Helen's hologram. "You are returned," she said. Her voice was neutral, inscrutable.
"I'm sorry," Helen said. "I just couldn't face anything for a while. I think I'm better now."
Kriti seemed to be struggling with something. Finally, in a rush, she blurted, "You should have let me bring you aid! You are a large dummy even with your uncountable synapses. Next time, you will let me aid you when you have troubles." She stared at Helen defiantly, as though daring her to contradict her words.
"I promise, I will. And again, I'm sorry."
Kriti, looking relieved, said, "Good."
"So, what were you working on?" Helen asked, trying to put some distance between herself and an inadequate apology.
"It is... only a proposal," Kriti said. "You may find it foolish."
"I won't."
"You cannot promise such a thing," Kriti objected. But she pulled out the cloud of diagrams. She nudged one of the documents under Helen's nose; it was a grant proposal outlining potential improvements for silicon-to-neuron interfaces. Helen was intrigued.
Industry standard interfaces were problematic, to say the least. They had to be replaced every two years, requiring painful surgery. Afterwards, patients would spend weeks learning how to walk or use their hands again. Kriti's proposal was radical: build a permanent interface out of self-assembling structures built by the body's own cells, the designs of which were carried by a series of specially designed viruses.
"You think this can work?" Helen asked.
"It has already worked for childish devices. A team in Tokyo created an oxygen sensor. It shall work for this I am certain. No more clumsy robotic surgery."
"What about suppressing the autoimmune--" Helen's voice trailed off, as she caught a look from Kriti that seemed to say, "I would take it as a great insult if you were to imply that I might not have accounted for something so obvious." "Never mind," she said instead. "This looks like fun. I want in."
/////////////////////
// SCIENCE MONTAGE //
/////////////////////
Date: November 17, 2035
"Gold is stupid, stupid material!" Kriti muttered. Helen nodded in agreement. For months, they had been focused on a single, seemingly simple task of hijacking a single cell and teaching it to burrow through flesh, weaving a strand of gold behind it.
It wasn't working. Try as they might, they couldn't keep it from spitting out too quickly, leaving only a thick, useless glob. It was the last piece they needed in order to create a fully self-assembling system. But that piece seemed to have fallen off the table then gotten swallowed by a small dog.
"Like my father told me," Helen said. "If at first, you don't succeed, try again. And again. And again. But after that, give up. It's no good being stubborn."
"Your father was not an encouraging man."
"I wouldn't say that. He just thought that there wasn't a lot of room for ego when it comes to creativity. At this point, he would probably tell us to back off and think about what we actually want to accomplish."
Kriti rolled her eyes. "What we want is the kamabaktha gold going from here to here!"
"No, we want the electrons to go there. The gold is just the courier."
"You dare not say it!"
"I think we should talk to the China boys--"
"I hear nothing!" Kriti stuck her fingers in her ears and began humming.
"--and ask them how they've been coming on those nanotube spinners."
"I cannot hear you! The sound of me not listening is completely loud!"
Eventually Helen persuaded her to, well, not hear them out so much as to stay quiet while Helen talked to them. She sent a request for a video link, which was immediately accepted.
"Hi, Benny," she said.
"Ni hao, Jī!" said Ao Bin, smiling. "It's always good to see my favorite thinking rock. What brings you by?"
They chatted for a few
minutes. Ao Bin and his wife had just gotten their government's permission to conceive a child, just as they'd given up and gotten a dog instead. "I cannot care for more than one thing at a time, I told her. She said to stop whining."
"She's a wise woman. So, any luck with those carbon nanowires?" Helen asked. "We're having no luck over here. Honestly, we're about ready to give up."
Ao Bin laughed. "How interesting! We gave up on the nanowire thing, and now we're making them out of gold!"
"You are?" Helen asked, dumbfounded.
"I will send you the plans, but you need to promise not to laugh. They're really terrible." He did, and the schematics popped up on her screen. "The bacteria doesn't spin the wire. It just infects the cells it encounters, and sets them to generating a certain protein. You saturate the target area with these nanoparticles that hook to that protein, and you have your electrical conduit. The wires are huge, but they work for what we're doing."
"Ick," Helen said. "We'd have to redesign from the ground up to fit these things."
"Better the ugly design that works than the elegant one that only exists in your imagination. Now go build some nifty shit, and make sure China gets her share of the credit." He signed off.
Kriti frowned. "I hate you for being correct. Let us go make my design ugly and inefficient, to suit these too large wires."
////////////////////
// PULL MY FINGER //
////////////////////
Date: January 05, 2036
Dr. Mellings looked angry. "Just what am I looking at?" he asked, in a way that strongly suggested that Helen give a short and non-horrifying answer. Kriti sat on a lab stool, looking frightened. Helen's holoprojection stood next to her.
"You could call it a neural transponder," Helen suggested. "It can block neurological signals, record them, and even generate signals of its own. It's quite an impressive doodad."
"That's lovely. But I think -- and I apologize that my initial formulation was so easy to misinterpret -- I think the question I'm really trying to ask is, what the hell is it doing wired to my grad student's arm?"