Everything, I thought, pissed at myself for letting Morgan insinuate herself into my heart. I'd tossed Jordan aside for her once. My mistake. I wouldn't make it again. "No, just tired." My determination showed through as fierceness.
"Yeah." She let out a sigh. "Me too." Another awkward pause. "Call me after class tomorrow."
"Absolutely."
I was up and out of the house the next morning before any of the girls sleeping over left blurry-eyed for home in their shacker shirts. The place was trashed and littered with empties. Chips and popcorn crunched beneath my feet. The house smelled like the morning after. The pledges were going to have a fun time cleaning up today.
I left early enough to stop by The College Grind for a coffee to go. Even though the last thing I needed was caffeine. I was jittery enough and wide awake with the thought of seeing Morgan. Shit. On impulse, I grabbed a mocha for Morgan, too. Made just the way she liked it. Like ADIS was a date and I was trying to impress her.
It was cloudy and cold. A few flakes of snow were flying as I walked up Greek Row to the Delta Delta Psi house. Morgan was waiting for me on the steps of her house, dressed in skinny jeans and boots, and just a hint of makeup where yesterday she'd worn none. Not enough to look overdone. But enough to make me wonder if she'd fixed up for me. My heart skipped a beat at the thought. It was a damn traitor.
Her hair was curled and fell loose around her shoulders. She looked like the gorgeous freshman that had first stolen my heart. She spotted me and waved. As she bounced down the steps and came down the walkway toward me, I felt like that naïve guy just out of high school.
As she reached me, the breeze blew a strand of hair in her face where it stuck in her pale pink lip-gloss. She frowned as she pulled it free. "Stupid wind."
All I could think about was kissing her. Yeah, that was stupid shit. I handed her a cup of coffee. "The wind has a bite this morning."
She gave me a wondering look. "For me?"
"No, I'm handing you my second cup to carry for me. I don't want to look like a two-fisted coffee drinker. That's just sad." I shook my head.
"I deserved that." She sighed. "Crap, it's early. I could barely get moving this morning, and I went to bed early."
Our eyes met.
"You're not trying to sober me up? Just in case I've been secretly drinking in my room?" She sounded half serious.
"Shit, Morgs." I started walking. "Even you aren't that stupid."
"Even me?"
I grinned and kept walking. "That's what I said."
She came to a dead stop. "You think I'm a drunk?"
I stopped and stared at her. "I think you drink too fucking much." I hesitated. "There's having fun and there's being stupid. You drink for the wrong reasons."
Her eyes narrowed. "Shut up. Look who's talking."
"You asked," I said, holding her gaze. "All I'm saying is you don't need a buzz to be fun to hang with."
For a second I thought she was going to thrust the coffee back at me. Or throw it in my face. But the last part of what I said had stopped her short.
She looked at me like she was trying to see if I was playing her. I wasn't.
She stuck out her free arm and held out her hand. "See any trembling?"
Her hand was steady. On impulse, I grabbed it and stroked her palm with my thumb. Her eyes went wide, like I'd startled her.
"No tremors. Very good, Morgs. Feel nauseous? Anxious? Are you sweating?" I grinned at her, but I was half serious, too.
She pulled her hand free from mine, clasped it with the other one around her warm cup, and laughed. "Can it, smartass. So you paid attention in class. Stop showing off. This isn't ADIS. Save it for the day ahead. I'm not talking about it anymore." She started walking again. "We'll miss the bus."
I got in step with her.
She took a sip of her mocha and sighed happily. "Perfect! Just the way I like it." She glanced at me again. "Skinny?"
I nodded. "Of course. No whip, too. Not that I think you're fat. A shot of hazelnut, sugar free."
Her glance turned into a stare. "How did you know what I like?"
"I remembered." Maybe she'd forgotten, but I'd taken her for coffee in those heady early days of our freshman year.
Her face softened. She looked touched that I remembered. And puzzled by me. Like she expected me to be a jerk.
I turned straight ahead to avoid giving myself away. "Shit. There comes the bus. We'd better run or we'll miss it." I grabbed her hand and pulled her with me.
Morgan
I didn't tell Dakota, but I was a little nauseous. And super tired, like dead tired. It was early, but still. Was I worried? Maybe, but not about being an alcoholic. More about coming down with mono. That was the last thing I needed. As if I had time to slow down.
I'd woken with a headache. I hoped it was a caffeine headache. Even though the coffee didn't taste as good as usual, and made me a bit gaggy, I drank the whole cup.
A lot of things made me gag now. Some of them made perfect sense. Like I couldn't stand the sight or smell of orange juice after drinking too many screwdrivers the night Dak nearly ran over me. Though the smell of vodka, such as it was, was fine. Other things that smelled off made no sense at all.
By the time we got in our circle to discuss where we each were on the road to alcohol dependence, the headache had faded. So maybe it wasn't mono. Maybe I was just a hypochondriac.
We went around the circle, each talking about whether we were alcohol dependent or not. Whether we had any, or all, of the four symptoms—craving, tolerance, impaired control, and dependence.
Larry listened and asked questions. "Mr. Bradley, your turn."
Dak shrugged. "I'm not alcohol dependent. I drink to have fun. I can shut it off."
"That's why you ended up running over your best friend?" Larry's tone was gentle and probing, not judgmental.
Dak actually grinned. "I didn't say I had good judgment when I was drunk."
That got a few laughs. I had to stifle one myself. I admired his guts.
"I'm here to teach you to make good decisions."
And decide whether we need further rehabilitation, I thought.
Larry was studying Dakota. "Let's talk about the night you got your MIP. Why didn't you shut it off that night?"
"Morgan told you last night. Our houses were partying after winning the powder puff football game."
"Do you usually drink and drive after a party?" Larry said.
Dak let out a sigh, like what kind of a dumbass question was that? "Shit. No. I'm always totally responsible."
"Mr. Bradley, may I remind you I hold the power over whether you pass this course."
Dak rolled his eyes. "There were extenuating circumstances, okay? Seriously, I don't usually drink and drive. That night I just had to get away from the frat." His Adam's apple bobbed. He shot a quick glance at me. "When I started drinking earlier, it was cool. Everything was fine. I drank just enough to have fun.
"Then one of the Double Deltsie pledges drank too much." Dak glanced at me. "Morgan asked me to help her take the pledge home. So I did." His eyes grew hard. "When we took her to her room at the sorority, I caught Zach in bed with my girl. I raced out of there before I did something really stupid. Morgan followed me.
"We ended up at the frat together. Morgan was consoling me. That's when the drinking crossed the line. I got hammered and so did Morgan.
"News got around. Morgan left. The guys were ribbing me. I had to escape. I didn't think. Just grabbed my keys and a few buddies and headed out. It was a crime of passion, so to speak.
"I didn't see Morgan behind the car. You'd understand how I missed seeing her if you saw where and how I was parked. A sober person could have missed her.
"Zach was walking by, saw her, and jumped to her rescue. That's Zach all over. Always the hero." He sounded sarcastic and unhappy about Zach the hero. "I pulled out and backed over him. Not on purpose. I couldn't tell it was him." Dak's voice was soft, like it pained him to t
alk about it. He took a deep breath. "That's it. That's what happened. It wasn't your usual set of circumstances."
He took another deep breath. "I was furious. Zach always got the girl I wanted." He glanced at me. "I was fucking tired of coming in second."
It was so quick, I nearly missed it. But I was sure he had given me a look. My heart pounded like crazy. He was talking about Alexis. And me.
"It's not like it's going to happen again." He shook his head and laughed. "I hope." He somehow managed to grin.
But it wasn't funny.
"Dakota's right."
The class turned their attention from Dakota to me. I didn't know what made me speak up. It was like I wanted to protect him.
"It happened just like Dakota said. Neither of us had crossed the line until we walked in on Zach and Alexis." I swallowed hard. "It won't happen again. Zach is never going to leave Alexis."
Dakota reached over, clasped my hand, and squeezed it. I squeezed back, surprisingly touched. My hand felt good in his. I felt—stupidly, maybe—protected and comforted.
"You drink to numb pain?" Larry said.
If I had liked Larry at first, I hated him now. I wanted to scream at him to leave Dakota alone. I squeezed Dakota's hand tighter.
"No," Dakota said. "I drank to show I didn't care."
Chapter Six
Morgan
Dak and I walked down the street to a local café for lunch, talking about nothing, really. The air had gotten colder. It looked and smelled like snow, which would make walking up the hill to campus treacherous. I had this insane desire to grab Dakota's hand and walk hand in hand down the street with him. Crazy. We were, like, frenemies at best.
Inside the café, we found a table and ordered. We were munching sandwiches before I finally found the courage to thank him for his chivalry. "You made me sound almost angelic in ADIS this morning. Thanks for not sharing my not-so-secret crush-on-Zach crap with the class."
He looked at me over his sandwich and shrugged.
"No, seriously." I bit my lip and screwed up my courage. "You're not second to Zach." I didn't know why it was so important for me to tell him that.
He froze with the sandwich halfway to his mouth, and arched one eyebrow. "Am I supposed to be grateful for that?"
I laughed. "Yeah!"
He shook his head. "Me, second to Zach, who's a houseboy? I'm president of the Tau Psi fraternity and Mr. University."
"Former houseboy. And you're full of yourself. Quit bragging." I grinned. "That Mr. University competition was rigged."
"Was not."
I ignored his protests. "Girls love bad boys. And badass jailbirds." I rolled my eyes. "You won their votes with a sympathy ploy. Poor baby, spent the night in jail."
He shook his head, rolled up his sleeve, and made a muscle. Crap, he had a nice bicep.
He pointed to it. "You gonna discount this gun?"
He'd caught me drooling. I laughed. "Stop showing off. There were some other fine guns in the competition."
"Yeah?" He held my gaze. "I didn't see you in the crowd checking them out."
"Oh," I said, playing coy and flirting just to pull his chain. "Were you looking for me?"
"No. Should I have been?"
I shrugged, hating the way my insides were turning to jelly. Over Dakota. "Maybe you just missed me."
"You're not the invisible kind, Morgan." His voice was low and sensual.
I swallowed hard. Who was this new Dakota? And why was he making my pulse race?
He was flirting back just to toy with me, no doubt. Or get laid. Once a hookup, always a hookup?
That was what my favorite sorority advice columns on the internet said. Run! Avoid them like the plague. And any other clichés you can think of to throw out there. Now that I was this new, un-party girl who was looking for an actual relationship, an attainable, achievable relationship with a decent guy, I had to be more selective. And platonic. Give the milk away for free…
I could cliché all day.
Getting involved with Dak would be totally airhead stupid. And just lead to more hookups, not a relationship.
When my traitorous pulse refused to slow, and I couldn't get the image of Dak's naked bicep out of my head, I changed the subject with a definite mood killer. "Larry is going to make us write an action plan this afternoon." I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah. What are you going to put in yours?" He was studying me in that penetrating way, like he could hang on my every word. The bastard. He was also subtly flexing that bicep.
I had to be imagining this flirting. Then again, the sex between us had been hot. "Not to lie down in strange alleys?"
"That one should be easy to keep," he said. "What were you thinking?"
I stared at him like he'd just asked the dumbest question ever. "You really think I was thinking?"
He half grinned. "I was giving you some credit." He paused. "Shit, Morgan. What's up with you this year?"
I played innocent. "What do you mean?"
He stared at me so intently, I caved under the weight of it and looked away like a coward.
"Being such a bitch about Zach," he said. "I have to give you credit. You've upped your game. I didn't think that was possible."
Alexis had clearly poisoned Dak's mind.
"Funny you're taking his side." I tried to play it cool. "Given the crap between you. And the way he stole your girl." Maybe that was meant to wound Dak. And maybe not. I was genuinely puzzled that he was so understanding.
"No one understands the shit between Zach and me. Least of all me." He shrugged. "I've given up. It's pointless to try. He's a complicated dude, totally beyond comprehension." There was that grin again.
I frowned. Was he insulting me? "What's that look supposed to mean? That I can't handle a complicated guy?"
"Hey!" He held his hands up, like don't blame me. "I didn't say anything. But, since you mentioned it, go for a simple guy, Morgs. They're much less trouble."
I made narrow eyes at him. "If Zach hadn't been leading me on since freshman year—"
"Leading you on?" He let out a hiss of disbelief, like I was a huge fool.
"Yeah." I glared at him. "He was totally into me when we first met."
"And you think he never got over you?" I could tell he was trying to keep a straight face, but he was failing. That damn grin kept threatening to pop up.
"He just strung me along."
Dakota looked like he was trying to keep his jaw from dropping. "Killed you with kindness?"
"What?" I wanted to slap that smug look off Dakota's face.
"I hate to be the one to tell you this—he was never into you."
I simply stared back at him, cursing him for the cruel bastard he was. I lifted my chin. "How would you know? You two weren't talking."
He snorted, shook his head, and leaned in close. "I'm a guy. We're not that complicated. Did he ever try to get in your pants?"
I glared at him, refusing to answer.
Dak shrugged. "I get it. He didn't. I was right. The truth hurts, doesn't it, babe?"
I balled my hands to keep from doing something stupid, like throwing my water in his face. "Shut up, Dakota Bradley."
"Hey, I call them like I see them. Right now, I'm the best friend you have. I'm the only one giving you the straight shit. Not the crap you want to hear. Don't like the truth? That's your tough luck." He lowered his voice. "Look. Zach's a red-blooded guy. If he'd wanted you, nothing would have stopped him. Certainly not some fucking job. Hey, he had the same opportunity to use me as a front back then, as he did with Alexis." Dakota's gaze was absolutely soul piercing and convicting. "He chose not to."
I'm as bad as Alexis, I thought. In Dakota's eyes, for sure. I had used him to get close to Zach. So maybe I deserved to be cut down a little. And maybe my little and I had more in common than I wanted to admit.
"That was freshman year silliness," I said, lamely defending myself. "We were all young and naïve."
Dakota was still stari
ng at me like he expected an apology. Two years later?
His expression didn't waver.
"Crap. I'm sorry." I made flirty, pouty lips at him. I didn't know what it was about him that suddenly brought out my responsible side and wanted to please him.
"About what?" Suddenly, he was Mr. Nonchalant.
Call it vanity. Or call it social probation craziness. I wanted him to still care for me. "Do you want me to spell it out?" I arched an eyebrow and let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine. I'm sorry I played you freshman year to get close to Zach. I was a heartless little bitch who didn't know what a great guy she was throwing away. If I had known then what I know now, I never—"
"I get it. Nothing like a heartfelt apology to soothe my wounded vanity." He grinned again, and my heart did that odd little flip. "Once more with feeling?"
"Don't push your luck." I shook my head. "What would I do without you and your brutal honesty?"
"Hard to say. But you should have asked me for it sooner." He looked dead serious. "And saved yourself a fucking lot of heartache."
"I'm over Zach now." I blurted it out without thinking.
Dakota's eyes narrowed, like he didn't believe me.
My phone buzzed. I pulled it out of my purse, glanced at the text that popped up, and shoved the phone back in without replying.
"Mad at your phone?" He made it sound like a joke.
"It was just my dad." I rolled my eyes again. "Reminding me about the baby shower for my stepmom the day after Thanksgiving."
"Baby shower? You're going to be a big sis—congrats!" He gave me a sympathetic look.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, like heaven help me. "My little sister is due Christmas Eve. Isn't that sweet? Santa's leaving Daddy a baby in his stocking!"
"You won't be the baby anymore." Dakota sounded jokey. "That should make you happy."
I frowned at him and shuddered. "Yeah. Maybe it would have, like, sixteen years ago. But now? Dad's sixty-three and acting gaga, like a first-time dad. It's disgusting."
"You're sounding dangerously like you've described your older sisters. Are you going to call this baby your niece like they call you?"