“Ugh,” I groaned and dropped my head against the bathroom mirror, trying to take calming breaths. I jerked my head back, jumping out of my skin at the sound of my cell binging.
It was a text from Jake.
Coast is clear. I’m outside x
I sent him an affirmative text back, drew in a deep breath, and hurried out of the bathroom. Mom and Dad were at work, so at least I didn’t have to hide what I was up to.
It was a Saturday and Jake’s parents and Lukas had gone Christmas shopping in Chicago. Chicago was actually an hour closer to Lanton than Indianapolis, plus Lukas was meeting up with some old friends. Jake had begged off the family day trip with the excuse that he wasn’t feeling great.
In reality, we just wanted his house to ourselves.
Two weeks ago when Jake had mentioned the shopping trip, I’d instantly thought about having an uninterrupted day with Jake in the vicinity of a bed. We spent most of our time fooling around in Hendrix in Brenton Fields and a couple of those times, things had gotten seriously frustrating for the both of us. It was bad. It had gotten to a point where I was zoning out in class because all I could think about was Jake’s hands on my body.
That’s why I casually suggested that he didn’t go with his family.
Assured that I meant it and that I was ready for us to have sex, Jake had eagerly jumped on board with the idea.
Bundled up in my winter gear, I hurried out to Jake’s truck, jumping in out of the cold and rubbing my hands together. I gave him a small smile. “Hey.”
He stared at me a moment, his eyes searching. “You okay?” he asked softly.
I nodded quickly. “Yeah, let’s go.”
Instead of going, Jake put Hendrix in neutral and pulled up the handbrake. He twisted around, sliding his arm behind my seat so his body was turned into mine. “Baby, we don’t have to do this. If you’ve changed your mind, it’s okay.”
As his reassurances and kind expression sank in, I thought that I was amazingly lucky to have found Jake Caplin. I’d said it before and I’d say it again: he was not like other boys. However, I’d obviously done something to deserve him, so I was content to accept his adoration and devotion for the rest of my life. I smiled at him now, some of the nerves dissipating. “I haven’t changed my mind. I … just want this to be good for you.”
He frowned. “You’re worrying about that?”
“Well, yeah, aren’t you?”
“Yeah,” he nodded, “but because I’m the experienced one and I want to make it as perfect as it can be. You don’t need to worry about that.”
“Jake, I do,” I insisted. “I’m just as concerned about making this perfect for you. You’ve been with girls who know what they’re doing—”
“I’ll stop you right there,” he cut me off, tugging on my hand so I had no choice but to fall forward against him. Jake cupped my cheek, his thumb stroking my skin as he pulled me into his dark gaze. “Everything we’ve done up to now is the best I’ve ever had. It’s the best because it’s with you and we’re great together. This will be no different.”
“Seriously, did you grow up on another planet or something where immature adolescent males are forbidden?”
He laughed and shook his head. “I don’t want to fuck this up by being an immature dick. And believe me, I have plenty of experience in that department too.”
“Okay,” I rolled my eyes, gently pulling back from him. “Let’s get out of here before you say something to change my mind.”
Jake’s house was silent, thick with it, in fact, as if it was breathless with anticipation right along with me. We hadn’t said a word in the truck as we drove to his place, both of us preoccupied with what lay ahead, nerves and sexual tension making the atmosphere potent enough to kill conversation.
Jake locked the front door behind us and helped me take off my coat and scarf. I watched silently as he removed his own. Taking my hand, he felt it tremble and gave me a sharp look. I squeezed his hand and reassured him once more with my eyes.
I followed him up the stairs, my breath coming harder and faster now. As soon as we entered his bedroom, Jake reached over for a piece of paper on his desk and then handed it to me.
Eyebrows drawn together, I unfolded it and blinked rapidly when I realized what it was. “You got tested?” I whispered.
He nodded solemnly. “I wanted you to know that I’m clean. You deserve not to have to worry about that.”
Swallowing hard, I folded the paper back over. “How many girls have you been with?”
“Enough to know ‘the one’ when I find her.” Jake pulled me against him, his arms strong around my waist. “My friends back in Chicago think I’m crazy when I talk about you. They keep telling me that I’m too young to feel this way. I’m not too young, Charley. I know with more certainty than I’ve ever had about anything in my life that you’re my future. I know that when we’re ready, after college or whatever, we’re going to get married and that you’re going to be the mother of my kids. I know that deep in my gut.”
Overwhelmed by his heartfelt confession, by his surety in me, and honestly by the restless sexual chemistry between us, I found myself close to tears. I hit his chest gently. “You’re going to make me cry. You know I don’t like that.”
He chuckled and cuddled me closer, his chin resting on my hair. “It’s the good kind of tears, though, right?”
I nodded, nuzzling my face into his throat. “I love you so much. I don’t care if people think we’re crazy.”
“I love you too,” he murmured, stroking my back.
Pretty quickly his soothing caress became something else and I pressed my lips to his throat. Jake groaned, tilting his head back a little as I kissed my way up to his jaw. I didn’t get a chance to reach for his mouth because Jake was already reaching for mine.
His kiss was soft, coaxing, his tongue gently teasing mine. As I melted into it, I slipped my hand under his shirt, forcing the fabric up as I explored his abs. Taking my hint, Jake broke the kiss to pull off his shirt and I did the same with my sweater. Goosebumps awoke all over me.
It was going to happen for us.
Yes.
I grinned at him and he smiled back, his warm hands coasting lightly around my waist as he pulled me back to him. We started kissing again, this time our lips pressing harder, our tongues sliding deeper, and the goosebumps disappeared in a flush of fire. Deftly, Jake took off my bra and still kissing, we fumbled with one another’s pants.
Laughing and stroking and kissing, we eventually ended up on his bed naked, his body braced above mine. When he slid a hand between my legs, the laughter disappeared and our breathing grew stilted. I lifted my hips, widening my legs, welcoming his touch and groaning with sheer pleasure when he slipped two fingers inside me.
He’d done this before, playing me to the point of explosion.
This time he pressed deeper and I flinched at the uncomfortable pressure.
Jake pulled back, his muscles straining. “It’ll hurt the first time, but I’ll try to make it as good as I can for you.”
“I know.” I wound my arms around his shoulders. “I trust you.”
He kissed me, lowering his hips against me so I could feel his hot erection pulsing at my core. I thought for a minute we were going straight into it and I tensed, bracing myself, but Jake left my mouth to follow an invisible trail down my body with his lips. He kissed every inch of me, sucking on my nipples until they were distended and tender, kissing between my legs, his tongue laving at my clit until I came. And then he started all over again—his thumb on my swollen clit, his fingers pushing inside of me.
“Jake,” I moaned, my nails biting into his back. “I can’t …” I felt shattered, like I was only held together by the tiniest cracks of light and if Jake pushed me one more time, I was going to break into a million pieces. My body wanted that but I didn’t know if I could take any more.
“I can’t wait any longer,” he breathed harshly and I nodded, silently asking
him to do it, to move inside me and end the torture he’d started. He leaned over the bed and opened the drawer of his bedside table. He removed the small foil condom package and ripped it open with his teeth. With a proficiency I pretended not to notice, Jake rolled the condom on.
I felt his hands depress the mattress on either side of my head, his chest lifting up off my body. He nudged my knee with his and I opened my legs wider at his silent request.
I looked up into his eyes.
He stared back at me, his cheeks flushed, his eyes dark with a mixture of tenderness and love. “You ready?”
My chest gave way to the strange sensation of fluttering beats. I gripped him harder, needing to anchor onto him to fight the nerves. “Yes,” I managed. “No. Wait.”
He swallowed hard, his arms shaking a little. “Okay.”
“Do it fast.”
“Baby, no. I’ve got to be gentle. I could hurt you.”
“It might hurt more. Think of it …” I struggled to draw a full breath. “Think of it like a Band-Aid.”
He didn’t look certain at all. “I don’t think—”
“Please.”
I knew he could never deny me. He nodded slowly and I nodded back reassuringly.
“Do you know how beautiful you are?” Jake muttered, his gaze still hot but adoring. “So beautiful. I used to think there was nothing prettier than looking up at the stars. That feeling I got, like I was part of something bigger than anything I could ever imagine. It’s one of my favorite feelings … and I get it every time I look at you.”
I felt my eyes grow wet as the connection between us tightened. “I know,” I said. I did know because I felt that way every time I looked at him.
Our kiss was just a lip brush at first but I pulled him back for more, something deeper, and as I sucked on his tongue, I must’ve snapped what little self-control Jake had left. I felt him press between my legs, and then he shifted his weight …
I cried out as Jake thrust inside me hard, pushing deep. A flare of pain rippled up from my lower back to sprinkle shivers across my shoulders and I tensed as Jake hovered above me, not moving.
“Baby, you okay?”
As the pain dissipated, I was left with this uncomfortable fullness, a strange sensation I wasn’t sure I liked. But when I looked up at Jake’s face and saw the bead of sweat on his forehead, saw the untempered heat and desire in his eyes, I knew Jake liked whatever he was feeling. “I’m okay,” I said softly.
At my assurance, Jake moved, pulling back until he was almost gone and then pushing back in. I ached, still unsure, but held on as he repeated it. As he withdrew again, I felt his thumb circle my clit and the ache disappeared under the stir of pleasure. The next time Jake withdrew, I muffled a cry of surprise at the delicious sensation that moved through me and I arched my hips trying to pull him back.
“God, Charley,” Jake growled and I felt his thrusts pick up speed.
Soon I’d forgotten where we were, and all I cared about was our bodies and what his was doing to mine. I slid my hands down his back and clutched at his buttocks, pulling him into me.
“Baby,” came Jake’s guttural response. “I’m going to lose control.”
“I want you to,” I replied, my words choppy and breathy.
“I’m trying to go slow,” he reminded me through gritted teeth.
“No.” I pressed him deeper.
He gasped and his hips slammed against mine, his dick moving so deep in me, it was almost painful. By that point I didn’t care. He thrust into me a couple of more times and then stilled, his neck muscles straining as his hips jerked against mine in hard climax.
Finished, he tried to catch his breath and melted on top of me, his hands moving down my waist as he rested his forehead on the pillow next to my ear.
I stroked his back, running my hands soothingly over his damp skin. I smiled as his hand squeezed my waist. He was still inside me, his body heavy on mine. Wonderful contentment settled over me.
I’d just given my virginity to Jake Caplin and he’d just given everything to me too. This was it. This was our lives now. Laughter and kindness and affection and friendship and great sex.
Lucky didn’t even begin to describe how I felt.
“I tried to wait,” he muttered, lifting his head to stare into my eyes. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” I stroked his cheek, my smile probably a little goofy. “It was amazing.”
“You’ll come next time,” he promised, brushing his lips over mine before he lifted himself up onto his hands again. I flinched a little as he pulled out and realized that I was actually pretty sore. He saw my flinch. “You okay?”
I smiled, this time flirtatiously. “A little sore but I’m definitely okay.”
Without saying another word, Jake got up and disappeared out of the room. A minute later he returned condomless and carrying a cloth. He crawled back into bed and pressed the wet cloth between my legs.
“What are you doing?”
He smiled, his love for me so glaring, I wanted to dive all over him again. “Taking care of my girl.”
“You know I don’t need you to,” I teased, “but I like that you want to.” I arched an eyebrow at him playfully. “Do you promise to take care of me for the rest of forever, Jacob Caplin?”
His eyes were grave as he replied, “I promise. For the rest of forever.”
It was nothing short of a miracle that I’d managed to secure a table in the main campus library. I had my laptop all hooked up and was going through my notes for class. Exams started in a week. Fun.
It would be even more fun if I could concentrate. I pushed my laptop aside and opened one of the books I’d had to buy for class. By the second page I gave up and pushed that aside too. Not a thing was penetrating my thick skull—my thick skull that was painted with images of Jake from last night.
For the third time since Thanksgiving, Jake stopped by the apartment to hang out. I deliberately steered us clear of my room so we hung out in the kitchen. Sometimes the girls dropped by, but for the most part we were alone. Like we’d been last night.
Last night reminded me too much of the old Jake. Although we were good with banter, we’d kept things fairly light conversationally since our foray back into a friendship. Until last night …
“Something’s up with you.”
At the pronouncement, I glanced over at him, sitting in the corner at the window, his long legs stretched out and resting on another chair. I was tucked in a corner opposite him, his feet only inches from me. Jake had his head tilted to the side, his face searching, concerned.
“What makes you say that?”
“When you’re really with someone, you give them your entire focus. When something’s on your mind, you give rote answers. And you’re way less of a smart-ass.”
“I’m not a smart-ass,” I responded automatically, my lips curling up at the corner.
Jake smiled back at me but nudged my knee with his foot. “Come on. What’s up?”
“Nothing is up.” Everything is up. My mom and dad still won’t talk to me about being a cop. They’re annoyed I’m hanging out with you. My best friend is in some weird semi-non-relationship. And then there’s you.
“It’s the law school thing, isn’t it?”
My brow wrinkled in consternation. “What makes you say that?” It bugged the hell out of me that Jake would be the one to notice my preoccupation with my career issue.
He shrugged. “You’ve been talking more and more about being a cop. It’s as if you’re trying to plant it so deep inside you that when it comes to telling your parents you don’t want to be a lawyer, you’ll be in too deep for them to try again to talk you out of being a cop.”
“I hate that you know me so well,” I replied quietly, sadly, without even thinking.
Jake gave a short, sharp huff of laughter, hurt flickering across his countenance. “I guess I deserve that.”
I instantly felt guilty. “Jake, I didn’t mean—” br />
“I think you did.” He gave me an unhappy, rueful look. “But whether you like it or not, it’s true—I know you. So … talk to me.”
Still sliding down the guilt spiral, I sighed and gave in as recompense for wounding him. “Law school is expensive.”
“That’s it?”
“No. I have the money but it just seems stupid to spend it on law school, especially when my mom needs money for the store.”
Jake gave me a small smile. “You don’t want to go to law school because your mom needs the money more than you do? Charley, you haven’t changed a bit.”
I grunted. “So you keep saying.”
“It’s not a bad thing. But that’s not all, is it?”
“Would you stop doing that? Get out of my head. It’s messy enough in there without you cluttering it up.”
I watched him determinedly keep a straight face. A wise decision. Exhaling, I leaned back against the wall and looked out the window. “The more I try to talk about being a cop with Mom and Dad, the more they push the lawyer thing. I’ve never done anything to let them down before, and if I don’t go to law school, I’d be letting them down hugely. I know I make jokes about it and I tease Rick to mentor me, but in reality, I don’t know if I can let my parents down.”
“If you do what they want, you’d be letting yourself down.” Jake sat up, shifting his chair closer to me and tugging on my hand, demanding my attention. I had nowhere to look but into his sincere eyes. “Baby, since as long as I’ve known you, you’ve wanted to be a cop and Delia and Jim know that. Yeah, it can be a dangerous job. Yeah, they’ll worry about you. I’ll worry about you. But it’s what you want to do. Who knows … you could go to the academy and do a year or two of being a rookie and absolutely hate it. But at least you’ll know. At least you’ll never regret not going for it.”
Unconsciously, I rubbed my thumb across his hand, an affectionate gesture of thanks. “I should talk to them. Make them listen.”
“Yes. You should definitely do that.” He eased back from me, letting go of my hand. I looked away from him again.