“That’s not what I think. I told you it was stupid and I told you I was okay with it and I am. It’s sexy and beautiful and I believe it’s a good factor in making this threesome thing work. If not, one of us would feel left out all the time. I like that you two are turned on by each other.”
“Do you really doubt what I feel for you is real?” Gideon asked.
“No. Which is why when you asked I gave you my honest answer, which is that I am not bothered by the kiss. You’re the one who wanted to hear the but. I told you it sounded stupid and petty and you made me say it and now you’re going to make me feel bad for sharing.”
She tried to get up but they both kept hold of her hands.
Cal wouldn’t let it go. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I’m trying to figure out what I’ve ever done to make you think I’d do something like that to you.”
She would not cry.
“I would like you to let my hands go.”
They both did but eyed her carefully.
“I never said any of that.” And now she regretted saying anything at all.
“You think I’d leave you because Gideon has a cock.”
She pushed up from the bed, needing some distance. “Don’t cross-examine me or put words in my mouth, Calvin. That’s not what I said.”
Cal started to speak again but Gideon shook his head. “She’s right. She never said that. It’s clear she hit a sore spot with you, but that’s not what she said.”
“I don’t want to be here right now.” She eyed the door.
Cal wasn’t going to let it go though. She saw it on his face. “Bullshit. You don’t want to face what you said.”
She sighed, blinking back tears.
“That’s not true. I just don’t want to have this argument. I don’t want to debate things I never said. I’m tired. I came over here to relax and have a nice, quiet night. That’s not happening.”
Gideon got up and moved toward her. She held a hand out. “Please don’t. I want to go.”
“Too fucking bad. I don’t want you to go. I want you back here in my bed. This is spinning out of control and it’s silly.” Gideon glared at Cal, who, she noted, did appear to feel bad.
But it didn’t stop him from saying, “You can’t just toss that out there and leave.”
She narrowed her eyes and spun to face Cal. “Toss it out there? Fuck off. You both asked. You told me to share. I said I didn’t have the right words but I was honest like you both urged me to be. And then you turned it all around and attacked me with it. You came over here, Cal. You told me to share. I did. I’ll think twice the next time.”
Cal still managed to look beautiful when he glowered. “And now you threaten me?”
“If this is how you react to my expressing my fears? Yes. And it’s not a threat. It just means I don’t know if I can trust you like that. Not when you’re this way about it.”
“So if I don’t like what you say I have to shut up about it?”
“Cal, try shutting up for a damned minute, please.” Gideon took her hands and she allowed it for the moment. “I did ask you to share and I’m thankful you did. What I need doesn’t come with a gender. It’s about the person. I chose you, Jules. I chose to be with you. I don’t need a cock, or a cunt for that matter. I need you.”
He looked into her face, his love for her written all over his features. She knew it was silly to worry over it. She’d said she knew it.
“I know.”
He smiled. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I told you I did. If I was really worried about it, I wouldn’t have said yes to this thing to begin with. But I can’t lie and say it’s not a fear. I can’t. Not when you asked me for it. It’s an irrational fear; I said I knew that. But it’s there. I can’t always control what’s in my gut.”
He pulled her to him, hugging her tight. “Juliet Lamprey, you are something else.”
She kept her eyes closed. Face pressed to his chest, inhaling his scent, letting the strong, steady beat of his heart make things better.
“I’d never do that to you.” Cal’s voice was small in the background.
Jules kept her face buried, not wanting to face him. “I never said you would. I said it was a fear.”
“You won’t even look at me now?”
The thing about knowing someone and being friends with them for decades was that she and Cal had been through a lot together. They’d had spats over the years. Jules knew she could be bitchy, easily annoyed. But with her friends she was far more easygoing. Chipper most of the time. Unless she got pushed. Cal was far more intense with everyone. If he got lit up about something, they’d go a few rounds because he knew her buttons and she his. This wasn’t the first time she’d told him to fuck off and she doubted it would be the last.
“Cal, I swear I’m gonna kick your ass.”
She squeezed Gideon before stepping back and looking the pretty handful in Gideon’s bed straight in the eyes. “You know, Calvin, if you wanted me to look at you, you should try being nicer. I brought you tarts. You brought me an argument.”
He grimaced. “You make me crazy.”
“Why? Because I have feelings?” She winced. “I’m sorry, that was a cheap shot.”
“You always have to do that.”
Her ire was rising again. “Take cheap shots?”
Cal’s mouth twisted into a smile. “No, do the right thing. Apologize when you’re supposed to. Be reasonable. I have wanted you, you, Jules, for a very long time. Gideon is hot, no lie. He’s sexy and smart and he makes me laugh. But what is most exciting is that he looks at you the way I probably do.”
Jules took a breath, looking for the right words. “For years I watched you with men. And then there was Candace. God. Anyway, I remember thinking.” She had to stop because the tears crept into her voice and she wanted to get it back under control. Unfortunately Cal heard them and she saw the change roll over his features. “So you found a woman and maybe you weren’t totally gay but she was . . . horrible. My god, she was horrible and you two were so horrible together and you were just a total asshole.”
Cal nodded. “I was. It was a bad relationship for us both. Please don’t cry. I don’t want to make you cry.”
When they were younger, Cal would be so fierce with his siblings. Competitive. They’d all get into epic fights. But if Mary cried, he’d lose his hardness. Get all soft for his sister. Jules could see it broke his heart to see her cry. It’s why she tried so hard not to cry right then.
She didn’t want to be the woman who cried to get her way, damn it. “I’m trying not to!”
He came to her then and hugged her. “Baby, I’m sorry I made you upset.”
“Let me finish.” She swallowed it back. “So then you broke up with her and there was another man. He was nice. You have great taste in men, not so much with women, and so yes, in the corner of my mind I wonder if you really want me, like forever. Or if I can’t be what you need. I can know things and still have those fears.”
“I’ve thought about that. Why my relationships with men were better than with women. Mainly? I think it’s that I wanted one woman only. You, Jules. I looked around for women you weren’t, because I didn’t think I could have you. I was scared to lose our friendship. It’s not because I like women less, it’s because there was one woman for me. I’m not going anywhere. If it bothers you, Gideon and I can just not.”
She sighed. “I said it before and I’ll say it again. I like that. It’s sexy and I think if we are all together it’ll work better.” She looked back to Gideon.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” Gideon was so lovely she reached out to squeeze his hand.
“Oh, you will. Cal will. I’ll hurt you guys. It’s inevitable with people you love.”
“With my ex,” Gideon began the story she’d asked for earlier, “we had a really intense beginning. So intense I probably ignored things I should have focused on. She was spoiled. Her family had given her everything and she was sort
of . . . helpless, I guess. But at first it was good to give to her. I liked taking care of her. And when we bought the ranch, her brother and I ran it together. I had a great bond with her family. Hell, I miss them more than I ever missed her once things went bad. Anyway, if you run a ranch, you can’t be helpless. Things need doing all the time. I started to resent her. She didn’t really care to learn anything. So she started to travel. At first with her brother’s wife and that was fine. Then my sister-in-law got pregnant and traveled less. Also she worked the ranch too. So she, Alana, started traveling alone. That’s probably where the first lover came along. There were so many.”
Jules found it hard to understand this woman who’d ignore what a fabulous man she had.
“Anyway, after a few years of it, she finally fell for one of her boyfriends and filed for divorce. I stayed on; it was my ranch after all. I’d built it with her brother, who was a close friend. But things changed and after a while it was just too awful to see my ex. My brother-in-law felt put in the middle and was arguing with his parents, who always took her side. So I sold him my share and got out.”
“She never knew what she had.” Jules wanted to punch this Alana bitch in the face. But she owed her too. Without the way she’d acted, Jules wouldn’t have Gideon now.
Gideon’s smile wasn’t laced with pain at all. “She didn’t really care one way or the other. It’s just . . . it’s not nice to feel like you don’t matter.”
Jules hugged him, as did Cal. “She was a total idiot. But it brought you to me. I can’t regret that part.”
“I don’t want you to. I don’t regret any of it. I learned a lot from it. Skills I use every day here with Granddad. Skills I hope I use with you. Because let me underline something. I know what it feels like to get a shadow of someone’s love and attention. It sucks. I never, ever want to be that with you. When you look at me, I can see it in your gaze. I can see that I matter to you. That’s what you give to me. A place of belonging.”
Her tears had broken free by that point and Gideon thumbed them away.
“I’m sorry I got pissy,” Cal said.
She turned to him. “You’re a pissy guy sometimes. The pretty ones often are.”
He snorted. “I can’t hide behind the stuff I do with other people. You’re the one person who knows me flaws and all. It’s scary.”
“It was scary before you began to put your penis in my hoo-ha.”
Cal burst into laughter. “Goddamn, let’s all fuck, please.”
She held her hand out to him, keeping her other in Gideon’s hand. “Let’s.”
• • •
Need nearly blinded Cal. Need for her. Need to connect with her after their silly fight.
He let go of her hand long enough to push off her already unbuttoned sweater and unhooked bra from her shoulders, baring her to his gaze. “So pretty, God. Juliet, you’re perfect.” He kissed her shoulder.
Gideon took care of her skirt and she stepped from it, pausing to pick it up, along with her shirt and bra, to place them on Gideon’s dresser. Their woman was tidy. A direct opposite of his more sloppy ways. But instead of annoyance, Cal had always been charmed by the way she had to put things in order. Plus she was naked because Gideon had rid her of her panties as well.
She waved a hand at Cal. “You both aren’t naked and I am.”
“I’ve always had a weakness for that.” Gideon had only been in his shorts and shoved them off.
“What?” Her gaze moved to Gideon’s cock.
Cal liked the way Gideon got addled around her. He knew the feeling. “Being clothed while my partner was naked.”
She grinned. “Yeah? I like it too.” She turned to Cal. “Sometimes. But right now I’d like you naked too.”
She shoved his shirt up and over his head as he got his pants and shorts off, returning to her as naked as she, and as ready too.
“Now then, I feel as if we can get on with our business. I want to fuck you from behind. Hands on the bed, feet on the floor. I think it’d be even better if you were sucking Gideon’s cock while I fucked you.”
Gideon laughed and moved to the bed. “I like that idea. But don’t make me come yet, Jules; I want inside you.”
Cal turned her, walking her to the bed, all the while his hands roamed over her skin. Her nipples were hard and dark, drawn up tight. Gideon got to his knees and kissed her, through and around Cal’s fingers, which was hotter than the sun. She liked it too, making one of her sexy-sweet sounds.
“Now.” He pushed her upper body, having her bend at the waist. “Your bed is the perfect height for this, Gideon.”
“Good to know.” Gideon handed him a condom, which he donned quickly as he found her pussy swollen and ready for him as he slid his fingers through her. “So hot. I think about this all day long.”
She tightened around the finger he’d slid into her pussy, thrusting back at him. Impatient. When it came to sex, he’d discovered Jules was demanding and greedy. It drove him insane, it was so hot.
Impatient himself, he pressed the head of his cock to her gate and slid in, bit by bit.
This was something he’d dreamed of for so long. The ability to put his hands on her this way.
Jules being his.
He pressed in totally and paused to catch his breath. And to watch as Gideon slid closer and took her mouth in a kiss.
The kiss Gideon had laid on Cal when he arrived had been a surprise. Oh, they’d kissed before, while the three of them were together in bed. But this was more natural and easy. It had felt like another step in their relationship.
And of course he’d ruined it by being testy when Jules had confessed her fears.
Cal had wanted to scream that he’d wanted nothing and no one more than her. That he’d seen her face so many times while he’d been with other people, wanting her yet being convinced he’d never have her. Instead he’d barked at her for giving the difficult truth.
She hadn’t broken, though he’d made her cry and he hated that. Gideon had gotten between them and calmed her down and when she’d calmed, it allowed Cal to realize what he was doing and to step back and approach it differently.
This thing between them wouldn’t be easy. But if they didn’t stick together it’d be even harder.
“I want your cock,” she whispered against Gideon’s mouth and Cal thought he’d come right then.
Gideon slid back, angling himself so she could grab him at the root and as they both watched her, she sucked him in slow and deep.
Cal began to fuck her equally slow and deep and for a long while the pleasure built bit by bit. Her mouth on Gideon. Cal’s cock buried deep inside her cunt. Gideon’s eyes were for her, but occasionally he’d look up and meet Cal’s gaze, or turn his head to watch them all in the mirror above the nearby bureau.
Gideon loved to be watched, loved to watch. Cal found that very hot. Found it hot that Jules got off on it too.
“Stop, stop, stop,” Gideon murmured to her, brushing a hand over her hair. “I’m too close and I want to fuck you. Watching you and Cal is already enough, but your mouth on me? I’ll never make it another two minutes.”
Jules frowned prettily and Gideon moved to watch them better. Jules met Cal’s gaze in the mirror, pushing back against him.
“You telling me the slow and deep is over, baby?”
She nodded and tightened all around him.
“Can you reach her clit, Gideon?”
Gideon moved, stretching out an arm. He must have been close enough because she gasped and her inner walls tightened. Then Gideon’s fingers quested back to Cal’s cock, back to his balls, which he cupped and then dragged his short, blunt nails over until Cal stuttered out a curse.
Then Gideon went back to her clit, bringing a soft moan of pleasure to her lips.
It wasn’t too much longer until she began to come. Cal loved being in her when she did. Her body superheated, got so wet and tight. It was so good he wanted to be in that moment forever, suspended right before
orgasm when everything was becoming, filling him up with so much pleasure he was about to burst from it.
And when he did, it was all her. Jules. His at last. Yes, he shared her with Gideon, but that was good too. So much better than he imagined it would have been. Not perfect, but so good it nearly was.
The tenderness mixed with his arousal and satisfaction as Cal picked her up and helped her to the bed. Gideon put his arms around her and held her tight as Cal came back and did the same from the other side.
• • •
“I’m sorry I made you cry.”
His whispered confession made her tear up again, but she pushed it back.
“It’s over. It’s all right. We worked it through.” For the time being anyway. All she could hope for was that time would weaken that bit of fear she carried.
He kissed her shoulder and she turned to him, needing him to know she meant that it was over. Wanting him to understand it was good between them, and that she chose him.
Cal frowned. “I hate it when you cry. You never cry.”
She laughed and then laughed some more. “Sure I do.”
He made a sweet sort of growl and only looked prettier so she leaned closer and kissed him, sliding her fingers through his hair, holding him in place until he’d lost the tension in his muscles.
She arched back against Gideon, needing him too. He shifted, and his cock rubbed against her ass, sending a shiver through her. She reached around, turning her head to kiss him. He put one of her legs up on his thigh and slid in, sending her breath and all her words very far away.
Gideon took it slow, drew her pleasure out so long she was sure she’d die if she couldn’t come. And when it happened, it shocked through her system.
All the while, Cal’s gaze roamed all over her body. He pulled the blankets back so he could see everything. She knew Gideon got off on it, which worked for her really well.
She watched, a little breathless as Cal crawled up the bed, bending to kiss her calf, pausing to kiss the hand Gideon used to hold her in place as he fucked her, over her belly and to her breasts.
“I think I need to return the favor you did me earlier, Gideon.”