As she slept, he pressed his lips to her shoulders and frowned, replaying the last hour, trying to pinpoint the exact moment he’d lost control. Unsure if he ever had control in the first place.
She seduced him, but when it was his turn, he’d come at her like a greedy bastard, pounding into her and gripping her so tight his fingers left marks.
What the hell had he been thinking? And on top of the shitty way he started the day scaring her… Next time he’d have to keep his head.
Satisfied to hold her for now, he rested his eyes and pulled her closer. His thoughts slowly faded as his mind took him to a strange place.
A large room, like the hanger of an abandoned factory with ceilings three stories high. Gossamer fabric hung in billowy sheets from the rafters as Isadora’s laughter echoed. He was laughing, too, trying to find and catch her, but each shadow he chased left him reaching into thin air.
Her black hair whipped against a white curtain as it fluttered and he jerked the material back, her laughter teasing again.
“Don’t lose me, Parker,” her playful voice called and his eyes snapped open.
He was alone and less startled by his surroundings this time. His hand brushed her side of the bed, finding it cold. Reaching for his pants, he withdrew his phone to check the time.
Damn. It was after eleven. He couldn’t believe he’d slept so soundly.
Something caught his ear and his focus pulled to the cracked bathroom door. Sliding out of bed, he slipped into his jeans and padded toward her whispering voice.
“I know,” she said softly.
Parker stepped to the wall, not touching the door, but able to see her reflection in the mirror. She sat on the vanity stool, back to the door, spine hunched, with her cell phone to her ear. Tension tightened her features and he hesitated.
“I just can’t. Not right now,” she said, keeping her voice hushed.
He didn’t like the way she appeared to be hiding, keeping her voice low and cautious. Without hearing Sawyer’s name on her lips, he knew exactly who she was speaking to.
The thought of her sharing anything with Bishop tightened his stomach, amplifying every emotion he held for her. There came a physical pain each time he witnessed how much of her still belonged to someone else.
She drew in a slow breath, raising her shoulders and her body seemed to deflate as she exhaled. “You can’t keep doing this. You can’t decide when I’m appropriate and when I’m not. It’s killing me, Sawyer.”
His brow tightened as his breathing took an erratic turn. There was so much conviction in her words, yet they still sounded like a request rather than a demand. He hated the man all the more for not respecting her wishes at the slightest utterance.
“You don’t understand. This isn’t like before.” Her eyes momentarily closed as Parker watched her reflection. “You know I love you.”
His jaw locked.
Chapter Ten
“I watch them, the ordinary people doing everyday, ordinary things. I’d give my warmth and my shelter just to know what that feels like for one quick day. But we’ll never fit in with them, will we, Parker?”
Scout
You know I love you…
It wasn’t a shock. They’d had plenty of conversations about love and its impressive shelf life. But hearing her say such words to another man was like having his flesh flayed off his body.
Isadora was so unique, so different from every other woman he’d ever met. It seemed there was an innate part of her built to love freely and fiercely. How could she not, when she knew exactly what it felt like to be loved so little?
It was as if her heart had stretched to compensate for those who held theirs out of reach—her father, Bishop, perhaps even her brother. But it was her loving nature that drew him in, so he couldn’t very well hold that quality against her now.
Glancing away, he quickly assessed his clothes scattered around the room. Maybe he should go. He didn’t want to leave her, but this was a lot to stomach and the best thing might be to give her a little time and space. Although that seemed like the absolute worst solution for him.
“There isn’t one.”
He paused, hating the effort it took for her to restrain her voice when Bishop was clearly pushing her limits. He wanted to march in there, rip the phone out of her hand, and tell Bishop to go fuck himself.
“He has no hold on me, Sawyer. I just like the way he is with me.”
Parker stepped back a pace, unsure if he should keep listening or at least let her know he was awake.
“Sometimes,” she whispered, her voice a sad rasp of what it usually was, “you give someone your heart and they take it without condition. I gave you mine … and you gave it back.”
She sniffled, and Parker’s heart pinched tight. She shouldn’t know that sort of rejection. Ever.
“I have to go.”
His gaze jerked to the mirror. She set the phone on the vanity, ending the call.
He should walk away, should hide the fact that he’d been eavesdropping, but he just stood there, unable to move, paralyzed by the sight of a slow tear trickling past her lashes. He should not have to see her cry for another man.
You are not going to wipe away tears spent for him.
His jaw locked and his fists clenched. She reached for a tissue and stilled, her gaze connecting with his in the mirror.
“I didn’t realize you were awake.”
She swiped a tissue from the box and blotted her eyes as if her tears were as insignificant as downed leaves caught in an autumn wind. There was no attempt on her part to hide the fact that she’d been on the phone. “That was Sawyer.”
“I know,” he said, voice devoid of censure.
Something warned he should be angry, but he couldn’t muster the emotion. Her tears and the way she ignored them unraveled parts of his soul.
Her eyes closed and she exhaled. Her posture wilted as her hands fell lifelessly to her lap where she clenched the crumpled tissues in her fist.
“I’m sorry. He called and I answered the phone without looking at the caller ID because I didn’t want the phone to wake you.”
That seemed reasonable, considering that he’d almost lunged at her that morning when he’d woken up disoriented. He nodded his understanding.
She lifted her lashes and held his gaze in the mirror. “Can I tell you something, Parker? I mean, honestly?”
Although he hated seeing her cry for another man, he hated her sadness more and would do anything to ease it. He took a cautious step into the bathroom.
“I’d prefer honesty.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing. These past few weeks have been … incredible. I love spending time with you and when we’re intimate…” Her gaze flashed with something that had him catching his breath. “I’ve never felt so desired, so … wanted. You make me feel that way and I like it—maybe more than I should.”
Before he let her words go to his head he silently admitted Bishop most likely had his own unique claim to her heart and he shouldn’t get too cocky. “But?”
“But…” Her expression tightened with regret. “I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t trust myself very much right now.”
“Do you want to go back to him?”
He needed to know the truth before he invested any more emotion into their relationship and before he lost his heart any more than he already had.
Too late.
He wouldn’t be able to step aside and let her go, even if that was the right thing to do. Perhaps she’d hate him for that before she ever had time to love him.
She reached for another tissue and dabbed her eyes. “No one’s ever asked me what I want. All my life I’ve been told what’s best, and dutifully done what was asked of me.”
“You’re not a little girl anymore, Isadora.” He made the statement only to remind her she had a choice, not to mock her in any way.
Why were those closest to her always deciding for her when she’d been taking on big respons
ibilities since she was a child? It didn’t make sense.
She laughed without humor. “No, I haven’t been a little girl in a long time, but sometimes I feel as clueless as one. That must sound so silly to you, having been on your own since you were fourteen.”
“Not at all.”
He would have killed to have someone else decide for him. That was probably why he always hung around Scout. She had a way of assessing tricky situations and charging forward without hesitation. It was a lot easier to follow her lead than trust his instincts, or lack thereof.
He looked at Isadora, despising the sense of inadequacy he detected. “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. Your father left when you were fifteen. You’ve been on your own longer than most.”
“But there was always someone watching. I never made the big decisions and even when I became an adult … Sawyer always advised me.”
And wasn’t it honorable of him to climb into bed with her at the first chance he got? Fucking prick.
He went to her and dropped to his haunches, gathering her delicate hands in his. “I want you to be happy, Isadora. I’m trying like hell to be enough for you, but…” His jaw locked, stifling his offer as regret gutted him.
The absolute agony of loving someone hadn’t changed. He’d been so worried she wasn’t ready. He’d tried to wait as long as he could, but he’d rushed forward anyway.
Now they were right where he never wanted to be. If not for Bishop, everything would be perfect.
Parker loved all of her, the beautiful woman, the timid little girl, the imperfect way she defined flawless. He loved every bit of her. It was only the uncertainty of their situation he hated.
He grit his teeth and took a deep breath, forcing the words out. “If it’s him you want … I need to know.”
Jesus, he couldn’t win for losing and it was his own damn fault. But he wanted her without reservations.
Her brow pinched as she visibly struggled to keep her composure. “I hate what he’s doing to us.”
Hate seemed too mild of a word. To think he’d once respected the man.
“Then tell him to back off, Isa. Tell him you’re happy and you’ve moved on.”
Her eyes shimmered as she looked at him and he saw the truth in her gaze. She’d moved on, but her heart had not.
He released her hands and stood, a sharp, insufferable knife of injustice impaling his heart. “I’ll go.”
“Parker, wait!”
His chest tightened, bracing against the pain, as he glared at the door. He was allowed to have limits, but… God, did they cost him.
“I’m here, Isadora. I want you. And I don’t want any doubts between us. You need to figure out what you want. You. Forget everyone else.”
Unfortunately, for her to do that, she’d also have to stop worrying about hurting others, including him. He couldn’t influence her decision if he wanted her to make it honestly.
“But you’re upset. I don’t want you to leave,” she pleaded. “Forget he called. This is what I want.”
She was lying to herself as much as she was lying to him.
“If your feelings for him were gone, you wouldn’t be sitting here crying. I don’t want a future riddled with uncertainty. How long will you play the what-if game? Will it be a few days? Years? Only when he crops up in your life and does something to turn your world on its back? I want all of you, every part, without regret, and I’m afraid I’m not built for sharing.”
The more he tried to convince her the more he convinced himself this was an inevitable obstacle they’d have to work through—no shortcuts. He couldn’t be with someone who always reserved a part of their heart for someone else. No matter how much he loved her.
He turned and faced her. “I think this is something you need to figure out.”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever have the answers. You’re the one who said love’s uncontrollable and sometimes we love more than one person.”
“Not like this. You can love him, but I can’t be with someone who’s in love with someone else. You have to make a choice. Who do you want, me or him?”
“I want you…” There was so much uncertainty in her voice he heard the silent and him follow.
Fuck! He forced his voice to remain calm. “You need to figure this out.”
He hoped he was making the right choice, hoped she saw he was offering her more. He was prepared to give her a future. Let Bishop have her past.
“Are you saying you want me to go back to him?”
“Fuck no! I’m saying let him take his best shot, call his bluff.” He looked her square in the eye, leaning over her and bracing his hands on the wall, caging her in. “But it’s going to take more than empty promises on his part. He better be willing to offer you the world on a platter if he expects to knock me out of the game. As it stands, I’m holding on to what’s mine.”
“What does that mean?”
His lips twisted as he looked down at her, regretting that their morning was ruined. “You tell him I said it’s his move, but he better make it a good one, because the game’s far from over.” He pushed off of the wall, tracing a gentle finger down the side of her face, and forced some space between them. “May the best man win, Isadora.”
He had all intentions of capturing the bishop’s queen, but she had to stop hiding from the truth.
Part VI
Isadora
Chapter Eleven
"Life is a game of strategy. Time is our enemy.
Every victor looks back and knows they won because their opponent hesitated. Success is about seeing what you want and making the first move to grab it.”
Lucian Patras
Isadora drew in a breath and knocked, her first instinct to bolt, the second to scream. Her nerves were frayed, her guilt an unmanageable part of her psyche, but she needed to figure this out once and for all. She was tired of having her heart jerked around.
The door opened and her frustration chilled, sliding into a containable place the moment she looked into Sawyer’s eyes. Not really the response she’d been expecting.
“Bella.”
Be strong. “I came to talk.”
Appearing startled by her impromptu visit, he stepped back from the door and waved a hand for her to enter. “Come in. Is everything all right?”
No, nothing was right. Everything had been an absolute mess since Parker left that morning. She wasn’t sure if he meant for her to seek Sawyer out or if he just wanted her to think things through. But after six hours of staring into space, her mind circling the same unanswered questions and starting to ache, she’d gotten into her car and come right to the source of her confusion.
He led her to the couch where they both sat down. “Can I get you a drink? You look upset.”
Ignoring his offer, she folded her hands on her lap and tried not to fidget. “I am upset. How could you come to my house like that yesterday and then call first thing this morning? I told you I was with someone and two months ago you were, too. Why are you doing this—now of all times?”
He frowned as if she’d accused him of something heinous. “I’m not quite sure I understand your anger. You’re upset that I told you how I feel? Isn’t that what we’ve always fought about, me being unable to openly express my feelings for you? I thought you would want to know.”
“I do, but why now? Is it because I’m with Parker?”
Understanding her assumption, he smirked. “Hughes isn’t a bad guy, Isadora. But he’s not enough for you. He’s unpredictable and I’m not even sure if he’s found work since I fired him a few years back.”
Parker didn’t need to work for someone. He was independently successful. He proved his instincts the day his stock tip padded her bank account. But that wasn’t the point.
“I’m not interested in your opinions of him. I only want to know if this is a genuine attempt on your part or a jealousy thing. If Parker wasn’t involved, would you even miss me?”
He laughed without humor. ?
??You’re defensive of him.”
She waited, not denying she felt a very strong protectiveness toward Parker. He didn’t deserve to be toyed with.
“All right,” he said, crossing his arms and leaning back. “I’ve never been anything but genuine with you, Isadora. I’ll admit, the thought of you with a man like that bothers me. I’m not sure he’s good enough for you. I don’t know that he’s dependable enough to give you the future you deserve.”
“But you suddenly fit the bill?”
“How do I know you’re serious and this isn’t just another turn to derail my life?”
He arched a brow, clearly not approving of her choice of words. “This isn’t some pissing match to unveil the bigger man. I told you I’m serious and I told you I’m prepared to try in ways I never have with anyone since my wife died. I’m not threatened by Parker Hughes.”
She measured him carefully, sensing nothing but assured determination in his words. “Maybe you should be.”
He scoffed. “You’ve known him for what, two months? He can’t compete with what we have.”
Had. “You can’t expect me to drop everything for you. It’s been over a year, Sawyer. A lot’s happened.”
“I don’t expect that. But I’m offering to try and I can’t very well do that without your cooperation.”
“So, what, we go on a date where everyone can see?”
“That would be a start.”
She sat back and tried to picture that. What if Lucian saw them? She didn’t need her brother’s approval, but what sort of message would that send? He’d probably be relieved she was with anyone but Parker, but her and Parker weren’t over. She didn’t know what they were. Jesus, now she wasn’t sure if she wanted anyone to know about her and Sawyer—if there was anything to know.
Out of respect for Parker, she didn’t want to grandstand on her hypothetical with Sawyer.
“I’d like to keep this private until I figure out how I feel.”