“Something like that,” I mumbled.
Erik laughed, and reached one hand over to rub my bare shoulder.
“Yeah. Me, too.”
His thumb stroked the hollow of my collarbone and I leaned into his touch, nuzzling the back of his hand with my cheek. Erik let his fingers dip a little lower toying with the neckline of my dress. I inhaled sharply and Erik swerved.
“You should keep your hands on the wheel,” I choked out.
“Nervous, Tals?” he chided me. I knew that he wasn’t referencing his driving abilities.
Erik laughed again, trailing his fingers down my bare arm on the way to my hand. “Don’t worry, I won’t crash,” he promised, raising our hands to his lips. He kissed the inside of my wrist, his lips lingering on my jumping pulse. I melted like hot candle wax. Just then, I didn’t care if we did crash.
Despite his taunting and teasing on the ride, Erik made no move to get out of the vehicle when we landed. He left the engine idling when he turned to kiss me goodbye.
“Want to stay for a little?” I asked, not wanting our time together to end so soon. “I know that it’s late, so I understand if you’d rather just go back to headquarters,” I rushed on when he didn’t answer right away.
“You sure?” he asked, searching my face for the answer. Apparently his games were just that – games. He might toy with me, but he wasn’t going to let it go any further until I told him that it was okay.
“Of course, I just need to tell Janet I’m back so that she won’t worry,” I confirmed.
Erik turned off the engine and we set off for my room. Once inside, I called Janet and let her know that I was safe and in for the evening. I didn’t bother to tell her about my guest; Mac hadn’t specifically forbidden visitors, but I doubted that he’d approve.
Erik suggested that I change into jeans and a t-shirt, so that we could go for a walk around the grounds. I’d been hoping for something more along the lines of lying in my bed, but he was insistent, so I complied.
Once we were out of the dorms, Erik took my hand and led me through a wooded area that I was pretty sure was off limits.
“Where are we going?” I asked suspiciously.
“You’ll see. It’s one of my favorite places,” he added, tugging my hand to make sure that I’d follow.
After several more minutes of traipsing through heavy underbrush, we emerged at a gate. Erik released his grip on my hand and began peeling back the metal fencing from its post. When the hole was wide enough for us to fit through, he took my hand again and pulled me to the other side. There were only about ten feet of solid ground, then the rocky ledge dropped off.
Erik pulled me to the edge and sat, letting his feet dangle over the side. I tentatively sank down beside him, peering into the abyss below.
“You can see over three states from right here,” he said wistfully, pointing to the lights littering the landscape. “That’s Virginia,” he pointed to the south. “That’s West Virginia,” he added pointing slightly to the north, “and, of course, we’re in Maryland.”
“It’s beautiful,” I breathed. It was. From our vantage point, I could see for miles. In the distance, the lights from small towns still glowed brightly. The stars seemed closer here, exceptionally lovely against the black backdrop.
“Sure is,” he agreed, but Erik wasn’t looking at the scenery anymore.
I blushed, thankful that there wasn’t enough light for him to see the color in my cheeks.
Erik wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer. I rested my head against his shoulder and closed my eyes, absorbing the calm that had settled over him. He trailed his fingers up my side above my t-shirt, making slow, lazy lines up and down my ribcage. His heart pounded, and I knew that he wanted to explore more than the cotton.
I stretched to kiss just underneath his chin. Erik sighed happily.
“I don’t want to pressure you, Tal,” he mumbled softly toying with the hem of my tee.
“You’re not,” I promised, twisting my body closer to his.
Erik dipped his head so that our lips met and slid his hand underneath my shirt, resting it on the waistband of my jeans. He kissed me softly, chastely at first, but when I opened my mouth, he didn’t hold back. His fingers crept over the bullet scars and, though I could tell that marred flesh unnerved him, he didn’t shy away.
The fingers of Erik’s other hand found their way up to the back of my neck and he began massaging the tension away. I moaned against his mouth. I felt like I should’ve been embarrassed by my audible reaction, but it seemed to encourage him more. He lay back on the dirt ledge and pulled me down, so that I was leaning over him. I planted my hands on his biceps, and his mouth left mine to trail kisses down my throat.
Being with Erik, touching him and having him touch me, I felt alive and sane and normal for the first time in months. I didn’t want him to stop. I wanted to live in this moment forever. He wasn’t treating me as though I might break; he didn’t care that I was scarred. His mind was open, his feelings on full display. I didn’t worry that he was keeping secrets or was lying to me; I knew what he wanted and I wanted it, too.
When his fingers found my bra clasp, I started to tremble, and Erik hesitated.
“It’s okay, Erik,” I promised.
“You’re shaking, Tals,” he sent back, sounding more than a little worried.
“I’m just cold,” I insisted. But even as I thought it, the trembling began to increase and I collapsed onto Erik’s chest, tremors running through my entire body.
“Tal? Tal, are you okay?” His hands flew to my face and cupped my cheeks, forcing my face up so that he could look at me.
“I don’t know,” I chattered, my teeth painfully clanging together.
Erik scurried to a sitting position and gathered me into his lap. He stroked my hair and made soft, soothing noises. When the trembling didn’t subside, Erik sent me waves of calming thoughts, and I clung to them. Desperately, I willed myself to not have a seizure. This couldn’t be happening; I didn’t want him to see me like this. He was the only person who didn’t think that I was on the edge, but once he realized how sick I was, he would run.
“I’m here, Tal; you’re okay,” he whispered, rocking me back and forth.
I relaxed. He was here, and he wasn’t running away screaming. Erik was slowly taking control of my mind, reading my every thought and dispelling every panicked belief.
“Just let go, Tal. Let me do this,” he urged, his voice was calm, strong, and determined. He wasn’t scared; he wasn’t afraid that I might hurt him. I released the small amount of control over my mind that I had left.
“Good. Now breathe, slowly in and out,” he ordered gently.
Erik’s manipulation slowly started to work. My teeth stopped chattering first, and my jaw muscles unclenched.
“You’re doing good. Keep breathing,” he said, running his palm up and down my back.
Every muscle that he touched relaxed under his hand. Soon the tremors died down until only my hands shook with small aftershocks. Erik still didn’t let go; he held me tighter, and continued to control my thoughts. He didn’t release my mind until my body went still.
“I think I’m okay now,” I mumbled, completely mortified now that I was in control. What guy wanted to make out with a girl who convulsed every time he touched her?
“It’s okay, Tal. I shouldn’t have pushed you,” he whispered, still rocking me gently. “But I’m going to need a lot of cold showers if this happens every time,” he teased.
I smiled in spite of myself, but it quickly faded.
“Aren’t you turned off by me?” I whispered.
“Turned off? Why would I be?” He seemed offended that I would even ask.
“Because I’m sick, Erik. I’m diseased. These seizures aren’t stopping, and they’re no closer to finding a cure!” I exclaimed, trying to wiggle out of his arms.
Erik let me struggle, but he was so much stronger that my efforts didn’t
get me far.
“Stop, Tal,” he said when my attempts became weaker, more pathetic. “I don’t care about the seizures, and I’m not going anywhere. I’m in this as long as you want me, do you understand?” Erik chanced freeing one of his arms from my waist and tipped my chin up, forcing me to look him in the face. His voice was firm, almost angry, and his eyes blazed with a bluish fire.
I nodded slowly. I hated that he knew how worried I’d been about him leaving because he’d read it in my mind. Erik’s expression softened when he stared into my eyes.
“So is this going to happen every time I touch you, or should I just avoid certain areas?” he smiled mischievously. Without giving me time to answer, he planted his lips firmly on mine, holding my chin in place so that I couldn’t pull away. Not that I wanted to pull away. When the episode started, I thought for sure that this would be the end. Now I knew that I could count on him, trust him, and he would be there if I needed him. But he also wasn’t going to walk on eggshells with me; the way his mouth was moving across my jaw and down my throat let me know that he was still reckless, and would deal with the consequences if they came.
“Is this okay?” he teased, nudging the neckline of my shirt aside and kissing my collarbone. He moved his mouth across my shoulder and nipped softly before looking up at me. He still wanted me, I could see that, but he was just teasing me now. He had no intention of actually trying anything more tonight, but his point came across loud and clear.
“I don’t know. Dr. Thistler told me that overstimulation triggers the seizures,” I said, wishing that he wouldn’t stop but knowing that it was probably for the best.
Erik actually laughed.
“So, you’re saying that I overstimulate you?” he joked, pushing my hair back to kiss my cheek. My face flamed. That was what I meant, just not what I meant to say aloud. I couldn’t formulate words to answer his chiding. Erik laughed again.
“Don’t be embarrassed. I want to overstimulate you.”
“Thanks, Erik,” I whispered, kissing the corner of his mouth.
Erik swallowed hard. “I’m here for you, always,” he promised. “Why don’t I walk you back? I think you’ve had enough for tonight.”
“Just a couple more minutes,” I urged. “I don’t want to be alone yet.”
“Only if you promise that you won’t get overstimulated again,” he teased.
“Just tonight, or in general?” I said back, playing along.
“Just tonight. We’ll figure something out after that.”
I stayed in Erik’s arms for another hour, talking while he rubbed my back. We talked about his letter, and he told me about his mother’s death. When the fury and anguish began to build as he recalled the memories, I returned his earlier favor and dulled the emotions. He told me about his father and his brothers, Edmund and Evan. I felt his comfort when he thought that at least his sacrifice had been worth it.
“You’re really sure that Donavon hasn’t told anyone about the letter?”
“Yeah, positive,” I said. I hesitated before adding, “he did read it though.”
“Can’t blame him for that. I would have, too.” Erik sighed. “What’s he doing here, anyway?”
Mac didn’t want me talking to very many people about the whole spy thing, but I knew that I could trust Erik; I’d trusted him since the moment I met him. So I told him about the spy and my unofficial assignment to find him.
“Mac thinks that my whole mission to Nevada was a trap. He thinks that we have a spy, a traitor in the Agency.”
“Of course, we do,” he scoffed.
“You knew that we had a spy?” I asked, shocked.
“We probably have a ton of them. It only makes sense. We have a number of spies inside the Coalition. Why wouldn’t Crane have spies placed here? If McDonough thinks otherwise, he’s deluded. What makes him think that your mission was a trap?”
I hadn’t even considered that. Of course, Ian Crane would have infiltrated our ranks. How else did he stay so well hidden?
“Crane knew that I was coming; he was waiting for me. He knew who I was,” I rambled.
“Have you found anything?” Erik asked.
“No; it’s so frustrating. Sometimes I feel like I have no suspects, and sometimes I feel as if I have too many. And then Penny seems to think that maybe Crane just recognized me and that we don’t have a spy at all!” I shook my head, agitated; just thinking about the fruitless endeavor got me worked up.
“Well, we definitely have spies. Whether that is how Crane knew who you were, I can’t say,” Erik shrugged against my back. “Wish I could be more helpful.”
“It’s just nice to be able to talk to someone without overthinking everything that I say,” I said.
We talked about the blood transfusion for a while, and Erik couldn’t fathom a reason for Mac to keep it a secret either. Just like with the spy business, it was nice to speak freely without worrying that I might get in trouble for my doubts and beliefs.
When he finally deposited me in my room, I didn’t want to let him go. But the sky was already fading from black to vibrant pinks and oranges, and I knew that he should leave – Mac was not going to like his all-night visit. When I put my arms around him to hug him goodbye, he pushed me against the door, not concerned whether I became overstimulated, and crushed his mouth to mine. I didn’t care either. I kissed him back, letting him into my heart and my mind.
My unchaste thoughts got Erik very worked up and he pulled back, holding me at arm’s length pressed against the door.
“You’d better go to bed, Tals,” he panted, his eyes deep intense pools of turquoise liquid.
“When will I see you again?” I whispered.
“Soon,” he promised. “If the Director let you go to Festivis, then I bet he’ll let you come into the city again. We’ll work it out.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
There was still another day left of Festivis break, so I didn’t have any classes to attend. After just two hours of sleep, I made a brief stop at Medical. Dr. Thistler took one look at my puffy eyes and promptly launched into a long lecture about the merits of getting enough sleep. I listened politely and assured her that I would be sure to remember that for the future.
Penny was already waiting for me when I arrived at the Crypto Bank, and she looked awful. She was wearing torn jeans and a rumpled white t-shirt that sported several coffee stains. Her hair was piled in a messy knot on the top of her head, and red cobwebs spiked around her lime-green irises.
“Hey,” she called, rubbing her temples.
“Hey, how are you feeling?” I asked, mirroring Penny’s wince at the sound of my voice.
“Promise me that next time someone offers me a shot, you’ll say no,” Penny moaned, then took a long swallow from her steaming mug.
“I’ll try,” I promised, positive that once Penny was feeling better, she’d conveniently forget this conversation. It wasn’t as though this was the first hangover that I’d watched her nurse.
Taking a seat in my chair, I hit the power button on the keyboard. The monitors sprang to life before my eyes. I typed my passwords into the white boxes and waited while the Operatives’ files loaded.
“Where’s Gemma?” I asked, nodding to the chair that the girl normally occupied.
“Um, she went home for the holiday. Hopefully she’ll be back tomorrow – I haven’t accomplished anything without her.”
I glanced over at Penny. She stared blankly at the scrolling gibberish of numbers and letters running down the screen in front of her. My heart went out to her. Sure, getting drunk was her own fault, but I hated how miserable she seemed.
“Did you at least have fun while it lasted?” I joked.
Penny managed something between a smile and a grimace.
“Yeah, I had a great time last night. It wasn’t until this morning that I started hating life.”
“So you and Harris kissed and made up?” I teased.
“The end of the night is a little
fuzzy, but yeah, I think that we did.” She giggled, then immediately seemed to regret it. She massaged the crown of her head.
“How about you? I noticed that Erik didn’t leave until this morning......” Penny tried to shoot me a sly smile, but it appeared to hurt her face too much.
“We just talked,” I mumbled, blushing as I recalled what happened on the ledge. “How did you know when he left?” I added suspiciously. I didn’t mind Penny knowing about my overnight tryst; I would’ve told her anyway. Maybe not all of it, but I didn’t think that she’d have much interest in the touchy-feely heart-to-heart moments anyway.
“Hover records.” Penny shrugged, looking only the tiniest bit guilty about checking up on us. “When I signed in this morning, I saw that he’d just signed out.”
Hover records; I hadn’t even thought about that. If Penny noticed, then someone else – say, Mac – might, too.
“Anything you want to tell me?” she teased, using a great deal of effort to widen her eyes suggestively.
“No, nosey, there isn’t. Like I said, we mostly just talked.” I rolled my eyes, but the blush returned to my cheeks. If we didn’t change topics soon, I might get overstimulated just sitting here.
“Uh huh, sure......”
“You’ll be the first to know,” I promised her.
“I’d better be.” She gave me her best impression of a stern look. “Alright, enough gossip. Where do you want to start today?”
“I want to take a closer look at Cadence’s brother,” I began. While I’d pretty much ruled her out as the spy, I didn’t have any better leads, and I figured that covering all of my bases couldn’t hurt. Even now, the memory of her intense emotions caused me to shiver uncomfortably.
“Okay, what’s his name?” Penny asked.
“Randy Choi. He’s imprisoned at Tramblewood.”
Penny paled to match her tee.
“Oh, yeah. He’s the guy who helped that Coalition woman escape. Let me see if I can find the incident report.” Penny’s fingers flew across the keys, entering search terms into boxes that popped up on her screen. “Here, sending it now.”
“Thanks.”