I chuckle. “You drive a hard bargain, Abby.” I kiss the corner of her mouth and she turns her face so she can kiss me on the lips, but I pull back a little. “Wait a minute. Where exactly do you plan on having sex? Jimi’s probably still at the house. And even if she’s gone, the rest of the family’s getting home soon.”
She smiles as she coils her arms around my neck and pulls me closer, her eyes glued to my mouth. “I was thinking we could do it right here.”
“Right here? On the sand? With all these people around us? Is that your idea of family entertainment?”
She tightens her hold on my neck, then she jumps up and I catch her as she wraps her legs around my hips. “Take me into the water.” She leans her forehead against mine and whispers, “I trust you.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
FOR ONCE, CALEB doesn’t ask me if I’m sure this is what I want. He can see the certainty in my eyes and hear it in my voice. He puts me down momentarily so he can peel off his shirt and throw it onto the sand. Then, he picks me up again and I lay my head on his shoulder as he wades into the small waves with me in his arms.
I have to keep reminding myself every few seconds to keep breathing. Once he’s a little higher than waist deep in the ocean, the water evens out. I tilt my head back to look at him, pressing my lips together to hide my enormous grin. He smiles back at me, but I’m pretty sure he’s just as nervous as I am.
“Obviously, I’ve never done this,” I begin, and this elicits a chuckle out of him. “But I’m thinking—”
He crushes his lips against mine before I can finish this sentence. His hand grasps the back of my head, tilting it sideways so our mouths are angled perfectly. He slides his tongue into my mouth and I moan as I feel his erection growing under the fabric of his shorts. He kisses me deeply until I’m out of breath, then he pulls away slowly.
“You think too much,” he growls in my ear, and the gruffness in his voice sends a chill through me. “Loosen your grip on me. I’m gonna lay you back so you can get your hair wet.”
I let go of his shoulders and he gently lays me back until the back of my head is submerged in the ocean. I smile at him as I pinch my nostrils and lean farther back so my whole head is under the water. I open my eyes and the saltwater stings, but after a few seconds my eyes adjust and I smile when I see Caleb’s taut abdominal muscles rippling in the sunlight shining through the water.
Caleb pulls me up and I gasp for air. “What were you doing down there?” he asks, sounding a bit furious with me.
“Just enjoying the view.”
He shakes his head and pulls my chest flush against his again. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him hard, allowing the saltwater on my tongue to mesh with the sweet minty taste of his. He keeps one arm coiled tightly around my waist as his other hand slides down between us and inside my panties.
“Oh, God,” I whisper into his mouth.
His fingers explore me for a moment before he finds the spot he’s looking for and my entire body twitches, as if I’ve been shocked. “Is that it?” he murmurs, tilting his head back to watch my face.
I nod and he smiles as he gently caresses me. My body continues to twitch involuntarily, so I grab the hair on the back of his head to steady myself. His finger glides softly over my sensitive flesh and I close my eyes so he can’t see when they roll backward.
I throw my head back as my hips begin to rock back and forth on their own. He kisses my collarbone and I let out a brief whimper as my body yields to him. The orgasm rolls through me, every part of me spasming and twitching until it’s over. It only lasts a few seconds, but I can honestly say those were the most amazing seconds of my life.
I lift my head and look Caleb in the eye as he removes his hand from inside my panties. I nod at him and his hand moves down to his shorts. I can’t see what he’s doing, but I imagine he’s unbuttoning his shorts and pushing them down. Then I feel it. His erection springs up and touches my bottom. And it feels so hot.
I swallow hard as he grabs both sides of my waist and pushes me back a little. My legs are still wrapped around his hips as he reaches between my legs, pushes my panties to the side, and presses the tip of his erection against my opening. I try to look nonchalant, but inside I’m dying with excitement.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Keep going.”
One hand is on his erection, guiding himself inside me; his other arm is locked around my waist, holding me still, as he slowly enters me. He feels enormous, though I have no idea what it’s supposed to feel like. I have nothing to compare him to.
His mouth falls softly over mine and I tighten my arms around his neck as he continues thrusting his hips slowly backward and forward, moving a bit farther inside with each thrust.
“Are you all the way in yet?”
He laughs and shakes his head. “Not even halfway.”
“Oh, my God.”
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No! No, please keep going.”
He kisses my forehead then holds my gaze as he moves inside me. “Just relax and keep your eyes on mine, okay?”
I nod and he penetrates me deeper. I grit my teeth against the pain, keeping my eyes locked on his as he dances inside me. Until he’s all the way in, and we’re dancing together. Our hips move in unison, back and forth, up and down, inside and out. As if nobody’s watching.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
I RUSH DOWN THE back steps and find Sydney watching a video on her phone while sitting in the driver’s seat of her silver convertible Audi R8. She laughs at something on her phone screen as I slide into the passenger seat, so I slam the door to get her attention.
“Can we please go?”
“Oh, my God. You have to see this video of Jared talking to his dog, Lola.”
“I don’t want to see the video. Just drive, please.”
Her eyebrows shoot up as she drops her phone into the cup holder and pulls out of the driveway. “What’s with the attitude? Did your parents call you Abby again?”
“No. And please don’t remind me.”
Sydney turns onto Lumina, holding the steering wheel steady with her knee as she pulls her wavy hair into a ponytail. The salty air swirls through my hair, whipping it around everywhere, but I don’t care. I’m not trying to impress anyone today.
Sydney and I promised our friend Richard we’d watch him play a show at The Blue Fedora in Lumina Station this afternoon. He thinks my presence will attract more attention to the event, but I’m not in the mood for attention right now.
In fact, I really don’t want anyone’s attention, except my parents. But they’re too busy pretending the past eighteen years never happened. And now my mom is pregnant again. How convenient. I’m sure Abby will be the perfect older sister. She’ll change diapers and babysit and I’ll be the selfish one who’s too busy attending college on the other side of the country.
I can’t wait until next year when I leave for California. Maybe then, with three thousand miles between us, I won’t even notice that I’ve become invisible to my parents.
“You should just talk to your parents. You can say, ‘Hey! Remember me? Your daughter who got accepted into every college she applied to?’” Sydney says as she stops at a red light.
“It wasn’t every college,” I mutter, pretending to be interested in the people sitting outside the café on the corner.
“Whatever. Seven out of eight is pretty fucking good, if you ask me. I got two out of nine, and that’s only because you helped me on the UNC app.”
“It doesn’t matter. None of it matters to them right now. I could probably move to California a year early and my parents wouldn’t even notice. But if I should wake up Queen Abby ten minutes too early, they’d probably take away my car or lock me away in the basement for the rest of the summer.”
“You may be exaggerating a little bit now.”
“They already took my phone! And they haven’t even offered to give it back to me. I have
no incentive to do anything for them right now.”
I don’t say it aloud, but the only time my parents have given me any attention since Abby arrived is when I’ve hurt her feelings. They didn’t notice when I let her use my laptop to type up a letter to her academic counselor. They don’t know that I’ve been going to bed way before I normally do so I don’t keep her up. And without my phone, all I can do is lie there and think.
Mostly, I think about how everyone hates me right now. But I also think about how sorry I am that this reunion hasn’t turned out better for all of us. I think about how I used to imagine getting a cool older sister who would teach me how to dress and wear my makeup, and how to talk to boys. It wasn’t until she arrived that I realized that I can’t count on Abby for any of those things. Because she’s too much like my mom for me to ever relate to her.
I know some of the things I’ve said to Abby have crossed the line into malicious territory. But I’m just scared. My parents look at her and see the way I should have turned out: a mild-mannered musician, in a long-term relationship with a musician, going to a local college. When Abby leaves, they’ll look at me and think, “Oh, well. At least one of our kids turned out right.”
Nothing I do will ever compare to Abby’s ability to tap into my parents’ deepest emotions. No one can ever compare to the girl who got away.
Not even Ryder or Junior can compare to her, but it doesn’t seem to bother them. Just thinking of this makes my stomach twist. My inability to compare to Abby is getting to me, and I’ve been unable to brush it off like my dumb younger brothers. What does that say about me?
“Turn around.”
“What?”
“Turn the car around. I have to go back.”
Sydney looks at me like I’m crazy. “Did you forget something?” I reach for the steering wheel and she bats my hand away. “Okay, okay! I’ll turn around.”
When Sydney pulls the convertible into the driveway, I’m relieved to see Caleb’s car parked next to the garage. I tell Sydney to go home to Cary and I’ll call her later. I race up the back steps and into the air-conditioned beach house.
“Abby!” I call out, but no one answers.
I dart up the stairs and into my bedroom. My chest aches when I see her black suitcase next to the rollaway bed. I check the rest of the house, but she and Caleb are nowhere. There’s only one thing I can think to do right now. The only thing I think will show Abby that I’m done trying to prove a point.
I lift her suitcase onto my bed, then I carefully unpack all her belongings, putting everything back where it was. I put the suitcase back in the basement, then I strip the linens off the mattress and toss them into the washing machine. It takes me about forty minutes to figure out how to fold up the rollaway bed, and another ten minutes for me to haul it downstairs into the garage.
There’s no way I can move the furniture in my room around by myself, but I’m sure my dad and Caleb can do that later. I pack up some of my clothes and shoes in a gym bag, tossing in the toiletries I keep in my private bathroom. Then I toss the bag onto the bottom bunk in Ryder’s room. Finally, I grab all Caleb’s stuff and move it out of Ryder’s room and into mine. Then I write a note for Abby.
Abby,
I know the past week has been hard for you. It’s been pretty hard for me, too. I thought I knew how I would feel when you got here. I thought I’d be happy to have an older sister. And, to be honest, when my mom first called me to tell me you came home, I was so happy I cried tears of joy.
But within seconds, those tears of joy turned into tears of grief for what I’d lost. When you arrived, I lost my status as the only girl. My dad’s only princess. And instead of being honest with my parents, I decided to take it out on you. I hoped that if I made you feel bad enough, you’d leave and everything would go back to normal. But I was wrong. Nothing will ever be the way it was before you got here.
And I’m actually happy about that.
I’ve watched my parents suffer for too long. My dad doesn’t know I know this, but he has been praying for you to come back to him for eighteen years. That’s a long time to want something, or someone. I don’t want to ruin this summer for you and especially not for them.
I’m sorry I tried to push you away. I’m sorry I wasn’t the kind of sister or person you needed me to be.
I hope you’ll accept this apology and my room for the rest of the summer.
Love,
Jimi
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
CALEB AND I manage not to piss off any beachgoers, but we agree that we’d better not stick around and press our luck. After our interesting dip in the ocean, we trudge back to the beach house in our wet clothes. Every time Caleb squeezes my hand, my stomach vaults as I remember how he moved inside me. Caleb was inside me! How weird and cool is that?
But as soon as the beach house comes into view, I suddenly remember what drove me out of there and onto the beach. I hope Jimi left with her friends. I really don’t want to face her right now. She’ll probably smell the sex on us and flash me a knowing smirk.
We use the outdoor shower to rinse off, then we sit on the wooden rocking swing on the porch for a while until we’re no longer dripping. Every once in a while, we hear some movement inside the house. Jimi and her friend are probably enjoying the fact that I’m gone. Probably celebrating by dancing in their pj’s.
“You ready to face the dragon?” Caleb says, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Can I use you as a human shield?”
“Yeah, baby. You know how much I like it when you use me.”
I shove him and he laughs as I head for the front door. I enter the breakfast nook keenly aware of my bare feet and my damp salty clothes. If I can just avoid Jimi long enough to take a shower and put on some clean clothes, this will be much easier.
We practically tiptoe through the kitchen and the downstairs hallway, past the living room, and up the stairs to Jimi’s bedroom. My heart clenches inside my chest when I see both my suitcase and the rollaway bed are gone. That must be what all the racket was inside the house when Caleb and I were on the porch. She must have been erasing all traces of my existence.
I cover my face and draw in a stuttered breath as the tears begin to fall. “Why does she hate me so much?”
Caleb takes me into his arms and strokes my hair. “Don’t worry, sunshine. She just doesn’t know you. And if she wants you out this bad, we’ll leave tonight. Let’s just wait for the rest of the family to get back so you can say good-bye.”
“No, I want to leave now,” I whisper, the pain in my chest spreading into my stomach, making me physically sick. “I can’t do this anymore. If they don’t understand why I had to leave, then I don’t care. I don’t want to have anything to do with them. Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did I come here and put myself through this? Why did I think this would turn out well? Am I really that naive?”
Caleb holds my face in his hands and looks me in the eye. “You’re not naive. You’re just hopeful. You’re like sunshine and she—”
“She what?”
He lets go of my face and squeezes past me, then he heads straight for Jimi’s bed. He picks up a folded piece of light-blue notepaper off the comforter and stares at it for a moment before he turns around and holds it out to me.
“What is it?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know, but it has your name on it.”
I swipe my arm across my nose and take the paper from him. I unfold it slowly and my body aches with dread when I see my name written in Jimi’s handwriting. But I swallow my fear and continue reading. By the time I read the last line, I’m a disgusting, weeping mess.
“What does it say?” Caleb whispers, pulling me into his arms but never trying to sneak a peek at the letter.
I dig my fists into his back as I hold on to him and cry into his damp T-shirt. “It’s… it’s an apology.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
I w
hip my head around at the sound of Jimi’s voice and I’m surprised to see her standing in the threshold of her bedroom door, her eyes pink and puffy. She sniffs loudly as tears roll down her face.
“I’m sorry I was a jerk to you,” she says, staring at the floor as she wipes the tears from her cheeks. “Please don’t go. I promise I’ll stop being a jerk. Just… please don’t go yet. It would break my—our parents’ hearts.”
I let go of Caleb and I walk slowly toward her. “I’ve never had a sister or brother. My mom told me that after what happened with my adoption, my parents were turned off on the whole process and they decided to not put themselves through it again. I think she told me that hoping it would influence my feelings toward my birth parents. Like I would blame them for the fact that I never had any siblings.” I reach forward and take her hand in mine and she’s still staring at the floor. “But I never felt that way. I knew that I didn’t have siblings because my parents weren’t strong enough to deal with the process. Not because my birth parents made it difficult. Just like I know… our parents aren’t responsible for how you reacted to me coming here.”
“They don’t deserve to have this ruined for them. I was being selfish. I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know how to be someone’s little sister.”
“I don’t know how to be a big sister. But maybe we can learn together?”
She nods as she draws in a sharp, stuttered breath. I wrap my arms around her waist and I’m suddenly very aware of the fact that my little sister is at least three inches taller than me. She coils her arms around my shoulders tightly and it hurts my heart every time I feel her chest jerk from her sobs.
Finally, she calms down and the sniffling dies down. I slowly release her and we both let out a deep sigh at the same time, then we laugh.
“Well, that was just plain beautiful,” Caleb says, pretending to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye.