She kisses my cheek and she and Jaxon set off up the stairs, leaving me in a daze. I’m tempted to reach up and pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming, so instead I dig my fists into my pockets. My left hand slides over something smooth and I feel around a bit, trying to figure out what it is. I slide it out of my pocket and find it’s a picture.
In the photo, Abby is smiling as she stands in a tattoo parlor. The left strap of her tank top is hanging off her shoulder as she shows off a new tattoo on the left side of her chest. Right over her heart. The tattoo depicts a craggily elm tree with nine blackbirds flying out of the tree and into the sky. One blackbird is left perched in the branches. The trunk of the tree curves downward and the roots bend to form a heart, split down the center by the trunk of the tree. Inside the left side of the heart is the word Family. Inside the right side is the word Music.
I turn the picture over and there’s a note in Abby’s handwriting.
EPILOGUE #2
JAXON AND I race behind the red curtain. A sound tech helps me put on my earpiece. Then a team of crew members helps me up a rolling staircase onto a circular platform as the opening music for the song “Fearless Heart” plays. The screaming in the crowd almost drowns out the music. I blow Jaxon a kiss from atop the platform and he flashes me a proud smile as he backs away.
His dirty-blonde hair and athletic six-foot-two frame disappear behind the backdrop with the other crew members and I know he’s in his place when the red lights behind me illuminate the curtain in front of me. A white spotlight behind me casts a silhouette of my body on the curtain as the red lights flash to the beat of the heartbeat in the song. With every beat, a row of fire blasts upward at the front of the stage. The cheering from the crowd is so loud I can feel their screams rattling my insides.
I feel sick to my stomach. My body is breaking out in a cold sweat and my mouth is gushing saliva. Then the sound of the heartbeat stops and the smell of smoke is thick in the air as the curtains part. It’s showtime.
Nine songs and three wardrobe changes later, the smell of sweat from the crowd is stronger than the sweet smell of the fog machine. A white screen slowly rolls down behind me as a crew member rushes onto the stage with a wooden stool for me to sit on and a wireless mic for me to hold. He sets down the stool and I hand him my guitar to take backstage. The lights dim and a soft spotlight shines down on me. I take a seat on the stool and sigh into the microphone.
“This next song is going to be the final song of the night.” A roar of disapproval erupts from the crowd and I laugh. “I know. But I promise it will be good. You’ve probably all heard this song before, but I’ve never performed it live. So you all are seeing the world-premiere performance.” I pause for a moment until the cheers die down. “But before I perform this song, I have a story that needs to be told. You see, two years ago today, a very special person helped me find the other half of my broken heart. And a few months later, when my heart was completely shattered beyond repair, he gave me his. The world never got to know Caleb Everett’s talent, as he was taken from us far too soon. But after tonight, everyone will know him. And to know him is to love him. Take it away, Caleb.”
Four different projectors blast rays of light through the smoky air, all focused on a spot to my right. Within seconds, a hazy image begins to form and soon a hologram of Caleb appears next to me. He’s sitting on a stool in his bedroom with his guitar in his lap. The hologram is so well defined, he looks real. Like I could just reach out and touch him and he’d respond.
Jaxon and I had to write a proposal to the director of the physics department at USC to request to use their ultra-high-definition holographic projectors. Jimi presented the proposal for us. She’s an actress and she has more poise in her pinky than Jaxon and I have in our whole bodies. Together, we managed to get USC to let us use their projectors.
Jaxon and I have been fine-tuning the audio and video feed for the past four months. He’s also been working with the rest of the lighting crew to program the projectors and the light show for this performance. Possibly, the most important performance of my life. It only makes sense that Caleb should be there to see me through it.
The crowd gets very quiet and Caleb looks up from his guitar. “I’m kind of hoping you’ll sing while I play, ’cause you know my voice is shit. But you sing like an angel. So, yeah, here it goes. ‘Chasing Abby.’”
He plucks out a soft melancholy melody on his guitar and my hands start shaking as I sing the first line.
You’re the sun that shines down on this carnival of hearts.
The ray of light that breaks through when the curtains part.
You’re the healing breath waiting for me to surface.
The spark of hope that lights me up with just a kiss.
But you’re just beyond the horizon.
Yeah, just beyond my reach.
An ocean between us and I can’t,
Can’t find a ship on this beach.
And I’ll keep standing on this shore,
Hoping the light will catch me.
Send up smoke signals you can’t ignore,
But I’ll keep chasing Abby.
’Cause time catches up with everyone,
So I’ll catch up with Abby
All through the streets and down the broken lanes.
All across the years, time and time again.
Your heart keeps me yearning, through the ages.
Your love keeps me learning, flipping pages.
But you’re just beyond the scope,
And this ship hasn’t breached.
You keep dangling the hope,
Just out of my reach.
And I’ll keep standing on this shore,
Hoping the light will catch me.
Send up smoke signals you can’t ignore,
But I’ll keep chasing Abby.
’Cause time catches up with everyone,
So I’ll catch up with Abby.
When I sailed the seas and found you huddled just beyond the signs,
Thought I’d found the grail, but turns out all I found was my sunshine.
I knew then that your heart would never really belong to me,
Because blackbirds can’t touch the sky if you never set them free.
And I’ll keep standing on this shore,
Hoping the light will catch me.
Send up smoke signals you can’t ignore,
But I’ll keep chasing Abby.
’Cause time catches up with everyone,
So I’ll catch up with Abby.
Fly away, my little sunshine.
Fly away where I can’t see.
Caleb stands from his stool and I stand up with him. He takes a bow and his hologram disappears into the foggy mist. I take a bow, wishing I could stay in this position so people can’t see the tears streaming down my face. I stand up and hold my fist over my heart. Then I close my eyes and thank Caleb for giving me wings.
After a twenty-minute encore where I perform three more tracks, including another of Caleb’s songs that’s not on the album, I bid the audience goodnight and head to the grassy field behind the stage. As expected, Chris, Claire, and Caleb; both my parents; and Jaxon are waiting for me at the foot of the stairs. Since we started sharing holidays together, both sets of parents have become quite friendly. They’ve even had dinner together without my knowledge a couple of times since I went on tour.
Amy isn’t here, but she’s promised me she’ll be attending tomorrow night’s show. I am a bit surprised to see Jimi, Junior, and Ryder standing right beside Chris and Claire. Jimi wasn’t supposed to be back from California until next week and Junior and Ryder insisted they were staying home tonight to pack their stuff to go to the beach house tomorrow.
My mom approaches me first for a hug. “That was amazing, honey,” she says, squeezing me tightly. “You looked so beautiful up there. And that last song… it took my breath away. I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
Eve
ryone else takes turns hugging and congratulating me until the only ones left are Jimi and Jaxon. Jimi approaches me with tears in her eyes and just the sight of it makes me feel like crying, but I keep my composure.
“Well, I don’t know what to say after all that, other than… thanks for letting me be a small part of this. I’ve been to a lot of shows with Dad, but I think this one tops them all. You were fucking phenomenal, sis. Caleb would probably do a pirouette if he saw that.”
I laugh and she hugs me a bit longer than everyone else. I can’t believe how much has changed in two years. Today, Jimi is the one person I will miss the most while Chris and I are on the road this summer. But there’s one person I won’t have to miss. And when I let Jimi go, Jaxon is standing there, wearing a crooked smile that fills me with both joy and sorrow.
Jaxon knew from the day we met that he had some big shoes to fill. Which is why, though we met almost a year and a half after Caleb’s death, it still took two months of flirting for him to work up the nerve to ask me out. And even then, it took three dates for him to try to kiss me.
I don’t blame him, though. When we first met, my favorite topic was Caleb. And there’s never a family gathering where he’s not mentioned. But Jaxon has one of the kindest, gentlest souls I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. And he’s always encouraging me to remember Caleb. Not just for the gifts he gave me, but for teaching me how to give and receive love.
Jaxon holds his hand out to me and I’m reminded of Caleb’s lyrics: “I knew then that your heart would never really belong to me / Because blackbirds can’t touch the sky if you never set them free.” My heart will always belong to Caleb. But Jimi is right. Wherever Caleb is, he’s beaming with pride because I got up on that stage tonight and gave my heart—his heart—to the music. And I danced like he was the only one watching.
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RIPPED
A Shattered Hearts Series Novel
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RIPPED
A Shattered Hearts Series Novel
CHAPTER ONE
Adam
(Disclaimer: This excerpt is unedited and subject to change or deletion from the final book.)
I approach slowly, not wanting to anger it, then I position my shoe in just the right spot before I bring it down fast on top of the cockroach. A sickening crunch tells me I destroyed him, but Lindsay still cowers on the bed, her back against the headboard and knees hugged tightly to her chest. I slowly remove my size-thirteen sneaker from the wall where the three-inch-long flying cockroach was perched.
It twitches slightly and Lindsay lets out a shrill scream. “I hate this resort!”
The 80-percent-dead roach falls to the floor on its back and makes a half-hearted effort to turn itself over.
Lindsay continues to scream. “Don’t just stare at it. Put it out of its misery! It’s suffering!”
I shake my head. “Sorry, little guy. But you have to die or I’ll never have sex tonight. It’s survival of the fittest.”
I swat the roach one last time, then I scoop it up with some toilet paper and flush it away. After I wash off the bottom of my shoe, I come out of the bathroom ready to consummate our unofficial second honeymoon. But Lindsay is curled up on her side, hugging herself.
“Come on, baby. It was just one monster-sized flying roach.” I sit on the edge of the bed and push her blonde hair out of her face. “We’re on the edge of a rainforest. There’s probably critters in all the hotel rooms in this area. I’ll bet they even serve the roaches as a delicacy at the Four Seasons.”
“You’re literally making me sick with fear.”
The bungalow on the beach in Bahia is one of the shittiest rooms we’ve stayed in since I began surfing competitively seven years ago. Seven years. I can’t believe I was afraid my dad would tell me twenty-three was too old to start competing again after a two-year hiatus. Well, I’m thirty now and at the top of my game. So why the fuck am I staying in a shitty room like this?
It’s all my fault.
The resort sold me a package, which included a bunglow on the sand and a couples’ massage in their “five-diamond” spa. I’m not allowed to get a massage from anyone other than Edie, my sports physician. But I thought Lindsay would appreciate it. And I was afraid if I didn’t book the package right away, Lindsay would change her mind about coming with me.
She’s only three-months pregnant with our third, but she’s already mega-stressed about this child. Our youngest, Mila, is still in diapers. But now that our oldest, Kaia, is in second grade, we decided to put her in a private school in Wilmington. We weren’t happy with the two tutors we’d hired to homeschool her, and Lindsay doesn’t feel confident her English degree is sufficient to teach the kids herself. This means we had to sell the beach house and move to Wilmington. It also means that, from now on, I’ll be traveling to competitions all over the world alone.
This tournament in Bahia, Brazil is officially the last one Lindsay will be attending with me. Which is why we decided to come here alone. We left the kids with Lindsay’s mom, Lillian, for five days while we enjoy our moldy bungalow “just steps from the beach.” I have to be at the beach at seven in the morning tomorrow for the tournament, and I always perform better when I’ve had sex the night before.
I’m going to have to seduce her.
I tuck a lock of Lindsay’s hair behind her ear and she shudders. She always gets goosebumps when I touch her ears. I trace my fingers lightly down her jawline until I reach her chin.
I gently grab her chin between my thumb and forefinger and turn her head so she’s facing me. “I’m sorry this resort sucks.” I lean down and plant a soft kiss on her lips, then I pull away just far enough so our noses are still touching and she can feel my breath on her lips. “But I think I know how I can make it up to you.”
She lets out a soft puff of laughter. “This isn’t going to work, Adam. The moment passed. I just want to go to sleep. Actually, I just want this trip to be over. If you really want to make it up to me, you can fast-forward through the next three days.”
This is the longest Lindsay has ever been away from the girls. We were supposed to take an eight-day honeymoon after we got married, but Lindsay’s constant worrying about Kaia caused us to cut the trip to three days. Lindsay frets over the kids feeling our absence; especially mine. Since Kaia’s biological father died when she was just a couple of months old, Lindsay believes it’s important for the girls not to feel as if I’m a temporary presence in their lives.
I’ve been away from the kids for as long as eleven days at a time. Sometimes, tournaments are scheduled so close together, it makes more sense to travel straight from one location to the next instead of making a pit stop at home in between. Those are the competitions Lindsay refuses to attend. It’s hard enough to travel with two children. But when you add Mila, it’s just too much.
That’s a joke Lindsay would appreciate, me referring to myself as a child. You have to have a childlike sense of adventure when you get paid to surf. When people who don’t recognize me ask what I do for a living, I always tell them I get paid to play in the ocean. Of course, it’s getting more difficult to find people who don’t recognize me.
I stand from the mattress and round the bed to go to the other side. “Okay, let’s go to sleep.”
I slide in under the covers, but I don’t bother to turn off the bedside lamp. I scoot in closer to Lindsay so I can spoon her, the
n I brush her hair away from her neck and curl my arm around her waist.
Sliding my hand just under the waistband of her panties, I hold my hand over her abdomen. “I can’t wait to meet this little guy.”
“You don’t even know if it’s a boy,” she replies, laying her hand over my hand and threading her fingers through mine.
I nuzzle my face into the curve of her neck. “Don’t argue with me, or I’ll force you to go without sex tonight.”
I lay a tender kiss on the soft skin behind her ear and her fingers tighten around my hand. “I really wanted this to be a romantic getaway for us.”
I run the tip of my nose along the outer curve of her ear and she sighs. “We can pretend that we’re stranded on a deserted island and I built this shitty bungalow myself with my bulging muscles.” She chuckles and I squeeze her tighter. I love the sound of her laughter. “Hey, remember when you were watching me build this bungalow? You were lying on the beach… naked. Because we lost all our clothes when our plane went down in the ocean. You should take off these panties. They’re making it difficult to recall this memory.”
I slide my hand farther down and she sucks in a sharp breath when my finger glides over her clit. I slip my finger inside her and I’m not surprised to find she’s soaking wet. She’s always horny when she’s pregnant. All it takes is a dirty word or a come-hither expression to get her slick.
I feel around inside her a little, searching for her g-spot and I know I’ve found it when her whole body twitches. She lifts her hips a little so she can push down her panties, but I keep my finger locked inside her. Once her panties are gone, she reaches down and pulls my hand out from between her legs.
“What are you doing?”
She turns around to face me, then she begins pushing my boxers down. “I can’t let you lose tomorrow or this awful trip won’t be worth it. Lie back.”