She didn't say anything. She stood there, her head slightly bent forward, her dark eyes staring angrily at him.
"What's going on?" he asked, closing his book and taking off his glasses.
"Mom can't fit her pants."
"Okay," he said. "And you're telling me this because…"
"It's the third pair. She just bought these a week ago and now they don't fit anymore."
Andrew tilted his head and chuckled. "You know she always wanted to lose a little weight, and now she has."
Andrew had meant to calm her down, but Anna's eyes began to tear up. He put the book away.
"Hey. Come here," he said, grabbed her around the waist and pulled her onto his lap. He wiped a tear away from her cheek. Anna sniffled. Her eyes were looking into his, intently. Something in them made his heart break.
"I can't…I can't lose her," Anna said. "Not again."
Where was this coming from all of a sudden? Andrew didn't understand why she was so upset. And what did she mean with not again?
"Shh, shh, Anna. Don't worry. No one is losing anyone. I am sure Mommy is just fine."
Anna shook her head. "She went to the doctor this week," she said. "It's in her breast. It's growing, fast."
"What? What are you talking about, Anna?"
"I saw her," Anna said. "Yesterday when I was on the bus, I saw her. She was all pale and didn't look at me. No matter how much I cried, she didn't look at me. She was in the hospital. There was a bird. Outside the window. It was pecking at the glass and I wondered if it was trying to get in."
Andrew relaxed. He looked her in the eyes and grabbed her shoulders to make sure she looked at him too.
"Anna. That was just one of your silly dreams again. You have got to stop believing everything you dream, you hear me? I don't know how many times I have to tell you this, but dreams are nothing but a succession of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations that occur involuntarily in the mind during sleep. It's the way we deal with the stuff from our day and our lives."
Anna sniffled again. Andrew put her back down, then kissed her gently, with a growing unease in his stomach.
"Now, I'll go talk to your mom, okay? Ask her what's going on. She is going to be fine, you hear me? She's going to be just fine. Just fine. She’s fine."
Andrew got up from his chair, not entirely knowing if he was repeating the word to try and convince his daughter or himself.
CHAPTER 39
FORT LAUDERDALE, MARCH 2010
He found her in the bedroom. She was lying in the darkness. His heart sank. It wasn't like Julia to be in bed in the middle of the day like this.
"Julia?"
He walked in and opened the curtains. Julia grumbled something when the sunlight hit her face. She lifted her hand to cover her eyes. Andrew swallowed hard. Julia looked so small, so feeble and gray. It was like she had already partly left this world.
Nonsense. She's fine.
"Are you sick?" he asked, then cleared his throat, trying to hide how badly his voice was shaking.
It is probably just the flu. Or a bad cold. There has been a lot going around at the school lately. She told you that a few weeks ago. Yes, that is probably just it. A stubborn virus.
Julia spoke, her voice small. "I'm fine. I was just so tired I had to take a nap after breakfast. I’ve been feeling a little under the weather for a few days. I’m sure it'll pass."
Andrew exhaled, relieved. He sat on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry you're not feeling well." He bit his lip. The sense of relief had stopped somewhere between the thought that she's fine and then a new one that entered stating it's mid-afternoon and she has been in here for hours.
He grabbed her hand and held it. It was so small in his. "Can I get you anything? Some soup? I just realized we skipped lunch. Completely forgot. Huh. Guess we’ve all been a little distracted lately. I know I have. "
She sat up. She nodded and closed her eyes for a few seconds. He didn't like the look she had in them when she opened them again. "I'll be down to make dinner soon. I'm fine. I just needed some rest."
Andrew focused on his breath. Panic started to spread. "You sure?” he cleared his throat. “Anna mentioned that you went to the doctor's this week?"
She scoffed. "I did. I…” She sighed. "I don't know. I just…I haven't been feeling right and I thought…"
"Anna feared you were seriously ill."
Julia's eyes widened. "Really?"
Andrew bit his lip. "I know. It's silly. She came to my office and was crying. She said she had a dream…" Andrew stopped talking when he saw the expression on his wife's face.
"A dream about me?"
He nodded. "You know how she gets from time to time, like that time when she thought we were dead when the nanny…"
Julia grabbed his arm. “But we were. We did."
"What are you talking about?"
She shook her head. "We were in an accident, remember?"
"Yes, but we didn't die."
Julia groaned. "Ah, you don't understand. Tell me. What did she dream about me?"
Andrew rose to his feet and turned his back on her.
"I was dead, wasn't I?"
"It was nothing but a dream, Julia. I should never have mentioned it," he said and turned to face her. His traitorous eyes betrayed him and one lonely tear escaped the corner of his eye.
"It's nothing but dreams, Julia."
"There is no such thing as just a dream, Andrew, and you know it. You know it just as well as I do. I can't explain why or how, but Anna sees things in those dreams. She sees and experiences things that we will never comprehend. And sometimes she sees the future. You know she does, even if you don't want to admit it."
"Tsk," he said and wiped the tear away. "It's just superstition, filled in you by those silly relatives of yours, or my crazy mother."
"Anna was right about your mother," Julia said. "She saw her on that kitchen floor. She saw her lying there, the flies crawling on her face."
Andrew didn't want to hear any more. He grumbled something he wasn't even sure he understood himself, then stormed out of the room. He rushed to the bathroom, closed the door behind him, fell to his knees, and cried.
CHAPTER 40
HOLLYWOOD RESERVATION, MARCH 2010
T hat night when she was back with her grandmother and Lucas, Anna talked to Igoshi once they were alone and Lucas was playing on a swing set. They were walking in the park where Peppi could play with other dogs and where Lucas's favorite playground was. Anna told her grandmother about her vision earlier and her worry for her mother.
"You think it was the future I saw?"
Igoshi nodded, her lips turning downwards. "Could be. It happens. I have told you this before. Sometimes you travel in both time and space, whereas usually you only travel in space. I only tried it a few times in my life, though, as far as I know. But I was much later in life than you before I began traveling."
"I’ve seen her before," Anna said with a sniffle. "In the same place. Once when I was much younger. I just didn't think it was now. It's too early, Igoshi. I don't want to lose her. Not again."
Anna's grandmother put her arm around Anna's shoulder and pulled her closer. "You're getting older, Anna. Your journey is filled with edges and cliffs, ends and beginnings."
"So, she will die from this?" Anna asked.
Igoshi sighed. "Only time will tell, child. Only time can."
Anna kicked her legs from the edge of the bench. She could barely reach the ground still. She wasn't very tall for her age and people often mistook her for being a lot younger than what she really was. That was usually until they looked into her eyes and then often mistook her for a lot older. Her eyes had seen a lot. Belonging to more than one world could do that to you. Anna often wondered what it would be like to visit more worlds and sometimes she did, but not so much lately. She always wanted to go back to her grandmother and brother and this was the only place she knew to find Igoshi and Lucas. She had searched in other places,
other worlds, but never found them. Some worlds were very different from the two she was used to. In one world, she was born in China. A China that had been colonized by the Portuguese and, even though they spoke Cantonese, it was like a Western country where they had all the freedom in the world. She had returned to that place a few times when she was a lot younger and enjoyed looking at the dinosaurs, in this world where the mighty creatures had never gone extinct since the dinosaur-killing asteroid had missed earth. But the place had been dangerous and man lived in constant fear, always fleeing the big animals, and when she barely escaped one day, she decided to not go back again.
"Can I change the future, Nanna?" Anna asked. "If I can visit it, does that mean I can change it?"
Igoshi gave her a glance, then chuckled. "I hardly think so."
"But I could touch her. I reached out my hand and touched her skin and I could feel it, so it wasn't just a vision, it wasn't just something I saw. It was real. Like you and me right now."
"Many would say this is only a dream, Anna."
"Like Dad," she said with a laugh.
"People see and believe what they dare to. Nothing more. I have heard tales of people, of travelers like us, who were able to do magnificent things, but I don't know if they're true or not."
"Like what, Nanna?"
"Like change matter, like change places or even themselves to look different. Such things."
"But not the future?"
Igoshi shook her head. "I don't believe so. If your mother's time is up, then it is time to say your goodbyes."
Anna looked at her Nanna, eyes wide open. She could hear nothing but her own breath as she was struck by the deepest fear of her short life.
CHAPTER 41
HOLLYWOOD RESERVATION, MARCH 2010
"C ome push me on the swings, Anna, pleeease?"
Lucas was pulling Anna's hand, while his eyes begged her. Anna didn't really feel like playing around and pulled her hand away.
"Go away, Lucas. I don't want to."
"Pleeeaaase?"
"Go ahead, Anna," her grandmother said. "Sitting here won't change anything anyway. You might as well make the best of your time here."
Anna sighed. Lucas smiled. She loved her little brother, but sometimes he was just so annoying. Especially because their grandmother always took his side.
"Pleeease?" he begged again. "I'll play with your dolls when we get home if you do it."
Anna smiled. "Will you be the prince coming from out of town to look for a princess he can marry?"
"Aw, I hate that," Lucas complained.
Anna shook her head. "Then no push."
Lucas growled. His shoulders slumped. "Okay. I'll be the prince."
Anna jumped down from the bench triumphantly, grabbed her brother's hand in hers, and walked with him to the swing. Lucas sat on it and Anna pulled him backward, then slung him through the air in a push so hard it made him squeal with joy. Anna had pushed him on those swings since he was still on the baby swing, which he could no longer fit into, even though he sometimes tried to climb up into it.
"Higher!" he yelled.
Anna pushed him hard and he slung through the air once again, going even higher than the first time. Anna smiled when she heard his screams of joy. She still had a knot in her stomach and felt like she was about to get sick at any moment when thinking about her mother, but being with Lucas made her think about something else, and that felt nice.
"Who's that?" Lucas suddenly said and pointed.
Anna looked. In the corner of the playground, behind the fence, staring directly at them, stood a man. Anna wrinkled her forehead. She could have sworn that he wasn't there when she looked over there just a minute ago. Where did he come from all of a sudden? There were no people around here.
"I don't know," Anna said and gave her brother another push.
"Why is he holding that umbrella when it's not raining?" he asked.
"I don't know, Lucas."
Lucas swung away, then returned. "Why is he looking at us?"
Anna shrugged. "I don't know, Lucas. It's just some dude."
Anna looked at her grandmother. She was sitting on the bench, her eyes closed, taking a little nap as she often did when they were at the playground, Peppi at her feet, also asleep. She didn't want to wake her up. She seemed to need those little rests a lot lately.
Anna turned and looked at the strange man again. She couldn't see his face because of the umbrella, but still, she had a feeling she had seen him somewhere before. It was a feeling she often had with people and often it was true. She had actually seen them somewhere before in another world. Maybe that was just it.
"Push me, Anna Banana," Lucas yelled when the swing had almost stopped. "Push me again."
Anna grabbed his swing, pulled it back, and then gave it a huge push. Lucas squealed again as he flew through the air. Anna didn't look at him. Her eyes were fixated on the strange man by the fence, who stood motionless, staring at them.
"Did you see how high I flew? Did you see it, Anna?"
Anna looked at him and smiled. "Yes, Lucas. I saw it."
"Again. I want to go again."
"I think maybe we should wake up grandma and go home," Anna said.
"Just one more time, pleeease?"
Anna sighed. "Okay, only one more push, then."
"Yay."
Anna grabbed the swing again and pulled him back, then let go.
"WEEEEE," Lucas exclaimed.
Anna turned her head and looked towards the fence again, but the man was gone. Lucas jumped down from the swing and landed in the sand, laughing.
"Let's go home," Anna said, feeling a slight shiver, despite the eighty-degree heat and the burning sun.
CHAPTER 42
FORT LAUDERDALE, MARCH 2010
I t was in her breast. Just like Anna had told them. The doctor called one Monday morning and told Julia to come in at once. She had been going through several examinations with specialists for weeks, not telling Andrew about it because she didn't want him or Anna to worry. Besides, how bad could it be? She was feeling better, a lot more energized and was back to her usual routine. She was starting to wonder if it had just been a stubborn virus.
Andrew had left for work and Anna was in school, so Julia went alone.
Doctor Jackson explained everything to her, but Julia hardly listened. Had this been a movie or a show, this was where the music would have played and all you'd see were their serious faces. It was exactly how Julia felt. She tried to listen, she really did, but she couldn't hear anything beyond the words Breast Cancer. While the doctor spoke, all she could think about was that movie, one of her favorites from her childhood, the one with Bette Midler and that other woman who got cancer and died, leaving her little girl, while Bette sang Wind Beneath my Wings. It had always made her cry.
What was the name of it again?
No matter how much she tried to remember, she simply couldn't and it annoyed her immensely while the doctor said words like treatment, survival chances, aggressive and malignant.
Was it called “Wind Beneath my Wings”? No that was just the song. Oh, I loved that song. Always made me cry. How did it go again?
The doctor had stopped talking and was looking at her.
“I'm sorry?" she said.
He sighed. "I think maybe you should come back here with Andrew and we can go over it together once again. It's a lot to take in. I’m surprised you didn't bring him. I told you to bring him along."
"Well…he has…work…It's okay. I'll deal with this…"
"Julia," Doctor Jackson said.
"Yes?"
"This is serious. This isn't something you just deal with or fix. You can't do this on your own. You need him, you hear me?"
Julia looked at her fingernails. She bit one of them while wondering if Bette Midler was going to make any more movies and, if she did, would she be alive to see them?
"Are you listening, Julia?"
"Yes, yes, of course," sh
e said and nodded.
"Good. Now call Andrew and tell him he needs to come down here with you. You can come in later today or maybe tomorrow if you can't make it today, but make sure you bring him in. You hear me?"
She nodded again, then got up. "Yes, yes of course."
Out on the street again, Julia tried to walk to the car, but everything was like a fog to her. She felt dizzy and had to hold on to the wall of the building to make sure the spinning stopped before she moved on. She got into her car, put the key in the ignition, and was about to turn it when her phone rang. It was Andrew. She stared at the display, her finger close to the green button, but she didn't press it. The ringing soon stopped, and Julia stared at the phone for a long time, wondering if she should call him back. She wouldn't know what to say. Would she cry?
I don't understand. I was feeling better. The past week I have been better. I’m not as tired anymore. I don't feel sick anymore.
She pressed call back and waited. He picked up. "Hey."
He sounded happy. So happy. She couldn't destroy that, could she?
"You called," she said, her voice breaking. She cleared her throat to make it go away.
"Yes, I wanted you to be the first to know. I got the grant."
Julia's eyes widened. "You got it, really? Wow. I can't believe it. That's wonderful. I know you worked really hard for this."
"It's a lot of money, honey. And the faculty is giving me extra time off from teaching to finish the project, and they even say that I can work more from home. That means more money and more time. It finally paid off, all my work. Hard times are over, baby. Hard times are over."
Julia bit her lip while tears streamed across her face. "Sure are. They sure are."
CHAPTER 43
FORT LAUDERDALE, MARCH 2010
I t was Anna who noticed something was wrong. She saw it on her mother's face the second she stepped inside the house, coming home from school.