“I have no doubt that your family is charming,” R immon replied, “but we have specific instructions to seek out Qin’s soldiers, not an army of dolls.”
“None of us can help how we’re made.” The li le head frowned. “Had I known that my destiny after centuries of being buried was to be dug up and insulted, I would have remained a lump of clay.”
“Sorry,” John began, but the head cut him off.
“O h, it isn’t you! I like how comfortable your hand is. I haven’t felt this cozy since my po er fashioned me. I t’s him—” the head glared toward the demon, “—who is obsessed with size! Well I ’m sorry I didn’t live up to your expectations! You might as well bury me again so I don’t cause you any further disappointment!” Rimmon shrugged. “Bury it.”
“Don’t listen to him!” the head pleaded with J ohn. “I ’m still a soldier, and I ’m still made of terracotta. That’s what you were looking for, right?”
“True,” John said with a nod, “although I hope your brothers have been better cared for. What happened to your body?”
“Somebody dropped and broke me long ago. What happened to your clothes?”
“W hoops!” J ohn turned the head away from him, and hastily conjured up his clothing. This time he left off the suit jacket, opting instead for a tightly cut, forest green dress shirt, a charcoal tie, and gray slacks. I f he had time later, he would put some effort into creating a mirror, but from what he could see, J ohn felt like he was getting the hang of this.
“Very nice,” R immon said, filling out a white bu on-up shirt with brown tweed slacks.
“C ongratulations!” the head said. “You have found some clothing! Now we find my body. It’s not far from here, not far at all. Bolo, find my body!”
“Wait!” Rimmon protested, but Bolo had already barked in agreement and run off.
“Well, let’s go find Asmoday’s army.” John laughed as he ran to follow.
W ithout lungs or blood that needed oxygen, J ohn could run as far as he liked without becoming winded. He felt like a kid again, full of infinite energy. R immon kept pace as they chased Bolo over the green hills.
The landscape began to change, the hills becoming steep, the grass making way for more rugged plants and weeds. O n the horizon lay a village, and behind it a tomb built into a large hill. They stopped before reaching these landmarks and watched as B olo circled the ground and began digging.
“You didn’t create all this, did you?” John asked.
“No. We must have finally reached the Taoist realm.”
“O h, yes,” the head confirmed. “We are home. O h, it will be nice to have a body again! I barely had a chance to enjoy it before I was broken.”
“What happened?” John asked.
“The family went into a panic after the king killed himself. There was very li le time, you see. He wasn’t really supposed to have an army.”
“Maybe you’d better start at the beginning,” John replied. “You belonged to a king?”
“O h, yes, L iu W u, king of the Chu state, the largest of seven territories.” The head beamed up at him proudly. “He was a wonderful king! His reign was prosperous and peaceful. Everybody loved Liu Wu. I love Liu Wu. Do you? Do you love Liu Wu?”
“O f course!” J ohn said, trying not to laugh. “I haven’t met him, but you don’t have to meet the king to love him, do you?”
“Oh, no, not at all!” the head agreed.
“So why would such a universally loved king kill himself?”
“W hen the E mperor’s mother died, he decreed that all should mourn her passing, and for a while, L iu W u did. J ust a li le while, but he tried. Then L iu W u returned to his rightfully joyous life: the celebrations at court and all the wonderful meals. W hen the E mperor found out, he was furious. He wanted L iu W u dead, but this was his brother—if only by marriage—so instead the E mperor punished him by taking away some of his land. How cruel!”
“Harsh,” J ohn agreed, “but he still had a kingdom, which is more than most people have.”
The head considered J ohn for a moment, weighing how treacherous these words were before continuing. “S ome time later, another of the seven kings came and suggested they rebel against the cruel E mperor. All seven kings agreed, including L iu W u, but the war didn’t go well. I f only I had been alive then as I am now! I surely would have won the war for my king.”
“B ut that’s not what happened,” J ohn said. “Unfortunately,” he added when the terracotta head scrutinized him again.
“No. The king was so ashamed of his defeat that he took his own life, a very brave decision, I feel. His family wasn’t so brave and rushed to make peace with the E mperor, but they hadn’t completely forgo en their love for the king. They knew the E mperor would never allow a rebel to be buried with his own personal army, or he might defeat the E mperor in the next world. S o they rushed to bury the soldiers before the Emperor discovered us. They weren’t so careful with me, I’m afraid.” B olo whined for a ention, having finished his excavation. The partially revealed body was indeed the size of a large doll. J ohn didn’t dare say it out loud, but he was beginning to share R immon’s misgivings. They needed the best possible army, not a bunch of toy soldiers. J ohn set the terraco a head down so he could lift the body and brush off the excess dirt. W hen he was finished, he placed the head on the severed neck, turning it until the jagged pieces lined up. I mmediately they melded and became whole again.
The li le soldier ran forward and wrapped his arms around J ohn’s leg, his head barely reaching J ohn’s knee. “O h, thank you, gentleman of flowering grace, thank you!”
“Please, just call me John. Do you have a name?”
“Yes, the potter gave names to all of us. He named me Yi Yi!”
“Well, Yi Yi, I think you should take us to L iu W u. There’s an awful lot we have to discuss with him.”
John looked to Rimmon, who shrugged his agreement.
“O h! I ’d like nothing more!” Yi Yi gushed. “I hope L iu W u hasn’t been lonely without me!”
As the li le warrior turned to leave, J ohn noticed the basket sculpted onto its back.
O nce it had probably held small arrows, but now it was empty. I f the other soldiers were missing their weapons too, then they would be all but useless.
* * * * *
The entrance to L iu W u’s tomb was a long stone hallway chiseled out of the hillside.
G uarding it were two of the li le terraco a soldiers, their tiny hands devoid of weapons. J ohn was very tempted to step over them when they blocked his way, just to test their defensive capabilities. I nstead, Yi Yi rode forward and greeted them enthusiastically. J ohn had to admit Yi Yi looked rather dashing, just like a li le general on a steed, except it was on Bolo’s back he rode.
“I have returned and am ready to serve!” Yi Yi announced. “These nice people dug me up. Liu Wu will surely be happy to see me!”
“L iu W u hasn’t been happy in two thousand years,” the soldier on the left grumbled.
“And there’s nothing for you to do anyway,” the soldier on the right complained.
“L iu W u hasn’t waged a single war in all this time. We’re lucky to have guard duty, not that there are ever intruders. Not proper ones, anyway.” J ohn had assumed that Yi Yi’s eager disposition came from being built to serve, but it appeared this wasn’t so. Perhaps the soldiers here had also started out excessively happy before boredom had taken its toll. Then again, Yi Yi had spent two millennia as a buried head and hadn’t let it get him down.
“We should probably kill the demon,” one of the soldiers said, sounding a bit more optimistic. “Can’t imagine the boss wanting him around.”
“Yes, I will help you!” Yi Yi chirped happily.
“R immon is my friend,” J ohn said gently. “You are my friend too, and I ’d hate to see anyone attack either of you.”
He didn’t think it possible, but the li le statue’s cheeks blushed momentarily. “No!
” Yi Yi said to the other soldiers. “We will not a ack the demon, for he is a friend of my friend.”
“Whatever,” one soldier grouched as both returned to their posts.
“Hey, Chi Pu!” the other called out. “Let the boss know he has company!” A soldier further down the hall sprang to life and scuttled away.
“R ight,” the soldier on the left puffed up his chest. “The coach stays outside. O nce you enter the tomb, do not touch any of the items on display or deviate from the main hallway. M ake sure the dog doesn’t urinate anywhere and don’t allow the demon to curse any items. You will show respect to the king at all times. His majesty should be dressed in his ceremonial costume and ready to receive you now. You may proceed.”
“Next time, I will help him to dress!” Yi Yi said, his li le fists shaking with excitement at the idea.
The interior of the tomb was palatial, both in size and décor. Yi Yi led the way, instinctively knowing where his master could to be found. W ithout him, they would have been lost. Hallways gave way to more hallways, extending in all directions, the walls of each decorated with tapestries and treasures of all kinds. B efore each stood a li le soldier, most appearing disenchanted. They had been built for war and were clearly unhappy with their duties as museum curators, no ma er how impressive the treasures were.
J ohn snorted. “I f Dante were here, the guards would have something to worry about.”
B ut his humor was forced. I n truth he was worried they would never find Dante.
How could they, when they weren’t even in the same realm? W orst of all, none of this had been accomplished with Dante’s consent. They had used him to get here, changing him into a person he wasn’t anymore without explaining to him why it was necessary. As soon as they were finished here, they had to find him, but how? An idea occurred to John, followed by an unhappy realization.
“You said there was nothing we could do.”
“Hm?”
“To find Dante.” J ohn stopped and turned to R immon, his anger rising. “You said there was nothing we could do, but you knew that Bolo was a seeker.” Rimmon snapped his fingers. “Bolo! Go find Dante! Seek boy! Take us to Dante!” B olo turned, took a step forward, and turned again. His sharp eyes scanned the ceiling, then the floor. He sniffed, whined, and walked in another circle, before si ing.
Yi Yi almost slid off his back.
“You see,” R immon said. “B olo isn’t able to find him either. I f seekers could find gods in hiding, there wouldn’t be so many missing leaders.” John’s face flushed. “Sorry. It’s just that the guilt is really starting to eat at me.”
“I know. I ’m concerned about him too. E ven if I weren’t, Asmoday will have my head if I return without the R egression R egalia. The goddess that Fumiko called on to escape, Amaterasu, is unfamiliar to me, but we might be able to learn more here. We just need to give it time.”
“Master isn’t far now,” Yi Yi said impatiently. “We shouldn’t keep him waiting!” A few more twists and turns, and they entered the throne room. A dozen tall pillars, each painted either red or gold, were evenly spaced throughout the chamber to support the ornate ceiling. I n the center was a raised dais covered in golden sculptures of lions, dragons, warriors, and birds. I n the middle of these inanimate beasts was a throne. L engths of maroon and yellow fabric swept away from the throne’s high back to the ceiling before falling and rising again, looping continuously toward the rear of the room.
O n this ostentatious throne sat a suit constructed from small jade squares, the corners of each connected to their neighbors by golden thread. The style of the suit was reminiscent of fencing gear, especially the mask. I t covered the head fully, devoid of human features except a raised area for the nose.
The head of the jade suit turned to face them. J ohn jumped, not expecting anyone to suffer such suffocating armor. Then he noticed R immon and Yi Yi kneeling on the floor, their heads touching the ground. E ven B olo had respectfully lain down with his head between his paws.
“Kowtow,” Rimmon whispered.
J ohn’s mind caught up with his body, and he fell to his knees. As he lowered his head, his heart filled with rebellion. W hy should he bow to another man, for beneath the jade suit that’s surely all there was. J ust another soul, like any other, who had drawn the long straw in life. Had this king ever done anything to earn the position he had been born into? Even if he was a good ruler, the time of monarchies was long over.
J ohn brought his head close to the floor, but his forehead didn’t make contact. Had they not needed something from Liu Wu, he wouldn’t have even done this.
“You may rise, travelers.”
They stood, and J ohn waited for R immon to take command, but all the demon did was clear his throat meaningfully. J ohn, the victim of his previous successes, began as he always did.
“Your majesty—”
“You can’t borrow, buy, or in any way employ my terraco a soldiers,” the king interrupted. “No exceptions.”
“You anticipated our request?” Rimmon asked.
“Dreaded is more like it.” The king sounded bored. I ndeed, the jade suit wasn’t even considering them anymore. I t was looking around the room as if hoping to find something more engaging. “I f only you knew how many people came here with the very same idea. O f course, this is usually their second stop. M ost of them start with E mperor Q in, who humiliates them. Then they come here with injured pride, hoping I ’ll raise my army against him. Thieves!” The king’s a ention was suddenly focused on their group again. “Where did you get that? Give it back! It belongs to me!”
“Your greatness!” Yi Yi ran forward, stopping to kowtow every few steps. “Your Excellency, I belong only to you! These nice people dug me up and brought me back to you. I am your Yi Yi!”
“My… Yi Yi?”
“That’s his name, your grace,” John said helpfully.
“M y aunt was called Yi Yi,” the king said, his voice distant. “S he was— O h, for goodness sake, get this damned mask off me!”
Yi Yi complied instantly, leaping artfully onto the king’s lap and climbing onto his shoulders before removing the mask. I t split into two halves, front and back, which Yi Yi had no trouble in carrying even though the pieces were almost as large as he was.
Perhaps the soldiers were more capable than they appeared.
For the first time, they looked upon the face of L iu W u. Nothing about his appearance was particularly distinguished. He wasn’t a ractive, nor was he ugly. J ohn estimated that he was about the same age as himself.
“The rest of it, too!” L iu W u ordered. “I don’t know why I bother anymore. M ore a curse than an honor.”
Yi Yi had the armor off him in no time, despite having never handled it before. L iu W u was left in nothing but a swath of cloth tied around his groin. He stood before them with no shame or embarrassment, scowling at them with displeasure. Two more terraco a soldiers appeared from a doorway carrying a yellow robe that they draped L iu W u in by leaping into the air a few times. O nce dressed, the king sat back on his throne and continued as if nothing had happened.
“M y aunt was named Yi Yi and was a fine advisor. The po er did you a great honor by giving you her name. You shall remain by my side.”
“O h, thank you, exalted one!” Yi Yi practically swooned. “Today is a day of a thousand blessings!”
There was no doubting the li le soldier’s excitement, but J ohn noticed something curious. Yi Yi’s a ention seemed divided between his king and the jade suit of armor.
His gaze kept returning to it. The robe-bearing soldiers had given it more than one glance as well.
“I s that all?” L iu W u asked. “No pleading, begging, or bribing? G ood, we can call it a day, then.”
“Your grace, if we could just—” J ohn began, but L iu W u clapped his hands. W ithin seconds, the room was filled with the little soldiers, all of them eager for action.
“We will take our leave now,” R immon
said, retaining his dignity. “We thank you for honoring us with your presence.” He knelt to bow, but this time J ohn refused to join him.
As they left, J ohn looked back at the throne. Yi Yi’s face expressed regret, one of his li le hands waving goodbye, but before they had even left the door, Yi Yi was gazing with wonder at the suit made of jade. J ohn gave it one last glance as well, recognizing what could be their key to victory.
* * * * *
I n a tiny village nestled in the shadow of a mountain was an inn. I t didn’t have a bar, or restaurant, or a long hallway leading to a number of rooms. The quaint wooden house with its paper windows and doors had only one small space to serve all purposes. The occupant of this home would, in exchange for money, give up his bed and sleep in the adjacent corner. This was the only inn the village possessed.
Twice as much money was needed to convince the owner to leave them and stay with family in the village. B efore he left, he prepared the table with salted fish, rice, a bo le of rice wine, and two miniature cups. His smile was fixed in place until they sat at the low table and thanked him. This triggered a series of bows that continued until he backed out the door and disappeared. O nce left alone, J ohn was finally free to ask Rimmon all the questions that crowded his mind.
“An inn in the afterlife? Really? Are there so many tourists who come here?” Rimmon smiled. “Obviously not, or they would need a bigger inn.”
“B ut why does this even exist?” J ohn pressed. “The man who lives here, this is his eternal reward?”
“I ’m sure he was proud of what he had in life and desired to have just as much in death,” Rimmon answered while pouring the rice wine.
“So you can take it with you when you go.” J ohn chewed his lip. “C ouldn’t you have just made us a house? It took you seconds to create those green pastures.”
“That was in a void. This is an established realm, and we don’t belong here.
I mposing our own perception of reality would be impolite.” R immon raised a glass in salute before taking a controlled sip. “Now, if you don’t mind reversing roles, I have questions for you. W hy did you insist we stay here instead of continuing on to Emperor Qin or returning to Hell?”