He slowed his car, made the turn, and the house came into sight.
I nearly panicked.
What if I missed something?
I’d done my best to clean up the place and get rid of every trace of Tony, but I suddenly wasn’t at all sure that I hadn’t overlooked something.
A gob of brain on the front stoop…
I should’ve kept my mouth shut, let Elroy drop me off at the curb, told him thanks and goodbye—not invite him in!
Better yet, I never should’ve gotten into his car in the first place.
Thanks for the offer, Elroy, but I’m not allowed to ride with strangers—and I don’t know anyone stranger than you.
“This is an absolutely lovely house,” he said, and stopped his car. “I can’t wait to feast my eyes on the interior.”
“It’s pretty nice,” I admitted.
Gosh, Elroy, you know what? I’m not feeling so well all of a sudden.
It wouldn’t be a lie.
Would you mind terribly if we didn’t do this tonight? Why don’t I give you a rain check? Better yet, why don’t you give me your phone number, and I’ll call you?
Very cute.
Only two problems with it. First, I would look like a creep. Second, I didn’t really want to get rid of him.
I did a fine job of cleaning up. He won’t find anything.
And if he does?
“Are you having second thoughts?” he asked.
“No. Are you kidding? This’ll be great.” With that, I opened the car door.
“Wait,” Elroy said, opening his door. “I’ll come around to your side and give you a hand.”
“No, that’s…”
He leaped out.
Clutching the backpack against my chest, I burst from the car. I made it to my feet about two seconds before Elroy arrived.
“Here,” he said. “Allow me to take that.”
“I’m fine.”
He reached for my pack, anyway.
“No!” I snapped, and whirled around to put my back in the way. “I’m perfectly capable of carrying it myself.”
“Whoa! Jeezle-peezle! Okay! Sorry.”
“That’s all right,” I said, and turned around to face him.
“What do you have in there, the Crown Jewels?”
Terrific. Now I’ve made him curious.
Grinning, I said, “Curiosity killed the Elroy.”
He laughed. “You are such a stitch, Alice. You haven’t changed a single whit.”
“I’ve changed my underwear once or twice.”
His face went crimson.
“Sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”
“Of course you meant to embarrass me. It’s part of your charm.”
“Really?”
“Such a naughty girl.”
“That’s me,” I said, and stepped around him. “Let’s go this way.”
He stayed by my side as I walked down the driveway. When we came to the rear corner of the house, I quickly scanned the pool area, the back yard and the edge of the forest. I saw no one. Everything looked fine.
“Why don’t you make yourself comfortable over by the pool?” I suggested. “I need to trot upstairs and take care of a few things, then I’ll be right down and make us some drinks.”
“Fine and dandy,” he said.
But as I headed for the garage, he kept walking beside me.
“Is this your garage?” he asked.
“It’s where I live. I just rent the upstairs.”
“I’d be curious to see what it looks like.”
I was beginning to remember why I’d formed such a strong dislike for Elroy.
“Maybe some other time,” I told him.
“I’ll stay out of your way.”
“Why don’t you just wait over there by the pool?”
“Are you sure you wouldn’t like me to carry your pack up the stairs for you? You could go up first and unlock the door.”
“No, that’s fine. I can take care of it.”
“I’d be more than happy to help.”
“I’ll be down in a few minutes,” I said, hurrying forward.
This time, he stayed put.
I started trotting up the wooden stairway.
With the pack clutched against my chest, I couldn’t see the steps in front of my feet.
So, of course, I fell.
43
NO PLACE LIKE HOME
Rammed myself down on my pack.
It contained my purse and the grocery sack with an open bag of pretzels, four lengths of rope, two denim legs, two sheets and a pillow case, my autographed copy of Deep Dead Eyes, and most of my five thousand dollars in small bills. None of which did much to soften my impact with the stairs.
I slammed down hard on top of the pack, mashing my breasts, pounding my ribcage and belly, knocking my wind out.
From the sound of things, I instantly pulverized the pretzels.
From the feel of things, a corner of Murphy’s novel tried to punch its way through the gouge in my stomach.
I let out a cry of pain.
A split second after impact, I began skidding down the stairs feet first, knees bumping, thighs scraping, arms being pummeled as they hugged the pack.
The first thing I heard from Elroy was a gasp of, “Oh, dear me!” Then I heard him charging up the stairs below me.
Suddenly, he grabbed the backs of my legs, clamping down hard on them and stopping me.
“I’ve got you,” he gasped. “Don’t worry.”
“Thanks.”
“Are you all right?”
“Fine. I’m fine.”
“Just don’t move.”
I had little intention of moving—at least until I could breathe again and the pain subsided. Even after that, I wouldn’t be able to move until he let go of my legs. He had a firm grip. And his hands were way up there, almost high enough to touch my butt.
“Don’t get fresh,” I told him.
“Ha ha, very funny.”
“I guess I should’ve…let you carry the pack.”
“I’m not one to rub it in.”
Oh, sure you are.
“But I did rather expect something of this sort,” he added.
I should’ve expected it. I’d had so many falls lately, I was starting to feel like a river.
With Elroy still holding me, I pulled my arms out from under the pack. They seemed to work okay. I placed both hands on a stair to brace myself, then said, “Why don’t you sort of ease off my legs, and I’ll try to get up?”
“Be careful,” he warned.
“Get ready to grab me again, just in case.”
When he let go, I pushed at the stair, raising myself off the pack. But suddenly I started to slip.
I gasped.
Elroy grabbed me by the hips.
But I only slipped an inch or two before my knees settled onto a lower stair, stopping me.
“There,” I said.
“Okay?”
“I’ll be fine now. But I can’t get up till you’re out of the way.”
“Okay.”
A true gentleman, he let go of my hips without giving me so much as a squeeze or a pat, and descended the stairs. I got to my feet. With a hand on the railing, I turned halfway around and smiled down at him. “Thanks for catching me,” I said.
“Glad to be of service, ma’am.”
“See you in a while.”
“Are you sure you won’t be needing me again?”
“I’ll be all right. I’m not due for another fall until about sixthirty or seven.”
He laughed. “You fall a lot, do you?”
“Lately. I need to start being more careful.” With that, I turned away, climbed up to my pack, bent over it, and lifted it by the straps. It came swinging back and bumped gently against my thighs.
I stayed on my feet.
At the top of the stairs, I set it down, opened its flap, and took out my purse.
Elroy stood at the
foot of the stairs and watched me.
“Go on over to the pool,” I said. “I’ll be down in a couple of minutes.”
“Are you sure you wouldn’t like to invite me up?”
“Don’t make a pest of yourself, Elroy.”
“You can’t blame a fellow for trying.”
“Don’t count on it.”
With a smirk on his face, he winked an eye, pointed a finger at me, and said, “Later.”
Which would’ve been truly cool coming from Paul Newman or John Travolta. Coming from Elroy, it was sort of sad and funny, but mostly annoying.
As he swiveled around and started swaggering toward the pool, I took the keys out of my purse. I unlocked the door, opened it, then picked up my pack and went in.
I made sure the door was locked.
Then I hauled the pack over to my closet, pushed my way through some hanging clothes, and set it down on the floor. There, it was basically out of sight. You could only spot it by squatting down low and peering in under the clothes. You couldn’t spot it that way, either, after I’d shut the closet door.
Good enough.
I wasn’t trying to hide the stuff from Sherlock Holmes. My only concern, just then, was Elroy.
Not that I had any intention of allowing him into my room. You can’t be too careful, though. Elroy might seem harmless and easy to control, but guys like that will sometimes go nuts on you. I wanted my pack to be out of sight—out of mind—in case he flipped out and came barging in.
Or in case I went nuts and brought him in, myself.
Fat chance.
With the pack nicely hidden, I spent a minute or two inspecting my latest injuries. I found minor scrapes on my arms, shins and knees, but no new damage anywhere else—not even where the corner of Murphy’s book had jabbed me in the belly. Nothing needed treatment.
I decided against changing any of my clothes.
In the bathroom, I took a few minutes to “freshen up.” Which means I washed, brushed my hair and dabbed on a bit of Tropical Nights perfume.
I wouldn’t be needing my purse, so I stuck it away inside a dresser drawer.
With nothing except my key case, I stepped outside. Elroy waved at me from a lounger beside the pool. I waved back, then made sure the door was locked before I started down the stairs.
I reached the bottom, still standing.
Elroy got to his feet as I walked over to him.
“Ready for the Happy Hour?” I asked.
“The sun’s well over the yardarm,” he said.
“Let’s go in and concoct something. And I’ll see what I can do about finding a couple of nice, thick steaks for dinner.”
The sliding glass doors were all locked from inside, so I led Elroy around to the front of the house. Along the way, I kept watch for any telltale signs of Tony.
Everything looked fine.
I unlocked the front door and entered the house. Elroy stepped in after me. I shut the door.
The house felt hot and stuffy.
It was very silent.
I’d left all the curtains shut, so the rooms were filled with murky, yellow light.
“Hang on a second,” I whispered. “I’ll turn on the air conditioning.”
As if nervous about being here, Elroy stayed in the foyer and looked around while I hurried down the hall to turn on the air.
I flicked the switch and heard the blower start.
The sound was good to hear. I hadn’t liked that silence.
“Things’ll cool off fast, now,” I said, returning to the foyer.
“Are you sure it’s all right for us to be here?”
“Sure I’m sure. I have the keys, don’t I? Come on,” I said, and headed for the kitchen. “What do you like to drink?”
“Oh, I don’t know.”
“How about margaritas?”
“Are we going to use their stuff?”
“Sure.”
“Is it all right to do that?” he asked.
“Would I be doing it if it weren’t?”
“Maybe. I don’t know, would you?”
“Nope. Not me. I ain’t no thief.”
In the kitchen, I went straight for the cupboard where they kept the liquor. I opened it and took out a bottle of tequila.
“The deal is,” I explained, “they like me to use their stuff when I’m staying here. They even stock up on my favorite foods and drinks and things. They want me to live it up. They’re on vacation, and they want this to be like a vacation for me.”
“Really?”
“Don’t you believe me?”
“I just don’t want to get into any trouble,” he said.
“Relax. Everything’s fine. What they don’t know won’t hurt them.”
Elroy’s face contorted. He blurted, “Oh, my God. I’ve gotta get out of here.”
I burst out laughing.
“It’s not funny. I’m leaving.”
“I was kidding! It was a joke. The owners are my best friends. I’ve got the run of the place. You’re not going to get into any trouble. If they walked in the door right now, they’d be delighted to find us here and they’d make the drinks for us.”
“Honest?” Elroy asked.
“So help me.”
After that, he seemed to be all right. He even helped me. Soon, we had a blender full of margarita. While Elroy salted the rims of our glasses, I studied the meat situation.
It came as no surprise.
Except for some hot dogs and salami in the refrigerator, everything else was frozen. The freezer compartment was full of goodies: steaks, pork chops, lamb chops, chicken breasts. But they were as solid as bricks.
“If you don’t want grilled weenies,” I explained, “we’ll have to thaw out something.”
“I thought we were having steaks.”
“We still can have steaks.”
“But they’re frozen?”
“I’ll just nuke ’em till they thaw.”
“That’ll be tasty.”
“Well, we could thaw them out naturally, but that might take a few hours.”
“I’m not in any hurry,” he said, smiling and wiggling his eyebrows.
“Well, let’s see how it goes.” I opened the freezer compartment again. “We can have anything in here. Would you rather have lamb, or…?”
“You promised me a steak.”
For a guest, Elroy seemed awfully damn insistent.
“Then a steak you shall have,” I told him, and took out a couple of T-bones.
What is it, anyway, with people and slabs of beef? Hey, I like the things, too. But I’m not wild for them. Steaks aren’t the be-all and end-all. If you ask me, lamb and pork have more flavor. And chicken is usually more tender. Besides, steaks are tricky devils. If you don’t cook them just right, they get all dry inside. And sometimes, for reasons I’ve never figured out, you cook up a perfectly good steak and it ends up tasting like liver. I just don’t see what the infatuation is.
Anyway, I ripped the butcher paper off the T-bones. Serena was in the habit of freezing her meat in pairs, so the steaks were not only as solid as slabs of concrete, but also stuck together.
I didn’t even try to part them.
Smiling at Elroy, I hammered the counter a couple of times and said, “Dinner will be a while.”
“No problem,” he said.
“These can at least marinate…”
“Marinate?”
“You know, maybe some teryaki sauce.”
“No. Perish the thought. Do you want to ruin them?”
Figures!
“Let’s not marinate them,” I suggested.
“Just a dab of salt and pepper before they go on the fire,” Elroy said.
“Excellent. I’ll let you take care of it.”
Looking very pleased with himself, he said, “Happy to oblige.” Then he turned away. He gave the blender a quick buzz that swirled the margarita concoction, whipped it to froth and sent it climbing the sides of the pitcher.
&
nbsp; As he filled our glasses, he asked, “Do we have anything to nibble on?”
I thought of Murphy’s pretzels.
“What would you like?”
“Tortilla chips, if you have them.”
“I’ll see if Serena has any,” I said, and headed for the cupboard where she kept various bags of chips.
“Who is this Serena?”
“She owns the joint. She and her husband.”
“Our out-of-town hosts?”
“Right.”
“Let’s see what they’ve got,” he said, and joined me in front of the cupboard.
There were plenty of nibbles to choose from. Elroy decided on a bag of lightly salted, fat-free, taste-free corn tortilla chips.
“Shall we take it all outside and enjoy it by the pool?” I asked.
“Absolutely,” Elroy said.
Carrying the bag of chips, I left the kitchen. Elroy followed with the drinks.
Wanting to avoid the den—I’d never gotten around to cleaning its glass door—I started across the living room. My plan was to open the drapes and let us out through the sliding door.
But along the way, striding by the fireplace, I turned my head to take a look at the saber.
What if it’s wet?
What if it’s dripping blood?
What if Elroy gets curious and takes a close look…?
But I didn’t need to worry about any of that.
The saber was gone.
44
ADAMANT ELROY
Yeah, I thought. Sure it’s gone.
I looked away and kept moving.
Where’d I leave it? I wondered. In the den?
I opened the curtains, then stepped over to the sliding door. As I unlocked it, I recalled having the saber with me when I took my bath early that morning. Had I left it in the bathroom?
No.
I slid open the glass door.
Didn’t leave it in the bathroom. Wanted everything back in place.
Could’ve sworn I hung it back over the fireplace.
I DID.
I remembered, now. After breakfast, I’d put the saber on its hooks where it belonged.
So where it is now?
Very quickly, I stepped outside. In my mind, I imagined myself letting out a squeal, flinging my sack of tortilla chips at the sky, and running like hell.
But I simply walked over to the table. From the other side, I watched Elroy step out of the house, a margarita in each hand. He didn’t have a hand to spare for closing the door, so I hurried over and rolled it shut.