Relax, he told me. Accept the gift. You’ll understand soon.
My first reaction was automatic sarcasm, but I suppressed it rather than complain about not wanting to be a red head. Besides, from what I could tell, he was evicting himself, and that was something I couldn’t understand.
Weariness overwhelmed me as I rejoined the physical world again. The body was strong, but my soul was exhausted in a manner that few could understand. Darkness closed around me, and for the first time in over a year, I slept.
***
I woke in a familiar place.
Staring up at the ceiling I let my senses range wide. The sense of freedom that gave me was like a breath of fresh air. My magesight brought it all to me; Castle Cameron surrounded me like a dear friend. After so long trapped within my magical cage I could feel the world directly. My body was alive, warm, and full of energy. I was lying in one of the guest bedrooms.
The earth was rumbling deep below, and the stones in the walls sang softly. I could feel! Smell and taste were there as well, though mostly as a reminder that I needed to clean my new body’s mouth. My breath was undoubtedly atrocious.
The scent next to me was deeply comforting, in a way that few things are. Bringing myself into tighter focus, I examined the woman lying next to me.
Penny was sleeping there. Her body was cold, as if she had taken a chill, but she still breathed, and her heart was beating slowly. She looked as if she had been brought in from a battlefield. She wore leather and a padded gambeson that smelled of iron and sweat. The chainmail that had gone over that had been removed at least, so I was grateful for that.
Touching her cheek, I felt tears start in my eyes. “Why didn’t someone take those filthy clothes off of you?” I wondered softly. The room was empty, so I was speaking only for myself, but the voice surprised me. It was Gareth Gaelyn’s.
Sitting up, I saw my reflection in the mirror across from the foot of the bed. A shaggy red beard and wild mane of hair greeted my eyes. Sonofabitch! I thought. He really did it.
Despite my shock, I was humbled by the ex-dragon’s gift. The thought of living with a different face bothered me more than I would have expected, but the understanding of his sacrifice made me ashamed of my earlier complaints. I can’t believe he did this.
My magesight had already told me one odd fact. The only other human within a mile of us, was Walter Prathion. He was sleeping next door in the room beside this one. That’s the room he and Rebecca usually stay in when they visit, I noted absently. Why am I in a guest bed?
“Penny,” I said softly, hoping she would wake. She didn’t. Thinking back I already knew why. I had nearly killed her.
While her body was unharmed, I had drawn upon her aythar until she had come close to dying. It would be days, if not weeks before she recovered fully from that. She might not regain consciousness for some time.
As gently as I could, I removed her clothes, noting the bruises and scrapes that adorned her body. Using my magic, I brought water from the upstairs cistern, and lacking a bucket or bowl I just left it suspended in the air while I warmed it to a comfortable temperature. Once it was ready, I used it to carefully wash her body and hair, encouraging the dirt to join the water when it was reluctant to be parted from her.
I couldn’t blame it. If I was that stain on her chin, I’d want to stay there forever too.
Maybe not that dried mucus though, that’s just disgusting. I remembered her face before I had drained her. It wasn’t surprising she still had a crusty nose.
Finished with her impromptu bath, I sent the water out a small window while I kept the air warm around her as she dried. Clean and cozy in the bed now, her body was still cool to the touch. It was having trouble producing enough heat.
More tired than hungry, I got out of my own strangely clean clothes and climbed back into bed with her. I wrapped her in my arms and drew her close, until her back was smooth against my somewhat hirsute chest.
Damn, Gareth really was a hairy bastard, I thought to myself. Without much further consideration, I drifted to sleep again.
Chapter 48
My next wakening was less pleasant.
It was morning this time, which was usually a bad sign, but it was the bone crushing pain in my wrist that really set the tone.
“Ow, ow, ow…!” I began yelping reflexively. “You’re going to break it!” Penny had my hand bent at an angle that threatened to cause serious damage. It wasn’t the threatening sort of pressure either, it was the sort of pressure you applied when you wanted to break the wrist. She had just been kind enough to give me a moment to wake up first.
“Get it away from me,” she ordered fiercely.
I immediately understood. It was morning, and my new lower half had risen before me, as it usually did. At the moment it was pressed against something warm and soft, namely, her.
Rather than try to explain, I squirmed rapidly to create some distance between her and all the parts of me that weren’t being broken yet. She didn’t release my wrist, but she did ease the pressure slightly, so that I wasn’t in immediate danger.
“If you have an explanation for this Gareth, you should make it quickly,” she warned. She spoke through clenched jaws, and her tone was one I had rarely heard, except on the rare occasions when she was killing people.
“I do,” I blurted out, “but it will take some time to tell.” As I spoke I noticed how clammy her skin was. Although she was awake her color was pallid, and there was a tremor in her shoulders. She was probably as sick and weak as she had ever been, and she had awoken to find Gareth holding her. She had made an obvious leap of logic.
Despite the pain I was still in, I felt terrible for frightening her. “How much do you remember?” I asked.
The pain in my arm went up sharply, “That doesn’t sound like an explanation.”
I had no easy answer. I didn’t want to use magic against her. That would only make things worse. As a compromise, I used a silent spell to block the nerves leading to my arm. That way I could at least think clearly, and it had the added advantage of leaving her with a feeling of control. I couldn’t think of much worse than having awakened half dead and thinking she had been violated while she was helpless.
That’s love for you. I figured in the worst case scenario I could probably heal whatever damage she did later.
“I’m not Gareth Gaelyn,” I said carefully, continuing to feign helplessness.
Her body tensed so I squirmed as if in pain. She followed by stating, “Lie to me again, and I’ll break it.”
“This used to be his body,” I told her. “I was dead, but somehow he and Walter saved me.”
She froze, staring at me with eyes that didn’t dare to hope. It made me want to cry to see her so vulnerable. “That’s too cruel. You can’t say that. No one could say something so terrible,” she replied, her face showing clearly the storm winds that were blowing her heartstrings back and forth.
“Only you, Penny, I’ve never loved another—only you,” I said, rephrasing what she had said to me at the end.
She began crying then, so I joined her. Just to be companionable of course, no one likes to cry alone.
After a bit she relaxed and let me hold her with my one good arm. I still couldn’t feel the other one. I tried to kiss her, but she turned her head. “No.”
That hurt, but I tried to hide it.
“It’s your face,” she said, seeing the pain in my eyes. “It feels like I’m doing something wrong.”
“I really am Mordecai,” I assured her.
“That’s not his face,” she repeated. “The beard, the eyes, they’re different—even your voice.”
“I’m sorry.” In front of me I realized, we had a whole minefield of strange body issues to sort out. Maybe if I use illusions so that I look and sound like myself…
She kissed me without warning. It was quick and awkward and still wonderful. I could tell she was trying to avoid the beard, though. My own had been short and well-
kept, but Gareth’s was a red wilderness of danger. “We’ll figure this out,” she told me.
The kissing had done wonderful things for my—state of—mind, but I pulled away from her. The rest could wait. She was far too ill for me to let her go further. “I’ll get you something to eat,” I said instead. In truth, I was starving as well.
Rising from the bed I tried to dress, but my arm was still out of operation.
“I didn’t do that,” said Penny.
I explained the paralysis while I restored the nerves. For some reason she thought that was hilarious. The wrist was still pretty sore when the sensation returned.
Dressing quickly, I found Walter in the kitchen, already tending a pot. It smelled like ham and peas with a mixture of spices. I hadn’t expected him to be a good cook, but then considering his many years away from his wife and family…
“You look good in an apron,” I told him.
He looked up from his pot, “You look good breathing.”
“You probably tell all the redheads that.” We both laughed then.
“How is she?” he asked after a minute.
“Unwell,” I admitted. “I nearly killed her before…”
“That was as much her fault as yours,” said Walter as he tasted his handiwork. “Your wife is only marginally brighter than you are at times, and twice as stubborn.”
“We’re well matched,” I agreed. “I want to thank you again. You risked everything for me.”
He kept his eyes on his pot. “We’ve been through too much to start getting sentimental this early in the day,” he answered in a slightly gruff voice.
I agreed with him there, so I changed the subject, “Why did you put us in one of the guest rooms?”
“We couldn’t get to your ‘other’ home,” he replied with a faint tinge of frustration in his voice. “When we opened the door, it just led into your false living quarters.”
That aside, our ‘false’ living quarters were still quite comfortable and did in fact hold a lot of personal items such as some of our clothing. “I’m surprised you didn’t just use that room, though.”
“I preferred to have you in a room closer by, in case either of you needed me,” he said, passing me a platter with two large bowls of steaming soup.
Once again I was reminded of how surprisingly kind Walter could be. Some had faulted him in the past for his excessive caution, myself included, but he was a complex man. The truth was, his courage had never failed me when it really counted and his ability to care and nurture those around him had always been an example for me to follow.
A new presence gave me pause; a flier, closing on the castle. Adjusting my focus I examined the newcomer. It wasn’t one of the gods. It appeared to be an eagle, but its aythar was far too powerful. It shone with a radiance that could only indicate a wizard, and the feel of it was familiar. I turned to Walter, “You said ‘we’ a moment ago…”
He nodded, “Gareth should be back soon.” The eagle still hadn’t gotten within his range.
I gave him a quizzical look, “But…?” Unable to find the words I set the platter back down and waved my hands across my body.
Now it was his turn to look puzzled. “What? You thought that—oh!” He began laughing then, which annoyed me to no end. “Wait ‘til I tell him!”
“I really don’t think this is amusing,” I protested. “I thought the man was dead!”
“You didn’t seem too sad about it,” he noted, before adding in a mock tone, “’You probably tell all the redheads that’.”
“I’d already been through all the emotional turmoil I could handle in one morning!” I said in exasperation.
Walter’s eyes flicked to one side then as he sensed Gareth’s arrival. “Well, you can rest easy. He’s alive and well.” Glancing around in a conspiratorial way, he lowered his voice and added, “And still as difficult as ever to deal with. Just between us, I’m starting to think his aloofness is a normal part of him.”
“I always figured it was a part of the dragon-nature he had taken on,” I commented.
“Me too,” said Walter. “But he’s completely human now, and yet he’s still pretty stiff.”
The eagle transformed into the redheaded archmage in the courtyard. It was graceful the way he did it, shifting just before his talons reached the ground. He went from flying to walking on booted feet as easily as I might have removed my coat on entering a house. That would be the Gaelyn gift, I suppose.
A couple of minutes later he walked in and greeted us, giving me an odd look at the same time.
“I feel the same way when I see you,” I told him dryly.
Walking closer he lifted one hand to adjust a stray bit of my hair. “You look good,” he said approvingly, “but you need to pay better attention to your grooming. A beard like that is a blessing; you should treat it as one.” His face was solemn.
“Penny nearly broke my arm when she woke and thought it was you in bed with her,” I informed him sourly.
That made him chuckle slightly. “It’s a wonder you have survived marriage so long. I had thought her a stubborn woman, but now I see she must have a great deal of patience.”
“Patience?!”
“To put up with your shenanigans,” he said, as if that clarified things for me.
Irritated, I glared at him, “Look, I had only woken up once before she did. There were no shenanigans. She’s quite ill and all of this...,” I gestured to indicate my face, “…was very upsetting for her.”
Gareth took one of the bowls from the platter I had placed nearby. Collecting a spoon he walked past me. “Then you should have changed it,” he suggested.
I stared at him, flabbergasted, while he stuffed a large spoonful of Walter’s soup into his mouth. My brain had seized up, so my mouth kindly helped out by turning out phrases without consulting it. “That was for Penny,” I said.
“No, that one was,” he said pointing at the tray. “Since you like wearing my face I could just take both of them up to her for you. Is that what you’re suggesting?”
I briefly considered flinging the other bowl of soup at him, but my poor brain finally sorted through what he had meant. ”Oh!” I’m a damned idiot! There’s one transformation that any archmage has to know. Whether you are speaking to the wind or the earth, whether you change your flesh or mind, the one transformation that always has to occur is the return to yourself.
In the past I had always begun as ‘me’, and while Moira Centyr had once taught me that I could modify that deliberately, I hadn’t taken the time this morning to think it through. Gareth had given me a copy of his body, but it certainly didn’t have to remain that way.
Walter had already filled another bowl and replaced the one on my tray that Gareth had taken. I could see the mirth in his eyes. “You could have reminded me sooner,” I complained.
“I am neither an archmage nor a Gaelyn wizard. My body stays pure and undefiled. I have no idea what shape shifters are capable of,” he said honestly. “You should take the soup up to her before it gets cold,” he suggested.
I ignored him for a few minutes. Leaving the tray where it was, I closed my eyes and turned my attention inward, remembering myself as I had been. I listened, not to the outer world, but to the voice of my flesh, joining its song to my conscious awareness—and then I changed. My self-image faltered for a moment as a vivid memory of my dead body flickered through my mind. My heart stopped, and the world grew dim for a second, but I recovered quickly, returning to the image of myself as I had been a year ago. Opening my eyes at last, I stared at Gareth.
His eyes had a hint of alarm in them. He had probably noticed my near mistake. If I hadn’t corrected it before it had taken hold, I’d have died again. That would have been annoying, I thought. I wonder if they would have tried to save me a second time.
“You should have kept the beard,” he advised me, returning his attention to his soup.
I crossed my eyes and twisted my face into a goofy expression, ??
?I don’t need to cover it all up now that I don’t look like this anymore.”
Walter snorted and Gareth chuckled. I left then, heading for the door. I couldn’t wait to show Penny my good news.
“I hope she isn’t too disappointed when she sees how he looks now,” said Gareth to Walter, just loudly enough for me to hear. “It’ll probably be hard for her to get over the letdown.”
Chapter 49
Another day of Walter’s cooking, and a lot of rest helped considerably. I was still wounded inside, in ways I hadn’t even dared to look at yet, but I had too much to do to let myself fall apart.
Penny was worse physically, but her spirits were high. I hoped she would emerge from all of it without as much mental scarring as I would likely have, but there was no way to compare. Human beings simply aren’t meant to survive the things we had.
The empty castle was a strange experience. Never in all the years that we had lived there, had it been so quiet. Mal’goroth had destroyed the shield around it after… what he had done to me, but he hadn’t done any real harm to it after that. It had been the people he wanted to punish, not the buildings.
Once Penny had gone back to sleep, I went with Walter and Gareth to open the door to my hidden home. It was locked from the inside, but I was able to show them how to get the attention of the door guard. Walter and Gareth hadn’t realized before that, while a stranger couldn’t open the door, knocking could be heard by the occupants. The portal was active so long as the door was closed and wasn’t opened by the wrong person. Otherwise we’d have been unable to respond to messengers and such.
The reunions that followed were joyful.
Walter’s wife was nearly inconsolable. I might have thought he had died when she saw him, but I didn’t have time to worry about them. My own children were awake, and they had been without either of us for the past day.