“Tell her,” Paine said, moving closer to us. “If she’s going to stay, she deserves to know.”
Disco let me go and took a step back. “Tonight you’re not going to be our equal. You’ll be expected to do anything and everything Revenald says. He’ll humiliate and degrade you for sport. He doesn’t want you to bend, he wants you to break. You are nothing more than a human who has overstepped her bounds. He’ll exploit your weaknesses. Once he knows what they are, he’ll use them against you.”
Marius’s words came back to haunt me. What I’ve done to you is nothing. It’s a scratch on otherwise pristine armor.
“After tonight, he’ll leave?” I could survive one night of being treated like shit. At least that’s what I told myself. The rest of it—such as the horrific things I’d see—were obstacles I didn’t want to face yet.
“If you give him what he wants, then yes,” Paine replied. “His vampiric house is one of the most respected in the world. If you can prove you’re his to command, he’ll keep you around.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because he’s egotistical and arrogant,” Disco’s answer was more of a snarl. “Word of your power has spread through the community. Knowing he controls the most powerful necromancer in vampire circles will elevate his status among half-demons. Not only will they respect him, they’ll fear him. That’s the only reason he didn’t have Marius kill you. He knows that if he did, half-demons would assume he is afraid of what he can’t control. His pride won’t stand for that.”
It would be hard to bite my tongue and take the bastard’s shit, but I could do it. Anyone could survive anything for a short period of time. I pushed thoughts of Marigold Vesta aside. Now it was about jumping one hurdle at a time.
“I’ll do what he wants.”
“It’s not in your nature to submit.” Paine didn’t sound convinced. “Or to stand back while another suffers.”
“I’ll help her, if she’ll allow it.” Disco didn’t sound happy, which was a good thing. I didn’t exactly like the idea of functioning under his influence either.
“By controlling me?”
“If you do what Revenald wants, you won’t be able to face yourself in the morning. If I make you do as he says...”
I knew he couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence, so I did. “Then I can blame you instead.” After we’d made peace, coming to terms with what he’d done, I’d be put in a position that might make me hate him all over again.
What fucking bullshit.
“Let him, Rhiannon,” Paine said with a measure of calm I was certain he didn’t feel. “Getting through the evening is going to be hard on all of us. If you’re determined to stay, give us this small amount of comfort.”
I cautiously relented. “I’ll let you help, but there’s a catch.” I glanced at each of them. After Disco nodded his consent, I continued. “You let me handle things on my own until it’s too much. Don’t force your will over me unless I ask you to.”
“I won’t force my will on you unless I think it’s necessary.” Disco stopped me with a hand in the air when I tried to interrupt. “I’m not negotiating.”
“And I don’t want you putting yourselves in harm’s way.” I started at Disco, then Paine. “Regardless of what happens, I have to know you’ll be okay. I won’t be able to do this if I know you’re going to be hurt.”
“Fuck, what a tangle,” Paine muttered and started pacing. “I don’t like this.”
“None of us do,” Disco said quietly.
When someone knocked at the door, I bolted from my seat and Paine and Disco turned with vampire speed. Jesus, we were all jumpy.
“It’s me,” Goose said, his voice a breathy whisper. “Hurry up and let me in.”
Paine went to the door and opened it, stepping aside as Goose walked into the room with a couple of boxes in his arms. I wanted to yell at the traitor. Instead I gawked at my fellow necromancer and former friend, stunned by his clothing and appearance. Mr. Stick Up His Ass was wearing black leather pants and a matching button-down silk shirt. His normally neat hair as mussed, and he was wearing guyliner. Once I’d said Ethan McDaniel P.I. could never pull off the emo look. Oh how wrong I was.
What the fuck?
“Oh shit.” Disco froze, eyes homed on our unexpected guest. Since the man rarely cursed, I knew something was very wrong. “What’s changed?”
“As you can see”—Goose indicated his attire—“Marius informed me I’m expected to make the trip tonight.”
Disco’s lips thinned. “And?”
“Anton Kostya has decided to honor us with his presence. He’s traveling to Bhevencourt Estate to join Revenald as we speak.”
Paine slammed his open palm against the wall. “Son of a bitch.”
Goose stared at the floor as he approached me, hands trembling. “Marius told me to give these to you. You’ve got less than an hour to get ready.”
“Less than an hour?” Paine asked incredulously, turning toward us. “The sun is still up.”
Goose nodded. “Revenald is meeting us there. Marius wants us to depart as soon as possible. We’ll have to take the limousines.” He lifted his head and looked at Disco. “Unless you’re changing your plans?”
Disco, in turn, looked at me. “This just went from bad to worse. Anton Kostya is one of the most powerful half-demons in the world. If he is traveling all this way, he expects Revenald’s justice to be harsh.”
“I don’t care.” I wasn’t leaving Disco, Paine, or Goose to face their demented fucking family—or douchebag acquaintances—alone. “I’m not leaving.”
His jaw clenched, flexing as he grinded his teeth together and snapped, “There’s no change in plans.”
“Are you sure?” Goose asked, frowning as he handed the packages in his quaking hands to me.
“He’s positive,” I answered before Disco could.
My fingers felt numb as I took the smaller box—obviously shoes—in one hand. In the other, I grasped the larger black box with Strip Tease written in bold silver letters across the top. A few of the strippers from The Black Panther Club shopped at the sex store when they had extra cash. The merchandise might be expensive and handmade, but it was still trashy. I did not want to know what was inside. If Goose was dressed like a gigolo, no doubt I was in for more of the same. I considered asking them if this party included sex with strangers, but truthfully I didn’t want to know.
Disco moved around Goose and invaded my personal space, wrapping his arm around my waist to pull me close. Bending his head, he whispered against my ear, “It’s not too late to change your mind. Paine and Ethan still have time to get you out of New York.”
Not trusting my voice, I shook my head. I wouldn’t let Disco endanger himself for me. Pulling away from his embrace, I walked to the bed, tossed the shoes on the floor and put the bigger box on the mattress. I yanked the lid open and lifted the top out first, grimacing when I discovered it was a red leather corset outlined with black lace. Saying a silent prayer, I reached for the garment that would complete the outfit. To my relief it was pair of leather pants. Yes, the material would hug every curve, but at least my girly parts would be hidden.
“What’s with the all leather?” I tried to make a funny, but I wasn’t surprised when no one laughed.
“It distinguishes vampires from servants and servants from slaves,” Disco answered.
“Servants from slaves?” I croaked as my gag reflex kicked in. What did that mean?
He ignored my question and his ominous gaze hovered on my throat. “Leave your hair down.”
“What?” I looked at Disco, taken back by the order. He usually asked for the opposite, knowing with my hair up everyone would clearly see my mark.
“Vampires are drawn to the lines of the neck, especially when someone is fair skinned and veins are visible. I didn’t mind you showing that much skin when I could protect you.”
And he couldn’t protect me tonight.
Damn.
/>
“I’ll wear it down.”
“What have we decided to do?” Goose asked, sounding nervous.
“Isn’t it obvious?” I asked sarcastically and threw the slutastic pants on the bed. “We’re going to a party.”
“Rhiannon,” Goose said, inching toward me, and I could just feel an apology coming. “I’m sorry. I wanted to warn you, but Marius wouldn’t let me.”
“Save it.” I refused to look in his direction. “This isn’t the time or place. We’ll have our talk later.”
I knew he thought taking the pendant was for my own good, but Goose’s decision put everyone at risk. I could have used the power it gave me if things took a downward turn. Now I was only a weak human who was capable of talking to ghosts and resurrecting the dead. Ass kicking was no longer on the menu.
The silence that followed seemed to go on forever.
“I’ll wait downstairs,” Goose finally said.
I didn’t look up until the door opened and closed. Disco had leaned against the wall, watching me with a brooding expression. Paine remained where he was, near me by the bed.
“Is Revenald going to make an example of him, too?” I asked. Even after what Goose had done, I didn’t want harm coming to him. Not because of me.
“Hopefully it’s nothing more than a warning.” Paine sighed. “Revenald needs to show Ethan what he can expect if he steps out of line.”
Having Ethan watch as I was put through the wringer made sense. Fear was a powerful tool.
“Paine,” I said softly and turned my head, gazing at him from beneath my lashes, “if something happens tonight, you can’t intervene. I need you to promise that you won’t.”
Paine suddenly looked like he wanted to kill someone. “No.”
“You can’t risk yourself for me,” I continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “I need to know that after tonight you’ll be safe.”
“Anton isn’t a mere half-demon, he’s a sadist. Do you hear me? He’s. A. Sadist.” Paine appeared in front of me using vampire speed, stopped, and grasped my arms so hard I winced. “If he’s coming here, it’s not to watch Revenald put you in your place, it’s to force him to. If Revenald backs down, he’ll lose face. Word will spread that he’s become weak. When that happens, other half-demons will start challenging his right to his territory. Half-demons thrive on misery and chaos. Put two of them together and...” Paine let me go, taking a step back, eyes haunted. “I don’t want to know what they’ve planned together. I don’t even want to think about it.”
“Then don’t think about it.” I was unbalanced by the fear in Paine’s gaze, experiencing a suffocating surge of terror, but I tried to keep my feelings under wraps. “Just promise me that you won’t interfere.”
“Ask all you want,” Paine replied dryly. “The answer will remain the same.”
“She’s made up her mind, and we both know she’s foolish, stubborn and hardheaded,” Disco said, pushing away from the wall and shoving in hands into his pockets. “Don’t waste your breath. She already made me give her my word. She won’t relent until you do the same.”
“Her tantrums might work with you, but they won’t with me. When she says jump, I don’t ask how high.”
Disco arched a brow. “If I didn’t know better I’d consider that an insult.”
“Call it what you want.” Paine nailed Disco with a seething glare.
“Whether you like it or not,” I said, trying to remain calm and keep the testosterone driven men on topic, “the three of us are in this together.”
“Correction,” Paine snapped, startling me with his vehemence, and stormed across the room. “The two of you are in this together.”
“You know that isn’t true.” I tried not to lash out at him.
“It is true, and you know it. I’m the third wheel, the one who’ll always be on the outside. I’ve made peace with that because I have no other choice. So don’t ask me to stand by and watch while someone tries to destroy the only people I’ll ever love when it’s finally up to me to decide. I can’t”—he paused, his back turned to us—“no, I won’t allow you to take that choice from me. It’s my life. I get to decide how long it lasts. Not you.”
“Paine,” I whispered, agonized that he’d finally said it aloud. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what? Be honest? Keep living a lie? Make promises I can’t keep?”
There were no easy answers, so I didn’t attempt to give him any. Instead I met Disco’s tortured eyes, trying to relate how I felt through our locked gazes, unsure of what to do. He and I had always known how Paine felt, but his emotional attachment was a phantom in the room, a ghost that remained hidden to the unknowing eye.
During the time I’d kept my distance from Disco, Paine and I had become friends. There was nothing more to it—simply shared memories, thoughts about life and my admission of what had occurred between us in the future—but to hear the words spoken and know for certain that it hurt him so deeply made my heart break for him all over again.
“I know you love me, Rhiannon,” Paine said. “In the same way Gabriel does. That’s the problem. It’s not enough. Not anymore. I can’t live like this, watching from the outside, wondering what it could be like if things were different.” He spun around, facing us, breathing hard. “When this is over, I have to leave. It’s too much. I can’t pretend that I’m fine with how things are, the way they’ll always be.”
I knew this moment was coming, but I never anticipated it would happen now, with the world crashing down around us. The Paine of the future had warned me he was going to leave before I’d vanished and Disco had died. He couldn’t bear seeing us together, tortured by witnessing what he could never have.
Even though it made me selfish, I didn’t want him to leave. The way I felt for Paine confused me. The emotion wasn’t as combustive or untamed as what I felt for Disco. It was a different kind of love—softer, sweeter—but love just the same.
Apparently the knowledge impacted Disco in the same way. Instead of resentment or possessiveness, his posture radiated the devastation and shock he felt. He and Paine had been close for years, sharing a bond even I didn’t fully understand. They’d been in a war together, died together, and were reborn together. I’d often thought their connection was probably as strong—if not stronger—than the one I shared with my foster sister. Blood didn’t mean shit. Emotional ties brought people together.
“Don’t make big decisions because you’re upset.” Disco’s voice broke midway through the sentence, revealing how shaken he was by the thought of Paine leaving. “The last few weeks have been difficult for all of us.”
“This isn’t a decision that was made lightly. I’ve actually had plenty of time to think this over.”
“And you’re just telling us now? Perfect timing on your part.” Disco moved his feet from side to side—the motion so fast it was hard to tell he was moving at all—something I’d discovered he did when he was nervous.
“He decided to leave weeks ago.” Maybe it was wrong of me to reveal what I knew, but I’d made a promise to Paine in the future—of finding some way to make things work between us—that I intended to keep.
“You told her before you talked to me?” Disco asked Paine in disbelief.
Paine narrowed his eyes, staring at me. “I didn’t tell anyone.”
“He told me in the future,” I informed Disco in a soft whisper, not wanting to resent him for the damage he’d caused weeks before. “Take a minute to sort through the memories you stole from me. It’s there.” I didn’t dare look at Paine when I added, “You said you intended to leave before I went missing. Staying close to me was too difficult for you.”
“Why am I not surprised you didn’t mention this to me?” Paine’s laugh was bitter. “You can tell me about the sex we shared that I don’t remember, but you won’t discuss anything as it pertains to the present. Wouldn’t want to make Gabriel uncomfortable now, would you?”
“It’s not that simple.” Jesus, I sounded lame
. It’s not that simple?
Well, duh, dumbass.
Two men wanted me in the same way, and I loved each of them, but I had no idea what to do about it. I’d promised Paine things would be different between us but so far only our friendship had changed. We’d become closer to each other, as intimate as two people in a platonic relationship could be. But Paine didn’t want platonic. He wanted so much more. And I didn’t think I could give him that. Not with the way I felt for his best friend.
“What would you have me do? Hand her over to you? Walk out of her life? That’s what I offered you earlier—even though it killed me to do it—but you refused. Do I have to keep breathing for the deal to carry more weight? Is that it?” Disco asked, his usually deep baritone laced with an emotion I couldn’t name. “Is that the price I’d be expected to pay in order for you to stay? My lifelong misery in exchange for yours?”
It was Paine’s turn to be surprised. “I would never want that.”
“Then what do you want?”
I directed my attention to Disco as he spoke. He refused to look at me, his focus entirely on Paine.
“We don’t need to discuss this now.” Paine started to backtrack, his panic evident.
“Then you shouldn’t have brought it up,” Disco countered. “Answer me.”
“I want...” Paine swallowed, lowering his head. “Something that will never happen.” So much pain in five words. “Something I can never have.”
The three of us stood quietly, waiting for someone to speak up, when another knock at the door interrupted us. Marius didn’t wait to be invited inside, walking into the bedroom like he owned the place.
He does own the place, I reminded myself, biting back a snarky remark. Goading Marius wasn’t smart when Disco and Paine were at an impasse and the night had only just begun. Marius didn’t bother closing the door, leaving it wide open. If any of the family was nearby they’d hear every word of our conversation.
“My patience is extremely thin and yet you’re stupid enough to test me,” he remarked casually. “Ethan told you that Anton is joining us this evening. Why aren’t you ready to leave?”