I rushed to say, “No, that’s not what this is about. Remember I said that I’m uncomfortable having sex in your office? Well, I’ve thought about it, and I mean it. I really want to make this relationship work, and in order to do that, we have to work on both the business level and the personal level. The fact that you are, in essence, my parole officer confuses the matter even more. And I just feel weird when we make out here. I feel like we’re acting like teenagers who can’t keep their pants on.”
A look of relief washed over his face. “Is that all? No problem. Like I said, I find you irresistible, and I admit that it’s hard to keep my hands off you. But I promise, I’ll be good. This may mean I’ll be spending more time at your place, though—or you at mine.”
Relieved, I slipped into his arms. The pale chill of his body washed over me as I rested my head on his shoulder. We were about the same height, so when I raised my head it was to look him straight in the face. I leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips.
“I still think we’re walking a dangerous line, but it’s one I’m willing to walk. I’m learning what it means to be in a relationship, but there’s still so much that I’m not familiar with. I honestly don’t know how to act at times. Nobody’s ever given a damn about me before, except Chai, and he’s my brother.”
Alex brushed the hair back from my face. He stroked my cheek, gently playing one finger over my lips. “Have you ever wondered about your parents? Or is that a stupid question?”
“Every day. I wonder who they were. I wonder why my mother abandoned me. I wonder how many brothers and sisters I have. Are they still alive? There’s so much I want to know. And yet . . . and yet, if I were to meet my parents today, what would I say? Why did you throw me away? That’s the only question I can think of.”
I broke away and paced over to the giant palm tree in the corner. “When I was little, I would have given anything for my mother to show up and claim me. Now, having lived with the stigma of being nameless, I’m not sure how easy it would be if that happened. Sure, they could put me on the record books then, and everything would be normal, but . . . I would never forget how I’ve been treated. Once you’ve been cast away by a society, it’s not exactly easy to imagine becoming part of that society. Especially when I think the way I’m treated is unjust and archaic.”
Alex was nodding. “I understand. It may not be exactly the same thing, but I wonder, when we manage to achieve vampire rights here, what group are they going to oppress next? It seems some societies always have to have someone to look down on.”
“Exactly!” I turned, smiling. “You understand. Sometimes, I wish I could go back to the Dragon Reaches and adopt every little dragonette from the Lost and Foundling. I hated that orphanage and I sure as hell feel for the dragonettes who are still there.”
Just then, the intercom buzzed. Alex answered. “Yes?”
It was Bette. “I’m sorry to interrupt you, boss, but I have a new client on the phone who would like to talk to you. I’ve taken their information, but figured since it’s so late, you might want to schedule an appointment for them later on?”
Alex glanced at the clock. It was going on four thirty. “Why don’t you have them come by tonight. Schedule them first thing.”
“Will do.”
I let out a long sigh. “Thanks for understanding. And for listening.”
“I understand, and it’s okay. Listen, why don’t you drop by my place after work? We can leave in a few minutes. I’m sure Tonya wouldn’t mind driving herself back to your place. Chai can go with her.” A glimmer of a smile crossed his face and by the glint in his eye, I knew what he was thinking.
“If you think we have enough time, I’d like that.”
As we left the building, leaving Bette to lock up, the rain started in earnest. The drops pounded around us as we headed toward the Range Rover, pelting the street with a heavy hand. I closed my eyes, letting them stream over my face, the water washing away the growing headache. And for the first time in a while, I was able to leave work behind me as we headed toward Alex’s condo.
* * *
“Oh good gods,” I said, falling back against the sheets, my body slick with sweat. “That was wonderful.” I closed my eyes, drifting in the shower of mist that sprinkled down on us. It had started in Port Townsend, with the first time we had sex. A sparkling web of dewdrops had showered over us as I came, magical and beautiful. It didn’t happen every time, but when it did, it usually meant I was thoroughly sated.
“Feel good?” Alex leaned back against the pillows, one arm under his head, a goofy smile on his face. But it was an adorable goofy smile.
I rested my head on his shoulder. “Yeah, I really do. I could get used to this, you know. Sleeping in this bed, beside you.” As I said it, I realized I meant every word. It felt comforting to sleep beside someone, to know there was someone else on the other side of the bed.
He pulled the covers up as I shivered, the glistening drops of sweat chilling against the air. “I forgot to turn up the thermostat for you, love. I’m sorry.” Vampires didn’t need heat, and Alex kept his place at sixty-five degrees, warm enough to prevent mold.
I tucked the blanket under my chin, yawning. Even though I wasn’t ready to go to sleep yet, sex always relaxed me into a dozy state. “That’s all right. I’m not fragile. Besides, the Dragon Reaches aren’t warm—not where I’m from. Oh, when you head into the southern climes, where the golds and the reds live, yes—it gets downright steamy. But we’re at the top of the world. There’s not much room there for heat, you know. And on the edge of the ocean, it’s always windy and cool.”
He stroked my back, kissing my forehead. “You really have led an isolated life, haven’t you?”
I nodded. “The culture shock, coming here, was incredibly difficult. There are people everywhere.” I pushed myself up, sitting against the headboard, my knees up to my chest as I wrapped my arms around them. “I think what surprised me most was how gregarious humans are. Even when dragons congregate, there’s this sense of isolationism. Aloofness, I suppose.”
Alex eased up till he was sitting cross-legged beside me. “Did you mean what you said about being exclusive? Or was that just . . . said under duress?” He softly touched my arm, his fingers cool against my skin. “It’s okay if you say yes. I just want to know the truth.”
I gazed at him, realizing how safe and comfortable I felt. We weren’t at the office; it didn’t feel like a game here. This . . . this felt real. “I meant it,” I said softly. “I don’t know . . . long term, how we will do together. But for now, while we’re good . . . I mean it.”
He thought over my words, his gaze never leaving mine. “That’s good enough for me. I have something for you I’d like you to wear.” As he spoke, he reached over to the nightstand and handed me a velvet box. It was a ring box.
“Alex . . .”
“Not an engagement ring—not at all. But while we’re together, as long as you want to be with me, will you wear this?”
I opened the box, slowly, and found myself staring at a beautiful ring. Platinum, it was a simple band with three stones. The center was sapphire, and the two to either side, diamond. The sapphire was dark as ocean water on a cold day. But there was more to it than the eye could see—I sensed the rush of ocean waves, the siren song of the water calling.
“What magic does this ring hold?” I held it up, gazing at it.
“I had it enchanted. The ring is aligned to the plane of Water. It will enhance your water magic and always tell you when you’re near the ocean or a lake or river.” His smile was so genuine, so caring, that I found tears welling up in my eyes.
“You are a special man, you know that?” I held out the ring and, as I stared at it, it was as though a dam that I hadn’t known was there in my heart began to shatter. Mutely, I leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips.
“You like it
, then?”
I nodded, unsure of speaking. Finally, I found my voice.
“I’ve never . . . felt this way before.” I searched his face. How could I shift from being uncertain to knowing—absolutely knowing—in a matter of seconds? It wasn’t the ring, it wasn’t the jewels . . . no, it was that he had cared enough to have something made for me, something that would make my life better.
He took it and, holding my hand, he slid the band on my left index finger. “This means you’re my girlfriend, you know.”
“I know.” And then, before I could help myself, I blurted out, “Alex, I think I love you.”
With a soft laugh, he pulled me into his arms and laid me back against the sheets. “I love you, too, Shimmer. I love you, too.” And then, once more, he entered me, and the world fell away.
* * *
By the time I slipped out of the satin sheets that Alex kept on his bed, he had fallen into that sunrise slumber all vampires fall into. I wandered through his apartment. Leather furniture, heavy wood . . . Alex liked traditional styles. The books were evenly spaced on the bookshelves, the shelves thoroughly dust-free. His desk was neat and tidy, and the kitchen clean. Bottles of blood lined the shelves in the fridge, but he had also stocked food, for me.
I made toast and eggs, then washed the pan and my plate. All the while, the ring felt heavy on my finger. I loved jewelry, but this one—it meant something. As I washed my face and brushed my hair, getting ready to leave for the day, I stared at myself in the mirror.
“I can love . . . I can feel love . . .” I had been afraid the feeling would slip away, would vanish the moment I said the words, but it was more surprising to me that it didn’t. A part of myself that I’d kept walled off for so very long had broken wide open, and now I was stark raving terrified.
What if it didn’t work out? What if he hurt me? What if I hurt him?
What if the world blows up with you and everybody else on it? Anything can happen. Just let it be. Accept it, and let it be. Life will sort itself out if you allow it to.
Tired of worrying, I decided to embrace the new feelings that had opened up. Bette had said Alex liked crossword puzzle books. It seemed a poor gift in exchange for the ring, but if it was what he loved, I’d buy him several on my way home.
I was about to let myself out of his apartment when his phone rang. He had left it on the living room table and at first I was about to ignore it, but then thought that maybe the call was important. Whoever was calling might not realize sunrise had already happened from behind the cover of heavy gray clouds that filled the sky. I picked up his phone and glanced at the Caller ID.
Glenda.
Oh, hell. Should I answer it? Should I let it go to voice mail? After a moment, I set the phone down and let it continue to ring; another couple of rings later it fell silent. Wondering what she wanted, half wishing I had answered, I let myself out, making sure everything was locked tight.
The doorman nodded and opened the door for me as I left. He was from the Supe Community Action Council and I knew he was a werewolf. They had ironed out a treaty with the Seattle Vampire Nexus to exchange guard duties when necessary. The Shrouded Grove Towers was an upscale complex, and Alex paid a pretty penny to live there. I thought about stopping in at Ralph’s place, given he lived next door, to find out if he had discovered anything else about either Jack Skelton or Mary, my ghost. But for the moment, I wanted to just let the newness of my feelings settle in, so I discarded the idea and headed for the bus stop.
I could have called Tonya to come pick me up, but I didn’t want to bother her. Instead, I hopped the bus and was relieved to see that most of the seats were empty.
My thoughts wandered back to the discussion Alex and I had had in his office, about whether I had ever tried to find my parents. Throughout the centuries after I left the orphanage, I had looked for them. But truth was, I had no real clue of where to start. The Lost and Foundling refused to give me any information about where they had found me, or anything surrounding how I came to be at the orphanage. I had asked time and again, coming up against a brick wall each time. Now, I wondered if there was any way I could break into their records. It would have to be legally, given that I couldn’t even go back to the Dragon Reaches at this point. But maybe, just maybe, someone could help me.
I hated owing favors, but Camille D’Artigo was married to a dragon who was considered almost a prince in the realm. Lord Iampaatar and his mother had a tremendous amount of clout with the Council. If I appealed to them, they might just help me. I had a feeling that Iampaatar would be far more understanding than most of the dragons I had met. For one thing, he was married to a half-Fae, half-human woman. That alone set him apart.
I decided that I would give them a call later on. The worst thing that could happen was he could say no and then I would be no worse off than I was now. Feeling somewhat more settled, I leaned back and stared out at the silvery morning sky as the rain washed down to clean the streets.
* * *
As I walked through the door, Chai took one look at me and smiled. “What happened?”
I blinked. “I can’t get anything by you, can I?”
He shook his head. “Spill it, Little Sister.”
Tonya came up behind him. “Spill what? Shimmer’s got a secret?”
I let out a long sigh. “I guess it shows on my face, huh?”
“Your face, your aura—you’re positively glowing. What happened?” Chai glanced over his shoulder. “We have waffles and bacon, but you don’t get a bite until you level with us.”
With a soft smile, I said, “I told Alex . . . that I love him.”
And that, of course, called for a celebration with a second breakfast. They weren’t nosy about it, but I finally explained how the dam had broken open, and showed them the ring.
“That has some pretty heavy-duty magic on it, Little Sister,” Chai said.
Tonya agreed. “Oh, by the way, Stacy called. She said thanks again for the food. She’s headed to the doctor’s again today.”
We settled ourselves in the living room with our food. Feeling slightly overwhelmed, I said, “Let’s talk about something other than me and my feelings, okay? Why didn’t you tell us about Jack while we were up in Port Townsend? Maybe we could have helped you at that point.” I shoved a forkful of waffles into my mouth and smiled as a burst of maple syrup trickled down my throat. While I preferred protein to any other food, I had to admit—waffles were nature’s perfect sweet.
Tonya looked up from her book. “Because at that point, I wasn’t sure it was a serious issue. I was uneasy, but I thought it might just be my imagination, or that I might just be exaggerating things.” She placed the bookmark between the pages and closed the volume, setting it on the side table. “Human women are often trained to accept bad behavior like that. A lot of men try to get away with it, telling us we’re imagining things, when in fact they’re actually being jerks. I thought I was immune to falling into old patterns, but apparently not. I still don’t understand why my mother didn’t tell me that she had gotten married while I was gone.”
“If you don’t mind my opinion,” Chai interjected, “she might have been embarrassed about it. Or she might have thought you would think she was stupid. Your mother sounds like she was a strong-willed woman, and to mistake an abusive man for a good person might have made her feel like she had failed.”
“You probably have something there.” Tonya let out a little sigh. “Penelope was a very strong-willed woman; that’s why we argued so much. I’m just as stubborn as she is. I doubt if she’d want me to know that she had actually gotten involved with someone who was that abusive. And that she had stayed with him after the first time he hit her. I suppose she was lonely.”
“Loneliness can make us do a lot of strange things.” I shrugged. “When I was back in the orphanage, a lot of the dragonettes let themselves be bullied ju
st because they were so lonely. Friendships were discouraged, and Ser-Rigel encouraged us to turn in any suspect activity. The Ser used the divide-and-conquer method with us. As long as we didn’t unite, we were at risk and more tractable.”
Chai shook his head. “The more I hear about your childhood, the more I want to go back there and break some heads.”
I laughed, the mood breaking. “Sometimes I wish I could say yes, go ahead. But I think even a djinn would have trouble against a dragon. You’re definitely tough enough, but when you’re facing an entire organization of my kind, I doubt you’d have much of a chance.”
He shrugged. “To be honest, Little Sister, you’ve seen very little of my powers. I don’t think you are aware of how capable I am of taking on adversaries much larger than myself. I keep cloaked for many reasons.”
This wasn’t the first time that I wondered about Chai’s background. When we were in Port Townsend he had mentioned being an executioner at one point. I had refrained from asking about that part of his life, partially because the whole thought frightened me and partially because it felt like it would be intrusive. But now and then, Chai came out with something that made me think we should have a long talk. He knew a lot about my background but I really didn’t know much about him.
Tonya seemed to sense the unease and cleared her throat. “My mother had an abusive childhood and I think there were some things she just couldn’t let go of. Whatever the case, I knew nothing about her marriage to George and she didn’t tell me. But that does give me some idea of how Jack got hold of my information. She must’ve talked about me while I was gone, and I left a number of my personal papers there from high school. Chances are, Jack knows far more about me than I thought.”
I could tell that the worry from before had now turned into active fear. I didn’t blame her, either. Obsession was a dangerous thing. It blinded people to reality and made them believe the damnedest things. In some ways, love was more dangerous than hate.
I wanted to take her mind off the subject and I thought I knew just the thing to do that. “Want to go see Mary again?”