Nothing to fear there—Jill already had. She reached for a package of rye crisps from the bread basket, and Shelly frowned again. That was when she remembered she wasn’t any fonder of rye crisps than she was of split-pea soup.
“Promise me you’ll stay out of it,” Jill pleaded. “Please.”
“All right,” Shelly muttered. “Just don’t do anything stupid.”
“This is a pleasant surprise,” Jill’s mother said as she opened the front door. Elaine Morrison was in her late fifties, slim and attractive.
“I thought I’d bring over your gift from Hawaii,” Jill said, following her mother into the kitchen, where Elaine poured them each a glass of iced tea. Jill set the box of chocolate-covered macadamia nuts on the counter.
“I’m glad your vacation went so well.”
Jill pulled out a bar stool and sat at the counter, trying to look relaxed when she was anything but. “I met someone while I was in Hawaii.”
Her mother paused, then smiled. “I thought you might have.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Oh, there’s a certain look about you. Now tell me how you met, what he’s like, where he’s from and what he does for a living.”
Jill laughed at the rapid-fire questions.
Elaine added slices of lemon to their tea and started across the kitchen, a new excitement in her step. Finally, after all these years, her mother was beginning to overcome the bitterness her husband’s obsession with business had created. She was finally coming to terms not only with his death but with her grief over his neglect.
Jill was relieved and delighted by the signs of her mother’s recovery, but she had to say, “Frankly, Mom, I don’t think you’ll like him.”
Her mother looked surprised. “Why ever not?”
Jill didn’t hesitate. “Because he reminds me of Daddy.”
Her mother’s face contorted with shock, and tears sprang to her eyes. “Jill, no! For the love of heaven, no.”
“I’ve been giving some thought to your suggestion,” Jill said to Ralph a few hours later. Her nerves were in turmoil. The clam chowder sat like a dead weight in the pit of her stomach, and her mother’s dire warnings had shaken her badly.
Ralph wasn’t tall and strikingly handsome like Jordan, but he was a comfortable sort of man. He made a person feel at ease. In fact, his laid-back manner was a blessed relief after the high-stress, high-energy hours she’d spent with Jordan, few though they were.
Jordan Wilcox could pull together a deal for an apartment complex before Ralph stepped out of the shower in the morning. Ralph’s idea of an exhilarating evening was doing the newspaper crossword puzzle.
Everything about Jordan was complex. Everything about Ralph was uncomplicated; he was a straightforward, honest man who’d be a good husband and a loving father.
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Ralph prompted when she didn’t immediately continue.
Jill held her water glass. “You said something not long ago about the two of us giving serious consideration to making our relationship permanent and…and I wanted you to know I was…I’ve been giving some thought to that.”
Ralph didn’t reveal any emotion. He put down his hamburger, looked at her and asked casually, “Why now?”
“Uh…I’m going to be twenty-nine soon.” She managed to sound calm, although she felt anything but.
She was the biggest coward who ever lived. But what else could she do? Her mother had become nearly hysterical when Jill had told her about Jordan. Her own heart was filled with trepidation. On the one hand, there was Shelly, so confident Jordan was the man for Jill. On the other was her mother, adamant that Jill would be forever sorry if she got involved with a workaholic.
Jill was trapped in the middle, frightened and unsure.
Ralph relaxed against the red vinyl upholstery. The diner was his favorite place to eat, and he took her there every time they dined out. “So you think we should consider marriage?”
It was the subject Jill had been leading up to all evening, yet when Ralph posed the question directly, she hesitated. If only Jordan hadn’t kissed her. If only he hadn’t held her in his arms. And if only she hadn’t spoken to her mother…
“I missed you while you were away,” Ralph said, his gaze holding hers.
Jill knew this was about as close to romance as she was likely to get from Ralph. Romance was his weakest suit, dependability and steadiness his strongest. Ralph would always be there by his wife’s side. He’d make the kind of father who played catch in the backyard with his son. The kind of father who’d bring his wife and daughter pretty corsages on Easter morning. He was a rock, a fortress of permanence. She wished she could fall in love with him.
Jordan might have a talent for making millions, but all the money in the world couldn’t buy happiness.
“I missed you, too,” Jill said softly. She’d thought of Ralph, had wondered about him. A few times, anyway. Hadn’t she mailed him a postcard? Hadn’t she brought him a book on volcanoes?
“I’m glad to hear that,” Ralph said. Then, clearing his throat, he asked, “Jill Morrison, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
The question was out now, ready for her to answer. A proposal was what she’d been hinting at all evening. Now that Ralph had asked, Jill wasn’t sure what she felt. Relief? No, it wasn’t even close to that. Pleasure? Yes—in a way. But not a throw-open-the-windows-and-shout kind of joy.
Joy. The word hit her like an unexpected punch. Joy was what she’d experienced the first time Jordan had taken her in his arms. A free-flowing joy and the promise of so much more.
The promise she was rejecting.
Ralph might not be the love of her life, but he’d care for her and devote his life to her. It was enough.
“Jill?”
She tried to smile, tried to look happy and excited. Ralph deserved that much. “Yes,” she whispered, stretching her hand across the table. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”
“What do you mean you’re engaged to marry Ralph?” Shelly demanded. Her voice had risen to such a high pitch that Jill held the receiver away from her ear.
“He asked me tonight and I’ve accepted.”
“You can’t do that!” her friend shrieked.
“Of course I can.”
“What about Jordan?” Shelly asked next.
“I’d already decided not to see him again.” Jill was able to keep her composure, although it wasn’t easy.
“If marrying Ralph is typical of your decisions, then I’d like to suggest you talk to a mental-health professional.”
Jill laughed despite herself. Her decision had been based on maintaining her sanity, not destroying it.
“I don’t know what’s so funny. I can’t believe you’d do something like this! What about Aunt Milly’s wedding dress? Doesn’t that mean anything to you? Don’t you care that Mark, Aunt Milly and I all felt the dress should go to you? You can’t ignore it. Something dreadful might happen.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m not,” Shelly said resolutely. “You can’t reject the man destiny has chosen for you without consequences.” Shelly’s voice was solemn.
“You don’t know that Jordan’s the man,” Jill said with far more conviction than she was feeling. “We both realize a wedding dress can’t dictate who I’ll marry. The choice is mine—and I’ve chosen Ralph.”
“You’re honestly choosing Ralph over Jordan?” The question had an incredulous quality.
“Yes.”
There was a moment’s silence.
“You’re scared,” Shelly went on, “frightened half out of your wits because of everything you feel. I know, because I went through the same thing. Jill, please, think about this before you do something you’ll regret for the rest of your life.”
“I have thought about it,” she insisted. She’d thought of little else since her last encounter with Jordan. Since her talk with Shelly. Since her visit to her moth
er’s. She’d carefully weighed her options. Marrying Ralph seemed the best course.
“You have no intention of changing your mind, do you?” Shelly cried. “Do you expect me to stand by and do nothing while you ruin your life?”
“I’m not ruining my life. Don’t be absurd.” Her voice grew hard. “Naturally I’ll return your aunt Milly’s wedding dress and—”
“No,” Shelly groaned. “Here, talk to Mark.”
“Jill?” Mark came on the line. “What’s the problem?”
Jill didn’t want to repeat everything. She was tired and it was late and all she wanted to do was go to bed. Escape for the next eight hours and then face the world again. Jill hadn’t intended to tell Shelly and Mark her news quite so soon, but there’d been a telephone message from them when she got home. She’d decided she might as well let Shelly know about her decision. Jill wasn’t sure what kind of reaction she’d expected from her friends, but certainly not this.
“Just a minute,” Mark said next. “Shelly’s trying to tell me something.”
Although Shelly had given the phone to her husband, Jill could hear her friend’s frantic words as clearly as if she still held the receiver. Shelly was pleading with Mark to talk some sense into Jill, begging him to try because she hadn’t been able to change Jill’s mind.
“Mark,” Jill called, but apparently he didn’t hear her. “Mark,” she tried again, louder this time.
“I’m sorry, Jill,” he said politely, “but Shelly’s upset, and I’m having a hard time figuring out just what the problem is. All I can make out is that you’ve decided not to see Jordan Wilcox again.”
“I’m marrying Ralph Emery, and I don’t think he’d take kindly to my dating Jordan.”
Mark chuckled. “No, I don’t suppose he would. Frankly, I believe the decision is yours, and yours alone. I know Jordan, I’ve talked to him a couple of times and I share your concerns. I can’t picture him married.”
“He’s already married,” Jill stated unemotionally, “to his job. A wife would only get in the way.”
“That’s probably true. What about Ralph—have I met him?”
“I don’t think so,” Jill returned stiffly. “He’s a very nice man. Honest and hardworking. Shelly seems to think he’s dull, and perhaps he is in some ways, but he…cares for me. It isn’t a great love match, but we’re both aware of that.”
“Shelly thinks I’m dull, too, but that didn’t stop her from marrying me.”
Mark was so calm, so reassuring. He was exactly what Jill needed. She was so grateful she felt close to tears. “I want to do the right thing,” she said, gulping in a quick breath. Her voice wavered and she bit her lower lip, blinking rapidly.
“It’s difficult knowing what’s right sometimes, isn’t it?” Mark said quietly. “I remember how I felt the first time I met Shelly. Here was this completely bizarre woman announcing to everyone who’d listen that she refused to marry me. I hadn’t even asked—didn’t even know her name. Then we stumbled on each other a second time and a third, and finally I learned about Aunt Milly’s wedding dress.”
“What did you think when she told you?”
“That it was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard.”
“I did, too. I still do.” She wanted a husband, but not Jordan.
“I’m sure you’ll make the right decision,” Mark said confidently.
“I am, too. Thanks, Mark, I really appreciate talking to you.” The more she grew to know her friend’s husband, the more Jill realized how perfectly they suited each other. Mark brought balance into Shelly’s life, and she’d infused his with her warmth and wit. If only she, Jill, could have met someone like Mark.
No sooner had she hung up the phone than there was a loud knock on her door. Since it was late, close to eleven, Jill was surprised.
Peering through the peephole, she gasped and drew away. Jordan Wilcox.
“I thought you were in Hawaii,” she said as she opened the door.
“I was.” His eyes scanned her hungrily. “This morning I had the most incredible feeling something was wrong. I tried to call, but there wasn’t any answer.”
“I…was out for most of the day.”
He took her by the shoulders and then, before she could protest, pulled her into his arms.
“Jordan?” She’d never seen him like this, didn’t understand why he seemed so disturbed.
“I just couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong with you.”
“I’m fine.”
“I know,” he said, inhaling deeply. “Thank God you’re safe.”
Seven
“Of course I’m safe,” Jill said, still feeling bewildered. Jordan’s arms were tight around her and he buried his head in the curve of her neck, his breathing hard.
“I’ve never experienced anything like this before,” he said, loosening his hold. His hands caressed the length of her arms as he moved back one small step. He studied her, his gaze intimate and tender. “I hope it never happens to me again.” Taking her hand, he led her to the sofa.
“You’re not making any sense.”
“I know.” He momentarily closed his eyes, then gave a deep sigh. He raised her fingers to his lips and gently kissed the back of her hand.
“It was the most unbelievable thing,” he continued with a shrug. “I awoke with this feeling of impending doom. At first I tried to ignore it. But as the day wore on I couldn’t shake it. All I knew was that it had something to do with you.
“I thought if I talked to you I could assure myself that nothing was wrong and this feeling would go away. Only I couldn’t get hold of you.”
“I was out most of the day,” she repeated unnecessarily.
Jordan rubbed a hand down his face. “I tried to phone you at home and I couldn’t get an answer. I don’t know your cell number. So I panicked. I booked the next flight to Seattle.”
“What about your business in Hawaii?”
“I canceled one meeting and left what I could with an assistant. Everything’s taken care of.” He sighed once more and sagged against the back of her sofa. “I could do with a cup of coffee.”
“Of course.” Jill immediately stood and hurried into the kitchen, starting the coffee and assembling cups and saucers in a matter of minutes. She was arranging everything on a tray when Jordan stepped up behind her.
He slid his arms around her waist and kissed the side of her neck. “I don’t know what’s happening between us.”
“I’m…not sure anything is.”
Jordan chuckled softly, the sound a gentle caress against her skin. “I’m beginning to think you’ve cast a spell over me.”
Jill froze. Spell and magic were words she’d rather not hear. Even the smallest hint that the wedding dress was affecting him wouldn’t change what she’d done. She’d made her decision. The dress was packed away in the box Shelly had mailed her, ready to be returned.
“I’ve never experienced anything like this,” Jordan said again, sounding almost uncertain.
Jill should have been shocked. Jordan Wilcox had probably never felt confused or doubtful about anything in his adult life. She speculated that his emotions had been buried so deep, hidden by pride for so long, that he barely recognized them anymore.
“I think I’m falling in love with you.”
Jill closed her eyes. She didn’t want to hear this, didn’t want to deal with a declaration of love. Not now. Not when she’d settled everything in her own mind. Not when she’d reconciled herself to never seeing him again.
“That’s not true,” Jordan countered, turning her around and into his arms. “I can’t live without you. I’ve known that from the first moment we kissed.”
“Oh, no…”
His amused laughter filled her small kitchen. “You said the same thing that night. Remember?” The smile faded as he gazed at her upturned face. His eyes, so gray and intense, seemed to sear her with a look of such power it was all Jill could do not to cry out and break off h
is embrace. She glanced away, chewing nervously on her lower lip, willing him to free her, willing him to leave.
His hands cupped her face, his thumbs stroking her cheeks. “You feel it, too, don’t you?” he whispered. “You have from the very first. Neither one of us can deny it.”
She meant to tell him then, to blurt out that she was engaged to Ralph, but she wasn’t given the chance. Before she could utter a word, before she could even begin to explain, Jordan captured her mouth with his own.
His lips were hard and desperate as they claimed possession of hers, firing her senses to life. She moaned, not from pleasure, although that was keen, but from regret.
Ralph had kissed her that night, too. Jill had tried to reassure herself their marriage would work. She’d put her heart and her soul into their good-night kiss and hadn’t felt even a fraction of what she did with Jordan.
It was so unfair, so wrong. She was marrying Ralph, she reminded herself. But her heart, her foolish, romantic heart, refused to listen.
Nothing Jordan could say was going to change her plans, she decided, trying to think of Ralph and the commitment they’d made to each other a few hours earlier.
If only Jordan would stop kissing her. Oh, please stop, she begged silently as frustration brought burning tears to her eyes. If only he’d leave, walk out of her life forever so she could start forgetting.
But she had to push him out of her arms before she could push him out of her life. Yet here she was clinging to him, her arms curved around his neck. And she was holding on as though her very existence depended on it.
Jordan obviously felt none of her hesitation, none of her doubts, and soon, far too soon, Jill was returning his kisses with equal fervor. Raw emotion overwhelmed her until she was so weak she slumped against him, needing his support to remain upright. Her breath came in shallow gasps as his lips trembled against hers.
“Oh, Jill,” he breathed, his voice a husky caress. “The things you do to me. I’ve frightened you, haven’t I?”
“No.” He had, but for none of the reasons he knew. She was terrified by the things he made her feel. Terrified by the rush of need and love that crowded her heart.