“I know very well I’d be in the way. You don’t need me to hold your hand and chaperone you, and to be honest, I’m not in the mood for bars and clubs. I’d be really happy to meet your boyfriend some day soon, though.”
“Do you know who I saw on the cover of ELLE Men?” she asked with a playful gleam in her eyes.
“Yes, I know—Daniel. He told me about the photos and the interview. I completely forgot to tell you I saw him Saturday.”
She regarded me, not hiding her surprise. “And you’ve not said a word.”
“He kissed me,” I said, smiling at the memory. Every woman likes to feel desired.
“Excuse me?!” she shouted.
“Shush!” I leaned toward her. “Speak more quietly please.” I didn’t want anyone to overhear our conversation.
“And you didn’t tell me.” She shook her head disapprovingly.
“I kissed him back, even if only for a second,” I quickly informed her, seeing her huge interest.
“Huh, how could you keep such juicy details from me!”
“He and I… We can’t be together. You know the story of our breakup.” I sighed.
“I know.” She took my hand. “Oh, if it weren’t for that job of his…”
I shouldn’t think of the past, as I couldn’t go back in time and prevent what had happened. Even though I didn’t want to admit it to myself, I still felt hurt by his infidelity, though not as much as when it first happened.
“Out of all my exes, I felt best with him, Lily. I really wanted things to work between us.” I shrugged. “But they didn’t… So the only thing I can do is look ahead.”
* * *
After lunch, I had to drive to another building of the bank for work. I came out of the underground parking lot and joined the traffic, which wasn’t particularly heavy at that time of day.
I’d had a splitting headache all day. The pain was so strong it felt like someone was crushing my head in a vise. I couldn’t stand it any longer, so I parked the car for an hour in front of the pharmacy located near the building in which I worked. After buying the necessary medicine, I asked the pharmacist for a glass of water so I could take a pill straightaway.
I went back to work and started to deal with my financial report. I finished it and sent it to my boss. At six, I decided to go home. All I wanted to do was lie on the couch and listen to relaxing classical music. I needed to wind down and not think about anything.
Roberto decided to leave with me. We were just coming out of the bank’s glass doors when I saw him—Alexander Kraftberg stepping out of his Rolls Royce.
8
The heel of my right shoe got caught in one of the small holes in the pavement in front of the UBS building. I flew forward and found myself in Roberto’s arms, for which I was very grateful. If it weren’t for him, I would have most likely landed on the ground face first. I pulled myself away from him and was just about to thank him when I saw Alexander Kraftberg standing in front of me. Hot waves washed across my body, my pulse quickened, and suddenly, I simply couldn’t get enough air. My entire body started tingling and my stomach twisted into knots.
He looked amazing in his expensive black suit, white shirt, and black tie with small, fine Bordeaux squares. His beautiful blue eyes watched me intently.
“Alexia,” he said, taking me by the waist and pulling me possessively to him. Then he gave my coworker a cold, withering look. It was obvious he didn’t like seeing me in another man’s arms.
What the fuck does he expect? That I will just throw myself into his arms… Yeah right…
He stretched his hand to Roberto so they could shake. “Kraftberg. I’m Miss Welson’s boyfriend.”
I froze, realizing my mouth was gaping in surprise. Boyfriend, huh? What a boyfriend…
“Alexander Kraftberg, if I’m not mistaken. I’m Roberto Bottoni. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“We work together,” were the only words I could get out.
Roberto lightly touched my shoulder. “See you tomorrow. Have a nice evening, you two.” He nodded at Alexander and walked away in long strides.
I pulled away from Alexander. “What do you want, Alexander? Vanessa isn’t available today?”
Clearly, he didn’t like my question—he narrowed his eyes, clenched his teeth, and the muscle on his jaw started to twitch. “Don’t tell me you believe all the crap written in newspapers and magazines. If they reported the truth, I would have been married a hundred times by now.” His icy tone sent chills down my spine. “I had problems, which I can’t discuss. I had to go away—I wasn’t in Zurich.”
“To go away with her,” I said angrily. I was furious and very hurt at the same time.
“No, goddammit. I only saw her for a short while—she came to my office. Vanessa is just an old friend…”
“A friend for whom you can find time.” I interrupted. “Whereas for me, you can’t. You promised to call me, but you didn’t for three days. You could’ve simply sent me a text saying, ‘I’m busy. I’ll call you when I can,’ but no, you didn’t. You left me to wait and hope like some idiot.”
“I’m sorry.” I could see in his eyes he was being earnest, but the pain I felt was greater.
I closed my eyes, opened them, and said angrily, “I don’t need your apologies. I’m not going to let you toy with me again.”
Alexander stroked my face with the back of his hand, which made me take a step back. I knew I was weak and all he had to do was hug me to make me forgive him and let him mess me around again.
“Please… don’t… I don’t want to.” I looked up to stop the tears welling up.
My jealousy ate me from the inside. My heart was shattered into countless pieces. My state of mind was chaotic. On one hand, I wanted us to be together again, and on the other, I was afraid of getting hurt again. I couldn’t let it happen one more time.
I took a deep breath. “You made me feel seduced, used, and abandoned, like one of your latest toys. For you, I’m one of many; for me, you’re the only one. The only one who managed to unlock something inside me I thought I would never experience. I believed you needed me just as I needed you, but I was wrong.”
Alexander tried to say something, but I didn’t give him the chance.
“You’re used to women coming and going like the sunrise and the sunset. This is the life that makes you happy. And I don’t want to live with the pipe dream that you’ll ever change. And I don’t want to share my man with any other woman.”
My throat was burning to tell him so many things, but I couldn’t. My tears were taking over. “Please, Alexander, if you care about me at all, don’t call me and don’t try to contact me ever again. I’ll try to forget you. I don’t know if I’ll succeed, but I’ll try.”
I couldn’t tell from his look whether he had understood me. I quickly got into my car and hit the gas. I’d managed to control myself and not cry in front of him, but I couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. They were streaming down my face like a torrent, and I couldn’t stop them.
Deep inside me, I knew I would never have anyone else like him. Nobody had managed it before and nobody would make me fall in love again. My soul would be his forever.
* * *
I went back to my apartment and lay on the beige couch, hugging the cushions. How I wanted to have Alexander next to me and relax into his arms. I wanted him to have the same feelings for me as I did for him, but we were separated by a huge chasm that had deeply wounded my heart. We were so different—while I wanted a serious relationship with the man in my life, he was just looking for sex. There was no future for us together.
I decided to call my father, as we hadn’t talked for a long time. I had to check whether everything was okay on their side, as well as put the thoughts of Kraftberg out of my mind, even if only for a while. I dialed the number and waited. My brother picked up after the third ring.
“Hey, sis.”
“Hi, Johnny. How’s everyone? I haven’t called for ages.”
“All is good. Well, Dad annoys me occasionally—he doesn’t let me have parties. He’s always asking when I’m coming home… You know the score. But, overall, everything’s fine.” Johnny’s voice cheered me up.
“Ah, Johnny. You know Dad’s just worried for you. You know he loves you.”
My brother was going through puberty and, unlike me at that age, was causing my father a lot of headaches.
“Yeah, yeah, but I’m not a child—he can’t control my every move. I want to live my life my way.” He sounded irritated. “Sis, I have to go out with some friends before the boss changes his mind.”
“Okay, let me speak to Dad… I miss you, Johnny.”
“I miss you too, sis. I’m passing you over to him.”
I had to wait for a few moments.
“Alexia, dear, are you okay?” my father asked, sounding concerned.
“Yes, Dad, everything’s fine,” I said, trying to lie to him.
“Hmm… You don’t sound very convincing, honey.”
“Well, Dad… I fell in love… but with the wrong person.” I sighed.
My father and I became very close after my mother’s death. He was the only person I could lean on and talk to when something was wrong.
“Darling, look ahead—you’ll meet someone else who appreciates you. Keep your chin up and enjoy life. Your mom was only thirty-five when she passed away.” He paused for a second. “Life is so unpredictable.”
I knew my father would worry, so I decided against bothering him with my problems.
“Dad, don’t worry about me. I’ll get over it. How’s business?”
“You know, dear, hedge funds are no joke, but thank God, everything’s going well.”
“How’s Melanie?”
“She’s well. It’s just that Johnny won’t listen to her at all. Honey, I have to go. I’m late for a meeting. Love you and keep your chin up. Don’t let anyone play with your feelings.”
“Okay, Dad. Love you too. Bye.”
“Bye, my girl, and take care”.
I’d just put the phone down when Lily rang.
“Alexia, you’re coming with me,” she said directly.
“Can you be a bit more specific?”
I sat back down on the couch. The good thing was, after this whole busy day, I no longer had a headache. The pill I’d taken had worked its magic.
“It’s a coworker’s birthday, and at the last minute, he decided to go out to celebrate.”
“Who are you talking about?” I asked, as Lily had introduced me to several of her coworkers.
“René,” she explained.
René Kron was Lily’s closest friend at work and, like Roberto, he didn’t hide his feelings for her. He was very cool, and we always had a lot of fun when we went out together, but unfortunately, he was blond and blue-eyed. I say unfortunately because Lily was only into dark-haired men. If it weren’t for this huge problem, they would be the perfect couple, as they were a very good match in terms of personalities. But c’est la vie…
“Why do you want me to come with you? Are you afraid he might get drunk and start coming on to you?”
“Well… Yes, you got me. I don’t want it to seem like we’re on a date.”
I leaned my head against the back of the couch and looked up at the ceiling. “Okay, but don’t expect me to stay out late. We have work tomorrow after all.”
“You’re a star,” shouted Lily enthusiastically. “I’ll wait for you at ten in front of Imperial.”
“Okay. See you later. Bye.”
“Bye.” The line went dead.
* * *
Imperial was a trendy two-level nightclub in the center of Zurich. They always played the latest dance tunes there and, what’s more, made great cocktails. We each ordered a Caipirinha and sat on the high chairs arranged around the bar. The gentle rhythms of the song “Waves” by Mr. Probz floated through the air.
The night started amazingly. René kept dropping joke after joke, making us laugh the entire time. He told us many funny stories. I don’t know where he got them all…
“So I run into a colleague,” he began, “and I see the zip of his black pants is down and his white underpants are showing. I told to him to zip up, and he starts moaning and complaining his zip is broke.”
Poor guy. I felt sorry for him, but Lily was laughing so hard—doubled up, in fact—that she made me burst out laughing too.
René, who turned out to have a serious crush on Lily and, as they say, had only eyes for her was resting his hand on the back of her chair. “I think it’s time I found a serious girlfriend,” he sighed theatrically.
“Don’t even look at me.” She cut him off. “I’m in a relationship.”
“Yeah, yeah, with your Italian,” he replied dismissively and turned to me. “God, Alexia, what do I have to do to make your friend like me?”
“She simply has no taste,” I declared and took a sip from my drink.
“I agree. We blonds are so beautiful. We have no darkness in our souls, no dark secrets. We’re pure light on the inside and the outside,” he said, barely containing his grin.
Lily nudged him on the shoulder. “Are you talking about yourself or Alexia?”
“About both of us, of course. Can you not see our good souls?”
“Huh, don’t pretend to be a saint.” She cut him off, which made all three of us burst out laughing, attracting the attention of others in the bar.
My eyes stopped on a man with whom I’d become quite close a year ago. He also noticed me and came over.
“What a pleasant surprise,” he said and kissed me on the cheeks. “I’m so glad to see you.”
Ralph Egli had been my last boyfriend before I met Alexander. He’d been madly in love with me, which made me feel guilty, as I didn’t have the same feelings for him. It had felt nice being with him. I’d enjoyed the care and attention he showered me with, but this didn’t elicit deep feelings in me, even though the sex had been quite satisfying, for a time at least. Of course, looking back at it now, it seemed pathetic, but then again, nobody could compare to Alexander Kraftberg.
I kept hoping with time, things would change, but it just hadn’t worked, so I decided it would be best if we went our separate ways. I was unable to give him the love he deserved and that some other woman could. Ralph agreed this was the best decision for both of us, and we broke up.
Now, after a year of not seeing him at all, he looked much more masculine. Under the light-blue shirt fitting tightly to his body, I could see the well-defined muscles of his chest and arms.
He greeted Lily and René, whom he knew very well from their work together at Credit Suisse, and then turned back to me, leaned toward my ear and said, “You’ve become even more beautiful.” He looked at me and his eyes betrayed his deep feelings for me.
Dear God, he’s still in love with me…
The realization made me feel rotten. I didn’t want to hurt him again. Had he not found a girlfriend yet?
“I see you’ve been spending a lot of time at the gym.”
“I’ve had a lot a free time,” he answered sarcastically, but there was a trace of pain in his voice.
I didn’t want him to suffer. He didn’t deserve it. Why had I not been able to fall in love with him? Ralph was quite an attractive man after all and had always been so nice to me. He’d surrounded me with love, while I felt like the evil queen from Snow White, who had a piece of ice instead of a heart. I didn’t want to waste his time, since I knew he wanted to have a family—wife and kids—and I couldn’t give him this. This is why I’d decided to end our relationship—so he could feel free and not tied to me, and he could look for the woman that would make him happy.
While René was wooing Lily, we had a chance to talk undisturbed.
“I’ve missed you,” he continued.
“Please, Ralph, let’s not ruin the night.” I pulled my dress down my thighs. I wanted to hide them so I didn’t look too sexy and provoke the wrong resp
onse.
“It’s been exactly a year since you dumped me. A year and I’ve still not managed to get over you—not for a lack of trying.” There was sadness in his voice.
“I doubt you’ve become a monk because of me,” I said simply to try to lighten the mood.
He smiled, scratched his chin, and replied, “I tried, Alexia, to move on. I went out with many women. God as my witness, I tried. I tried to forget you, but it is impossible.” He stroked my hair lightly and sighed. “You’re so beautiful.”
I put my hand on his shoulder and looked up at him. “I can’t make you happy.”
He put his hand on top of mine. “That’s what you think. I was happy. Our time together was the most wonderful part of my life.”
I felt someone’s hand grab me by the waist, while another pushed Ralph away from me.
“The lady’s taken,” hissed Alexander in his face.
I stood there watching him as if struck by lightning.
What the hell is he doing here? Has he been following me? How dare he treat me as if I was his property after everything he did, or to be more precise, did not do; namely, he made no attempt to contact me and stood me up. I became so furious my blood felt like it was boiling.
Ralph jumped in front of him and grabbed him by the shirt. I quickly got up from my chair and stood between them. “For God’s sake, don’t make a scene in front of everyone.”
They both stared at each other like beasts. Ralph was holding one of my elbows, Alexander the other.
“Get lost,” shouted Ralph through gritted teeth.
“You’re the one who should clear out of here,” Alexander replied in a seemingly calm voice, but I knew he was furious on the inside.
“I’m done with you both. I’m going home. Have a row, have a fight—whatever. I don’t care.”
I took my handbag and quickly headed toward the exit. I was just approaching the stairs for the second floor when someone lifted me off the ground, threw me over their shoulder, and carried me up the stairs. I squealed in surprise but quickly regained my composure. From the position in which I found myself—that is hanging upside down like a slaughtered chicken—I managed to recognize Alexander and became even more infuriated.