“I didn’t even want to pick it up. But I did. And then I saw Robbie hurting Niko. I didn’t even think,” she whispered. “I just shot him. It felt so natural. As if shooting people is something I do all the time.”
“You did the right thing,” I said.
“Because he was going to hurt Niko, right? He was going to shoot Niko.”
“He had already hit me with the gun,” Niko said. “And I think he was going to shoot me.”
“Yes,” she said. “I did the right thing. I did.”
Josie pulled her head back and looked at us all of a sudden. Niko, Jake, Alex, me. My shirt and my arms.
“Are you guys covered in blood?” she asked. “You have to get cleaned up,” she said, staggering to her feet. “What will the kids think?”
CHAPTER THIRTY
A KISS
As bone weary as we all were, only Sahalia, Jake, and Alex could sleep.
Sahalia was curled up on the futon couch.
Alex on the butterfly chair.
Jake had lain down in front of the futon on the floor. “Just to rest my eyes for a sec.” And soon he was snoring away.
“I’m ready to work,” Josie said. “I’ll take the first watch over Brayden and Mr. Appleton while you guys get some sleep.”
Astrid stood up. She walked over to the door to the Train and looked in, scratching her head.
“Do you want me to show you where your bunk is?” I asked her.
“I guess you’re pretty tired,” she said, looking at me.
“Why?”
“I think I might have lice.”
“Yeah,” I said. “You probably do.” I explained to her that we’d all had lice and that Josie washed our hair.
“I can wash yours for you,” I said.
“You’re not too tired?” Astrid asked me.
I had been totally wiped out just a moment before, but talking to Astrid. Just the idea of … well, the idea of washing her hair, made me feel really, very awake.
“No,” I said. “I can always spare a moment to delouse a friend.”
She smiled.
We walked over to the Dump. Astrid darted away near Office Supplies.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
She came back holding a pair of scissors.
“I have four brothers,” she said. “I’ve had lice three times. And there’s no way to get them out of long hair like this. You’re gonna have to give me a haircut.”
“You know I’ll suck at it, right?”
“I would be shocked if you didn’t,” she said.
And there—she smiled at me.
The same smile I’d been seeing in my dreams since I was a freshman.
* * *
The hair-washing stuff was still set up in the Dump, complete with extra towels and everything.
“Cut away,” she said as she sat on one of the stools.
“God help me,” I said.
I took a towel and wrapped it around her.
I started chopping. The golden tresses that had absolutely transfixed me were now drab and mousy. They were almost like dreadlocks. One big clump was all fused together and I just hacked at it with the scissors until I had cut the whole thing away.
Astrid shivered.
“Does it feel weird?” I asked her.
“Light,” she said. “My head feels free.”
I cut and chopped until it was mostly gone. It looked god-awful. Down to the scalp in some places, wispy in others. Matted down in places and kookily long in others.
“I think I need to wash it so I can make it look … uniform … somehow … or better … maybe…,” I said.
She laughed.
* * *
The most elegant way to wash someone’s head over a basin, Josie had figured out by the end of the delousing episode, was to have two stools set together. The washee sits facing away from the basin and the washer sits closer to the basin, sideways. Then the washee leans back so that they are lying down, their torso resting on your knees. You put the basin under their head and you have a bottle of water and the shampoo at an arm’s reach.
I explained this to Astrid, so she sat down facing away from me and then leaned back onto my lap.
And there she was. So beautiful, laid out on my knees. She had her eyes closed, and for a moment, I just looked at her. Dirty face. Lips drawn together, chapped and rosy. Eyes red rimmed. The rise of her cheekbones. Eyebrows and lashes golden honey–colored. Some brown, dried freckle-dots that could be blood on her jawline.
Astrid Heyman. I tried to memorize how beautiful she was.
“Okay,” she said. “I’m ready.”
“I’m sorry,” I told her, “it’s going to be cold.”
I poured the water over her head.
“It’s freezing!”
I put the pitch-smelling shampoo into my hands and started rubbing. I moved my fingers in small circles over the surface of her grimy scalp.
“Mmmmmm,” she said and it was all I could do not to bring her to me and kiss her.
A trickle of water had run over her forehead to her eye. I took the edge of the towel and dabbed it away softly.
In the ruse of brushing away water, I ran my thumb over her eyebrow. It was a marvel of God, how perfect it felt under my thumb.
Brayden shot and Mr. Appleton dying and all I could think of was that perfect eyebrow.
I rinsed the shampoo out.
She shivered and I saw goose bumps go up on her forearms.
After it was done I put my hands under her shoulders and helped her sit up.
She towel-dried her hair and put her hands up to feel her head.
“Oh my God,” she said. “I’m bald!”
She turned and looked at me, her blue eyes shining.
Her hair was fluffy and standing up in all directions.
“You look like a baby chick!” I said.
She let me trim it some. I cut away the long, draggly tendrils.
In the end, she looked not so much like a baby chick, but maybe an orphan boy from a Charles Dickens book.
“It’s cold,” she said, shivering.
And I realized I had a hat! It got cold sometimes in the early morning in the Kitchen so I’d taken to keeping one in my back pocket.
It was an orange knit ski cap with a band of blue around near the edge.
“Thanks,” she said and she put it on.
“There’s like a dozen different styles in the Men’s Department, if you want a different one,” I said.
I didn’t want her to feel some kind of pressure to wear it. And if she replaced it, it would have made me feel better to know that I had given her the idea.
“I like yours,” she said.
I didn’t know what to say to that.
“I’m going to go check on everybody,” I told her.
“I’m gonna go change,” she said. “I smell, don’t I?”
“Yes, you do.” I told her. “Also, you have a terrible haircut.”
She gave me a smile. A shining golden smile, flashing in the center of our dark, lost world.
* * *
We had moved Brayden near Mr. Appleton to make it easier to take care of them.
Josie and Niko were looking at Brayden.
“Can’t sleep?” asked Josie.
“Not so much,” I answered. “How is he?”
Brayden looked ashen and weak.
“If the wound doesn’t become infected, I think he’ll be okay,” Niko said.
“And if it does?” Josie asked.
I guess I expected Niko to say something about antibiotics.
“Maybe I could take him in the bus.”
“To where?” Josie asked.
“The hospital,” Niko answered.
“You know what Robbie said. It’s shut down. There is no one there.”
“But think about it,” Niko said. “Robbie wanted to stay here. He was probably lying. The hospital might be open.”
“We can’t risk it,” I sa
id.
“I know,” he snapped.
“Brayden’s going to be okay,” Josie said. She pressed a damp washcloth to his forehead. “You gotta pull through, Brayden. We need you to pull through.”
Brayden’s breathing was shallow but steady. Maybe he’d be okay …
“Now you two go to sleep. And I mean it,” Josie said.
* * *
I was following Niko back to the Train, only he didn’t go to the Train. He went to the bus.
“Hey, what are you doing?” I asked.
He came out with some supplies—caulk guns, some spackle, some rags.
He set them down and then headed off toward Housewares.
“What are you doing?” I called to his back.
* * *
He went to the Storage section and took a stack of big plastic bins.
“Can you get the lids?” he asked.
“Sure,” I answered. “But, Niko, don’t you think we should sleep? At least for a few hours?”
“You should. I’m going to stock the bus.”
“You don’t really think you’re going to get to the hospital.”
“Don’t you remember my motto? Always be prepared.”
He laughed. A dry chuff of a laugh.
“Get it?” he said. “It’s a Boy Scout joke.”
It wasn’t much of a joke, but I got it all right.
We were going to stock the bus.
* * *
I got us some carts, which we definitely needed.
We filled them with water. Cases and cases of water. That was the first thing we loaded.
Then we put in the plastic storage bins, which we had filled with food.
Trail mix, beef jerky, protein bars, nuts, cookies … All the things you’d think to bring on, say, a hike. Then Niko also added canned soup, oatmeal, tins of tuna and chicken meat, and I realized he was preparing for us to survive for a long, long time, from the food he was bringing.
“In case we get to DIA and have to wait,” he explained.
And that’s how I came to understand what we were packing the bus for.
It wasn’t to take Brayden to the hospital.
It was to make it to Denver.
“What about the tire?” I said. “Isn’t there one sketchy tire?”
Niko shrugged.
“Robbie fixed it the best he could. And it’s coupled with a tire that’s okay…”
After a few more minutes of quiet packing, I said, “I bet Brayden’s fine.”
“Yeah,” Niko answered. “He has to be.”
* * *
We got all the food and drinks we might need for two weeks or so onto the bus.
Niko told me to go get medical supplies.
He was going to finish caulking the roof of the bus.
When I came back with my four big tubs of antibiotics, pain medicine, bandages, Bactine, Benadryl, hydrogen peroxide, and the like, Astrid was there, helping Niko.
“Hey,” she said, with a nod of her head.
“Hey.”
She had on a pair of jeans, new sneakers, and a pink fleece.
I noticed she was still wearing my hat.
Niko had apparently sent her to get blankets and sleeping bags and now she had a big pile of them.
“Put two sleeping bags and two blankets under each seat, okay?” Niko asked her.
“Sure thing,” she said, and started bringing them on board.
“What’s next?” I asked.
He sent me to Home Improvement, for flashlights, battery-powered lanterns, and some assorted tools he thought we should have.
* * *
I came back and Astrid and Niko were sitting, resting against the side of the bus, discussing what else we needed.
“We have gas masks for each person. Food, water, first aid stuff. Do we have Benadryl?”
“All of it in the store,” I said.
He continued his list.
“Rope, matches, tarps, backpacks, oil, knives … We have two guns and some bullets…”
He rubbed his eyes.
“What about some money? Or some jewelry? Stuff to barter, maybe.”
“I’ll get it,” Astrid volunteered.
“Niko!” Josie came stumbling into our clearing.
Niko jumped up. “What? Oh God, what?”
“It’s Mr. Appleton. Not Brayden. Not Brayden. Brayden’s okay,” Josie said, tears streaming down her face.
She stumbled toward Niko and fell into his arms.
“Mr. Appleton’s dead,” she said.
Niko held her to him, encircling her dark shoulders and pulling her into his body.
She looked up at him and he looked at her and then they were kissing.
Astrid and I didn’t look at each other, but we each knew to walk away.
We left them alone, together.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
RECONNAISSANCE
Mr. Appleton’s still body lay on its air mattress halfway down the Automotive aisle. Josie must have tried to drag him away from Brayden, when she realized Mr. Appleton was dead. He looked waxen and fake in death. Like a model of his own self.
Jake was sitting there next to Brayden. Jake’s eyes were glazed over and he stared blankly ahead, rocking back and forth.
Luna was lying next to Jake. She raised her head at me and gave her stump of a tail four weary thumps.
“Hey, Jake, how are you doing?” I asked him.
“Bad,” he answered, waving the question away.
I put my hand on Brayden’s forehead. It was clammy.
His eyelids fluttered and he seemed to recognize me for a moment.
Astrid knelt down next to Brayden and tipped his head up a bit. She poured a little water into his mouth.
He sputtered, choking on it.
“If only we could get him to the hospital,” Astrid said.
“If only we knew if it was even open,” I said. “We just don’t have enough information.”
Suddenly I had an idea.
“Alex’s video walkie-talkies!” I said, standing up.
“What?” Jake said.
“I’ll be right back,” I told them. And I ran for Niko.
* * *
“Niko!” I shouted as I hurdled through the store.
I came into the clearing where Niko was with Josie. They jumped apart. As if it mattered that I saw them together!
“Alex’s video walkie-talkies!” I said, breathless. “Listen, Brayden’s got to get to the hospital. We don’t know if it’s open. I can put on the walkie-talkie and go to the hospital. That way you guys can see what’s going on out there. You can see if it’s safe.”
“What?” Niko said.
I explained it to him again as we hurried to the Train.
I wanted to wake Alex up and ask him if it was possible.
“I’ll wear the transmitter and you guys will be able to see what’s out there,” I said as we came to the Living Room. “I can even go to the highway and see if it’s clear.”
“But it’s not safe to go out!” Josie protested.
“What do we know?!” I nearly shouted. “Can we trust anything those guys told us? Robbie didn’t want us going out. He wanted to stay here. He could have said anything to keep us here. Maybe the hospital is open!”
I was raving a little. It was possible that exhaustion had pushed me over some kind of edge, but the idea seemed so smart.
“Reconnaissance!” I said.
Alex was awake now. And Sahalia was stirring.
“I’ll do reconnaissance! That’s what it’s called.”
I turned and addressed Alex.
“Would it work for me to take the walkie-talkies out and go to the hospital and see if it’s safe?”
“No,” came Jake’s voice. “It wouldn’t.”
I turned to stare at Jake.
“But it would work for me to go,” he said.
Niko shook his head, but Jake kept on talking.
“I know, I’ve been a screw-up
. I got … messed up. But I’m fast. I’m in good shape and I’m type B. No blisters, no hallucinations, no rage.”
“I don’t think you can handle it,” Niko said. “I’m sorry. It’s too dangerous.”
“You gotta let me do something for Brayden. He’s my friend. He’s my best friend, and if he dies because I let Robbie get the gun…”
He looked at us.
“Please, let me go.”
Astrid had come over during this speech.
“I don’t understand this plan,” she interrupted. “Jake is going to go out?”
“Yeah, and you’ll be able to see what I’m seeing,” Jake answered.
“What if you’re attacked?” she asked.
“He could take a gun,” Niko said.
She hung her head, backing away. Jake rose and went to her.
They went a little ways away, but we could still hear them.
And we could see them, too, now that the store was fully lit.
It seemed indecent, somehow, to have the whole store lit that way.
“I have to do it for Brayden,” Jake said to Astrid. “It’s my fault that he got shot. If I hadn’t been using, it wouldn’t have happened.”
“You’re going to die, just to try to save him,” she said.
“Please,” he said softly. “I want to do something. I want to do something right. For once.”
They embraced and I looked away.
She loved him and he loved her. And that was how it was. I could wash her hair from here to Grand Junction—she loved Jake.
I glanced up and saw my brother looking at me with pity in his eyes.
Just what I needed.
It was at this moment that Ulysses appeared at the door, rubbing his eyes.
“I want Robbie,” he said.
The kids were awake.
It was the morning.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
JAKE TV
Niko, Alex, and Jake went away to prepare Jake for his trip.
Astrid volunteered to go take care of Brayden.
Which left Josie and me to lie to the kids.
“What happened?” Max said, as he came to the door.
The little kids came out cross and sullen and unforgiving. They blinked and looked dazed in the full light of the store.
And Josie and I pulled ourselves up and lied and lied and lied.
“Kids, some bad stuff happened last night,” Josie told them. “Mr. Appleton took a turn for the worse after you all went to sleep, so Robbie said he wanted to go out and get help, right, Dean?”