“I…I am trying to fix this, Draven,” I uttered on a broken whisper and he left me utterly heartbroken with his icy cold reply,
“My name is not Draven…my name is Arsaces, King of Kings and you would do well to remember that, for it will be a name you will be spending many a year speaking of, once I have killed your Vampire lover!” After this he turned his back on me for the last time and walked from the room without once looking back. He didn’t want to know about the sob that escaped my quivering lips or ask himself why my body collapsed to the floor. He didn’t see the hand I reached out to him and he didn’t witness my tears as they fell to the floor like exploding crystals.
He didn’t get to hear me.
He didn’t get to hear anything but the sound of his own footsteps taking him far from what he thought of as a betrayal.
But most of all,
He didn’t get to hear the truth.
He never got to hear my last whisper to him…
“But he has never been my lover.”
Chapter 33
Another Way
After that I let myself be led back to Lucius’ bedchamber until it was time for the main event. I felt numb and even as Sophia walked beside me, holding my hand in comfort, it was as though I couldn’t feel it. I just kept replaying Draven’s words over and over on a torturous loop. He thought I had slept with Lucius.
I mean, by thinking that then I could see why he was so angry at me but for my part, I was angry at him for thinking that I could. Okay, so I knew I wasn’t perfect as I had let Lucius kiss me and not slapped his face because of it, but sleep with him? Did he really think so little of me?
“My brother is just angry that’s all. He will calm down once he…”
“Once he what, kills Lucius!? You do understand how we can’t let that happen…right?!” I shouted, interrupting Sophia once we were back inside and the door was closed behind us. For once she didn’t look as if she knew what to say and that in itself only ended up adding to my heartbreak.
“What…what…have I done?” I asked her as my voice hitched and broke on a sob.
“Oh, Keira!” Sophia came and caught me before I sank to the floor. Instead, she led me to the couch and held me to her as I cried into her shoulder, shaking with the force of my tears.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, this…well this just happened and there was nothing you could have done,” she told me softly, smoothing back my hair and trying to comfort me the best she could. But really, deep down I knew there was only one comfort left for me and he had turned his back on me.
I knew why. Because it was easier that way. Easier for him to turn away from the hurt and betrayal he felt, but one he had no right to. Okay, so I hadn’t told him about Lucius, but really, what could I have said, for even I didn’t understand it myself. All I knew was that something deep within my soul told me to keep him safe. It almost begged me to and such a thing couldn’t be denied just because someone wished it. I knew better than anyone how much easier life would have been if I had been able to do as Draven had done. If I had been able to turn away from Lucius and never look back. My conscience would be as clear as crystal and the heavy weight of guilt that kept piling on top of me every time we kissed, would have been none existent.
But wishing for something that could never be wasn’t going to get me any step closer to achieving it…any closer to achieving the impossible. It felt as though I was somehow keeping his heart safe and getting it ready to love for when his true Chosen One made herself known. But Draven would never see it like that. At least not the Draven of this time. For he only saw Lucius as one thing and that was a threat that needed to be eliminated. If only he knew that his greatest threat to losing me…
Was me.
Because I couldn’t stay here. I didn’t belong in this time and just the same as Lucius and I, because he wished for it, it didn’t make it so. If only he knew the real sacrifice I made by going home. On one hand, I could choose to stay but then what life would I be condemning the rest in my own time to live. It may not have made sense in my head but it only ever had to make sense in my heart.
I needed to get home. If only to live for a short while longer, so that those I love could live on beyond me. I had so much to lose…so much it hurt to breathe, for no one knew. No one knew the Hell I was burying myself under and the one person who deserved to know more than anyone, was also the one person who could never know…
Not until it was done.
I remember seeing him cursing me in my dreams once. I remember seeing him holding my dead body in his arms and cursing me for ever leaving him. Was that how it was going to happen? Was that really going to be my last memory of him before I died? By the Gods and all their will, I sincerely hoped not, for if it was then they would find me cursing them right back.
Because I deserved more than that. I deserved my last breath to be taken with only love looking back at me. I deserved…
Draven’s love.
After this I must have passed out or something, as the next thing I knew I was being awakened with a gentle caress running down my cheek. But I didn’t open my eyes for fear of who I would find.
“She has been crying.” I heard Draven’s beautiful voice and I half wondered if it was a dream?
“And do you blame her, considering what your last words to her were?” Sophia replied cuttingly. I heard Draven sigh in response before admitting,
“I was angry.”
“Yes, and she was scared and in need of the only person that could have comforted her but what did you decide to do…you turned your back on her when she has never done so to you!” Sophia replied verbally lashing out at him on my behalf.
“You may have lashed out at her in jealously for saving the Vampire, but you know nothing of the lengths this girl has gone to for you!”
“What…what do you mean?” Draven asked in a hushed voice that nearly broke.
“If you think Lucius was the only one she saved then you are a damn fool, brother! For you may not know this but this girl…this amazing, strong hearted girl has gone far beyond the ends of the Earth for you. The things she has done…well you couldn’t even comprehend.”
“Tell me.” It was a demand.
“If I told you it all, then you wouldn’t waste your time fighting but instead you would be worshipping at her feet and praying to every God we know that you never lose her.” Hearing this I had to stop myself from reacting the way I wanted to, which was biting my lip to hold back the quivering I felt would soon inflict them. Her words, her beautifully kind words, were like someone wrapping my fragile heart in a blanket and nurturing it back to health.
I felt Draven shift on the bed and he said again more forcefully this time,
“Tell me!”
“Very well, I shall tell you and maybe then you will understand not only the depth of your love for her, but more so the depth of her love for you,” Sophia told him and I heard her approach. Then she must have been leaning forward for the next thing I heard was her whispering to him, telling him a slice of our future together,
“This mortal girl travelled to Hell and back twice… so she could save you.” I heard Draven suck in a sharp breath of disbelief and his look must have said it all because Sophia’s parting words were,
“Ah, so now you get it…I guess it is how they say…understanding love, it’s better late than never.” I heard the door close seconds after this, signalling that we had been left alone. I felt the back of his knuckles caress down my cheek. The pad of his thumb ran under my eyes as if trying to take away the remaining tears that had left blotchy skin in its wake.
“Is what she says true, did you…did you really do that for me?” Draven’s voice sounded both so pained and yet also astonished. I held my breath and felt him whisper above me,
“I know you heard everything, now open your eyes and look at me, so that I may see the truth for myself.” I did as he asked and he instantly looked guilty, no doubt at the sight of past pain that had turned the w
hites of my eyes to red.
“You went to Hell for me?” I nodded and then told him,
“I would do anything for you.” This was all it took for him to crush his lips to mine and for one long minute all was right with the world. But then his lips left mine and I was left feeling lost once more. Because no matter the power he held behind that kiss, it could never be strong enough to change where I was and what he was about to do.
“And the Vampire?” He asked the question and I knew he didn’t do it this time to inflict a mirrored hurt he felt, but he really wanted to know.
“You can’t kill him…you can’t kill him just for loving me,” I told him feeling the tears rising again and trying everything to hold them at bay.
“And what of your loving him, should I kill him for that?” he snapped and I took a deep breath, shifting myself up so that my back was to the bed.
“You don’t understand and you never will if all you do is let jealousy cloud what I say.”
“Then try and explain it to me.” I took another deep breath and thought about what he was asking of me.
“I am not his Electus.” Draven liked hearing me say this, that much was clear, but his response was one of arrogance all the same, even if his eyes told me something different.
“I know that.”
“But he’s doesn’t deserve to die just because he doesn’t,” I said, emphasising this last part, trying to get through to him.
“Then the Oracle, what of her words?” he asked me and I shrugged my shoulders and told him,
“I don’t know what she spoke of but the only thing I can think is that he is confusing me with what he has been looking for all his reborn life…something I know you are keeping from him.” This last part I whispered and his eyes widened before he shot off the bed. His surprise was clear.
“That is…I…I don’t…” For once Draven couldn’t find the words and thankfully for him, this time he didn’t need to. I held up my hand and stopped him.
“You don’t have to explain…I already know why you keep it from him.” Draven looked as though he was about to say something more but stopped himself, deciding to say something different instead.
“Yes, and now I must keep something else from him… but first I ask you, if I promise to spare his life, can you also promise never to see him again in return for such a vow?” I sucked in a startled breath the second he finished such a request. It would have been so much easier to just say yes and lie, because in this time, if Draven managed to take me away from here, then I very much doubted I would have seen him again before hopefully getting through the Janus Gate.
So, I wanted to tell him yes but then I knew I would have been making a promise clouded by the shadow of breaking it before I had even finished the vow…and I just couldn’t do that. Because it was impossible, but I first had to make him understand the depth of what he asked of me.
“And this promise, you think by me making it will somehow make our lives easier?” I asked grimacing at just the thought of a final goodbye with Lucius.
“And you think that by agreeing to this that it won’t make his life easier? Tell me Keira, for I know you are not a cruel being, how do you think it would feel for him seeing you with me, for him to know that you can never be his…do you not think it best to let him go, so that he can be free of the chains your heart represents?” On hearing this, I covered my mouth as a sob burst free. I knew he was right but I just couldn’t do it…I couldn’t let him go.
“I am sorry if this upsets you, but there are only two choices to make and both are yours.” Draven told me, this time having the patience to do so in a softer tone.
“And…and if I chose a third?” I asked in a quiet voice trying to control it through my tears.
“There isn’t a third choice to be had, Keira,” he said, after getting up from the bed and slashing a hand through the air.
“You’re wrong,” I told him firmly.
“I am not…”
“Do you know that without him, I wouldn’t be here,” I blurted out stopping him. He flinched back as if I had slapped him with the truth.
“What are you...?” Again, I interrupted him.
“It’s true. He helped me get here, even though he didn’t want me to, even though he was ready to try and stop me, in the end he helped me… just like all the other times.” Okay so I might be stretching the truth, but considering he had covered for me with what happened in the Library, choosing not to blow my plans by telling Draven. Then yeah, he had helped.
“Other times?” Draven questioned.
“Look, I know this is going to sound crazy after he kidnapped me and everything, but he has helped me and I know you have no idea what I mean when I say this but I have to say it anyway…”
“Go on,” he pushed, folding his arms across his plated chest. So, I took a deep breath and hit him with the truth of his future actions. I knew it was cruel but considering what I was fighting for, then he gave me little choice. I had to make him see.
“You have not always been there for me, Draven.” I whispered sadly.
“But surely I would have had I known…” I cut off his logic with fact,
“Through choice…you weren’t there for me through choice, Draven.”
“No, that isn’t possible, I would never have left you!” he sounded outraged and not surprisingly in complete denial.
“Be careful of the word ‘never’ Draven, for you don’t know the future I speak of, nor do you understand that when I say I wouldn’t be here without him, what I also mean is…I wouldn’t be alive.” Okay, so I was hitting him with the big guns but he was leaving me little choice now.
“He saved your life?” He sounded surprised.
“Yes, more than once and sometimes he even stood by your side, aiding you in trying to do the same…so do you see why you can’t kill him…because there is no getting away from the truth?”
“And that is?” Okay so here it was. The biggest gun of all and I was just hoping that it wouldn’t be a misfire.
“That Lucius is supposed to be a part of our lives…that it’s fate. It’s prophecy. It’s whatever you want to call it but there is no getting away from the fact that…it is what it is.” Draven looked almost as lost as I felt, only he was drowning in a sea of knowledge whereas I was drowning in a sea of desperation. I needed Draven to believe in my reasons, Lucius’ life depended on it.
“And if he holds a blade to my throat and I one at his heart, what then? Should I let him spill my blood without doing the same? Should I fall on the sword for his life, giving my own in return?” Draven asked me sternly and I closed my eyes against the deep-rooted pain that image brought me.
“Of course not!” I hissed.
“Then what would you have me do Keira, tell me?”
“I would beg you not to fight at all and ask you to take me from this place, to steal me away like he did from you.” Now it was Draven’s turn to close his eyes against the image I painted.
“I am afraid I cannot do that, little lamb.” he informed me sadly.
“Why not!? You don’t have to fight! I beg of you please…please don’t do this!”
“I have no choice.” Was his own sad reply and I hit my limit hearing this.
“Bullshit!” I shouted making him look at me in shock.
“We all have a choice!”
“And what of my choices Keira, did this Dominic Draven have a choice when you left him? Did he have a choice when you sneaked out of his world and into mine? What of his choices?” He threw at me and I knew he was right. I had given my Draven no choice at all.
“Your look tells me all I need to know.”
“Yes, but what I did was for the good of others but this…this fight is for nothing but the egos of two men in love!” I threw at him and in response he shouted back at me,
“It’s for you!” I got up from the bed and stormed over to face him. Then I let him have it.
“No! It’s not for me! Because if eit
her of you were making decisions based on my happiness then you would have given me the choice! But instead you fight over me like children fighting over a damn toy! No-one is considering my feelings in this, not at all! Because if you were, then you WOULDN’T FIGHT!” I bellowed this last part at him. He looked as though he wanted to throttle me and right now, I couldn’t have cared less. I was fuming mad, quickly replacing my hurt for anger and my pain for frustration. His deep breathing made his chest plate rise and fall and I looked up into twin purple flames, burning hot with raging emotion. We seemed locked in this silent fight, each of us trying to understand the other.
In the end neither of us won.
We both lost.
A knock on the door made me jump and Sophia allowed us a few seconds before walking through the door. Draven tore his gaze from me and looked down at the floor ready for what she had to say.
“It’s time,” she informed him in deflated tones, obviously hating this as much as I did. He gave her a nod and she took the hint, giving us the space we needed by staying near the door.
“Once this is done, I am taking you home,” he told me without looking directly at me. It was almost as if he knew it would be too painful to see the tears welling in my eyes. He was about to turn from me when I grabbed his metal coated arm. I then stepped into him, raised both hands to his cheeks so that I could pull his face down to mine.
“Don’t do this, please Arsaces, please, there must be another way.” I pleaded with him one last time in a voice that was barely more than a whisper. But it was enough. He heard it. And my answer was two words that held the weight of a thousand.
“Forgive me.” I sucked in a shuddering breath and barely felt him kissing me on the forehead before walking away. He paused three feet away and without looking back at me, he spoke,
“There is no other way.” It was said in such a way as though he was trying to get me to know how difficult this was for him, but that it was too late. I felt too far gone in my own misery to see this from any other angle other than one that led down a pointless road of death.