I got to see Yansi, too. She invited me for dinner that night. The twins were really happy to see me, using me like a jungle gym, and even Mateo looked pleased, although it would have taken the threat of torture for him to admit it. But Mrs. Alfaro kept throwing me death glares, and I still wasn’t allowed to be alone with Yansi in her room.
After a few more murderous stares, Mrs. Alfaro took me aside and said that if I ever hurt her daughter again, she’d do something to me. I don’t know what that was exactly because she started speaking really quickly and waving her arms around. Whatever it was, it sounded bad. I made my promise and got the hell out of there.
Yansi threw me a sympathetic look, but I could tell she thought I deserved it, too. I probably did.
The rest of the week, I got a couple more early morning surfs in with Marcus. He didn’t mention the evening Camille had cooked us all dinner. It had been a bit weird, mostly because I knew about Cheyenne and suspected that there were others. But Camille had been full on, talking about Tahiti and what they’d do when they got there.
And then the next day, I saw Marcus swapping phone numbers with a couple of girls we met on the beach after an evening surf. I felt bad for Camille, but it was none of my business.
When Friday rolled around, I finally got a text from Sean just as I was leaving for work.
He was being sent to his grandparents for the rest of high school—leaving on Monday. He had the weekend to say goodbye to everyone.
It felt like another part of my life was being ripped away. And if I felt like that, how much worse was it for Sean?
We arranged to go for a morning surf the next day. I tried calling him when I got in that evening, but there was no reply on his cell. I wondered if that meant they’d taken it away from him again, but early on Saturday morning, he showed up at my house.
I loaded my board onto his roof rack and secured the straps.
Sean looked like crap. He hadn’t shaved for a week and he had black rings under his eyes as if he hadn’t been sleeping much. If anything, he looked worse than the last time I’d seen him.
“Hey, man,” I said, as I slid into the passenger seat, trying to make a dent in the thick tension filling the car.
He nodded. “Hey, Nick.”
“Rough break about going to your grandparents. I can’t believe they’re doing that.”
He sighed. “Yeah, but now…” he bit his lip, changing his mind about whatever he was going to say. “You know what, I just want to forget about it. I had to fuckin’ beg them to let me have today. I want to enjoy it.”
“I’m going to miss you, bro.”
His lips turned down. “Yeah. Me, too.”
We drove to the pier in silence, then unloaded the boards and paddled out.
The swell was a gentle three to four feet. Nothing special. Nothing special at all, except that this was our last surf. Who knew how long it would be before we were back in the ocean together.
We caught a few waves, but I could tell that Sean’s heart wasn’t really in it. So we sat on our boards beyond the line-up and stared out toward the horizon, not speaking, not doing anything, just watching the sun rise higher. Just sitting.
Just being.
The horizon was soft today, the edges blurring into the ocean like unfinished thoughts, so you couldn’t tell what was sea and what was sky.
Eventually, Sean spoke.
“When your mom died, you were out here for a couple of hours before school and every afternoon until it got dark, even when there was no surf. I thought you’d gone kind of crazy.”
I was still staring at the pink tinged waves as the sun rose higher when I replied.
“It was the only place I could stand to be. I don’t know why.”
“I didn’t get it then, but I do now.”
I glanced at him curiously.
“Yeah?”
He nodded.
“I think … maybe because everything else seems kind of small out here.” He paused. “Sorry, that sounds like I’m dissing your mom—I’m not.”
“No, I get it. It just goes on. However crappy you’re feeling, the ocean just keeps moving and…”
“…everything else is insignificant.”
I nodded slowly. “Something like that.”
“It’ll be here long after we’re dust. Centuries, millennia from now, the ocean will still be here.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
Sean looked at me. “That’s what I mean. What we do doesn’t make any difference.”
“I don’t know. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t. You’ve just gotta live the best life you can, right?”
He sighed. “The best life? What the fuck is that?” Then he laughed bitterly. “You know what tourists always say, about how lucky we are living here? Yeah, right—it’s just another lousy day in Paradise.”
I looked across at him, but he was still staring at the horizon.
“But being here,” he went on, “it helps, you know? It’s the only … the only place I feel like I can breathe. Everyone expects something from me: my parents want a straight-A kid, a brainiac who’s gonna run for Senate, or cure cancer or something. And … other people … all want a piece. And they all keep taking little bites and I feel like there’s nothing left of me.” He paused. “But out here … I’m okay out here because it doesn’t matter. It’s all just so much bullshit, but everywhere else…”
He didn’t finish the sentence. He needed to talk so it was my job to listen. I could do that. Because I was shit at offering advice, but I could listen.
“Everywhere else is pointless.”
We bobbed up and down on the water, shivering slightly because we hadn’t been moving around, but the gentle motion with the waves breaking behind us, it was restful, calm, when everything back on land was a shitstorm of crazy.
“I was thinking about our surf trip,” he said, out of the blue.
“Yeah?”
He smiled sadly. “It would have been awesome.”
“Yeah, it still will be. We weren’t going to go until after graduation anyway.” His tone confused me, but I rambled on. “I can’t do a whole year away,” I reminded him. “But I’ll save up as much as I can. Three or four months, for sure—maybe more.” I just hoped Yansi would understand.
He tried to smile. “Yeah. In Bali, you can live on a dollar a day. Marcus told me that.”
“Sounds good,” I sighed. “Wish I could do that here … but hey, I got a pay raise.”
“Yeah? How much?”
“Ten bucks an hour.”
“Fuck me, you’re Donald Trump.”
“Nah. I’ve got my own hair.”
The jokes were forced and kind of lame, but it was something.
The swell was dropping again and the beach was beginning to fill up, so we caught a wave back in, sharing the ride.
Yansi was meeting us, along with her girlfriends. Rob had said he’d come for a morning surf, but he hadn’t showed yet, which meant he was probably sleeping off another hangover. I didn’t mind that bit—I was glad it was just me and Sean.
Yansi was waiting on the beach, and I was already grinning like a crazy person when she was fifty feet away.
Sean rolled his eyes and muttered, “Pussy whipped,” but I knew he didn’t mean it. Much.
I kissed her thoroughly until she pushed on my chest.
“You’re all cold and wet, and you’re getting me all wet,” she grumbled.
I raised my eyebrows. “Not seeing a problem with that—let’s go back to my place.”
She bit her lip. “We can’t just ditch our friends.”
I sighed, knowing she was right. It was Sean’s last weekend. His last day.
“Another time,” she whispered, smiling shyly at me. Then she turned to Sean. “Hi, Sean. How are you?”
“Peachy keen with a cherry on top,” he deadpanned.
Yansi looked taken aback, and I threw Sean a warning look. It wasn’t her fault that he was being sent away.
br /> He shrugged and went to sit with Jonno and his friends who’d just arrived.
“He is so rude,” Yansi complained.
“Yeah, but cut him some slack,” I said.
“I always do,” she huffed, crossing her arms across her chest.
I pulled her into another hug. “Come on, Yans. He’s got one lousy day, then he’s being sent away. It’s gotta suck being him right now.”
“You’re too nice,” she sighed, her body loosening.
“I can be not nice later,” I whispered, kissing her neck.
She giggled then squirmed. “You’re tickling me!”
I kissed her again then let her go.
“Anyway,” she said, “he’s just pissed because I’m here.”
“What? That’s not true.”
“It so is,” she contradicted, her voice irritated. “He wants his ‘best friend’ all to himself. He can’t stand me being around.”
I disagreed with her, even though secretly I thought she was probably right.
“Come on,” I begged. “Give him a break.”
“Fine,” she huffed out. “But you owe me for this, Nick-y!”
She ran away laughing. I would have chased her right away, but damn if her ass didn’t look amazing as she ran. I gave her a head start then caught her in my arms and threatened to toss her into the water.
I paused when I saw Lacey talking to Sean. Although ‘talking’ might have been an understatement. They were yelling at each other, and Lacey looked like she was crying, too.
“What do you think that’s about?” Yansi asked me.
“I don’t know. Maybe she’s upset that he’s going away.”
We watched them for a while before I grabbed hold of Yansi’s hand and pulled her back toward the others.
“Wait! I want to see what happens!” she yelped.
“It’s not our business. If he wants to tell us, he will.”
“What have you got against good gossip?” she joked.
I frowned at her. “I’ve been the target of ‘good gossip’,” I snapped, “and it’s totally shitty.”
She was silent for a moment, then wrapped her arms around my neck. “I know. I’m sorry, okay?”
“Yeah,” I sighed, leaning down so my nose was against her cheek.
Her fingers toyed with the hair at the nape of my neck, then she pushed away and pointed with her chin over my shoulder.
“She’s coming back, but Sean’s heading in the direction of the pier. I think you’d better go talk to him, he looks really upset.”
Sighing, I dropped my arms and turned around. Yansi was right; Lacey was wiping under her eyes with a finger, still managing to smear her mascara. Sean was heading into the crowds. If I let him out of my sight, I’d lose him.
“I’ll be back later,” I called, breaking into a jog.
It didn’t take me long to catch up to him.
“Sean! Hey, are you okay?”
He didn’t even look at me. “I don’t wanna talk.”
“But…”
“I said go fuck yourself, Nick!” he yelled, suddenly.
I stopped walking.
“You are being such a prick! What’s with you?”
I’d had enough of putting up with Sean’s shit.
He looked over my shoulder, somewhere behind me, before squatting down on the sand and picking at a hole in his boardshorts.
“Lacey’s pregnant.”
I stared, wondering if Sean was joking. He didn’t look like he was joking; in fact he looked kind of sick.
“Oh fuck!”
He tried to smile. “That’s what I said.”
“Is … is it yours?”
He shrugged. “She says so.”
“And you believe her?”
He sighed. “Yeah, I guess. You know we’ve been … hanging out a lot. Smoking, ya know. I’m not sure I always wrapped it…”
“Shit, man!”
“Yeah.”
With a lurch, Erin and the night where I couldn’t remember much at all came into my mind, and I thought, This, right now—this could be me.
“At least my parents can’t blame you for this fuck up,” Sean laughed dully.
Then he dropped his head into his hands.
“I’m so fucked,” he murmured. “It’s like a massive wake-up call, and the world just punched me in the face.”
I sat down next to him.
“What … what’s she going to do?”
He studied his hands, pawing through the sand before replying.
“She was trying to contact me all week, but when you told her I didn’t have my cell … she came over to the house last night. With her parents. The shit really hit the fan. Like even more than it had already. Shit, I thought my dad was going to have a fuckin’ stroke. Her parents were mad and talking all kinds of shit. Lacey was crying. Mom was just … I don’t know … being all icy and polite, serving drinks like she was at a fuckin’ Bridge party.”
He shook his head.
“I just kind of sat there, wondering how the hell I fucked up my life so badly.”
He took a deep breath.
“Lacey just told me that she wanted to get an abortion but her parents want her to keep it, so … I think … I think I’m going to be a father.”
I tried to find something to say, but no words came to me. Nothing. I was a crap friend.
“How come they let you out today?” I asked at last.
He snorted with disgust. “They didn’t. But I got tired of being grounded, so I just took my keys out of dad’s desk and got my car. They’ve probably sent out a fucking search party by now. First stop, your house.”
He sighed.
“They’ll figure out I came to the beach sooner or later. Mom and Dad won’t come—but don’t be surprised if they send Patrick.” He chewed on his thumbnail. “He wasn’t too bad. Maybe it’s because he’s always gotten a lot of tail. Maybe he’s been there.”
He shook his head.
“I don’t want it,” he said tiredly. “I don’t even like Lacey. It was just sex. That’s all it was supposed to be.” He tried to smile, but it wasn’t working. “I get now why Marcus likes single moms—they’re not going to forget their birth control pills. They’ve already fucked up once, so they’re not going to do it again.”
I felt kind of sick when he said that. Was that what he thought of Mom? That she fucked up twice?
But he hadn’t finished.
“And now because of one fuck-up … my life is over.”
I thought of Mom, and Julia, and me.
“You fucked up, but your life isn’t over, bro. It’s…”
“Yeah, it is. I’ll have to drop out of school, get a job. I won’t be going away to college now, that’s for fucking sure.”
“Your parents will want you to graduate?” I said, my voice uncertain. I knew his dad was kind of hard core.
“Dad’s saying I have to take responsibility. He was pretty mad—well, that’s a massive fuckin’ understatement.”
I tried to think of something useful to say. I mean, Sean’s dad drove a Benz, they weren’t exactly poor. I couldn’t believe he’d let Sean drop out just to prove a freakin’ point. But then again, what did I know about what dads did and didn’t do?
“Yeah, but people have babies and still go to school,” I argued. “It’ll just be … harder for you. But there are subsidies and stuff, money you can look for. I’ll help you, man.”
His smile was strained when he glanced up at me.
“Thanks, Nick. Can I stay at your place for a few nights? It’s pretty crazy at home.”
“Yeah, of course you can—as long as you need. But I thought you were going to your grandparents?”
He shook his head. “I was, but that’s kind of on hold for now.”
“Will they let you stay at my house?”
He shook his head again. “I don’t care. I’m done playing by their rules. They’d have to fuckin’ lock me in my room or something. I??
?m not going back there. Ever.” Then he looked up. “You need to clear it with Julia?”
“No, she’ll be fine.” I hoped. “I’ll talk to her.”
“Cool.” He nodded slowly. “You got any weed? I need to get wasted.”
“Um, no. But I think Ben left some beers in the fridge, so later we could…”
“Nah, I need something more than that, and I need it fuckin’ right now.” He poked at the hole in his shorts, absently making it larger. “I gotta go home, pick up some shit before Mom and Dad realize that I left. I’ll be at your place in a couple of hours. ’Kay?”
“Yeah, sure. Whatever you need.”
His head dropped into his hands, and his voice cracked as he spoke.
“What the fuck am I gonna do?”
I shook my head slowly.
“I have no idea.”
“Come on, man! You’re my best friend. Help me out here!”
His voice was desperate, his eyes wide and panicked.
“It’s not like they’re saying you’ve got to marry her or anything,” I reasoned.
He shook his head.
“No, but … her parents are Catholic. It’s what they’re pushing for … Mom and Dad say I have to take responsibility. I told you that.”
“Yeah, you kinda do. I mean, it’s a kid and everything, but…”
“You think I don’t know that!” he shouted.
“Yeah, but…”
He squeezed his eyes shut and I was shocked to see tears leaking down his face. He scrubbed them away furiously.
“I don’t want to marry Lacey. I don’t even like her. We hook up. That’s it.”
“So don’t marry her,” I said decisively. “They can’t force you.”
He looked up, a shadow of hope on his face.
“You think?”
“No way, man. But you are going to have to help provide for the kid. Pay money, I guess.”
The fleeting look of hope vanished.
“How the fuck am I going to do that?”
I shrugged. “Get a job.”
“Like you,” he sneered. “Shoveling shit for $7 an hour.
My face flushed red. “It’s lawn maintenance, and it’s $10 an hour. What’s wrong with that?”
“Because I want to get out of this fucking town!” he yelled. “I’m not like you! I want more than just to earn minimum wage for the rest of my life!”