‘Kandahar’s the famous World Cup downhill run. We’re going to snowboard down it,’ he explains.
‘Somehow I don’t think you’ll be able to manage it after just one lesson,’ patronises Anna. ‘Never mind.’
I’ve tried my best to like her, I really have, but it’s hopeless. She really is a total cow.
‘But ride up with us on the cable car,’ suggests Seb, who for some reason is completely oblivious to her bitchiness. ‘The view is awesome.’
‘And you can watch your man fly off the top,’ grins Chris, grabbing the last piece of toast before I can reach it and shoving a corner in his mouth.
My stomach protests loudly. Make that coffee and toast.
‘Then you can ride back down again to the nursery slopes,’ finishes Anna pointedly.
I choose to ignore her. ‘OK,’ I manage limply, ‘Well, in that case I’ll just go and throw my clothes on and I’ll be right with you.’
Despite Anna’s comments, I’m really glad I do go, as the view from the cable car more than makes up for having to sit next to her on the ride up there. It’s incredible. As is watching Seb launch himself off the top of the mountain. It’s a sheer drop, but he casually dives over the edge and disappears with the others, the sounds of their whooping echoing from down below.
If I needed more evidence to prove I’m never going to be a snowboarder, then this is it. It takes me all my courage to even just look over the edge.
I take the cable car back down the mountain and grab some breakfast, then make my way to the nursery slopes for my next lesson. Though, to be honest, I’m beginning to have second thoughts. Einstein once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Which a) perfectly describes my attempts at learning how to snowboard and b) means I must be completely insane.
I’m just struggling to get up from the snow after yet another fall, when I’m vaguely aware of a sort of muffled vibration. Funny, but that almost sounds like my mobile. Hang on, that is my mobile, I realise, scrabbling around to find it underneath all my layers. I finally locate it, just before it rings off.
‘Hey, I’ve been trying to get hold of you.’
It’s Fergus. It sounds urgent.
‘Sorry, I’ve been on top of a mountain – there probably wasn’t any reception.’
‘I wanted to talk to you, Tess.’
‘You did?’ I feel unexpectedly pleased.
‘Sara emailed me back.’
Followed by a curious beat of disappointment.
‘And I just needed some female advice.’
‘Yes, of course,’ I reply, quickly gathering myself together.
He clears his throat and starts reading:
‘Dear Fergus,
Great to hear you’d be interested in volunteering, but unfortunately the sanctuary is run by Buddhist monks and strictly for practising Buddhists only. Sorry about that. Best, Sara (Karma Dechen Palmo – Radiant Woman of Great Bliss)’
There’s a pause, then, ‘So, what do you think?’ he asks.
I think that coming up with this new excuse wasn’t easy and it took forever to find that Buddhist name. I was Googling for nearly an hour yesterday in that café!
But of course what I think and say are two different things. I swallow hard. I need to be very careful here. I don’t want to make things worse than they already are.
‘Well, at least you gave it your best shot,’ I say cautiously, accidentally catching the eye of François, my instructor, who throws me a dirty look and motions at my mobile phone. Which is rather cheeky considering his own is permanently glued to his ear. I signal ‘won’t be a minute’ with my gloved hand, and wait for Fergus to answer.
It seems to take forever and then . . .
‘Yup, you’re right.’ Fergus heaves a sigh on the other end of the line.
I’ve been holding my breath tight inside of me, barely daring to breathe, and now I let it out. Oh thank god. Disaster averted. My whole body sags with relief.
For like a second.
‘But then another part of me thinks: you know what, Fergus, if you want something you have to go out there and get it.’
My mouth goes dry. ‘You do?’ I croak.
‘All my life I’ve been so scared of failure I’ve never dared go for it. I mean, OK, I tried with my acting, but did I really try? Did I really go for it?’
My thoughts are scrambling. ‘Um . . . I don’t know, did you?’ I stammer, but his questions are rhetorical and he’s already charged on ahead.
‘I don’t want to just give up. So I’m going to email her back and tell her I’ve been doing a lot of thinking—’
‘You are?’ I interrupt with horror.
‘Yes I am,’ he says with a determination I’ve never heard before. ‘Ma O’Flanagan won’t be happy, or our local Catholic priest, but I’ve been reading up on it, and you know what? I think I could become a Buddhist.’
I open my mouth to say something, I’m not quite sure what, but before I can answer he’s gone.
‘Fergus? Fergus?’ I yell down the handset, before I realise we’ve been cut off. Frantically I try calling him back, which is when I notice the screen on my phone is blank. Oh fuck. The battery is dead!
The rest of my lesson is spent trying and failing to concentrate. I can’t stop thinking about my conversation with Fergus, which means I spend even more time on my bum then ever before. I think François is relieved when I tell him today is my last day and I won’t be back tomorrow. He says something in French I don’t understand, but I don’t need any help translating when he throws his arms around me, before waving me off with the biggest smile he’s ever given me.
Afterwards I go straight back to the chalet. I want to charge my phone so I can call Fergus back, only after searching through my bag I realise I’ve forgotten my charger and everyone else has an iPhone.
Something which Anna seems to take great delight in.
‘What? You don’t have an iPhone?’ she sniggers from the sofa where she’s draped around Chris, drinking a glass of red wine. ‘How vintage.’
‘I like my old Nokia,’ I say defensively.
‘You’re going to have to come into the twenty-first century one day,’ grins Seb, pulling me towards him for a kiss.
Usually I’d be thrilled by the affection, but now it just irritates me and I pull away.
Seb’s grin vanishes and is replaced by a frown. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Um, nothing’s wrong. I’m just tired,’ I say hastily, brushing away any doubts. Yes, that’s all it is, it’s got nothing to do with Seb, I’m just tired and crabby. This weekend has completely exhausted me. ‘By the way, shouldn’t we start packing?’ I remind him.
‘I know you don’t like to be late, but it’s still a bit early for that,’ he replies, resuming his smile and reaching for the open bottle of wine. He starts pouring two glasses.
‘Why, what time’s our flight back to London?’ It’s probably one of those that don’t get into Heathrow until the early hours.
‘Oh don’t worry, it’s not until tomorrow,’ he says, passing me a glass of wine.
For a moment I think he’s joking. ‘Are you serious?’
‘Why wouldn’t I be?’ he replies evenly.
‘But tomorrow’s Monday.’
‘Ten points for a correct answer,’ whoops Chris from the sofa, and Anna laughs as if it’s the funniest joke she’s ever heard.
‘And I have to be back at work,’ I add for Anna’s benefit, whose only job appears to be that of a professional girlfriend.
Scowling at me, she tosses her blonde hair over her shoulder and snuggles up to Chris. I’ve obviously hit a nerve. To be honest, as much as she’s a cow, I actually feel quite sorry for her. I’ve met girls like Anna before, women who make a career of going out with rich men, but I’ve noticed a few wrinkles around Anna’s eyes and yesterday I caught her looking in the mirror and pulling back her face when she didn’t see me watc
hing. I reckon she’s a lot older than she lets on.
But what happens when the Botox stops working? When her bottom starts to sag? Chris trades in his girlfriends like his cars and always prefers the newest model. Soon there’ll be a different blonde on that sofa, a younger blonde. Then what’s Anna going to do?
‘I’m sure you can square it with your boss,’ says Seb casually. ‘It’s only a day.’
I glance back at him in disbelief. ‘I can’t just ring up and say I’m not coming in,’ I bristle with indignation. ‘“Sorry Sir Richard, but I’m in Chamonix.” ’
‘Why not?’ he shrugs. ‘It’s not like your job’s that important, is it? I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned it, except to tell me you’ll be leaving as soon as your boss retires.’
I feel stung. It’s true, I hardly ever talk about my job with Seb, but that’s because he never seemed that interested in the past.
‘But that’s not the point,’ I argue. ‘I might not be the best PA in the world, and it might not be the most important job in the world, but it’s important to me—’
Until now I’ve never realised just how seriously I take my job at Blackstock & White. Not because I’ve got any great career ambitions there. On the contrary, working in an office, any office, isn’t my dream. And, let’s face it, my talents don’t lie at the end of a spreadsheet. But I do always try to give something my all, whether I’m good at it or not (snowboarding aside, perhaps . . . ). Like it used to say on my school reports, ‘Tess might not be the most academic of pupils, but she always tries her best.’
‘I can’t let Sir Richard down.’
Looks are flying across the chalet at my outburst and Seb takes a sip of wine. ‘So what do you want me to do? Change the flights?’ He smiles at the very suggestion.
I realise at that moment that the whole truth of why I’ve never talked about my job to Seb is because he always made it feel so inferior to his mega-successful career.
‘Yes . . . I do,’ I say quietly but firmly.
For a moment no one speaks, then:
‘Oh dude, you’re not gonna leave us already,’ wails Chris, sticking out his bottom lip like an overgrown schoolchild.
‘If Tess needs to get back, Tess needs to get back,’ shrugs Seb, but his jaw is set and I can see he’s far from happy.
‘But can’t you stay?’ suggests Anna, looking directly at Seb. She seems thrilled that I might be leaving.
‘Anna’s right, I can fly back on my own,’ I say evenly, ‘it’s no problem.’ I make an attempt at damage limitation. ‘I don’t want to spoil your weekend.’
But he’s already picked up his phone and begun dialling: ‘Hi, is that British Airways Executive Club? I need to change my reservation . . .’
Chapter 31
As it turns out, all the flights are full and we have to wait until the next morning after all. Which means Seb is happy but I get into the office late and have to work through lunch to try to catch up on all my emails.
Including those from Fergus.
Over the last twenty-four hours he’s been as good as his word and hasn’t given up. In fact, he and my alter ego Sara have exchanged a dozen emails. I’ve had to keep checking them at the internet café, the airport, as soon as I got back to the flat, and now at work. It’s been quite stressful.
And it’s getting to be a real worry. With trepidation, I log in to my fake account and see another one from Fergus waiting for me in my inbox. Anxiety tugs hard. I can’t keep emailing him like this. I was trying to save him from feeling rejected; after all, no one knows how that feels more than me, but instead of making things better, I’ve just made things worse.
I start reading his email, it’s the fifth one today: Dear Sara, it’s me again . . .
My stomach knots. I’ve unwittingly got myself into a cyber-relationship. With someone who’s become a really good friend. Oh Jesus.
Which is why I’m going to have to kill it once and for all, I decide, as I finish reading the message. Be cruel to be kind and all that. Fergus is going to be hugely disappointed, but ultimately it’s for his own good.
With a heavy heart I hit reply and start typing . . .
I’ve just pressed ‘send’ when I get a call from Sir Richard wanting to see me. As I hurry over to his office, I find his door ajar and Sir Richard sitting behind his desk, his usual genial mood replaced by a grave expression. Oh fuck. He’s angry with me for getting in late today.
‘Before you say anything, I can explain,’ I blurt. ‘My boyfriend took me snowboarding to France as a surprise, only he didn’t tell me we were going to fly back today and when I made him try to change the flights they were all busy, so I didn’t get in till nearly lunchtime, but I’ll stay late tonight and make up for all the time missed . . .’
‘Thank you Tess, I’m sure you will,’ smiles Sir Richard, ‘but that’s not the reason I called you in here.’
‘It’s not?’ I look at him in confusion. ‘But—’
‘Please, close the door and sit down,’ he says, gesturing to the chair opposite.
His tone is serious again and, suddenly nervous, I push the door to, then perch myself on the edge of my chair. My mind is racing. Normally in a situation like this I’d be expecting to be told I’m losing my job, only I know that already.
‘Can I be assured in the first instance that anything I tell you in this room goes no further?’ he asks gravely, pushing his glasses onto the bridge of his nose.
For the first time I notice he’s not wearing his old tortoiseshell ones, but a trendy designer pair.
‘Um, yes . . . of course,’ I nod hastily.
Gosh, I wonder what he’s going to tell me? Unexpectedly a thought strikes. Oh no, please don’t tell me he’s going to confess his online porn addiction! I feel a flurry of panic as he clears his throat and I almost want to squeeze my eyes shut tight.
I swallow hard. Remember, Tess, be calm and mature. Calm and mature.
‘It’s about the company—’
Phew, what a relief!
Sir Richard raises his eyebrows in surprise. ‘I’m sorry?’
‘Oh, nothing . . . you were saying,’ I fluster, realising I’d spoken out loud.
Steepling his fingers, he looks at me solemnly. ‘I don’t know if you are aware, but my great grandfather, Sir Angus Blackstock, founded Blackstock and White, along with his great friend Ross White, in 1882.’
‘Yes, I read that in the company brochure,’ I nod diligently.
‘Four generations have worked here, each one taking this company from strength to strength, and when I took over from my father and became CEO thirty years ago, it was with the desire to do the same. A desire to pass on a legacy of achievement and expansion. Sadly my son Edmund has never wanted to enter into the family business, choosing instead a different career of sorts . . .’
He doesn’t need to finish his sentence. Everyone in the office knows about Edmund, his estranged son, who works in a bar in Ibiza and, according to his Facebook profile, seems to spend his whole time partying and wearing neon vests.
‘But regardless, I wanted to leave to my successor, whoever that may be, a legacy of strong growth . . .’ He pauses, then lowers his voice. ‘However, because of the current economic crisis affecting Europe, nay the world, I am sad to say that that might not be the case.’
He breaks off to clear his throat, then heaves a deep sigh. ‘Blackstock and White is in trouble, Tess.’
I jerk my head up.
‘Trouble?’ I repeat. I might not be the most business-minded of people (I once joined in a conversation with Seb and some of his friends about footsie by merrily regaling how when I’d first met my teenage boyfriend’s parents, I’d flirtily rubbed my stockinged foot up against his underneath the dinner table, only to later discover it had been his father’s. Which was embarrassing enough, but made more so when I realised they were talking about the FTSE.)
However, trouble is trouble, whichever way you spell it.
Sir
Richard nods seriously. ‘So far I’ve managed to avoid making any redundancies, but I’m not sure how long this can continue for with the current market trends, which is why my trip to India tomorrow is so crucial. India is one of the largest emerging markets, and in contrast to what’s happening in Europe, they’ve experienced double-digit growth in the alcoholic drinks market over the last two years. If my trip is successful, and we can broker a deal with one of the key players, it could keep Blackstock and White going for another hundred and thirty years.’
He looks at me, his eyes shining, and for a few moments I can tell he’s considering the future of the company as a bright one; that he really does believe he can turn the company’s fortunes around.
‘I probably shouldn’t be telling you all this, Tess,’ he continues with a smile, ‘but as my PA and support this past year, I feel as if we’ve worked well together as a team. I know all the hard work you’ve put in to help organise this trip and, before I leave tomorrow, I just wanted to let you know that I really do appreciate it.’
‘Why, thank you,’ I reply, almost blushing at his compliment.
‘No, thank you, Tess. This isn’t just another business trip, it’s much more than that, and I felt it was important for you to know how significant all your efforts have been, and for me to thank you for the part you’ve played in all this. Especially during what’s been quite – how shall I put it? – a transitional period in my personal life,’ he adds awkwardly.
‘Oh, don’t mention it, I was only doing my job,’ I say breezily, trying not to think about that time I found him on the sofa a couple of weeks back, all crumpled and unshaven. To be honest, that seems so long ago now. Since then he’s all smartened up and got his mojo back – it’s like he’s a changed man.
‘I shall miss this company but I shall take solace in the fact that I’m leaving it in the best position it’s ever been in.’
‘I know you will,’ I smile. ‘I’ve got every faith. We all have.’
‘Splendid.’
He makes to stand up, which I take as my cue to leave, and I get up out of my chair.