“I’m sorry,” Quess said, immediately contrite. “I’m just… I should be able to save her! If we were in the Medica, I could save her!”
“You said we can’t move her, and she doesn’t want to be moved,” Maddox said tiredly. “And it’s a good thing we didn’t go to the Medica, if Sage is really behind everything! What we need to do is move on him. If we can end this, maybe we can get Zoe some help!”
“She doesn’t have that long!” Quess replied, his voice breaking. “As it is…”
I pulled away from him, pushing back my tears enough to meet his gaze. “How long?” I whispered.
His jaw trembled for a second, his eyes filling with tears. “Not long,” he replied.
I had to see her. I had to tell her how sorry I was, and… I wasn’t sure, but it was a good place to start. “Where is she?” I demanded.
“Bedroom,” he replied. “Eric’s with her now, but you should go see her. She’s… She’s been real worried about you.”
My stomach flipped at his words, and I damn near dissolved into tears again at the urgency in his voice. This was my last chance to talk to my friend—the last chance I’d ever have—and I wasn’t sure I could handle it.
But for Zoe, I would do anything.
I nodded for Quess’s benefit, and he moved to one side, giving me access to the hall. I started walking down it, but suddenly the candlelit area had become dark and foreboding, filled with shadows and the presence of death. For half a second, I was certain that if I could just shine a bright enough light down the hall, I would scare Death off and save Zoe. But then reality crashed in, reminding me that there was no easy fix for death.
Good guys and bad guys die all the same, and nothing ever turns out like the stories.
Which made it all the more important that I get to my friend. I didn’t want her to die without knowing how much she meant to me, and how sorry I was that I had put her in this situation. It was all my fault. I had convinced her and the others to keep looking into the legacies, and my attempt to catch them all before the others could escape to Patrus had wound up getting her killed. I didn’t care if she forgave me; I just wanted her to know that I loved her no matter what.
Each step felt like a prison sentence, but I didn’t stop walking until I got to the door.
Only then did I halt, becoming a statue as I stared at the thin portal blocking me from my friend. The door was open a crack, but I didn’t look through it. Couldn’t, really, until I pulled my face into something vaguely resembling composure, and even then, I still didn’t look.
I was afraid to. Afraid to see what my best friend had been reduced to. Not because I couldn’t bear to see her in pain, although that didn’t help. No, I was afraid that if I looked, I would suddenly chicken out—run away and hide without saying one word to her. It was already tempting. The guilt and shame were damn near overwhelming.
But I pushed it aside. It was a selfish and cowardly thought that was unwelcome in this situation. I needed to do this—to see her. If only to make sure she didn’t feel alone at the end.
Reaching out, I slid my fingers through the gap in the door and pulled it back. The gears inside moved easily under my hand with the power out. The room had several candles burning all around, making the room glow warmly. The bed was set opposite the door, flush against the wall, and Eric was perched on the edge.
He glanced over his shoulder at me, and I took a hesitant step toward my friend, then saw the forlorn look in his dark eyes. He looked down and away for a second, and then turned back to the bed. “Hey, Zo,” he said softly, his voice thick. “Liana’s here.”
“She is?” I heard my friend whisper from behind Eric, and I took another step forward, my hands coming together as if in prayer. “She’s okay?”
Eric nodded, and then leaned forward, presumably to give her a kiss on the forehead. “I’ll leave you two alone for a few minutes. But only a few minutes. You need your rest.”
“Ha.” Zoe chuckled weakly. “I think… the next… time… I rest…” She paused, struggling to cough, and I clutched my hands over my chest, trying to contain the terrified flutter at how awful she sounded.
“Shush, you,” Eric tried, forcing some mock lightness into his tone. “I’ll go get you some water.”
“Thank you,” she wheezed.
Eric lingered for a second more, and then stood up, turning toward me. The massive bulk of his body still blocked Zoe from my view, and I kept my eyes on him as he walked toward me. His own eyes were lined with red, and as I watched, a tear slipped from his lid. Even he’d accepted that she was going to die, and he loved her; he should be the one person in the world doing more than I was to save her. But if he wasn’t, then he knew it was because he couldn’t.
I reached for him, sensing he needed comfort, and he took both my hands and squeezed them lightly.
“I can’t,” he muttered thickly, another tear slipping from his eye. “I can’t hug you right now. I’m trying not to break down. For her. Y’know?”
His words made my eyes sting and burn with more tears, and I let go of his hands to wipe them away. “I know. How’s she handling it?”
The broken smile on his face almost had me crying again, and I knew she’d been handling it better than we were. “She’s still got her sense of humor. I’m just trying to laugh for her, but it’s hard. And the worst part is, she understands. I’m supposed to be here for her, and half the time, she’s still trying to help me. God, I love her so much, Liana.”
I took his hands back into mine and nodded. “I know,” I said, forcing my voice out through a throat so tight it felt almost impossible to breathe. “It’s okay. Just give us a few minutes, all right?”
He nodded, looking down. “Okay. But just a few minutes, okay? I don’t want to not be here when…”
I squeezed his hands harder and nodded. I didn’t want her to be alone, either; she had to be so afraid of what was happening to her, what would happen to her, after… after she died. “I’ll call you,” I promised solemnly, and he pulled me into a rough hug before leaving and closing the door partially behind him.
I didn’t actually see him leave, because my eyes were on Zoe the instant Eric was out of my way. My friend’s eyes were open, staring at me from a pale and tight face—one that told me she was in pain. Her head was propped up by a pillow, while the rest of her lay flat on the bed, covered by a blanket.
“Hey,” she said with a smile, her eyes tearing up some. “You okay? When that sentinel crashed through the ceiling and then punched you, I thought for certain you were dead.”
I nodded, not even sure what to say. A part of me wanted to yell at her, to tell her that if she’d thought I was dead, she shouldn’t have jumped between me and the damned sentinel. Then we wouldn’t be in this mess. But I couldn’t do that—because I would’ve done the same thing she did, if our positions had been reversed, and I knew that.
It just wasn’t fair. I had an AI fixing the damage in my head, but Zoe… Zoe’s damage was to her internal organs. She needed surgery to fix what was wrong, and we didn’t have the facilities to do anything about it here.
“More worried about you,” I finally said, taking a step toward her.
“No need,” she said in a strangely cheerful voice. “My fate’s sealed. I know what happens to me now. I continue to bleed out until my heart stops beating, and then I die. And I don’t have to do anything except lie here. Easiest job ever.”
And though I knew she was trying to lighten the mood, I couldn’t handle my best friend being so glib about her imminent demise. The tears I had been diligently battling for the past few minutes returned full force, and my chest felt so tight that I couldn’t breathe through my mouth, resulting in a really wet sniffle when I inhaled through my nose.
“Zoe, don’t talk like that,” I finally got out. “It sounds like you’re giving up!”
Zoe groaned and rolled her eyes theatrically. “Look, I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Eric: i
t’s my death. You both seem to have some stupid expectations about how people should act, and on your deathbeds, you can act that way. Me, I’m going out laughing with my friends, because it was the best part of my life, and the part I want to remember the most. So, you can either be the friend I laugh with, or you can go outside and miss the death day party I’m hosting for myself. Your choice.”
I sniffled again but couldn’t help but smile as well. God, I loved her so much, and admired how brave she was being in spite of everything. Only Zoe would decide to flaunt the traditional deathbed motif for something more suiting of her, and I loved her all the more for it.
And felt sorry for myself that the light she brought into my life was going to fade.
But I pushed that aside and scrubbed the tears off my cheeks and from under my eyes, pulling myself together. If this was how my friend wanted to spend her remaining time, then I was more than happy to oblige.
“I choose the death day party,” I told her as soon as I felt collected enough to say anything, and she gave me a lopsided smile.
“Excellent. For my first death day wish… Will you come cuddle with me? I’m a little cold.”
I nodded, unable to refuse her anything she wanted, and crawled into bed next to her, taking careful pains not to jostle her too much. It took me a little shifting and adjusting to attain a position that wasn’t hurting her, but within moments, I was lying on my side, pressed against her, one hand thrown over her waist.
“How’s that?”
“Awful,” she replied dryly, and I laughed.
“Not as good as Eric?”
“Nowhere near. That man is a furnace. But still, it’ll do. How are you holding up?”
I opened my mouth to reply, but then realized the truth would only worry her. But I couldn’t lie to her on her deathbed. It wasn’t right. So, I changed the subject. “Let’s talk about something else. Did I tell you Sage is actually Ezekial Pine?”
“What?” She gaped, her eyebrows going up a few notches. “That’s not possible.”
“Get this: he invented a serum that kept his cells alive and used Kurt to keep his mental state from deteriorating.” I paused. I still had no idea what Kurt’s motivations for helping Sage were, and thinking of it suddenly had my mind mulling it over, but I pushed it aside. Now wasn’t the time. “He’s actually trying to use Kurt to replace Scipio.”
“Crazy,” Zoe said. “Why’d he need Leo?”
I sighed and ran a hand over my face. “He needs the protocols Lionel Scipio hid in Leo’s code to upload Kurt as the main AI.”
“Oh. Do you know where he’ll be?”
I nodded, smiling down at her in what I hoped was a confident way. “We’ll get him back and stop this,” I told her, trying to reassure her that we’d all be okay.
We wouldn’t be, of course. Sage had almost everything he needed, except for Tony, and I wasn’t sure he absolutely needed the last AI fragment.
But Zoe didn’t have to worry about that. All she had to know was that everything was under control. Even if it was a lie. “So, yeah. There’s that. I… um… I found Tony. He’s in my net right now, and he’s kind of got a bad habit of taking over my body when I least want him to, but we’re making it work.”
“That’s nice,” Zoe said, a small smile playing on her lips. “And I hope Tony doesn’t get offended by this, but I want to talk to you about something a little more serious. Like how you’re doing.”
I pressed my lips together. I had thought my distraction had worked, but Zoe was acting like a dog with a bone on this question. “I told you I’m fine,” I said, knowing damn well I had told her no such thing. I wasn’t even sure what compelled me to say it like that, but I quickly glossed over it, adding, “I mean, I’ve got a little headache, but I’m managing. This isn’t about me. It’s about you.”
Zoe laughed at that. “Which is why I’m asking. And don’t give me that crap about you being fine. I knew you’d say that, and I know you’re lying. You’re blaming yourself for what happened to me, aren’t you?”
I met her blue gaze for several seconds, and then looked away, hating that she knew me so well. “It’s my fault,” I started. “If I had just—”
She laughed bitterly, and it quickly turned into a racking cough. She turned her head to the side away from me until it subsided into rough pants of her trying to catch her breath. “I’m fine,” she said when she looked back to notice me hovering over her, alarm and fear making my muscles tense. “I just think it’s very funny that you think you could’ve done anything to change the outcome of what happened. Like, I love you, Liana, and I know you take being our leader really seriously, but sometimes you are too arrogant for words! I mean, c’mon… What could you have done differently about anything that happened? You fought your way through forty legacies to get to us without getting a scratch, and you think you could’ve done more? No human being could’ve done that in the first place!”
“Well, I had Tony to help me, and that’s beside the point,” I said, searching for a way to defend my guilt. Unless Zoe saw that I was the cause of her condition, she’d never let me apologize, and I needed her to know how sorry I was. “Those legacies were in the Citadel because I put them there! They were able to break free because I missed one—the most important one—and that is costing you your life! Can’t you see how that’s my fault?”
“Nope,” Zoe said firmly, and I looked back over at her to see her jaw set at a stubborn angle. “You didn’t let them go. You didn’t train them to be murderers and fanatics. You didn’t unleash the sentinels, and you most certainly did not get me killed. Nothing that has happened is your fault, and I refuse to die with you believing that it is. Consider it my final request. And you can’t not fulfill a dying girl’s last request. It’s in the rules.”
Whatever retort I had been attempting to craft during her rant died under the final request part. She had a point, but it didn’t mean that I wasn’t going to feel guilty. I couldn’t just turn it off like that, no matter what she said. I should’ve been faster and smarter during the fight. If I had just been able to keep Rose and Dylan with me, maybe I could’ve…
I stopped the thought there. I had lost them both, and now I was losing Zoe. And there was no changing that.
The only thing I could do was to give Zoe what she wanted and tell her how I was doing. Without the guilt.
“I know I’m not supposed to be, but I’m really scared, Zo,” I said, my eyes tearing up. “And I know you said no tears, but I… I can’t help it. I love you. And the fact that this is happening to you is tearing me apart. I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.”
She smiled at me, managing to look beautiful in spite of the gray pallor of her face. “You’re going to keep going,” she said with a nod, her own eyes filling with tears. “You’re going to fight for the Tower, and you’re going to win. You’re going to change our world, just like I always believed you could. And… you’re going to take care of Eric. Because that man is going to be a hot mess after I die.”
“So am I,” I admitted, my voice breaking. “Please, Zoe, don’t die. I can’t… I can’t be without you. Please.”
“Sorry, girl,” she breathed, a tear slipping from her eye. “You know I would give you anything in the world, and there’s nothing I’d love more than to give you this, but it’s out of my control. It’s out of our control. You have to accept it.”
I began to sob then, resting my head against her shoulder, unable to take it anymore, and Zoe—the girl who should’ve been yelling at me for making her death all about my fear and pain—stroked my hair, and did her best to whisper reassurances in my ear. She was too good for me, too good for this world, and her light was being extinguished.
“I’m sorry,” I said, sitting up when it finally hit me that I had broken her rules. “I’m sorry,” I repeated, trying to wipe away my tears. “We shouldn’t be… I just… I don’t know… Oh God.”
I couldn’t seem to form a coherent thou
ght, let alone a sentence, and I faltered, looking away, as lost as a small boat in a storm.
“Yeah, I hear you,” she whispered, patting my arm. “Those have pretty much been my thoughts the last few hours, and my suggestion is just to put it out of your head. There are a lot of questions that are going to be unanswered, and you know what? I’d rather spend my remaining time doing other things. Like asking you to find my mother when this is all over and tell her… Well, tell her I’m not sorry for joining the Cogs or being with Eric, but I love her all the same, okay?”
I nodded, my lower lip trembling. Zoe’s relationship with her mom was similar enough to how mine had been with my own mother that I understood the lack of apology, just as much as I understood her need to give her mother a parting message. I was sure my mom would’ve had a message for me, if she hadn’t died so suddenly, and I would’ve given anything to hear it.
Which was why, come hell or high water, I’d find a way to get Zoe’s message to her mother. “I promise,” I told her solemnly.
We fell silent for a moment, and on impulse, I laid my head down on Zoe’s shoulder and snuggled closer to her. “You know I’m going to miss you, right?”
“You better,” Zoe replied weakly. “Because I’m going to miss the hell out of you, too.”
Her words broke me in ways I couldn’t begin to describe: with unconditional love for her, with anger at myself, with pain at knowing that my existence would continue without her, and with crushing defeat that there was nothing I could do to stop it. My best friend was going to die, and I was never going to be able to talk to her again.
“I love you so much,” I said, unable to stop myself.
“And I you,” Zoe sniffled back. “Now… can you get Eric please? I think… I think maybe it’s coming, and I need my last minutes to be with him, if that’s okay. It’s not that I don’t love you, I just…” She broke off, her own tears starting to flow down her cheeks, and I pressed my forehead to hers, shaking my head at her silliness. I understood perfectly why she wanted to be with Eric over me. I was her best friend, but he… he was the love of her life.